Success takes place in many ways.
Sometimes it is difficult to see it.
Sometimes success is like public failure.
"You're going to be with us today," Jay said as he dropped his bag on the table.
Loid did not even lift his eyes from the desk.
"...I am not going anywhere."
"Great, I have already told people that you are joining the crew."
Loid had frozen.
"What?"
Jay pointed to a group across the classroom.
Noah, Ethan and a few others.
All talking; all laughing.
All of them, a group that Loft had never been a part of.
"You'll be going with them," Jay replied casually.
Loid just was looking at him.
"I do not think this is how things will work out."
"You are correct in your assumption until now."
Loid slowly let out a breath.
This was not like the way it was yesterday.
Yesterday was one question; one sentence; and today...
Today was a group of kids who did not belong together as a group.
"You need to calm down," Jay said. "If you screw up, you will make a fool of yourself."
"That does not make me feel any better."
"That is an honest depiction of what is going to happen."
Before Loid had a chance to say anything, Jay had walked five steps away.
Somehow, Loid followed Jay.
Each step felt heavier than the last.
Each step was loud.
Each step was noticeable.
They made it to the group of kids.
"Hey," Jay said as he sat down and began a new conversation normally. "What are you guys talking about?"
"That soccer game from last night," Ethan said. "I can't believe you missed it!"
"Seriously, did you see that last goal?" replied Jay.
He was able to jump right into the conversation like he belonged there.
It happened quickly.
It came easily.
Loid was—
standing still.
Again.
At the edge.
Jay shot him a look.
The message was clear.
Say something.
Loid swallowed hard.
Then he said, "...It was offside."
His voice was quieter than he had wanted.
The group went silent.
Just for a moment.
Ethan turned his head.
"What?"
Loid was making himself say more.
"The goal," he said. Then a little bit louder, "It was offside."
Silence.
Then through the silence, and from Noah, laughter.
"Bro no way!" said Noah. "It was a clean goal."
"Yeah," Ethan said. "The ref checked it too."
Loid nodded slowly.
"Oh right."
The conversation changed.
The group moved on.
Left him behind again.
He could feel it.
That familiar feeling.
Out of place.
Behind the group.
Jay didn't interrupt Loid this time.
He allowed it to happen.
And that was far worse.
Time ticked by.
Loid tried again, "...the defense was slow though?"
This time Noah had a faster answer.
"Yeah. That part was true."
It was small, but it was something.
Ethan nodded. "It could have been better."
The conversation didn't end.
But it didn't ignore him either.
It shifted.
Just a little.
Loid noticed.
Of course, he did.
Across the room—
Charlotte glanced their way again.
Seeing the group.
Seeing the group talking.
Seeing him stand with them.
Not leading.
Not dominating.
But only standing with them.
And being present.
But it was for only a moment.
Again, she turned her eyes elsewhere.
But it was different this time around.
Loid didn't think too much about it.
Currently, he was going all out on something that seemed much harder.
Staying.
Not leaving.
Not retreating.
All those times it felt like a little awkwardness was occurring.
All the times there didn't seem to be a smooth transition.
All the times he couldn't seem to do it right.
Ethan finally said "I'm out" after about a half-hour had come and gone.
Noah said the same thing.
The group started to break apart slowly.
Jay looked at Loid.
"Well, how was that?" Jay asked.
Loid released a long exhale.
"That was horrible."
Jay chuckled.
"Yeah it was terrible."
Loid had a very small frown on his face.
"You didn't help."
"I wasn't supposed to help," Jay said. "If I helped you, then you wouldn't learn."
Loid did not respond.
About a minute passed.
"Well, at the end, it wasn't as horrible as it was at the beginning," Loid said.
Jay grinned.
"There's hope for your future."
Loid thought about those statements.
The first time – it was pretty awkward.
The second time – it was slightly less awkward than when he had attempted it the first time.
He wasn't good at doing it either time...but he made an improvement over the course of the two attempts.
And to Loid, every improvement was progress.
Jay wrapped his arm around the shoulder of Loid and said, "We'll do it again tomorrow."
Loid sighed.
"Of course we will."
Jay smiled.
"Welcome to growing."
Even though Loid didn't smile, he didn't reject Jay…..he knew something he hadn't known before.
This wasn't about him appearing to be good right now.
Not at this point in time.
At this point in time, he was just trying to avoid running away.
And possibly, that's the hardest part of all.
Loid was not feeling confident, he felt unimpressive, and he felt like everybody else. The only difference was he felt… active. Like he could actually be doing something; and so for now that was all that mattered.