"I'm glad you didn't forget about me this time… did you?" he asked carefully as soon as he guided me to the bed.
I shook my head. My eyes refused to look at him. Somehow his choice of words triggered me. Yes, I remembered him. Of his kindness. Of how he had been caring and loving, which I am extremely grateful for.
But I also remembered our last argument. The one where he mentioned another memory loss. This feeling right now felt exactly that.
"Did I lose my memory again?" I asked. My eyes shifted uncomfortably across the dimly lit room. As soon as those words escaped from my lips, a part of me regretted asking the question. I was not sure I wanted to hear the answer.
"We don't know yet." His fingers brushed against my cheeks. Oh, I hated how I liked his touches!
"What do you mean?"
"You fainted and only woke up four days later."
My eyes widened and I turned my head to face him. "Fainted? When? Where?"
"In the living room. Do you remember what we last talked about?"
"Living room? Not the lounge?" I voiced out, confused to hear the location. I even began to question which memory is real and which is not. Or did the argument even take place?
"What was the last thing you remember?" His gaze remained soft and loving. His caresses were never ending without a single hint of annoyance. It was such a soothing moment, enough to drown the beeping sound of the heart rate monitor.
I paused, feigning to think deeply. Of course I know the answer. That specific argument was the only thing that was on my mind. Except I was not sure if it was real or a dream. And if it was real, I did not want to ruin this peaceful moment.
It was even sweeter when he did not rush me for an answer. I was in such a dilemma of where he stood in my life. But keeping quiet would not lead me anywhere.
I cautiously looked at him straight in the eye and whispered, "Something about drugging me to reset my memories…?"
His body stiffened. His hands stopped moving. I could not make out what his facial expression was. Is he behaving this way because it is true?
"I would never do that, I promise you," His voice broke when he finally spoke. The dim light that illuminated the room was enough to show his glistening eyes.
Trust me when I say I wanted to believe that he was telling the truth. But at the same time, I was fighting it. I bit my bottom lip. My hands fiddled with the blanket. Even with the cool air conditioned room, my body was getting hotter with frustration.
"We've talked… I mean, I…" He sat up on the bed. His hands animated, moving around with desperation. My silence only antagonised him.
Then, an exasperated sigh escaped him and he became quiet again. This time, he had his eyes shut. "When I meant by another memory loss, it was because we are two weeks away from your first memory loss…"
Suddenly, a vision of me sitting on the cold tiled floor of an elevator and classical music playing on the speaker came. 'The date of your first memory loss is approaching -' His words on that day played in my head, overlapping with his current voice.
The sudden recollection on that particular fragmented memory brought a piercing pain to my head. I winced and grabbed my ears.
"Maisie?" His concerned voice quickly turned alert. "Shit! Not again."
He swiftly got up from the bed but unknowingly, I held onto him. I needed comfort! I needed familiarity. I needed him at that moment. I wanted to convey that but I could only groan.
I could feel him moving away from me but his hand remained in my grasp. I grabbed him even tighter, worried he would walk away.
"It's okay, Maisie. I'm here. I'm with you. I'm just pushing this button," he reassured me and wrapped me in his embrace.
The sliding of the door and the scuffling of feet that rushed into the room sounded loud in my head. My breathing turned shallow as I became aware who he had called. I clawed on my neck, gasping for air.
The sounds of those footsteps instantly halted, spiralling me out of control. I waited for that stupid cool liquid running in my veins and drowsiness to kick in as a pattern had established before.
To my surprise, the only thing I could hear currently was his heart beat. "Breathe with me," he said.
He cupped my ear and rested my head against his wide chest. The shushing he made was effectively calming me down. Enough to a point I could breathe normally again.
"You are safe here, my dewdrop. I am here with you."
Despite how much I am wary of him, hearing him saying those words, his presence and his consolation helped me reduce that. Am I naive? Maybe.
As soon as he had ensured I had calmed down, he excused himself. Leaving me alone in that big room to a poisonous mind.
I just could not understand how he was capable of calming me down. It was so natural that I began to wonder if I was the only one manipulated. That frightened me.
I walked to the window for a change of scenery. Anything that would not remind me of being hospitalised. But the voices of people outside my room lured me and I found myself standing in front of the door.
"I can't believe Dr. Reid would cheat on his wife. Can you?"
"Shush!! You better watch your mouth or we'll be fired!"
I leaned even more, unsure why I was eavesdropping to some gossip.
"Oh, come on! Nobody's on this floor."
The sound of a wooden stick dropped to the floor and the rolling of loose wheels glided through the quiet hallway.
"There's a patient on this floor-"
"Sheesh. I doubt her fine husband would be interested in this tea. IF he is even her husband as he claimed."
"Carrie!" A foot stomping echoed through the floor, clearly a shocking reaction from the cleaner.
"I mean, would a husband really sedate his wife?"
My eyes glanced at the IV drip that I was holding. Could it be? I hesitated. Then I shook my head. 'There's no way he would do that,' I tried to reason with myself.
"You don't know that!" The lady was clearly talking to her colleague but it felt as though it was directed to her.
"True. But girl, there's no smoke without fire. That's all I'm saying…"
The phrase repeated in my head like a broken record. My eyes could not let go of the colourless bag attached to the metal pole.
The soundless drip that fell into the connecting tube to my vein became louder. The room suddenly appeared longer.
My trust… My safety…
My safety is compromised.