The three days at the space station pass quickly and in a blur. I'm not sure if it's because I'm still constantly distracted by being in a completely different environment, or because Llywelyn is back to being a pain in the ass and shoving me away, or because I am just too tired to keep track of my time well. It's probably a combination of all of those.
I don't get much chance to see the station. I spend time looking at the things on the market stalls, but I don't have any money.
I hold a hand out to Llywelyn.
He recoils. "What do you want from me, Hetchki?"
"I want to buy a souvenir. Xilukulkas gave you the money, didn't he?" I know Mira had money the first day we were here, but after she spent every single penny of it on station food in the first day, I caught him gently scolding her, so it makes sense he'd give it to Llywelyn for the future days.
But he just huffs and looks away. "You don't need to clutter the room with useless trinkets." He says.
"I didn't ask, you damn communist. Give me some money." I insist.
He glares at me. I glare right back.
We have a brief staring contest. I win.
He sniffs and pulls out a few coins, plopping them in my hand. "Don't buy anything stupid."
"I'll be sure to think 'would Llywelyn buy this?' and if the answer is yes, I won't." I promise, and skip away from him, ignoring his loud, angry clicking. It's not my fault he's being a jerk. I'm allowed to shop.
I spend a little time going around the market. I don't really see anything that interests me at first. It's mostly food, and I don't really need more of that. Not when I've got the meals provided at the ship, and Llywelyn will definitely just glare at me if I bring food back with me.
I stop at a stand that sells jewelry. There are some beautiful things there, but nothing that really catches my eye. I'm not one for jewelry, anyway. I don't even know if I'd be allowed to keep it, when I...
When I go home.
I move on, and eventually find a stand that sells... little trinkets. Like keychains, but they don't have keys here. They're just little things that can be hung on bags or clothing, or kept in a pocket. There are some that are made of metal, some that are made of plastic, some that are made of wood, and some that are made of... some other materials I don't recognize.
I look through them, and my eyes land on one that makes my breath hitch.
It's a small, silver pendant, shaped like a crescent moon. It's simple, but elegant, and it has a tiny, blue gem embedded in the center. It reminds me of... the moon. The place I'm leaving behind. The place I'll never see again.
I reach out, and pick it up. It's cool to the touch, and smooth. It feels... right. Like it's meant for me.
I don't hesitate. I pay for it, and put it in my pocket, and walk away.
It's not much, but it's something. Something to remember. Something to keep. Something to... hold onto.
I'm about to leave but my eyes fall on a display. They're little wooden dolls of vague human shapes. What catches my attention most is the figure of someone feminine looking, with bright red hair and a ponytail. She's even got a little smile on her face.
A lump forms in my throat.
My hand reaches out and I gently pick it up.
Mia...
It looks like her. It looks so much like Mia. And the shape of the clothes on it are even similar to what she always wore.
I reach down and stroke the red hair. My hand is shaking.
It's not Mia, obviously. It couldn't be. It's a random doll that's just so simplistic that I can see her in it. It's probably not even supposed to be a human but...
There's.
A little tree painted on her chest.
A soft sob escapes me when I try to breathe.
It's been so long since I saw her. Even longer than Eric. The last time I ever saw her, she'd looked down at me as if she were going to say something and then... walked out of that twisted ship.
Walked away to those aliens.
And I'll never see her again. Not her. Not Eric. Even if I go home, even if I make it or even if I stay on the moon, Mia's someone who...
I swallow.
"What are you doing?"
Llywelyn must have come looking for me. There's an edge to his voice, but it's. Quiet enough. Maybe because I'm standing in the middle of a shop, holding a tiny toy doll, crying and stroking its hair.
My breath shudders and I look up at him. "I want this." I say, my voice hoarse.
"It's hideous, why-?"
"Mia." I say, turning to him and holding it out. "It looks like Mia."
I don't...
Really know why I'm telling him this.
Why he needs to know anything of my past when I'm leaving anyway and he'll probably just say something stupid, but I...
