"Kazuma! You bastard, snap out of it! I'm Kōichi! I'm not some Succubus princess! If you don't let go right now, I'm going to light that tuft of hair on fire with Fireball!"
Kōichi's voice had taken on a faint, desperate tremor.
He twisted with all his might, but that damned sensory cutoff magic had not only sealed Kazuma's hearing, it had also thrown Kōichi's own magic into subtle disarray, making it impossible for him to smoothly cast other Advanced Magic.
Even worse, Kazuma's hands, honed through years of gaming and keyboard abuse, were now displaying shocking grip strength as they clamped down on his shoulders.
Kazuma's face, overflowing with bliss, kept drawing closer. The air was thick with a suffocating mix of male hormones and cheap booze.
Just as Kazuma's fingers were about to touch Kōichi's belt buckle, and just as Kōichi was ready to throw away all dignity and bite the bastard's fingers off,
Bang!
The bedroom door was violently thrown open.
"Kazuma! You idiot, how dare you secretly hide wine and not share it with this Goddess! I smelled red wine just now."
Aqua stormed in, cursing, with the half-empty bottle of red wine still in her hand.
But the moment her gaze landed on the bed, where the two of them were tangled together in an extremely philosophical and highly suggestive pose, her voice cut off.
Kōichi was pinned beneath Kazuma, clothes disheveled and collar open, while Kazuma rubbed his face against Kōichi's neck with a look of drunken bliss, his hands still frozen in the act of nearly undoing a seal best left untouched.
The air froze for a full three seconds.
Aqua's angry expression vanished instantly, replaced by an extremely strange smile, like someone who had just discovered a new continent.
Her blue eyes sparkled with excitement, and the corner of her mouth curled upward. She even subconsciously hid the wine bottle behind her, as if afraid to interrupt the show.
"Oh my... I see, I see."
Aqua let out the kind of teasing laugh one only heard while watching a cheap late-night drama.
"Kōichi, I never guessed you could look so proper on the outside but play this hard with Kazuma in private. Who would've thought the two of you had this kind of... special hobby?"
Never in his life had Kōichi longed so desperately for the sight of this blue-haired idiot Goddess.
He was practically screaming in his heart with tears in his voice.
Aqua! Stop talking nonsense! Hurry up and blast this pervert away with your Sacred Fist! I've never wanted your sacred strike this badly in my life! Save me, and I'll buy you ten bottles of red wine tomorrow! No, a hundred!
"Help! Aqua! Pull him off me! This bastard got caught in a Succubus illusion and thinks I'm a Succubus!"
Kōichi finally forced out a hoarse plea.
But Aqua did not move right away. Instead, she took a few interested steps closer and even pulled out a recording crystal from who knew where, adjusting the angle toward the two of them on the bed.
"Oh my, a Succubus illusion? To make Kazuma work this hard, you must be pretty charming, Kōichi."
Aqua laughed even harder.
"But it'd be such a waste not to record a scene this good as evidence for blackmailing Kazuma into washing dishes later. Let me record it first... Hmm, ten minutes should be enough. I can purify him after that."
"Ten minutes?! You blue-haired moron! By the time you're done recording, he'll have... Mmph!"
Kazuma seemed to notice something and grew even more excited. He pressed his body down harder and even tried to seal Kōichi's protest with his mouth, looking exactly like a starving wolf pouncing on prey.
"I'll cover all your alcohol for the next month! Hurry up!"
The moment "a month's worth of alcohol" burst from Kōichi's hoarse throat, Aqua, who had been adjusting the recording crystal to capture the best philosophical angle, shot upright as if struck by lightning.
Her eyes, which had been full of mischief and greed, now shone brighter than the stars. Countless expensive wine bottles could almost be seen spinning and dancing in her pupils.
"Deal! Kōichi, you said it! If I don't see a whole crate of top-grade Briz red wine tomorrow morning, I'll project this recording on the big screen in Axel Square and loop it for three days and three nights!"
Aqua let out a bold laugh, casually stuffed the recording crystal into her collar, and gracefully, swiftly traced a sacred arc of light through the air with her right hand.
"O suffering believer, awaken from this filthy illusion beneath the radiance of the great Aqua-sama! Sacred Advanced Purification!"
A blinding white light exploded inside the cramped bedroom, bright enough to make it impossible to open one's eyes.
This minor problem, which could have been solved with a basic Purification, was handled by Aqua with enough force to purify the entire Demon King's Castle.
Kazuma Satou, who had been rubbing against Kōichi like a bull in heat and was about to seal his princess's protests with his mouth, took the sacred magic head-on.
The pitch-black veils over his eyes melted away like snow under a roaring flame, and the deathly silence in his ears was replaced by Aqua's piercing laughter.
The instant his senses returned, Kazuma was still immersed in the rosy fantasy that Her Royal Highness was finally about to reveal her true face. He opened his eyes in delight, still muttering.
"Hehehe, let me see what my beloved Princess really looks..."
But what appeared before him was not a peerless beauty who could topple a nation, nor a bashful, alluring Succubus.
It was Kōichi's face, twisted by extreme rage, humiliation, and prolonged oxygen deprivation, with veins bulging on his forehead.
Most importantly, Kōichi's current situation looked absolutely awful. His clothes were half torn open, his hair was a mess, and he was pinned beneath Kazuma in the pose of a victim who had just been ravaged. Kazuma's own hands were planted squarely on Kōichi's shoulders, and one of his legs was hooked around Kōichi's in an extremely suggestive way.
The air froze completely in that instant.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!"
A scream loud enough to pierce the roof burst from Kazuma's throat.
He sprang off the bed as if electrocuted, and with too much force, slammed headfirst into the bedroom wardrobe with a loud crash.
"K-Kōichi?! Why is it you?! Where's my Princess? Where's my Succubus?! Why are you lying in my bed in pajamas with that expression that's obviously going to cause misunderstandings?!"
Kazuma shrank back in terror, clutching his collar tightly as if he were the innocent maiden who had nearly been assaulted.
Kōichi slowly sat up from the bed, his movements as stiff as a rusted golem.
His head was lowered, and the gloomy aura around him seemed ready to condense into black mist on the floor.
"Kazuma Satou..."
Kōichi's voice was so low it seemed to crawl up from the depths of hell. He slowly raised his head, showing a sadistic smile that made even Aqua take a step back. The magical ink pen in his hand creaked under his grip.
"Just now... who did you say was too flat? And who did you say you were going to ravage all you wanted? Hmm?"
"W-wait! It was a misunderstanding! An illusion! I was tricked by the Succubus shop!"
Kazuma felt the killing intent become almost physical, and his survival instincts snapped him fully awake.
Aqua, meanwhile, had no intention of calming things down. She slapped her thigh and laughed wildly, fanning the flames from the side.
"Wahaha! Kazuma, you looked so pathetic just now! 'Your Royal Highness, hold me tight,' and all that. Ahaha, my stomach hurts... Kōichi, don't hold back! Burn him to ash with Fireball! I'll handle his Resurrection!"