The second-floor hallway was dark and long, with only an eerie glow spilling out from a half-open door at the far end.
"Gulp."
Kōichi and Kazuma swallowed at the same time, their steps freezing at the top of the stairs.
The mansion's allure was huge, but the chill wafting from deep within the corridor instantly brought this cowardly duo back to their senses.
"Um... Brother Kōichi," Kazuma whispered, lowering his voice so only Kōichi could hear. "Just look at this hallway. The spooky energy here is off the charts. If some Dullahan or a giant mass of vengeful spirits suddenly came charging out, low-level adventurers like us who haven't even changed classes yet probably wouldn't be enough to get stuck between their teeth."
Kōichi nodded solemnly. "True. We may dream of living in a mansion, but that doesn't mean we should throw our lives away for it. Times like this call for a professional to take point."
The two of them turned in perfect sync to look at Aqua, who had shrunk all the way to the back and was trying to hide herself in the gaps of Darkness's armor.
Sensing two deeply malicious stares, Aqua snapped her head up, panic written all over her face. "Y-you two... what are you trying to do? Why are you looking at this Goddess like that? Let me warn you, I'm the Goddess of Water! A being of the highest nobility! There is no way I'm volunteering to be cannon fodder!!"
"Oh, Aqua-sama, whatever are you saying?" Kōichi instantly switched to a flattering grin, wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and gently shoved her forward. "We're giving you a chance to shine! Think about it. This is a nest of evil spirits overflowing with sinister energy! As the Goddess who governs purification, if you were to personally step in and light up this dark place with your holy radiance, what a glorious achievement that would be!"
Kazuma jumped in as well, somehow producing a bottle of expensive-looking red wine from who knew where. In reality, it was just leftover from last night. "Exactly! And if you can chase off that evil spirit, this bottle... ahem, this bottle of top-shelf red wine aged for a hundred years is all yours! Plus, every last bottle in that wine cellar belongs to you from now on! Well? Tempted yet?"
Aqua looked at the wine bottle, then at the pitch-black hallway, then finally at the two of them and their eager expressions. In truth, they just wanted to enjoy the show.
"R-really? All the wine is mine?" Aqua swallowed hard, the fear in her eyes gradually giving way to greed.
"Absolutely! We swear on Kazuma's, Kōichi's, honor!" the two of them declared in unison.
"Fine! Then this Goddess shall purify this filthy place herself! Watch closely!"
Aqua took a deep breath, puffed out her utterly unremarkable chest, gathered a dazzling mass of holy light in her hand, and marched boldly toward the room the sound had come from.
"Begone, evil spirits! Flowers, birds, wind, and moon! Exorcism! God Blow!!"
Shouting one ridiculous technique name after another, Aqua stormed into the room, windmilling her arms like she'd lost her mind.
"Waaaahhh! What is that thing?! Don't come any closer! It's so ugly! Help me!! Kōichi! Kazuma! Hurry up and save me!!"
The next instant, Aqua's bloodcurdling scream rang out from inside the room, followed by a wild barrage of crashes and clatters, as if a hundred pots and pans had all shattered at once.
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance and, with perfect mutual understanding, each took one step back and hid behind Darkness's broad figure.
Sure enough, just as expected, Aqua's so-called "God Blow" had produced no actual exorcising effect whatsoever, aside from redistributing the dust in the room a little more evenly.
"Waaaaaahhh! Help me! Kōichi! Kazuma! They're not scared of my holy aura at all! They're all charging straight at me instead!!"
With a shriek loud enough to shatter a crystal chandelier, Aqua came flying out of the room like a blue cannonball. Her momentum was so strong that she slid several meters across the hallway floor before crashing squarely into Darkness's greaves with a crisp clang.
Kōichi and Kazuma peeked out from behind Darkness and looked toward the room.
They had been expecting some hideous evil spirit, but what slowly drifted out from the shadows was actually a dense swarm of half-transparent... dolls?
And not just dolls. There were floating teacups, scissors that snapped open and shut on their own, and a group of expressionless ghosts dressed in old-fashioned servant uniforms. They weren't baring their fangs or lunging around like monsters in a movie. Instead, they were staring at Aqua with an almost reverent, feverish gaze. More precisely, they were staring at the pure sacred magic pouring out of her in waves from sheer terror.
"Hey, Kōichi, do you see it too?" Kazuma said, the corner of his mouth twitching as his eyes went flat. "These things... they're not attacking Aqua. They're acting like fans chasing a celebrity."
Watching the ghosts reach for Aqua's faintly blue-glowing hair like moths drawn to a flame, Kōichi suddenly understood.
"I get it! That idiot Aqua, her so-called Goddess of Water aura is basically the only neon sign shining in the middle of the night for the Undead, and it says, 'Free Holy Water, Unlimited Refills'!" Kōichi smacked his thigh and blurted out, "No wonder the reward is so high. This isn't a case of some evil spirit causing trouble. This place was already a paranormal hotspot to begin with, and the moment Aqua walked in, she multiplied the supernatural density here by ten!!"
