The smell of engine oil lingers in my nose. I look p and see my father carrying me to my parents bed. He did this every morning before he went to work. "I love you princess see you after work" he whispered in my ear before kissing me on my forehead. Another part of the routine. Consistency. Security. Safe place. My mom turned over and wrapped her arms around me. Floral perfume tickling my nose. Everything was normal. My father made sure he walked with light feet down the stairs to avoid waking anyone up. The smell of fresh brewed coffee fills the house. It smells good but three year old me knows it tastes terrible. I started to fall back asleep. Knowing my dad would be gone for hours and my mom had a whole day of crafts planned. I was excited to wake up and start the day.
BANG! CRASH! The sound rattled the whole house. I was the first to run towards the sounds. I make my way down the twelve steps, counting them was part of the routine usually my mom would help me count, I peak over the railing and see my dads computer chair on the floor. Did it get knocked over? Was that the loud noise? My eyes scanning the area and I see my father on the floor. "DADDY!" I screamed but I couldn't move. It felt like my feet were glued in place. I didn't hear my mom and sister running down the stairs. "DEREK!?!?!?!? Whats wrong? Derek talk to me please!", my mom was hysterical. "Linda, get your sister upstairs now!", my sister didn't move. "LINDA NOW!" She was frozen too. Maybe this is just a bad dream, right?
Our mom gave up and was lifting our dad off the floor. That is when we seen the blood. His once oil stained work shirt now covered in dark red. His mouth was making gurgling sounds and the blood poured out dripping down his chin. The ringing in my ers was so loud I didn't hear my neighbors busting through the door. "Heather what the hell is going on-.." Carter our neighbor didnt finish his sentence. He was startled at the sight of my dad. "TRACY GET MY KIDS THE HELL OUT OF HER PLEASE!", Tracy was Carters wife. They've been our neighbors and friends for years. Their son Hunter was my age and my best friend. I felt my tiny body being ripped off the stairs. "NO< MY DADDY!!! DADDY PLEASE!!". So much happening no one heard my pleas. "It's going to be okay Violet, hes going to be okay I promise.", I could feel Tracy's grip tighten as she said those words. She lied, she didn't know it at the time but she lied. He wasn't going to be okay.
I watched as the ambulance took my father away. My mom was screaming to make sure my sister and me were going to be safe until she came back. Carter was covered in my fathers blood. Eyes were red, cheeks were stained with tears. He could only nod. My mom was gone. I did't undeerstand what happened. No one talks to three year olds. Why would they? Tracy made my sister, Hunter, and I breakfast. Carter walked slowly up their stairs. We could hear a pin drop it was so quiet. No one spoke. We ate and Hunter was just looking back and forth from me to my sister. He was three and didn't say much on a normal day. Today was different. He was watching from the porch when it happened. He saw his parents running in our house. He heard the screams. He saw the blood. He was just like me. Trying to get his three year old mind to make sense of everything.
Carter came into the kitchen, no more blood stained clothes. The scent of pine lingered in the air. His black permed hair was still dripping with water. He made his way towards Tracy and hugged her. She was whispering something in his ear that made him shout, "What are we suppose to do? Their father is dying!" His eyes big as saucers when he realized we were all staring at him. He looked at the floor in shame. Carter apologized and told us he didn't mean it. I was trying to understand why my dad was dying and what that actually meant. My sister started to cry uncontrollably. Tracy was glarring at Carter as she went around the kitchen island to console my sister and me.
"Girls, I am so sorry. He is just upset right now and we are all trying to figure out what we need to do to get you girls settled somewhere", She was trying to sound sincere. We were burdens. Dropped onto them when they had planned out their entire day to a "T". We were an inconvenience they just refused to admit it. My sister being older she was self aware. I didn't understand any of it.
" I can be home alone with her, our parents have let us before. I just make sure she brushes her teeth and put her in a Pull Up." She said in confidence. Tracy and Carter argued back and forth for a while. Carter was against the idea. "Heather told us she would call with an update as soon as she could. We need to wait we can't leave two f-ing kids alone for God knows how long"
Tracy storms out of the kitchen. Her face red due to anger. Hunter wide eyed and mouth fullll of food is wide open. You can tell by the way he's reacting his parents never fight in front of him.
Carter standing next to the fridge begins to hold onto the counter. As if it were his way to keep himself up. SLAM! The sound of a door slamming rattled the house. "God, please let that man be okay." he whispered under his breath as his shoulders started to move up and down. He was crying. Why? He rarely was around, sure family friends but the man worked as often as my dad did. Both rarely home and when they are they're not spending days off together. My mom and Tracy were closer than Carter and my dad.
After what felt like years Tracy came down. You could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen and her face was still wet from the tears. Carter didn't even need to look up from his spot to know his wife needed him. "Carter, I am just worried and-" she was cut off before she could even complete her train of thought. "No I get it, emotions are really high right now. Our friend is in the hospital and our other friend is trying to make sure he gets the best possible care. I know this isn't how we were suppose to spend the day together but they were there for us during the hard times too. We have to be there for our friends however they need the helo". Both Tracy and Carter were crying as they continued to hug.
After the theatrics Tracy set up the guest room for my sister and me. I didn't want sleep I wanted my dad. My sister thanked Tracy for getting the bed ready. We said our "goodnights" as they shut the door behind them. Silence overwhelmed me. So many unknowns and I never stayed overnight anywhere. My safe place was in the hospital. I didn't like this place. Yeah, they were our family friends but this wasn't my home. My sister must've felt my fear and hugged me tight and whispered, "It's okay, everything is going to be okay". We cried ourselves to sleep that night.