Returning to the estate that now belonged to them all, its vulgar wealth practically glowing in the sunset, Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance in the spacious, luxurious marble foyer and, with perfect mutual understanding, revealed the deep smiles of true landowners.
"Alright, everyone! Time to assign rooms!" Kōichi clapped his hands, his voice echoing down the wide corridor. "As a democratic and caring team, we'll be arranging comfortable living quarters based on each person's particular traits."
Kōichi walked to the master bedroom area on the second floor and pointed to the room with the best sunlight, the best view, and right next to his own room with the private luxury bathtub.
"Darkness, you'll be staying next door to me. After all, you're our Crusader. If some thief, or maybe some weird leftover ghost, breaks in during the night, that sturdy body of yours will be my strongest line of defense! And... the lock on that room seems a little loose. It occasionally makes these eerie creaking noises. I figured you'd like that."
Darkness had still been admiring the grandeur of the estate, but the moment she heard that, her face flushed all the way to her neck and her breathing turned ragged in an instant.
"Huh?! S-staying... staying right next to you, Kōichi? And in... a room with a broken lock? What if... what if you get drunk at night and walk into the wrong room... or deliberately burst in after midnight to punish me as the master of the house... ah! This shameful feeling of being watched at close range by a companion and possibly attacked at any moment... I accept! I accept it completely!!"
Seeing Darkness sink beyond saving into her fantasy, Kōichi turned to Kazuma with a satisfied look.
Kazuma immediately got the message. Pointing at a room with a balcony on the other end of the hall, right next to his own, he said to Megumin,
"Megumin, you'll stay next to me. Think about it. Every day after you cast Explosion Magic, you're so weak you're practically paper-thin. What if you collapse in the hallway and there's nobody around to help you up? If you stay next door, I can look after you anytime, and keep an eye on you so you don't start scribbling all over the place inside your room. Plus, that balcony has a great view. It's perfect for you to stand there in the morning and chant your chuuni lines at the horizon."
"Take care of me? That sounds a little suspicious, but that balcony does have the aura of an Arch Wizard." Megumin adjusted her hat, a red glint flashing in her eyes. "Very well then, neighbor of my destiny. I shall reluctantly accept."
At that moment, Aqua, who had been waiting eagerly for her room assignment, jumped out and excitedly pointed at the remaining luxurious guest rooms.
"What about me?! What about me?! I want the one with the huge chandelier! And I want a bathtub covered in rose petals too! I'm a Goddess! My room has to be the most magnificent one in the whole estate!!"
Kōichi and Kazuma turned at the same time and stared at her with the coldest, most disgusted looks imaginable.
"Aqua." Kōichi's tone was flat.
"What is it? Kōichi, are you going to personally escort me to my royal chambers?" Aqua asked, full of anticipation.
Kōichi pointed toward a dim little dark room at the far end of the first-floor hall, near the back garden and at least fifty meters away from the master bedroom area. It had originally been used by the gardener to store odds and ends.
"You're staying there. It's far from the kitchen, so you won't sneak off for midnight snacks. It's far from us, so you won't wake us up with your drunken rampages in the middle of the night. And most importantly, it's close to the front door. If you attract any more ghosts, you can take them straight outside for a walk before they dirty our new carpet."
"Exactly," Kazuma added mercilessly from the side. "For the sake of the whole household's sleep quality and mental health, Aqua needs to remain outside the range of normal social contact in the literal, physical sense. Aqua, this is what you call a Goddess's independent personal space. Got it?"
"Uwaaaaaahhhh!! You two devils!! This is blatant discrimination!! I'm a Goddess! I refuse to live in some drafty little dark room! I want a big room! I want to stay with you guys!! Kōichi, you heartless jerk, I glowed for you all night last night!!"
Aqua rolled around wildly on the marble floor, smearing tears and snot all over it yet again.
Kōichi and Kazuma completely ignored her, slapped each other a high five, then grabbed their luggage, which was really just a few tattered clothes and a bag of gold coins, and headed off toward the rooms next to their chosen neighbors.
"Kōichi, shouldn't we order some delivery from the Succubus shop tonight to celebrate? There are plenty of rooms, so we won't have to worry about Aqua catching us."
"Kazuma, you've got a bright future ahead of you. But first, we still need to prepare the housewarming party we promised for today!"
As night fell, the former haunted mansion, now freshly under new ownership, lit up from top to bottom.
To celebrate their jump from stable-dwelling drifters to estate-owning bourgeoisie, Kōichi and Kazuma spent a fortune, well, really just a few tens of thousands of Eris on alcohol and ingredients, to throw this grand housewarming party.
The first-floor hall, once the site of last night's supernatural free-for-all, had now been transformed into a buffet hall.
The long tables were covered with the dishes Kōichi had painstakingly prepared using his Cooking skill. Marbled red beef steaks crisp on the outside and tender inside, Explosion roast chicken with its juices sealed in instantly by magical flames, and towering piles of Axel specialty vegetable salad.
"Cheers!! To our new home! To escaping poverty!!"
