Wonder Woman, the beacon of modern-day feminism and the wet dream of most teenagers, both girls and boys, is standing in front of me. Normally, I'd be pumped to see the subject of many of the wet dreams I had when I was in the midst of puberty, but right now I'm feeling a pretty even mixture of fear and annoyance. Fear because a flying demigoddess with super strength is right in front of me, and I just committed a crime and annoyance because that was an amazing heist, and there is no way she should be here right now.
I mean, how the hell? I was invisible! How the fuck did I get detected? Did someone rat on me? Who possibly could have ratted on me?
Okay…maybe this is just a coincidence…? Maybe she just decided to take a walk down here next to the staff-only door of a federal museum? Okay, probably not, but I still shouldn't panic. I mean, I am invisible, so even if it wasn't a coincidence, she has no way of knowing where exactly I am. I should just start walking away, slowly, so she doesn't hear my footsteps.
I start doing just that, my back to the wall as I slowly inch towards the parking lot. As I'm doing that, I get a proper look at the Amazonian Demigodess and realise that the pictures really don't do her justice at all.
I mean, in the photos she's really fucking beautiful, but in person? Whole other level. Her face alone is stunning; bright blue eyes framed by dark curly hair, well-defined cheekbones, plump lips, and a dignified aquiline nose all create a beautiful face, not in the Hollywood way but in a dignified and divine way that has me fully believe that Aphrodite blessed her with beauty. Her eyes are currently moving around, searching for something. Probably me…or maybe someone else she's chasing?
Her body is, in all honesty, really fucking unfair. I mean, even at my most skilled with Ars Animae, I'd probably struggle with making myself look like that. At six feet six inches tall, she's got a full hourglass figure which is paired with well-muscled arms, long muscular legs, well-developed and shapely breasts, and, from what I can see from the front, a well-developed ass that emphasizes the wide hips and muscular thighs. With all of that, plus her face, she can easily beat out a Toreador, or whatever the artsy leeches who love beauty call themselves, or a Sidhe Changeling.
"I know you're here," she speaks with a mild Greek accent, "I'll give you a chance to surrender and return the artifact."
I freeze, deciding on what to do. She can't see me, so I can talk without having to worry about revealing my location…and maybe I could use magic to throw my voice? So I could keep her thinking I'm nearby while I'm getting away…hm yeah that should work. Plus, if I talk a lot and keep her focused on the conversation, I might be able to get into my car without alerting her.
"fonitikí rípsi" I mutter under my breath, hopefully too quiet for her to hear, "Would you let me go if I promise to return it after I use it?"
Wonder Woman braces herself, arms ready to guard against a punch; she's readying for a fight: "No."
"What about if I'm only taking it cause the voice in my head told me to?" I ask as I start inching away again.
"Still No. If you are hearing voices, I would suggest you get help instead of stealing historical artifacts from a museum," She responds. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like she's any more relaxed. Gotta think of something else to say then.
"Damn… Well, since it sounds like you're gonna beat my ass no matter what, could I ask a quick question to satisfy something I've been wondering?" I ask as I just came up with something to distract her
"Alright, I suppose…" Wonder Woman says, relaxing just a smidge upon seeing I'm going for talking my way out of this instead of fighting my way out. She is still primed and ready for a fight, though.
"What's with the Leotards?" I ask as I start to inch away even more. I'm far enough away now that I can't see what exactly she's looking at. "I mean, you, Black Canary, and Power Girl all wear leotards. Those can't be comfortable to fight in. Plus, they don't look like they give much protection. Though now that I've gotten an actual look, yours isn't that bad. Kind of a light leather armor? "
Wonder Woman blinks, clearly not expecting me to ask or comment on her choice of costume, "That is correct, specifically boiled leather. Even if I'm more than durable enough to do without, some extra protection around my core is always welcome." Wonder Woman starts explaining, thankfully humoring my question, "Believe it or not, as long as they are properly fitted, a leotard is actually more comfortable than you would think. For Black Canary and me, the main reason for wearing leotards is for the mobility."
I guess that makes sense, but something about those explanations just doesn't seem quite right. Almost as if it's the explanation a comic artist gave for drawing the women in bikini armor.
