When I entered my room, I thought about what I could do. I couldn't think of anything I had to do, despite having a hundred things on my to-do list. After a while, I settled on the last thing I thought I'd end up doing: cooking.
I don't know how to cook much. I can only really make four dishes, two of them pre-made. For that reason, I opted for the best option, the dish I know how to make from scratch: curry rice.
The hardest part for me is usually the sauce, which is the only difficult part. Before starting, I looked for my mother's cookbook; she left it here and never came back for it. I prefer to think of it that way rather than as a farewell gift. I don't want any presents from her. Even though I'm doing it with love, it will probably turn out more like a joke, since it didn't go very well last time. Although, as long as I don't burn anything, I'm happy.
It didn't take me long to make it, because it's not exactly a crazy idea. I finished around 7 PM, which is a bit later than usual. I was really worried about everything and kept going over the recipe to see if I'd done anything wrong. The curry didn't turn out very well, but I'm grateful the rice didn't burn.
I don't even know how I manage to make it. My dad usually gets home at 8 PM, and since we had to wait for him to have dinner, I had plenty of time to do other things, like take a shower or read a bit. I should have made dinner later...
It's sure to be cold when we eat it. I tried to prevent that by leaving the rice and curry covered to keep them warm as much as possible. Although maybe it didn't even work. My dad arrived half an hour late. I was on my phone, waiting for him in the living room.
"Hello." "Oh, hello, Riku. I didn't expect to find you down here." My father's name is Kenzo :2!";_¨`*, and he looked exactly how anyone would expect a father to look.
He was about 39 years old, and generally, he looked like a robust person. He was the same height as Amaya, and neither fat nor thin, though he did look somewhat imposing. He wore glasses, and always had a surprisingly kind expression. You'd expect him to look at you with absolute seriousness, but unless it was a very serious moment, or he was upset, he wouldn't look at you like that. I don't mean to say that his eyes were naturally aggressive… but… if…
He had short hair, and Amaya and I both inherited his color. I'm also grateful that he doesn't have a beard, or hair on his legs or chest, because that means I won't either.
I may not talk to him much, and sometimes I may speak to him a little rudely, but I really love him.
He does everything he can, and even after everything he's had to endure, he hasn't exploded at me or my sister.
When I was younger, he used to get very angry, and it was a little difficult for him to control himself.
He's improved a lot now. Or maybe he's just holding back.
Whatever he does, I think he's much more mature than before.
I have no right to say what it means to be mature, if I'm not mature myself. I just think he's a good father, even though he works too much.
I hope my mother's situation hasn't affected her too much.
"How was work?" "Good, but I got carried away more than I should have. Because of me, you're going to have a late dinner, sorry." "No, don't worry, I've made dinner." "Really?" You shouldn't sound so surprised...
"Yes, I hope you don't mind. And, I hope I did it right, hehe…" I let out a nervous giggle as I rubbed the back of my neck.
My father came over and placed his hand on my shoulder. "No, you've done me a huge favor, thank you."
He smiled at my enthusiasm.
We started setting the table. Dinner, as I expected, was cold, so we had to use the microwave.
Our house is practically a Western-style house. The door to the living room and the one to the patio are still sliding doors, but the floor is a wooden platform.
"Riku, tell Ayama to come down for dinner."
"Go."
After I finished setting the table, I went upstairs to get my sister.
Shouting her name to get her to come downstairs wasn't going to work, since her room is quite far from the stairs. Plus, she's pretty hard of hearing, so I always have to call her.
As I went upstairs, I stopped in front of her door.
Knock Knock
There was a brief silence before someone answered.
"What?"
"Dinner's ready."
"I'm coming, just give me a moment."
"I don't want to wait, because I want you to taste the food I've made with my sweat and tears!"
As I finished that sentence, I opened the door to find Amaya sitting on the bed, staring at her computer.
An anime was playing on her screen. It depicted two shirtless men embracing.
Very manly, if you ask me.
Although my opinion didn't make my sister take pity on me.
"I told you to wait!!"
She screamed, angry and blushing.
From that moment on, my life was in danger. Instinctively, I closed the door, just as the beast started to get out of bed.
"Yes, yes, take all the time you need!" That was the last thing I said before she opened the door, grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, and dragged me into her room to do unspeakable things to me.
" Someone beat me up." That was the first thing I said, in a pained and exhausted way, before sitting down at the table.
He only gave me light blows, although the only thing that bothered me was that he dug his nails into me until a little blood came out.
It was from that point on that I stopped taking it as a joke, and realized she was genuinely angry. I don't know why, but it put me in a bad mood.
The aggressor stared at her plate, still embarrassed, though I honestly couldn't tell if it was one thing or the other.