The moment Kōichi and Kazuma raised their glasses, the atmosphere in the hall instantly came alive.
"Whoa! This house is way too big! So this is how rich people live? Damn, I'm so jealous!" That punk Adventurer named Dust stuffed a drumstick into his mouth as his face twisted with envy. "Hey, Kazuma, I heard this place used to be haunted? If some sexy ghost shows up tonight, make sure you call your bro over, alright?"
"Yeah, yeah, get lost. All the female ghosts here got purified into dust by Aqua already." Kazuma waved him off with a look of disgust, then immediately switched to a fawning smile as he turned to the other side. "Yo, Chris! You came too! So, what do you think? The fried chicken's great, right? This is Kōichi's secret recipe."
Perched nimbly on the windowsill, Chris held a glass of fruit wine in her hand, a bit of sauce still at the corner of her mouth, smiling brightly.
"Mhm! It's seriously delicious! Kōichi's cooking is even better than the chefs in the royal capital! Hey, as a housewarming gift, let me give you this!"
As she spoke, she pulled out a delicately made dagger that looked fancy but was actually just silver-plated and tossed it to Kazuma. Then, in the same motion, purely out of habit, she smoothly lifted Kazuma's wallet from his pocket.
"Thanks! ...Wait! Give me back my wallet, you thief girl!!"
On the other side, Wiz was carrying a huge box that radiated an ominous purple aura as she nervously walked up to Kōichi.
"U-um... Kōichi-san, congratulations on the move... I carefully picked this out from my shop as its prized treasure... it's a music box that lets out the screams of a hundred people the moment it's opened... I hoped it might add a little... um, lively atmosphere to this spacious house?"
Kōichi looked at the box, which seemed like it might explode at any second, and the corner of his mouth twitched.
"Wiz, I appreciate the thought. But could you please take that thing back with you? Or bury it under Aqua's little dark room. That works too."
"Huh?! How could you... this is a very rare cursed item..."
Wiz looked like she was on the verge of tears, making her seem both pitiful and adorable.
Meanwhile, in the center of the hall, Aqua, who had originally been crying and making a fuss over being assigned the little dark room, had now been completely revived after being watered with several bottles of premium sparkling wine.
Standing on top of the table, she waved two folding fans in her hands while dazzling sprays of water burst out behind her as she performed her one and only party talent, Nature's Beauty.
"Take this! Divine Water Arts! Everybody, get hyped! As long as you give me booze, I can keep spinning till dawn! Kōichi! Kazuma! Seeing how hard this Goddess is working, can't you let me move back to the second floor? I'd even settle for the hallway!!"
"No!" Kōichi and Kazuma refused in perfect unison, then clinked glasses and laughed happily.
In the corner, Luna-san had completely shed the burden of being a guild receptionist and was hugging a barrel of beer as she drank wildly, muttering to herself the whole time.
"These problem children... they actually cleared an S-rank difficulty quest... now my bonus is finally secured too... hic! Another drink! I'm gonna drink these two nouveau riche idiots into poverty!"
Darkness, meanwhile, stood at the edge of the crowd in a somewhat conservative evening dress, blushing as she looked at Kōichi.
"Kōichi... this feeling of being watched by everyone, like a maid waiting for her master's orders... if, at this very moment, you were to command me in front of everyone to perform a shameful dance... ah, no, just imagining it is already making me..."
"Don't even think about it. Go pour Luna-san another drink."
Kōichi gave the order casually.
"Yes! Master!!"
Darkness dashed off excitedly and nearly knocked over a table.
The lights in the hall looked a little hazy through the alcoholic haze. Aqua was still spinning tirelessly on top of the table, splashing water everywhere.
Kōichi swirled the half glass of red wine left in his hand. Riding that pleasant buzz, with a teasing smile at the corner of his mouth, he strolled with slightly frivolous steps toward Chris, who was crouched on the windowsill enjoying the show.
"Yo, Chris. Hiding here by yourself when things are this lively doesn't really seem like your style."
Kōichi dropped himself into the armchair by the windowsill and leaned forward slightly, closing the distance between himself and the silver-haired thief girl.
Chris had just been laughing at Kazuma's misery. The moment she saw Kōichi come over, she skillfully tucked the stolen wallet into her clothes and flashed him a bright, dashing smile.
"Heh heh, Kōichi! I was just admiring Axel's number one party goddess showing off her special talent. Gotta admit, Aqua-sen... ah, no, Aqua really is the absolute best in the world when it comes to livening up the atmosphere!"
Kōichi sharply caught that tiny pause in her words, and his gaze grew deeper.
He stared at her lively, clear eyes, and at the faint scar on the lower left side of her face that gave her an extra touch of gallant charm.
"Chris, I've always had one question." Kōichi lowered his voice, his tone carrying a hint of drunken huskiness and teasing. "Don't you think you look just a little too much like that Goddess Eris up in heaven, the one who governs luck, has a gentle personality, and is worshipped by all humanity? Especially that holy aura you can't quite hide even when you're doing something bad, like stealing wallets."
Chris's smile froze.