I also noticed she didn't mention Power Girl at all, but I don't really think anything of it. They might not know each other well, and she didn't feel comfortable making assumptions about her choice of costume. Or, considering the boob window in the Power Girl's costume, she might just be a pervert, and Wonder Woman wanted to avoid talking about it…hm…nah, she probably just doesn't know Power Girl well, "what about those full-body spandex suits? Like the ones Superman wears? I doubt those are comfortable. And why does Supergirl wear a skirt? Won't whoever's flying behind her catch an eyeful?"
I ask even more disarming questions about costumes just as I reach the end of the pavement and step onto the asphalt of the parking lot. Which should have been a good milestone for my escape, but unfortunately, my invisibility spell stopped working right then and there.
For some fucking reason. I mean, seriously! It was only active for like forty minutes! I should have had an hour straight of invisibility, but nope, I got to make do with forty minutes
I quickly turn around so I can keep my eyes on Wonder Woman, hoping that maybe she is so focused on the area in front of the doorway. But unfortunately, nope, she saw me suddenly appear out of thin air and is currently facing my way.
"Shit…" I mutter as Wonder Woman launches off the ground and comes flying at me. Fortunately for my bones, her arms are positioned to grapple, not punch me. I quickly pull off my engagement ring necklace and wrap it around my right hand.
"fáte vrontí," I mutter as the necklace glows an electric blue before I sort of throw my arm out, letting arcs of lightning jump from my hand and into nearby metal, which is mostly on Wonder Woman.
Two of the larger arcs hit the metal gauntlets around her forearms, several smaller ones hit the various pieces of metal on the leotard, and the remaining large arcs hit her boots, which I'm just now realising have metal in them.
Unfortunately, the arcs of pure electricity don't seem to affect Wonder Woman much, beyond a slight hiss of pain, so she's still about to grab me. Shit. cmon think of something else… that's it!
Right as Wonder Woman is about to grab me, I throw myself back, shouting an incantation for a friction curse as I do so, "triví katára skýla."
Wonder Woman quickly falls to the ground and lets out another hiss of pain as all of the metal bits on her armor glows red hot due to all of the kinetic energy converting into heat. I think I can see the leather on her leotard start to smoke…and I see some smoke coming from her gauntlets. Wow, that's gotta hurt.
"Don't bother trying to get up, that's just gonna make the metal hotter," I say as I approach Wonder Woman, who is currently kneeling with one hand bracing against the ground and another reaching for her Lasso of Truth.
"What did you do?" Wonder Woman asks through slightly gritted teeth as she struggles to stand up before ultimately faltering and falling back into her kneeling position
"Friction curse" Is all I tell her before I decide it might be best to properly incapacitate her before the curse wears off, "skiá desmévo."
With that incantation, Wonder Woman's shadow stretches and deforms, eventually becoming these weird shadow tentacles that proceed to wrap around her arms and legs. I move to leave, but stop just as I'm turning around. I would like to figure out how exactly she knew a robbery was happening here, and the Lasso of Truth is a golden opportunity to get some answers. Also, I might steal it after words. Maybe…not sure…
I grab the golden lasso off the hook, which is sitting on, and wrap it around one of her hands, "How exactly did you know I was here?"
"Hephestus told me someone was stealing an artifact of his," Wonder Woman says through gritted teeth, "and the cameras had thermal vision."
Fucking thermal. My god, that was so fucking obvious! How the hell did I not think of hiding my thermal signature? The other thing is kind of troublesome. If a 'god' interfered with a heist of something this minor, what are they gonna do when I steal the keystone?
"Would a god help you reclaim this lasso if I stole it?" I ask if he would help her find the lasso, and he'll probably help stop my heist of the keystone.
"The lasso was forged by Hepheastus himself," Wonder Woman says, her voice tinged with anger, "If you steal it, I will hunt you down to reclaim it, and I'll have the full support of Hepheastus on my side."
Shit, hmm, I was kind of tempted to steal it but now…"Eh, I can take it," I say as I unwrap the lasso from around her hands and coil it up. I think if I offer up a sacrifice to Hermes, he might help me in my thievery. I mean, Hermes is the patron of thieves, so by default, he should like me, and I'm also technically sort of a worshipper, so I'm pretty confident he will protect me.
"You truly believe that…" I hear Wonder Woman mutter as I walk away back towards my car
Right before I get into the car, I shout, "Don't bother trying to find me or this car. This isn't what I actually look like, and neither does the car."
With that, I drive out of the parking lot and onto the highway, dropping the illusion once I'm far enough away and confident she can't see me.