Teleporting always feels disgusting.
I do not care what adults say. Aunt Malvoria says it is "efficient." Aunt Elysia says it is "a useful magical shortcut." I say it feels like being squeezed through a straw by an evil god.
One second I am in Mommy's palace, holding Aunt Malvoria's hand and trying not to think too much, and the next second the world twists all wrong and my stomach goes wobbly and then boom.
We are there.
Aunt Malvoria's castle is still huge.
I always forget how huge it is until I come back and then I remember that it is the sort of place where if you got lost, you might never found the exit.
The ceilings are too high, the walls are too dark, and there are torches everywhere, which I think is very dramatic and very good. If I ever get my own castle, I want at least ten unnecessary torches.
I look around fast, hoping maybe Lara is right there, waiting, or walking down the stairs, or standing in a doorway pretending not to smile.
She is not.
So I ask right away, because waiting is stupid.
"Where is Lara?"
Aunt Malvoria gives me a look like she expected that to be the first thing out of my mouth. Which is fair, because of course it is.
"I think she is having a bath," she says, starting to walk. Her dress swishes behind her like she has her own wind. "Go see Kaelith first. She is with Neris in the playground."
I stop.
The knot in my tummy comes back.
Neris.
The little brother. Maybe. The reason Lara had to leave. Maybe. The child Grandma talked about in that nice-voice she uses when she is saying awful things.
I do not want Aunt Malvoria to know I feel weird, so I just say, "Oh."
She looks down at me, red eyes bright and annoying. "That sounded very suspicious."
"I'm not suspicious."
"Mm-hmm."
I cross my arms. "I'm just going to see Kaelith."
"Good," she says. "And try not to start a war in the first five minutes."
"No promises."
"That's my girl."
She goes one way and I go the other, because I know where the playground is. Aunt Malvoria's castle has the best playground.
It is not a normal one with only swings and a slide. No. This one has climbing walls, little bridges, a giant carved dragon to sit on, and a tree with glowing lantern fruits that are not real fruits but still look cool. Demon castles understand fun better than Celestian ones.
I walk fast at first.
Then slower.
Because now that I am close, I start thinking stupid thoughts again.
What if Lara is with him all the time now?
What if she likes him because he is little and has her fire and maybe he needs things?
What if she looks at him the way she looks at me when I do something brave or ridiculous?
What if he gets all the stories and piggyback rides and secret snacks and silly lessons and there is not enough Lara left for me?
I hate these thoughts.
I hate Grandma for putting them in my head.
I kick a pebble off the path so hard it flies into a bush.
Then I hear Kaelith's voice.
Loud, of course. Kaelith never talks like a normal person. She talks like every sentence must win a prize.
"I said no, you have to jump from here! Otherwise it's not cool!"
I slow down and hide behind one of the big stone columns before stepping fully into the playground.
Kaelith is standing on the little bridge, her hair all messy and her hands on her hips, bossing someone around.
Him.
Neris.
He is smaller than I expected. I do not know why I thought little brothers should look bigger. Maybe because all the feelings about him are big.
He is standing below the bridge, holding a wooden sword too tightly. His hair is dark with a red streak in it.
He has little horn buds. His face is serious in an annoying way, like a tiny old man. And when Kaelith says something else, he actually almost smiles.
I hate that a little.
Not because of Kaelith. Kaelith smiles at everyone. She once smiled at a spider and then tried to name it Sir Legs.
But because he looks like he belongs here.
Like he has been here more than one month.
Like maybe he already knows where Lara's room is and which chairs she sits in and what she sounds like when she laughs after dinner.
I do not like that.
Kaelith sees me first.
"Aliyah!" she yells, waving both arms. "You're here!"
Neris turns.
We look at each other.
He knows who I am right away. I can tell. Not because I am famous, even though I should be, but because of his face.
He goes stiff and watchful, the same way I did when Grandma first told me about him.
Kaelith, because she has the subtlety of a falling wall, runs over and grabs my hand. "Look! This is Neris. Neris, this is Aliyah. I told you she would come."
I pull my hand back.
Kaelith looks between us and frowns the way she does when adults are making things weird.
Neris says nothing.
I say nothing too.
The playground suddenly feels smaller.
Kaelith tries again because she is very bad at giving up. "We were playing dragon guards. Do you want to play too?"
I do not answer her. I am still looking at him.
He looks back like he is waiting for me to decide if I hate him.
And maybe I do. A little.
Or maybe I hate what happened. Maybe I hate missing Lara.
Maybe I hate that Mommy looks sad all the time and that Grandma put poison-thoughts in my head and that everybody keeps saying complicated like that fixes anything.
Neris opens his mouth. "Hi."
That should not annoy me, but it does.
Just hi. Like he did not break everything just by existing.
Before I can stop myself, I march right up to him.
Kaelith says, "Aliyah?"
Neris stays still, but I can see he is scared.
Good, one mean little part of me thinks.
Then I hate that part too.
He says, very quietly, "Lara said you were—"
I do not let him finish.
I put both hands on his chest and push him hard.
He falls backward into the sand with a surprised sound, wooden sword flying out of his hand.
Kaelith screams, "Aliyah!"
And at the exact same moment, a voice behind me says, sharp as fire and shock and anger all at once:
"Aliyah!"