"People of the Fire Nation," Ozai began, "today we have gathered here to bestow upon this young warrior a reward worthy of his deeds—"
I already felt sick.
Handing over a "gift" at some routine assembly would have been one thing—but holding an entire gathering just for this… The one with the tinfoil hat muttered something like told you sooooo.
"…he has shown valor in battle, wisdom in strategy, and caution in trust. Thanks to him, the serpent that had nestled in the very heart of our nation has been revealed…"
This was very, very bad.
"Step forward, Chan, son of Chan."
I obeyed and approached the monarch.
"For the valor you have shown in battle, I grant you a personal crest and the right to raise it above your ship."
Kneeling, I received a length of red silk from Ozai's hands—one I could now mark with my own symbol.
Great. I've got the coffin lid—now I just need to start gathering nails.
"For your wisdom in command, I grant you the right to recruit men at your own discretion."
That wasn't a nail. That was a stake. Straight through the chest, just to be sure.
I already knew what was coming next—cases like this were recorded in the annals.
"For uncovering the conspiracy within the Admiralty, I grant you the right to disregard their orders! Let no authority stand above you but that of the Fire Lord! Rise, Herald!"
On wooden legs, I rose from my knee and somehow managed a ceremonial bow. Then, instead of launching into a profanity-laced tirade about what I really thought of all this, I said something completely different...
"I serve the Fire Lord and the Fire Nation!"
The hall erupted in applause—fake joy, fake congratulations. Of course. The ruler's "personal agent." A neat little blend of James Bond, a Mass Effect SPECTRE, and a good old Warhammer inquisitor—answerable only to the Fire Lord and, in theory, capable of shoving even admirals and generals face-first into the dirt… if ordered.
I went through the rest of the ceremony as if in a haze, and only came back to myself later, in Admiral Chan's residence, sitting across from him at a table with a drink in hand.
"*** your mother in every hole with a company of earthbenders on a tank and over the knee!"
That was my first coherent thought.
"Where did you even learn words like that?" my dear father gaped.
"The words themselves are simple—it's the compound phrasing and the overall emotional charge that give them their edge. So tell me, damn it, was finding a simpler way to kill me just not interesting enough?"
"What are you complaining about? Herald of Fire, at your age—that's exceptional! All Heralds have left their mark on history and eventually rose to the highest positions—admirals, generals, advisors, ministers…"
"Yeah. The ones who survived. And then there are those rumors about me being trained from childhood…" I reached for another drink—the last one had somehow vanished, and the worst part was it clearly hadn't gone into me; not a trace of intoxication. "Now any so-called 'patriot' among our enemies will consider it a point of honor to stick my head on a pike! And there's the personal flag too—I can't not fly it. A gift straight from the Fire Lord's own hands."
"I know," the admiral sighed. "I didn't expect this either. But Lord Ozai chose to single you out. That's something to be proud of."
"Yeah. Already proud. I'll just paint a bigger target on my chest and back so every bastard has an easier shot—and I'll be even prouder."
Where the hell does the booze keep disappearing to? What kind of magic is that?
"I'm one big damn target now—every pirate, 'pirate'"—I made air quotes—"and every regular army out there is going to be after me."
"Someone has to," the admiral said firmly. "It won't be long before you can stand as my equal. Admiral Liang isn't getting any younger—give it five, ten years and he'll retire, and by then you'll have had time to harden into the role. Think of this as an exam, even if it's come rather early for you."
"No one but us, huh?" I snorted, that same smirk tugging at my lips again. I was already getting sick of it.
"Fine words," the admiral said. "That's just how it turned out, son. You happened to be in the right place at the right time and seized the moment. You were noticed—and now they intend to keep using you."
"And while I'm running all over the damn world trying to stay alive and drawing everyone's attention, the real agents will be doing their jobs with minimal trouble." What a wonderful prospect.
"That's why you started talking about grandchildren? In case I get my throat cut?"
No, there was definitely something wrong with this alcohol—vanishing without a trace and refusing to have any effect on me, damn it.
"Like hell!" I flashed the admiral an obscene gesture. "Not happening!"
I'd wanted fame and connections? Well, I'd got exactly what I asked for—at full interest, premium package. Now all I had to do was make use of it and not die, and everything would be just perfect.
"I'll turn my ship into a floating harem! And I'll seduce… a princess!"
Oh, the old bastard nearly choked on a piece of fish. Nice. Heh.
"W-which one?"
"Does it matter? There's one up north, right? Or not? Or maybe more than one? Ahh… doesn't matter! I'll seduce her anyway! And corru—what was it again… ah, never mind!"
I waved a hand, momentarily distracted, and the treacherous table seemed to jump up and slam straight into my forehead.
Blissful darkness followed…