(Viewpoint: Roum)
- I'm sorry.
The words left my mouth without me really knowing who I was addressing them to.
To her?
Like what I thought I had done?
Or to that part of me that still refused to understand?
Asmara did not reply.
She remained seated in front of me, her white hair falling around her face, giving her a melancholic look.
I stared at her for a long time, examining every inch of her face; she was pale, almost violet.
I couldn't take my eyes off her anymore; I found myself staring at her longer than I intended.
There was something strangely familiar about that scene.
I cannot explain the hatred and the feeling of peace that I feel when I look at His face.
Her eyes.
Even his silence.
I feel like I already knew all of this.
But I didn't know from where.
It was like trying to remember a dream upon waking or a feeling of déjà vu.
The more I tried to catch him, the further he moved away.
I slowly extended my hand.
She did not back down.
My fingers stopped a few centimeters from her cheek.
I didn't dare touch her.
Why did I want her to like me so much?
Why did I have this absurd feeling that if I looked away for even a second, something irreparable would happen?
Perhaps I should have stayed in my pit; I've moved further away from my new life than closer to it.
Perhaps I asked for too much; I really should have listened to him.
She
White walls.
Children.
All these figures are wearing masks.
–Why do I have to force myself to make you like me every time I see you? Why do I want to protect you?
She didn't answer, she simply looked away and took a strand of her hair, which she twisted around her finger.
I grabbed her arm and forced her to face me.
– We couldn't even get along, why?
Silence.
– I am not free
Or rather...
I thought I was.
I remembered our arguments.
His gaze.
My efforts to attract his attention.
This strange desire to be useful to him.
Whenever she needed something, I was there.
Every time she rejected me, I came back.
I never understood why.
I simply thought that's how I was.
Someone who wanted to help.
Someone who couldn't bear to see others suffer.
But now...
– it's so stupid
I placed a hand on my chest.
My heart was beating rapidly.
– Did you know me before the Pit?
.
One word.
And yet, it hit me like a jolt of electricity.
– How long has it been?
She remained silent.
I took a step towards her.
– How long have you known me?
– Since before you forget.
I had the impression that the ground had just disappeared beneath my feet.
Before I forget.
I kept repeating that phrase to myself.
I didn't know why.
But I remembered that feeling.
I was happy that she was looking at me.
I wanted her to like me.
I wanted to be useful.
I wanted her to tell me that I had done the right thing.
Asmara fixes me.
– You've finally become aware of yourself
I remained confused by these words; I didn't know how to take this statement.
My mouth is even slightly open.
– Is...
The words remained stuck.
She might have been right.
I didn't know why.
Even in the Pit...
I had never been so weak
This simplicity seemed unsettling to me.
As if this behavior wasn't entirely my own.
It was as if someone had planted this impulse deep inside me.
She looked at me.
Asmara looked me straight in the eyes.
– Remember me, remember us, remember you, remember us, remember us, remember you
She repeated it, again and again, until her voice echoed.
I placed my hands against my temples.
– But I know that.
A dull pain shot through my skull.
– DISAPPEARS
Asmara just out