The afternoon sun over Arcanletia was bright and cheerful, but inside the inn's lobby, the atmosphere was unusually heavy. Or rather, it was filled with a certain kind of negative energy known as sheer disgust.
Kōichi stood with an upright, righteous expression between Aqua, Megumin, and Yunyun. He was dressed in neat Adventurer's clothes and had even thoughtfully handed each of the ladies a cup of the inn's complimentary iced barley tea.
"It was horrifying, everyone." Kōichi let out a deep sigh, his voice full of pained remorse. "I only wanted to check on Wiz, but right outside the changing room, I overheard Kazuma muttering something insane about stealing everyone's panties today. I tried to stop him, but he threatened me with that scummy look in his eyes... Sigh. I'm so useless. I couldn't protect everyone's hot spring time."
"This isn't your fault, Kōichi!" Aqua gulped down a big mouthful of tea, sparks practically flying from her blue eyes. "That shut-in NEET is completely beyond saving! He even dragged that blond thug into a public wrestling match! My eyes, my holy Goddess eyes, were nearly polluted by those two perverts! Kōichi, you must never learn from them. You're the last conscience our Party has!"
"Exactly." Megumin blushed furiously and waved her fist through gritted teeth. "Doing something like that in such a sacred place... The next time Kazuma is asleep, I'll plant a timed Explosion spell under his bed and make him ascend in the most literal sense!"
"Um... fighting is wrong, but Kazuma-san and Dust really did look... close." Yunyun hugged her teacup, innocently saying something extremely dangerous. "Is that what friendship between boys is like?"
"Haa... haa... That wasn't friendship. That was a pure, undisguised clash of desire!" Darkness, sitting off to the side, had already drifted into some strange trance. She slumped in her chair, eyes unfocused as she stared at the ceiling. "That savage feeling of hurling insults, tearing at each other, and finally becoming one on the slippery floor... Ugh, why wasn't I the one being pinned down..."
"Shut up, Darkness!" Kōichi and Aqua shouted in unison.
After calming the emotionally agitated ladies, except for a certain masochist, and sending them back to their rooms to rest, Kōichi turned around. The righteousness on his face vanished in an instant, replaced by an utterly vile, victorious smile.
Just then, two pitiful groans came from the lobby entrance.
Kazuma and Dust were supporting each other, though in reality they had each other in chokeholds to keep the other from running away, as they limped and shuffled into the lobby.
Kazuma's left eye was black and blue, his already sleazy face now swollen like a moldy bun. All he had on was a ragged bath towel he had picked up from who knew where.
Dust was not much better. His once dazzling short blond hair had been yanked into a bird's nest, his face was covered in scratch marks, and even his legs were shaking as he walked.
The moment the two looked up, they saw Kōichi leisurely brushing off the hem of his clothes, even giving them a kindly smile.
The air froze.
"Well, well, if it isn't our Hot Spring War God and blond lady-killer." Kōichi strolled over to them and looked at their miserable state, his tone full of fake concern. "How did you two end up like this? Were you fighting in the hot springs over who deserves the title of most perverted man?"
"Kō... ichi..." Kazuma forced the name out through clenched teeth, his voice hoarse from all the shouting earlier. "You... you demon... wearing human skin...! You actually... told them... I threatened you..."
"And me..." Dust pointed at Kōichi with a trembling finger. The light in his eyes had gone out, replaced by the dull gray of someone who had seen through the world. "That noble lady you mentioned... really was just an old woman washing underwear... She even said... blond guys like me... are best suited for scrubbing toilets..."
Kōichi looked at the two utterly broken men and could not hold back a low, delighted laugh.
He leaned close to their ears and whispered in a voice only the three of them could hear.
"Kazuma, Dust, this is the art of backstabbing. While you two were busy tearing each other apart, I became the victim and the protector of maidens in everyone's eyes. As for you two..."
Kōichi straightened up and pointed at the sign on the lobby wall that read, "Perverts Are Forbidden From Entering."
"I wish you both luck avoiding the righteous punishment of every cultist in Arcanletia during the rest of this trip. By the way, Kazuma, I accidentally lost your clothes in the women's bathroom vent. If you want to go get them, remember to write your will first."
"You... absolute... piece of traaaash!"
Kazuma let out a desperate roar, but he pulled at his wounds from straining too hard and collapsed into Dust's arms with another scream.
...
Over the next few days in Arcanletia, one corner of the inn's dining room became a forbidden zone of sorts.
Kazuma Satou and Dust, two men who should have been soaking in the hot springs until they went limp, were instead sitting side by side at a gloomy little square table.
Kazuma still had several crooked medicated patches stuck to his face, while Dust's half-swollen face looked especially dark under the lamplight.
Their eyes were exactly the same. Cold, sticky, and filled with enough resentment to make an ordinary Adventurer wet himself on the spot, all fixed firmly on Kōichi as he leisurely cut into a steak not far away.
"Hey, Kazuma. If I poured that bottle of special Axis Cult holy water, the high-concentration version, into his soup right now, do you think he'd die?"
Dust's voice was so low it sounded like it had crawled up from a crack in the ground.
"He wouldn't die, but he'd turn into an idiot who can only shout, 'Long live Aqua-sama!' But that'd be letting him off too easy, Dust." Kazuma bit down on his fork, a scummy gleam flickering in his eyes. "I want him to taste the joy of heaven first, then shove him straight off the clouds. And after that, I'll steal all his Eris and reduce him to the point where he has no choice but to scrub toilets for that idiot Goddess."
Kōichi felt a chill run down his spine. He might be a saint in the girls' eyes right now, but as one of their own kind, he understood these two far too well.
If he did not defuse this resentment soon, then once they returned to Axel, what awaited him would probably be their deranged revenge. Something like sewing him together with an Axis Cult old hag while he slept.
Kōichi set down his knife and fork, elegantly wiped his mouth, then put on an extremely friendly smile. Carrying two bottles of premium sparkling wine that were expensive even in this City of Water, he strode toward the little table overflowing with negative energy.
"Hey, you two. Plotting how to save the world over here?" Kōichi squeezed himself between them as naturally as could be, and before they could erupt, he skillfully popped open the bottles. The crisp sound made the two broke men's ears twitch despite themselves.
"Get lost, you treacherous demon."
Kazuma snorted, but his eyes had already drifted toward the bottle giving off that expensive aroma.
"Exactly, Kōichi. In my eyes, your face is worth exactly one washboard."
Dust talked tough, but his Adam's apple honestly bobbed up and down.
Kōichi lowered his voice and put on a mysterious expression only insiders would understand.
"I know, I know. The hot spring incident from a couple days ago was maybe... just a tiny bit over the line. But it was for the bigger picture! If we hadn't found someone to take the blame, the three of us might've been dragged off by the Axis Cultists and forcibly converted by now."
"So you dumped all the blame on us?!"
The two growled in unison.