"Don't hide! I smell the black pepper! You're behind the trash, aren't you?!"
The chef's roar exploded in the alley like thunder, scattering flies off the heaps of refuse. Xiao Yu and Mia exchanged a look; both the "dead-fish" eyes and the ruby-red ones were filled with the same thought: We are absolutely, 100% screwed.
For these two failures with zero stamina, currently forming a pathetic human pile-up, this pork chop was about to become an "execution meal."
"You fat bastard... I'll haunt you... even as a ghost..." Xiao Yu's face turned beet red as he tried to move a single finger, but his body felt like a puppet with cut strings.
Just as the gleaming meat cleaver was about to swing around the trash heap, Xiao Yu gritted his teeth and roared in his mind: "Slow Motion... ACTIVATE!"
Bzzzzt—! The system let out a shriek as a searing pain scorched his brain like a branding iron. In that frozen second, he saw it clearly—the chef's size-12 boot was stepping perfectly on a discarded piece of pork fat. When the mode deactivated, the three-hundred-pound chef didn't slaughter them. Instead, with a shriek like a dying pig, he became a runaway hippo, sliding on the grease and executing a "flat-ground power slide" directly into a slop bucket.
Glub, glub... While the chef was busy blowing bubbles in the filth, Xiao Yu managed to grab the drained Mia and scrambled into the depths of a nearby haystack.
...
Morning in Naviga. Xiao Yu huddled in the straw, his stomach feeling like a localized black hole. Every cell in his body was pounding the table for food.
"Hey, if you can teleport and swipe pork chops, why don't we just clear out that bun shop too?" Mia whispered, rubbing her dirty face. Her red eyes flashed with a dangerous hunger for carbohydrates.
"Listen, kid," Xiao Yu rolled his eyes, his voice as weak as a deflated balloon. "That one second of 'Slow Motion' nearly fried my brain. My legs are still shaking. If we keep stealing, I'll drop dead from exhaustion before I get a full stomach. Plus, did you see that chef's blade? We won't get lucky twice."
"So what? We just starve?"
"No. This is what I call 'Sustainable Free-loading'." Xiao Yu pointed toward the building at the end of the street with the sword-crossed flag. "The Guild. If we take it under a quest, it's called 'Loot.' If we take it without one, it's 'Theft.' We're going to be freeloaders with dignity, understand?"
And so, the "Biochemical Weapon Duo" hit the road.
Xiao Yu wore his rumpled pajamas with "Refuse Overtime" printed on the back, swaying with every step like a soldier fresh out of the ICU. Beside him, Mia was wrapped in a cloak no better than a ragged sack, her silver hair a tangled mess. Pedestrians clutched their noses and avoided them. Relying on his "dead-fish" eyes' uncanny instinct for food, Xiao Yu navigated the labyrinth of waste until they stood before the Guild.
Pushing open the heavy doors, they were hit by a wave of cheap ale and sweat.
"Where did those beggars come from?" "Look at that guy, he's swaying just by walking. A total loser."
Xiao Yu ignored the mockery. His eyes locked onto a dusty scrap of paper: [Quest: Clean Auntie Nora's Chicken Coop] Goal: Capture the lead "Thunder Rooster." Reward: Two steamed buns, a bowl of greasy porridge, 2 salted duck eggs, and 10 copper coins.
"This one." Xiao Yu slammed the notice onto the counter.
An old mercenary nearby spat out his ale. "That's Auntie Nora's chicken! It has thunderbird blood! It's faster than a rabbit and shoots lightning! You want to die that badly?"
Xiao Yu leaned into Mia's ear, whispering like a tempter: "Mia, look closely. A chicken with lightning has muscles that vibrate at high frequencies every second... it's like a built-in massager. That kind of leg meat... once coated in breadcrumbs and fried golden brown... the smoke and juice will practically explode in your mouth..."
GULP. Mia swallowed so loudly it sounded like a brick hitting the floor. Her dull red eyes flared like they were hooked up to a high-voltage line. "Fried... chicken..." Her fangs trembled. "If I can fry and eat it, I don't care if it shocks me! I'd take on a dragon for that!"
"Deal." In perfect unison, the two staggering failures reached out and pinned the quest paper. At that moment, their backs radiated a tragic, suicidal resolve—all for a piece of crispy fried chicken.