Chapter 320: The Brilliant Little Howard, the Unlucky Old Man with One Misfortune After Another
"How was it?"
Ross's voice, suppressing his shame and frustration yet filled with anticipation, came through.
"Very sexy."
Chuck, of course, wouldn't reveal the information about the oil painting beauty, so he calmly stated his most intuitive feeling.
"I told you so!"
Chandler's teasing voice rang out.
"I'm talking about clues!!!"
Ross roared.
"Besides this red rose, is there anything else?"
Chuck asked.
"No!"
Ross shook his head.
"Are you sure?"
Chuck asked flatly. "You didn't mention this red rose before."
"..."
Ross was speechless, then met Chandler's hesitant yet playful gaze, and immediately broke down, shouting, "What are you implying?!?"
"Don't get excited, you'll get used to it,"
Chandler reassured him. "Look at me, I've been misunderstood for so many years, it's nothing."
"I wasn't assaulted!!!"
Ross roared. "And I'm not gay!!!"
"Tell me if you remember anything else."
Chuck didn't have time to listen to his outburst and hung up the phone.
Now he knew that the Oil Painting Beauty had sent people to do it, and that was enough.
What happened next had nothing to do with Ross.
This was between him and Anna fighting against the criminal organization led by the Oil Painting Beauty.
Ross and his friends didn't need to know.
"What kind of attitude is that?"
At the hospital, Ross, whose phone had been hung up on, was even more irritated by Monica and Chandler. Thinking of the flashy red rose tattoo and the $2.04 billion, he was consumed by anxiety.
"That's enough!"
Monica was also annoyed. "Don't dwell on the past. Think about now, think about the future!"
"What about the past? What about now? What about the future?"
Ross retorted angrily.
A few days later.
The news of Ross's kidnapping and the theft of his lottery winnings made headlines.
Life's ups and downs couldn't be more dramatic.
Ross was still fixated on his lost fortune, constantly urging Monica to ask Chuck, but the results, of course, only brought him despair.
"Hi, my dearest cousin Ross, welcome back safe and sound!"
Howard Jr., along with the rest of the family, came to visit Ross, who was recovering at home after being discharged from the hospital.
"Uh-huh,"
Ross replied, his face long and unable to smile.
"Don't worry about all that news outside,"
Howard Jr. comforted him thoughtfully, his face still bearing the same eager smile he'd worn when he learned his cousin Ross had won the lottery.
"At least you won, didn't you? And you got a second marriage out of it, for free too~"
His expression immediately turned lewd.
But it was precisely this lewdness that eased Ross's long face slightly. "What are you trying to say?" he asked irritably.
"I mean, you agreed to invest in our very promising mechanical girlfriend project, is that still on?"
Howard Jr. asked with a forced smile, voicing his most pressing question.
Yes.
As a future scientist, he was passionate about scientific projects, caring only about science. As long as the project's progress wasn't hindered, he was very optimistic.
His scientific project planning was inspired by Leonard Jr.'s hugging robot and Sheldon Jr.'s fighting robot-driving device.
After the farcical incidents of supposed alien monsters holding Earth children hostage time and again, he had transcended these superficial appearances and used them as a springboard to formally establish his own great scientific research path.
That was the mechanical girlfriend project!
Imagine the benefits for humanity, especially shut-ins like them, if they had a mechanical girlfriend!
Of course, this mechanical girlfriend was the main plan, with some smaller, hidden branches, such as the mechanical escort service plan, and so on.
When he learned that his cousin Ross had won a huge prize, he immediately prepared a PowerPoint presentation and went to pitch his grand plan to his mentor, his lecherous cousin Ross, the family embarrassment, and the nerdiest of the nerds.
Unsurprisingly, his like-minded cousin also expressed great interest in the plan.
However, unsurprisingly, their focuses differed.
For example, he was more concerned with the mechanical girlfriend's emotional intelligence settings, going from basic to advanced.
His cousin Ross, on the other hand, was more interested in the mechanical girlfriend's oral capabilities.
Haunted by the memory of being ridiculed by everyone at the hospital in the past, Howard tried to get his cousin's focus to his level, at least to avoid considering such a risky feature for the time being.
But whoever pays the bills is the boss!
Fortunately, after being mocked so many times, he had become somewhat immune.
At least, thanks to his insistence and protests, his situation at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital had been given a medical code.