"That's nonsense! How is this my fault?!" Aqua wailed as she clung to Darkness's leg, smearing tears and snot all over that expensive armor. "I was trying really hard to purify them! They're just too greedy! They want to suck me dry of divine power! Waaaah, I want to go home! I don't want the mansion anymore, I want to go back to the stable! At least horse manure doesn't try to crawl into my clothes!"
Just then, the floating dolls suddenly sped up. Some of them even began letting out shrill cackles, and the entire second-floor hallway started shaking violently as the wallpaper peeled away from the walls.
"Oh... ohhh... this feeling..." Not only was Darkness unafraid, she actually went limp and collapsed to the floor, covering her flushed cheeks with both hands as she let out a dangerously heated gasp. "Surrounded by countless invisible souls... having their icy gazes lick across every inch of my body... and even dolls trying to tug at my skirt... ah! Is this the legendary spiritual humiliation? Please... please, give me more!!"
"Don't get horny at a time like this, you perverted female Knight!!" Kazuma shouted in despair.
Meanwhile, Megumin had already silently raised her staff, the red glow in her eyes especially striking in the darkness. "Kōichi, since purification isn't working, then let me use Explosion Magic to blow this entire floor... no, this whole estate, along with these filthy souls, straight into the sky! This is the most efficient form of Exorcism!"
"Stop right there! Are you trying to blow all of us up too?! More importantly, I seriously do not want to end up with an even bigger pile of debt!!!" Kōichi hurriedly grabbed Megumin's hand, cold sweat pouring down his face.
If this house got blown up, forget the mansion. At this rate, their whole group would probably be working for that rich merchant in their next lives just to pay it all back.
Kōichi took a deep breath. Looking at the ghosts drawing closer and closer, a way to deal with the situation flashed through his mind.
"Listen up! Aqua, stop crying! Get to the center of the first-floor hall right now and draw the biggest Holy Water array you can! Kazuma, go shut every door and window tight. Don't let these things get out! Darkness, your job is to lure all the Ghosts over to Aqua. You enjoy that sort of thing anyway, right?"
Kōichi flashed a disturbingly sadistic grin and pointed at Aqua. "Since you're basically a spirit-attracting beacon, then let's make this count. Aqua, you're staying in the hall tonight and casting purification nonstop until every last ghost in this house has been sent off to meet your junior, Eris! You don't get to rest until they've all been purified!!"
"Huh?! You want me to face that many ghosts by myself?! Kōichi, are you even human?! You're the Demon King, aren't you?! You have to be a spy sent by the Demon King's Army!!"
Aqua's protests were completely ignored by Kōichi and Kazuma.
…
For the sake of a mansion, trading away one idiot Goddess's night of sleep was a ridiculously good deal.
In the first-floor hall, the eerie, terrifying atmosphere had now been swallowed up by a glow so bizarre it was impossible not to complain about it.
Aqua stood right in the center of the hall. At her feet was a huge circular array hastily drawn in Holy Water, and her whole body was radiating a blinding blue divine light. Countless translucent ghosts, floating teacups, and creepy dolls hurled themselves at her sacred barrier like moths to a flame, only to be purified with a violent sizzle into wisps of smoke by that pure magic.
"Uwaaaah! Holy Light! Sacred Dispel! Sacred Highness Exorcism!! Get away! You disgusting creeps! Don't touch my clothes! Kōichi! Kazuma! You two devils! Hurry up and help me! I'm running out of magic! Even my skin is getting dried out by all this spooky energy!!"
With her eyes squeezed shut, Aqua flailed her staff around wildly while crying her heart out. She looked so pitiful that anyone who saw her would have felt sorry for her and burst into tears themselves. Of course, that was assuming the person watching wasn't Kōichi or Kazuma.
On the other side of the hall, Kōichi and Kazuma had worked together to carry down two genuine leather armchairs from the second floor, the kind that looked absurdly expensive at a glance, and were now sprawled across them without a care in the world.
Kōichi was holding a plate of premium butter cookies he had accidentally found in the kitchen earlier, still perfectly sealed, while Kazuma had somehow gotten his hands on an unopened bottle of aged red wine and was skillfully prying out the cork with a short sword.
"Haah... Kōichi, you've got to admit, the high-end stuff really is on another level." Kazuma took a deeply satisfied sip of wine and sighed like some pampered old noble. "Watching Aqua glow over there, listening to those nicely rhythmic screams, and pairing it all with top-shelf red wine like this, I feel like my life is complete. This is what an Adventurer's life should be."
Kōichi tossed a cookie into his mouth, crunching away as he glanced sideways at Aqua hopping frantically back and forth across the hall. "Seriously, this is even better than the best performance at Axel's finest theater. And look, Darkness is working hard too. How can anyone say we're not helping?"