"When I was... abducted, they put us in a small room with just a few of us."
He nods, gold eyes watching me. I can tell he wants to say something by the way his veins glow and he presses his lips together with effort, but he doesn't.
"I was. Scared. Lost. Confused and... didn't think I was real. That I was awake and..." I turn my gaze down to the doll. "Mia. She was another girl. Just as lost and terrified. But she reached out to me and she smiled. She said... that we'd be friends and-"
Another stupid sob escapes me, and his hand appears on my shoulder.
"She was. My first friend. Here, or... i-in a long time." I close my eyes and a few tears fall on my hand. "I-I relied on her for so long. She was always there. Smiling. When I was terrified, when I was about to break. When I was hopeless, Mia always made herself smile. Told us that we'd make it out, and that we could find beautiful things out there."
I can't help it. I hold the doll to my chest and let myself cry. I can't keep it in, not about this. Not about Mia. The memory of her. I've never talked about her before, not like this. Not to anyone but the empty air. I didn't let myself. I couldn't stand to. It was too much.
I need to leave now. I need to. Go.
"She-they took her." My knees give out and he's there in an instant, pulling me against him, face in my hair. And... it's a comfort I can barely process, except that I haven't collapsed in a pile on some strange store's floor. "They took her from me. She was only ever kind and happy and gentle and they scraped everything out of her! Twisted her and took her away and I'll never see her. My Mia or... or my Eric. They're gone. And I-"
I break into sobs again. I have no idea how long I'm crying, and he's just holding me and letting me. His hand smooths up and down my back in a gentle rhythm.
Finally, though, I manage to settle, and I sniff, pulling the doll back to look at it. It's cheap. It's the kind of thing I would have ignored before. But now it's precious. I'd give anything for a memory of her like this.
I look up at him and his eyes soften. His thumb gently strokes my cheek. "I'm. So sorry, Sarah." He says, and there's a pain in his eyes that feels almost. Personal.
"I'm sorry, too. For just-" I shake my head.
He sighs and gently takes the doll from my hands, setting it on the counter.
"No-!" I shout and snatch it back up. It's not reasonable but-
He blinks in surprise and sighs. "You stupid hetch-..." He cuts himself off, and places his hand over mine, pressing the doll close to me. "I was just going to go buy it for you." He says, softly.
I blink.
Oh.
He's not trying to take it away. I'm a little embarrassed.
"...Thank you." I say, my voice cracking again. "I... it's stupid. It's not Mia, it's not... It's just a toy."
"No." He shakes his head, "It's more than that. You know it is." He says, and his hand cups my cheek. "And if it makes you feel better, then that's all that matters."
I stare at him, and my heart skips.
His veins pulse a soft blue, and his eyes are golden and warm.
I lean my cheek into his hand, and close my eyes. "You're. Okay. Sometimes."
"Yeah." He huffs. "I'm trying to fix that."
I laugh, and he pulls his hand away.
"Come on. Let's pay for this and then go back. I think we're leaving soon, and you need to pack up." He says, and turns to the shopkeeper. "How much for this?"
The shopkeeper, a short, round creature with purple skin and many eyes, looks at the doll, and then at Llywelyn, and then at me. "For the pretty lady? It's free." He says, and waves his many hands.
Llywelyn frowns. "Really-?"
The man wiggles. It's a disturbing sight. "The appreciation for the craftmanship of my work is enough." He says, and then looks at me, "It is not easy to be a subsapient in this galaxy. We should treat each other kindly, where we can."
I stare at him, and then nod. "Thank you."
He smiles, showing rows of sharp teeth. "You are welcome, my dear."
I tuck the doll into my coat, and follow Llywelyn out of the shop.
"Llywelyn-"
"Hm?" He glances at me.
"D-don't tell-"
"Absolutely not." He sniffs. "If Mira knows that one's a softie we'll have a whole fis'ia ship of plushies and sink to our deaths under the weight."
He deliberately picks up his pace.
And... I think.
Deliberately ignored the thing I was actually asking.
Which I guess. Is enough.