Shouting it out in public wouldn't mislead those unaware of the situation.
So he was able to suppress his embarrassment and trauma and seriously discuss it with his older cousin.
Of course, now he finally understood that it was all a misunderstanding.
It turned out that his older cousin, with his strange focus, was actually a fake, and a dentist... which made sense.
Humans always have an inexplicable fear of beings who can completely replace them, yet they are irresistibly driven by self-interest to approach them.
"What mechanical girlfriend plan?"
Ross quipped.
"It's..."
Howard Jr. tried to explain, wanting his real cousin to accept his plan.
"Do you think I still have money?"
Ross really wanted to yell at him, but looking at Howard Jr.'s eager smile—the kind of admiring expression he desperately needed after losing his $2.04 billion prize—
he didn't want to say it aloud, even though the reports were everywhere, even revealing the flashy red rose tattoo.
So he tried to use his intelligence to refute the mockery: "You should know the most ridiculous part of this plan, right?"
"What's so ridiculous?"
Howard Jr. replied with a forced smile.
"Those who have the resources to research and advance this extensively naturally don't lack money, right?"
Ross looked at Howard Jr.
"Of course."
Howard Jr. could only nod.
Scientific research isn't something you can build in a garage with no resources; that's not research, that's fiction!
"Since they're so rich, do you think they'd lack girlfriends?"
Ross retorted. "With that money to invest in a mechanical girlfriend they might never even use in their lifetime, they could have any kind of girlfriend they wanted."
Howard Jr., facing this skepticism and mockery, smiled and tried to explain, until he realized there was no hope. Then his expression changed instantly, and he looked at Ross with sarcasm: "After all that talk, you're actually broke, aren't you?"
"We're only talking about the project's viability right now!"
Ross tried to maintain his scientific stance.
"So, it's true, they really didn't leave any money behind."
Howard Jr. stared at Ross in astonishment, then shook his head and laughed. "Really? Really?"
"Didn't you hear I was kidnapped before I even claimed the prize?"
Ross, unable to bear his younger cousin's drastic change in attitude, cried out in despair. "How could I possibly keep any money?!"
"So?"
Howard Jr. looked at him disdainfully. "Of course I know that, but I also know that the fake Ross was remotely controlling his performance based on the information you provided.
You're a paleontologist, even touted as the smartest person in our family, and this is your brain?
Couldn't you have used this opportunity to make a little extra money for yourself?"
"How?!"
Ross shouted.
"It's simple."
Little Howard's eyes gleamed with cunning. "When that fake Ross stood in the spotlight, becoming the recipient of the $2.04 billion prize, he'd be the center of everyone's attention, and countless women would swarm him.
If I were you, I would tell that fake Ross to accept every woman who came his way, let him have his fill.
Then I'd make him give each of those women expensive gifts.
If you did that, you could recoup many of those valuable gifts now.
That money would be enough for you to live comfortably and invest in my Mechanical Girlfriend Project.
And to answer your question, if you have money, why invest in a Mechanical Girlfriend Project when you can just find a real one?
You clearly lack the spirit of a scientist and the mindset of a wealthy person. Can a Mechanical Girlfriend compare to a real one?
It's all about the novelty and the challenge, and if it succeeds, it'll be a very lucrative venture, a new income stream.
You're whining about investing a little money; no wonder you couldn't keep your windfall!"
"..."
Ross's expression was priceless.
He truly hadn't thought of this.
He immediately ran to find Chandler and the others.
"What?"
Everyone was momentarily stunned by Ross's question.
"You're asking how many beautiful women our Ross hooked up with?"
Chandler scoffed. "What, you want to ride his coattails?"
"No,"
Ross said urgently, "I mean, did he give them any expensive gifts?"
"The kind you can get back!"
Howard Jr. added with a grin.
Everyone turned to look at Rachel.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Rachel was offended. "You guys don't think I accepted some expensive gift from him, do you?"
She glanced at Ross with disdain. "How could you even think that way!"
"That's his idea!"
Ross, seeing there was no evidence, immediately didn't want to take the blame and pointed at Howard Jr. "I was just asking..."
"Stop pretending, that's all from your vast experience,"
Chandler joked. "Feeling good about getting away with it last time, didn't you, Mr. Three Divorces?"
"Stop thinking about all this nonsense!"
