Riiiiing-ring.
My ears were buzzing, ringing, and my skin was shivering and vibrating with adrenaline. It was as if I was falling and being thrown around by something heavy. I had the sensation of something hitting my body repeatedly, the constant pressure crushing down on my fragile self. I groaned, "Ugh." But nada. There wasn't any sound, just pain. All around.
Till the familiar touch of flesh, the warmth of a palm touched me once again. It felt so nice... Alice? I blinked and a figure was above, pressing onto the cold surface. "Alice, is that you?"
...
I said and felt someone else grabbing me under my armpits, lifting me up.
"H...y! D...ro! Y...ou wi...e!"
"D...m... me!"
That was not the voice of alice... She wouldn't speak so rough and hoarse.
I have no idea what she was, but I gave up all my strength to try to speak up.
"...Who's..." my eyes open slightly, and I can only see light. Lots of light and shadows cast from the light.
Someone I knew...
"Do...ro! Doffy! Wake up! ...up. ..." A woman's voice...
"...Ah... Th... wha' was.. goin on..." I raise an arm over my head to block the sunlight streaming through a nearby window.
My vision started to focus.
Ootaea? Was it her? Who...? Who is she?
She sighed, "Listen, you can't be falling asleep in random buildings! Hobo's can find their way around more often than not!"
...Hobo's? "Homeless people? Where are we?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "We're about a mile or two away from our convoy... I hope." she sounded dejected, maybe a bit nervous even.
Rubbing my eyes, I groaned slightly as they began to get dry. "Uh, we left... What exactly was there?" I mumbled. "Or are we gonna have to camp out here... and all that?"
...
"You okay? We're heading back to ol' granny! Now wake your sorry butt and let's go! The squad has little time before we leave! So we got to be at the convoy quick." she stated in a stern tone, her fingers were moving nervously.
This wasn't like Ootaea. And granny? Does she mean... "The old lady from the orphanage? Ootaea... Have you lost your mind too or... Did that man tell you this and make you do that?"
A frown came over her. "I have my memories all right! I barely spoke with that wanna-be-azer loser... Let's just move on. Get up and let's go. Okay? I don't want to waste time!"
Standing up and rubbing the dust from my uniform, I started following Ootaea out of this eerie building.
I had to ask her, however, "Why go back? Didn't she... you know, say things you didn't want to hear?"
"Come on, Doffy! I may not be all perfect, but even I can remember that I told you I want to visit her and the others right as we entered Point B! Don't you remember anything? Or... Have you lost it... hehe!" she grinned as we exited the building. "It's funny how stupid you are sometimes... But it's quite charming..." She muttered under her breath, just enough that I could barely make sense of her words.
God... Do I just give up on these people? They'll probably never realize it, no matter what I try to do.
'There is ultimately no hope, even in the brightest minds of humans.'
A voice? An auditory hallucination? A... feeling of something deep and internal within my own being? Who just spoke? There is nobody surrounding us...
'Alice dearest is gone, dear Doffy.' the voice echoed inside of me.
Who... Who was this!? And... why has the atmosphere gone stale? Ootaea is not moving, the birds are frozen, all sound around has ceased except for this mysterious voice...
It was so...
'Be at peace. These people will never share your pain, will they? I know it's not an easy question to answer but...'
The voice was calm and warm as if it knew I was feeling terrified at the moment. I couldn't say a thing, however. I could only think...
I had to ask... Who is in my head?
'You may call me many things, Dofro. Your God, A bored tyrant, A fool, A douche. All of these can be true at once. I do not judge nor condemn. I do not care either... It's all about what you'll choose to do next.'
God? are you really god?... What does my next decision even entail? I didn't sign up to go mad!
'Hahaha! You mortals... Really don't think so far into the future, do you? Answer me this, then: Would you want the freedom to change or not?'
...Freedom of whom? Me? The others? Alice?
'...How incredibly narrow-minded. How can you even consider changing? Your lives are a cycle. It simply is.'
How can I accept such a pessimistic way to view life? Is this what I'm supposed to aspire to achieve? Being forgotten forever is the destiny for everybody?
'Yet, you strive to save, even if futile? It was all to show the difference in one's state of mind, don't you understand? Though, even you cannot accept such an answer. No matter, you will never be able to change if you act this way. Let me re-iterate. Do you want to change the world? You have the power to do so, and your very actions prove such a fact. Let it take a shape that it deserves. Do you understand?'
I'm a man... I cannot bring myself to such an action of giving in to his voice. This isn't right, his answers are wrong... It would hurt too much for others to understand this... and for myself.
