(Viewpoint: Roum)
– Why her and not me?
Asmara's voice was so calm that, for a few seconds, I thought I had misheard.
I looked at her without understanding.
She held me closer to her, her long white hair sliding over my face.
That calm expression, that way of looking at me without averting her eyes...
All of this should have reassured me, but none of it corresponded to Asmara.
Yet, everything about her told me the opposite.
– What do you mean?
She didn't answer me.
His eyes moved down towards my hands.
I followed his gaze.
They were trembling.
I instinctively closed them, trying to remain calm.
"Don't lie to me. You remember everything, don't you?" she asked.
– I… What… .
My voice was drier than I would have liked.
The silence that followed was strange.
Asmara appeared neither surprised nor offended.
She simply looked at me, as if she was waiting for me to discover the answer myself.
Then she whispered:
– You didn't even look at me.
My heart tightened like my fingers when she squeezed them.
- What ?
– When you killed me, you were a coward.
I stopped breathing for a second.
A dull pain appeared behind my eyes.
I tried to withdraw my hand.
- I never killed you.
– Yes.
She inclined her head slightly.
- You know.
I wanted to answer him, but no words came out.
An image flashed through my mind.
I couldn't believe it.
Asmara, cold in my arms.
That thought disappeared immediately.
I shook my head several times.
– That's wrong.
She barely smiled.
– Did you at least feel any remorse?
– no
This answer seemed to surprise her.
She remained silent for a moment.
Then she asked:
– obviously, you didn't even bother to look at me, YOU KILLED ME, LEFT ME ALONE IN THE DARK AND DUST, YOU ABANDONED ME.
I gritted my teeth.
– NO, I don't… I don't have.
– WHAT? YOU HATE ME? I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU STABBED ME IN THE BACK.
– Even if that doesn't explain why you're afraid of me.
Fear.
The word got stuck in my throat.
I am not afraid of Asmara.
She was not aggressive.
She wasn't doing anything.
And yet, I backed away.
Forcibly removing my hands.
– You see?
she murmured
I felt my chest tighten, a strange shame washed over me.
I didn't even know what it meant.
She had finally lost that blank expression.
But now her eyes had become sad.
You forgot me so quickly
I felt something crack inside my chest.
– Is...
My voice died.
I didn't know what to say.
How could I apologize for something I didn't even remember?
I held out my hand, but she recoiled as if she were frightened.
– I was in pain, so much pain.
I clenched my fist.
- I don't know.
– Did you ever wonder if I was scared?
I still didn't answer.
– Every time you always had someone more important than me.
My hands gripped my hair.
Then there was that unbearable feeling of being watched by someone.
An ancient fear coursed through my entire body.
But something didn't add up.
Alpha-1 was not supposed to exist.
I knew it.
I didn't know how I knew it, but this certainty was deeply buried within me.
– Who is she?
– Who is Alpha-1?
– Did she do this to you?
Asmara looked at me for a long time.
Then she whispered:
– You're still looking for someone to blame, as always you want to make yourself look good.
I shook my head.
– No.
Silence
"I'm sorry," I murmured.
My voice was trembling.