"What did you do to her?" My father, for his part, wasn't angry with anyone. He had a calm tone, which, consequently, calmed us both down a little.
That's right, Dad. Defend your youngest son, who has been brutally abused.
And as soon as I snapped out of my reverie, I realized my father was asking me.
"Me?" "Yes, you." "I didn't do anything—" "He came into my room without permission," my sister interrupted, blaming me. "Isn't that what I always do?" "Yes, but this time I told you not to come in." My father sighed, understanding what had happened. "So why did you have to hit him?" "Because… I wanted to. He deserved it, at least a little. And I didn't even hit him that hard." "You went too far with the fingernails. I don't mind if you hit me hard, but I don't want you digging your nails in like you always do." "…" Amaya didn't answer.
It was Dad who spoke up for her.
"One of you didn't listen, and the other just went along with it. I'm not going to do anything to you, because it's something you both have to work out." With that, my father didn't even look at either of them. We already knew what we had to do, but we didn't want to say anything out of sheer embarrassment.
Although we don't really have a choice.
"...Sorry for hitting you." "Sorry for barging in." "...Oh, I thought you were going to say something weird." "What else am I going to say? I'm not going to be kissing your ass over something like that." "No, forget it, it's better if you ignore it..." As I said that, I stared at her. "What are you looking at now?" "It was yaoi, wasn't it?" "I feel like punching you again!" "You two calm down. I know you get along well, but start eating. It's going to get cold if you keep this up." "...Yes," we both said at the same time. The rest of dinner was more normal. Nobody said much during dinner, and they didn't say anything about the food.
I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. Maybe they're keeping quiet so as not to hurt my feelings. I should ask.
"Is it good?" "Yes," my father replied.
"Well, yes, that's fine. Why do you ask?" Amaya was rather indifferent to both the answer and the question.
"Riku made dinner today." "Really?!" I'd appreciate it if you weren't so surprised.
"Y-yes…" I had no choice but to admit it. I didn't know making dinner was something I could be embarrassed about. Every day is a new experience.
"That doesn't mean dinner isn't bad," Amaya said, more timidly.
I know she doesn't mean any harm, but saying it like that, especially after saying it's good, makes it seem like everything I cook tastes bad.
Nor have I had the opportunity to prove otherwise...
A dinner where no one speaks would be unusual, but too much talking isn't good either. That doesn't change the fact that I still prefer eating alone.
After dinner, I planned to do my homework. Thanks to my impeccable memory, I decided to watch TV and read, thus forgetting that it even existed.
I always imagine myself forgetting existence itself. What would it feel like to have a blank mind? I think that day would be the most boring, and the happiest, I'd ever have.
Not having to listen to myself has to be the most rewarding experience I could ever have. There's a reason I love sleeping so much.
It's not like I hate myself, though. Whenever I've messed up, I've fixed it as best I could. That doesn't mean I consider myself a good person, either.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I think of myself, because everyone else will see me in a completely different light.
Nobody will ever be able to know me. Ever.
I was reading in bed. I'd gotten hooked on a light novel, and when I feel like doing something, I usually end up reading it.
It's good to have a distraction. It makes the wait until Saturday more bearable.
If I continued like this, going for it would only lead to disappointment. Having very high expectations is bad, since they're usually irrational or exaggerated. That's why I prefer to stay calm.
In the background, I heard a voice behind my door.
"May I come in?"
She's my sister. She'll be here so I can sleep with her again.
I like doing it, not because she's a woman, or because she's my sister, but because it keeps me from getting depressed at night. I don't have the chance to do it if my mind is occupied.
"Yes, come in. I'm not looking at anything on my computer," I replied with a teasing tone.
She opened the door and came in before answering me. "You're making me regret apologizing…" she said, looking to the side, a slight blush on her cheeks.
"Leaving that aside, have you read the book yet?"
"Oh, no. I didn't come here for that. I wanted to ask you about what I could watch… …And I'm not going to watch Re:Zero again."
I think my exaggerated smile and enthusiasm gave me away.
"Ugh…" "I wanted something to watch before bed." "Do you mind if it's a movie?" I knew what she was going to say. "I don't mind watching another one." "It's called 'I Want to Eat Your Pancreas,' it's my favorite movie." "Is it anime? I've never heard of it." "Yes, it is." She looked satisfied after I answered. "Okay, I'll watch it right now."
"Be careful, he's going to make you cry."
"We'll see."
Luckily, she didn't steal any of my food this time, because I was smart enough not to leave anything out that she could steal. Before closing the door, Amaya said goodbye.
"Then, good night."
"Good night, sleep well."
I should have listened to my own advice, because I had a really hard time falling asleep that night. I couldn't stop thinking about things; my head was a mess.
Amaya's crying didn't help.