"The music exam had me trembling with anticipation.""Me too. My sister's going to participate," "Stop showing off already. Everyone knows Mike will win," someone chimed, teasing."Ha, we'll see,"
another voice replied, but all I could hear was the echo of my own thoughts, the shadow of him creeping back into my mind.
I rested my forehead against the cool desk, staring out the window, but the view that once calmed my heart now made it ache, sharp and hollow. And yet… even amidst the pain, I found myself thinking of her—the girl who always seemed a world apart from me. In the reflection of the glass, I saw myself, yet it was clear: her beauty captivated the eyes more than mine. She was braver, cooler, untouchable in ways I could never be.
Minutes later, the bell rang. Time to leave. My legs moved automatically, exhausted from chasing thoughts I could not escape. In the crowded hallway, whispers of a band reached my ears, a ripple of excitement passing through the students. Posters in hand, they poured toward the main hall, but I barely noticed… until I saw her.
Red—or was it dark orange? Hair catching the light, lips matte and bold, eyes shadowed in dark blue, a leather skirt perfectly matching her jacket, a white-and-blue blazer flowing as she walked. She descended toward the underground hall, and in that instant, the world tilted. She and I—two planets in different orbits, yet caught in a collision I could not look away from.
For a heartbeat, the clock's hands stopped, and the noise around me faded into a distant hum."You're giving in again… finally realizing how pathetic you are," whispered a voice in my head, soft yet piercing, pulling me toward the underground instead of the exit.
I rarely obeyed, rarely listened, yet this time, I let it guide me. The underground was darker than I remembered, trembling under each step, the music swelling louder, more alive, more intoxicating.
for the first time, nothing else mattered. I stepped inside. Pink and blue lights splashed across the walls, the crowd's cheers blending into a river of sound. Yet through it all, I heard her—the voice that shimmered above the guitars, above the keyboards, impossible to ignore. I could never sing like her, yet the audacity of desire took hold. I wanted to be like her, to live through her brilliance, to chase the echo of her light.
maybe that thought led me to decide to be someone else
don't remember how the music end or how I left
just remember that a weak later
I dyed my hair a muted orange, black pants, leather blazer over yellow, makeup heavy and deliberate. I did not seek attention, yet every eye in the room found me. And yet, every time my gaze met myself through the thin veil of the mirror, I could not find myself.
"I couldn't understand why, but the pain filled my heart
but it was also for the look that he spent more time with me
me not that girl
and his smile...
his smile was widened, soft
Maybe it was that look in his eyes that finally gave me courage—the courage to let my feelings take shape.
If I could turn back time, I would stop the fragile hope from rising
Perhaps I will never forget that day—the day I wore my boldest makeup, my most beautiful outfit, and braced myself to speak the truth my heart had carried in silence.