Monica said irritably. "Can't we just focus on recovering peacefully?"
"How can I not think about it?"
Ross exclaimed, frustrated and indignant. "Now that the $2.04 billion jackpot is gone, I want to get back whatever I can, is that wrong?"
"That's right!"
Monica sneered. "But don't just think about the upside. You think you can just buy back all the expensive things you gave to so many beautiful women, and recover whatever you can get back?
Are you going to blame me for seeing through the fake too early and getting Chuck to rescue you?
After all, according to your theory, the longer this fake person pretended, the more they'd spend, the more you could recover today, right?"
Seeing Ross's sudden realization, she couldn't hold back any longer and yelled, "Oh my God! You really think that way? Don't you think about it? You were imprisoned there, beaten until your face was completely swollen, and you confessed everything you should and shouldn't have. Even buying me an apartment was just so you could buy it and then rent it to me.
A person as cheap as you was exposed long ago. How could you possibly buy expensive things for so many beautiful women!
You were such a coward back then, how could you have such a thought?
And even if you had dared to do it, did you think about the consequences?
Those kidnappers could have had the fake Ross use your name to buy those things with your credit card.
After they left, they would have left you with a mountain of debt. Do you still think that was a smart idea?"
"No!"
Ross cried out in terror. "Don't tell me my credit card is maxed out?!"
"You should be grateful,"
Chandler scoffed. "If that fake Ross hadn't been so bothered by your cheapness and used his own judgment to buy Monica an apartment, you'd be burdened with far more than just the cost of your Porsche 911!
If Monica hadn't seen through it so quickly and had Chuck rescue you in time, the fake Ross, whose money had already been transferred, would definitely have been racking up credit card debt."
"The most important thing is that you're okay,"
Joey comforted Ross, putting his arm around his shoulder. "Even if your credit card was maxed out, it's not a big deal. You have a stable job; you can pay it back slowly."
"Well..."
Ross's slightly improved face became embarrassed at this point.
"What's wrong?"
Joey asked, puzzled.
Ross worked at a museum, a stable job with a good income. In the original timeline, he, along with Monica the high-paid chef and Chandler the high-paid IT specialist, were known as the trio of old friends who didn't worry about money and had a high quality of life.
In stark contrast to them were Joey, an actor; Rachel, a waitress; and Phoebe, a freelance musician.
Their incomes were low and unstable, and they often struggled to make ends meet when splitting the bill for gatherings with old friends.
While Joey loved his job, he sometimes had to admit that Ross's job was good enough to impress women.
Joey was once dumped by his girlfriend because he didn't have a stable, respectable job like Ross.
"His job's probably gone!"
Monica was exasperated. "The mentality after suddenly becoming rich, coupled with his anger management issues, what do you think happened when he saw the museum curator again?"
"..."
Everyone was speechless, but they could already picture it.
It would undoubtedly be a smug Ross, having turned his life around and completely humiliated his former boss—a thought most working people would have.
Not to mention, thanks to Chuck's reminder, everyone knew that beneath Ross's mild-mannered exterior lay serious anger management issues; sometimes he couldn't control his temper and would explode at the slightest provocation!
"He could apologize to the curator and say that wasn't him!"
Joey immediately snapped his fingers, pointing Ross in a direction.
"Good idea."
Chandler shrugged and smiled. "It's just a pity you overlooked the key point, which is that Monica said it's probably gone."
"So it hasn't happened yet!"
Joey laughed. "There's still a chance to salvage it!"
"Do you know why it hasn't happened?"
Chandler smiled knowingly. "The museum director is a shrewd man. After Ross won the huge prize, he greeted Ross with a smile. No matter how Ross behaved afterward, the museum director fulfilled his duty, which was to smile and solicit donations, never clashing with any potential big donors, letting Ross do whatever he wanted.
Yes!
You can say now that it was a fake Ross, not the real Ross!
But with Ross wearing Ross's face and no money, do you think the museum director would still greet him with a smile?
Would it make a difference to him whether it was the real Ross or a fake Ross?
Besides, the newspapers have published the whole story, knowing that the fake Ross was acting according to the real Ross's ideas.
If you ask me, Ross should resign voluntarily, otherwise he'll definitely suffer in the future.
Of course, unless the museum director also likes red roses~"
Ross: "..."
(End of Chapter)
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