'You really are a hard-headed individual. Alright. This is why... All I can give to your soul is my will. Remember this, to give an example, you have to take what you have and nurture it to become what it ought to be. What you feel is just the surface and I promise you that will be rewarded, be brave, do not think too far. And perhaps even show them the value and joy that's within them... If not, who else would you be?'
What? I felt an aching pang on my shoulder... Was he guiding me forward...? Wait... What about alice?! Do you know anything of her whereabouts?
...But silence followed.
'...'
"Come on! Don't stand there Doffy! Granny is waiting!" What? We just left the building... time stopped... Now I'm here? With Ootaea? Wait. Did I lose consciousness?
"Hold up... Where were we?" I asked and quickly shook my head at her odd stares. "Um..." I trailed off, unable to complete my question or even to collect myself for that matter. I shook my head rapidly again as if trying to shake my questions from my mind, "Nevermind. We are not wasting precious time right?" I let her guide me into the run-down orphanage. Same as just a couple hours ago. The creaky floor boards still crumbling beneath my feet.
That decrepit woman was still there, sitting in the midst of children's bedding and toys, holding her glass with water in it with trembling hands. Her back is arched and twisted to her side, her gnarled and wrinkled fingers shaking in an irregular pattern and she slowly lets a few sips past her chapped lips and blood stained teeth.
"Granny! How's it been! Not bad, eh?" The woman hops, skips, and hops back in her heels again. Her thin legs appear as though they'll snap in a million pieces. Then, the woman smiled a that bloody smile while shakily standing, the room growing quiet in the process. The kids could not stop playing.
Kids? There weren't kids here when we came earlier...
My mouth dropped as I looked towards Ootaea. 'Where are these kids from!' I didn't mean for the thoughts to fly away from me so suddenly. My feet automatically walked closer towards this... elderly, frail, woman. 'You shouldn't be here...' But yet. Those words left me speechless. 'Why am I feeling this?'
"Ootaea, are you okay?" I stopped in my tracks, looking back at her expression.
'Joy.'
That was written on her face. "Ootaea? Seriously, Ootaea. What's happening!? When did-."
"Aahh! Hello young lady, it has been a while, hasn't it?" But the child did not respond, nor show emotion. Only walk towards Ootaea as if it were a faulty mechanism, then wrapping its arms around her leg. Her body had an immediate response, but that was the last of it. "Aww, I missed you too Ultira! Hahaha. Look! Look!" She ran her finger across her small arms and fingers as if it were a real human being.
At some point... I stopped seeing these corpses as actual people... Only dolls. And Ootaea was playing with them. Very roughly. Like a mother caring for her child. Yet, this isn't what you'd see from a mother...
"Aaand hop!" Lifting the doll-like child into the air and intending to grab it as it was about to hit her hands, she failed to capture it and dropped it flat on it's back.
Pieces, chunks, flew every which way and all she did was look at the mess and chuckled with laughter, throwing her arms up. "Yaay! I got to play with Ultira!"
This sight made me fucking sick. Even just seeing those distorted faces of corpses laying in the open or abandoned alleyways. And watching someone destroy them and play with the corpses as if they were pets... it was an ungodly feeling, especially if they have no family to attend their funeral or wake. They don't even exist, do they?
That's absolutely right... None of this is real.
I'm going to vomit.
I shouldn't vomit.
But I want to vomit.
Rushing outside, Ootaea seemed to be too enthralled in playing with the corpses to notice me.
But someone did, someone who brought grief to Ootaea.
"Where are you going... Sonny? Come on and play, aren't you tired of living?"
Sonny...? I slowly turned, and that lady was standing there. Her back no longer arched. Her spine straight. Her flesh was perfectly smooth like a freshly baked bread on a shelf. It looked so real. Yet she was not moving her facial muscles and she continued to speak as though nothing had happened. She continued to talk like nothing had occurred. SHe continued to mutter as if nothing else mattered.
"Hey Sonny." her voice croaked. She wasn't smiling, wasn't frowning, it was an expression of sadness. "Come here Sonny," she said, opening her arms to embrace the poor creature that was me. "Play as if none of this would hurt..." She fell to the ground and laughed, coughing as she fell, and crying as her face grew older again. She reached out to me.
"F...Fuck off! All you're going to be is another ghost, another nightmare!" I ran outside as far as I could, though that would've been pointless anyway, seeing as there wasn't any sky or roof above our heads. It was all flat black, dead, empty void.
God... Speak to me once more... What is going on?!
'...'
What should I do?
'...'
Why should I choose... this choice?
'...Let them go. If that's what you want.'