What in the name of one stinking possum are you waiting for?!
My tongue already sore, and these stubborn idiots were giving me a migraine!
"...Fine! Two handfuls of rice per person per day, three portions of meat, and one portion of vegetables! That's our final offer!" Judging by my counterpart's crimson face, he'd also come to "love" me with all his heart.
"Hmm..." I could keep haggling, but my tongue was about ready to fall off. "All right. But how many of you are there altogether?"
"Nine hundred and eighty," the rebel leader rasped. "And we leave with our weapons!" he added, tacking on yet another condition.
Oh, stuff it three times over, you granite-headed idiot!
Fewer than a thousand people. Half of them were housewives. Then there were the children. Then the elderly. Which meant there were, spirits willing, two or three hundred actual fighters among them. And what they were demanding was, in effect, an honorable surrender...
Hell, forget the surrender!
I'd understand if there were at least five thousand of them. You couldn't move that many people through a narrow tunnel beneath a mountain—there simply wouldn't be enough ventilation for a crowd that size. Then again, even five thousand might be manageable over the course of a week or two. But nine hundred and eighty?
Or was the governor not the only one around here suffering from terminal idiocy? It didn't seem that way. So what had stopped them from leaving sooner?
Or perhaps the better question was... who?
If they were all this patriotic, they might have been waiting for Bumi to make a move. Then he went and died.
No wonder everyone was at a loss. They had no idea what to do next. Staying in the city any longer was pointless, and then this wonderful opportunity to slip away practically fell into their laps.
Plausible?
"Fine. But you take only what you can carry yourselves." The last thing I needed was for them to clean out every secret armory hidden around the city. There was no way a place like this didn't have a few.
"That won't work! We have women and children with essential belongings, and our warriors need ostrich-horses for long-range scouting, so you can't sneak up on us and stab us in the back!"
Oh, Aang... just show yourself already!
I'll show you what plasma is—and what a really hot reception feels like!
***
Another Couple of Hours Later
"Let's summarize where we stand."
By this point, I was barely keeping my irritation—and my urge to kill every last one of them—in check. And I'd also finally understood Zuko's obsession with the Avatar. I'd never felt such concentrated hatred toward that little runt, who simply refused to show up! The negotiators on the other side didn't look much better, and their eyes were positively brimming with love and goodwill toward "that damned rules-lawyer."
"So, you leave Omashu unimpeded with two weeks' worth of provisions for nine hundred and eighty people, plus fodder for fifty ostrich horses. As for equipment, you take your weapons and essential personal items—hygiene supplies, cookware, valuables—but nothing beyond that. Correct?"
"Yes," Shomei confirmed wearily. "And you do not pursue us."
"Naturally." I nodded. "Gathering your supplies will take about an hour. After that, you'll hand over the child and leave the city."
The child in question was fast asleep in his carrier's arms, having been fed from the provisions they'd thoughtfully brought along for the negotiations.
At least they'd had the sense to do that…
"No," the rebel leader objected. "We'll hand him over only after we've put a full day's march between ourselves and Omashu—and made sure no one is following us."
"Out of the question. We'd have no guarantee you'd keep your word."
"Neither would we!"
***
Some Time Later...
"...The Fire Herald can give you that guarantee. His word is the word of Lord Ozai."
Where. The. Hell. Was. That. Damned. Avatar? The urge to burn every last one of them to ashes was becoming almost unbearable.
"The word of a murderer isn't worth much!" the dirt-digger practically spat.
That was it. I'd had enough.
"I'd say it's worth considerably more than the word of a coward who kidnaps an infant and then hides behind him! The Fire Herald is not a particularly pleasant or patient man. He may well decide that losing this child is an acceptable price for punishing those who dared insult the Fire Lord.
"I'm trying to prevent that, and I'm offering you the only terms you're going to get. Refuse, and these negotiations are over. Certainly, you can kill the child afterward—but then I promise you this: our soldiers will march through Omashu carrying your children on their spears, your women will have their bellies stuffed with red-hot stones, and your old men will be fed to the pigs!"
Shomei went pale and stumbled backward. The warriors behind him instinctively took a step back as well.
"We're not old friends enjoying a pleasant conversation. Every new demand you make and every insult you hurl at our ruler only proves the Herald was right: negotiating with child kidnappers is a complete waste of time."
"We didn't kidnap him!" Shomei insisted yet again, repeating the same refrain. This time, though, it wasn't an indignant shout but little more than a pathetic bleat.
"That's difficult to believe. But let's not go around that circle again. So? Do you accept our terms, or shall I report to the Herald that the negotiations have failed?"
"N-No! We agree!" the dirt-digger hurried to assure me.
"Good. Then we'll meet at the main gate in one hour."
With that, the negotiations came to an end, and both sides went their separate ways.
The damned Avatar never showed up...
(End of Chapter)
🙌Bonus chapter for 400 power stones!
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