After a full round of chaotic, violently improvised makeover artistry, the three of them finally stood before the most mysterious and extravagant building in all of Axel, the Ruby Salon.
Kōichi and Kazuma had changed into Imperial Guard uniforms, specially rushed by the most expensive tailor in town.
Kōichi wore a deep crimson velvet cloak, with a lavishly decorated ceremonial longsword hanging at his waist, gorgeous to look at, completely unsharpened in reality. His expression was so cold and severe he looked like an asura that had just crawled out of a mountain of corpses.
Kazuma, meanwhile, wore a jet-black butler's outfit, a monocle over one eye, and a thick ledger clutched in his hand at all times. His gaze carried the dark menace of a man silently promising to wipe out your whole family if you dared overcharge him by even one Eris.
And between them stood Aqua, forcibly stuffed into a layered exiled-princess dress covered in rhinestones and lace.
To stop her from opening her mouth and destroying the entire atmosphere, Kōichi and Kazuma had used both soft and hard tactics on the way over. They had even threatened to replace all her alcohol with plain hot water. Only then had they barely managed to make her maintain that cold, aloof expression of someone driven into deep melancholy by the ruin of her kingdom and the loss of her homeland, which was really just her spacing out.
The doors of the Ruby Salon were carved from a single massive slab of redwood. Two guards in heavy silver armor, each looking to be at least level 40, stood on either side like iron towers.
They stared at this bizarre trio with the suspicious look of men inspecting lambs waiting for slaughter... no, unwelcome visitors.
"Halt." The guard on the left lowered his spear across their path, his voice heavy as thunder. "This is the Ruby Salon. No entry without noble invitation or premium membership. Judging by your clothes... they are luxurious, yes, but I still can't shake the smell of rookie adventurer sweat and... some kind of unsettling idiocy."
Kazuma adjusted his monocle and let out a cold snort. The look of disgusted class superiority on his face was flawless.
"Insolence. Open your dog eyes and look carefully. Standing before you is the last bloodline of the Axis Empire, Her Highness Aqua Sebastian von, Goddess of Water! The imperial capital fell to the Demon King's Army, and Her Highness was forced to lower herself to seek refuge in this frontier town."
Kōichi stepped forward, one hand resting on the hilt of his sword. The killing intent born from long years of battling monsters, though admittedly most of it was actually anger toward Aqua, erupted in an instant. His voice was so cold it held no warmth at all.
"So this is Axel's idea of hospitality? Making a member of the royal family stand under the blazing sun while you interrogate her like this? If this is the level of refinement your salon offers, then it seems the thirty million Eris in restoration sponsorship funds we brought with us need not be wasted here after all."
With elegant composure, Kōichi pulled out the stack of checks from his coat and lightly fanned them between his fingers. At that moment, the crisp rustle of paper was more effective than any spell.
The guards' eyes flicked back and forth between the checks and Aqua's face, which truly was breathtakingly beautiful, as long as she kept her mouth shut.
At that moment, Aqua cooperated perfectly and let out a faint, sorrowful sigh. She tilted her head up slightly and gazed at the sky, and a glimmer shone at the corner of her eye, actually just leftover tears from wanting champagne so badly earlier. In an instant, her sacred and melancholy aura hit its peak.
"T-that presence..." The guard on the right swallowed hard, and his entire manner turned respectful at once. "Our deepest apologies! We've had many nouveau riche types trying to sneak in lately, so we had no choice but to be cautious. Since Your Highness is royalty in exile, then naturally you are an honored guest! Please wait a moment. I'll fetch the manager at once!"
The two guards exchanged a glance, swiftly withdrew their spears, and bowed deeply to Aqua.
"Welcome to the Ruby Salon. May Your Highness's sorrow be eased by fine wine and our services."
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a subtle, degenerate little look.
Success. They had cleared the first hurdle.
The manager approached in tiny, graceful little steps so elegant they bordered on the absurd. His hair, overloaded with pomade, gleamed under the crystal chandeliers, and his whole person radiated the scent of fine tobacco mixed with old, calculated cunning.
He first bowed deeply. When he straightened, his narrow fox-like eyes paused on Aqua's expensive dress for less than half a second before shifting directly to her eyes.
"My sincerest apologies, Your Highness. We have received countless guests claiming to be exiled nobility, but someone with a temperament as... pure as yours is truly rare." The manager smiled faintly and clapped his hands. A waiter immediately brought over three glasses of strangely purple wine. "As an apology, please allow me to present this bottle of Tears of Elnora. It is said to be a supreme vintage from the southern isles, fermented from the first juice pressed by virgins stomping the grapes. I wonder whether the homeland of Your Highness possesses any estate that could rival the famous Golden Coast, where this wine was born?"
Kōichi's heart skipped a beat.
This sly old fox was setting a trap. There was no such thing as a Golden Coast south of Axel. The only thing down there was a bunch of giant crabs that loved robbing passersby.
Aqua stared at the wine glass. Her throat bobbed visibly, and the melancholy in her eyes was instantly replaced by a fanatical craving for alcohol.
She reached out, her fingertips trembling slightly. Just one second before she could snatch up the wineglass and put on a goddess-style one-shot performance, Kōichi suddenly stepped forward and firmly pinned her wrist with his white-gloved hand.
"Manager, take back your crude table wine." Kōichi's voice was cold, low, and full of pressure. "In the Axis Empire, this so-called famous vintage, produced on saline-alkali land and carrying a faint crab stink, is usually used to wash Her Highness's warhorses' hooves. As for the Golden Coast you mentioned, it was burned to ashes by the Demon King's Army's hellfire three years ago. Or was that deliberate? Were you intentionally bringing up Your Highness's grief, trying to humiliate a royal who has lost her homeland with such cheap tricks?"
Kazuma picked up the cue at once. He adjusted his monocle, flipped open the ledger, and let out a cold laugh so shrill it was almost painful.
"Hmph. What appalling manners. Manager, do you know what crime it is in the imperial capital to present the royal family with a new wine aged less than fifty years? It's the crime of desecrating aesthetics. The punishment is a month in a water dungeon drinking nothing but plain water! The reason Her Highness remains silent is because she has already become completely disappointed in this world's sense of refinement!"
Aqua's wrist was still pinned by Kōichi. She had just been about to explode, but the moment she heard one month of plain water, she shivered, immediately pulled back her hand, and put on an expression of sorrowful compassion. Then, in an ethereal voice, actually weakened by hunger, she said,
"That's enough, Kōichi. Mortal ignorance is not a sin. This wine... reminds me of the day the imperial capital fell, when the moat ran red with blood. Take it away. Until I have fully forgiven your offense, do not let this liquid that reeks of poverty appear before me again."
The manager's face froze.
He clearly had not expected these three people, who looked like upstart nouveau riche, to spin such a flawless lie, then turn it around and slap him with the charge of insulting the royal family.
More importantly, Aqua's heartfelt disdain for low-grade alcohol, which was really just disgust that it was not expensive enough, displayed a level of supreme arrogance that even the pickiest nobles could never imitate.
"Oh! Please forgive my recklessness!" The manager wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and bowed deeply again, his attitude now clearly full of fear and caution. "That was my grave discourtesy! I never imagined Your Highness's taste had already reached the realm of the gods. To make amends, please allow me to open our salon's finest Ruby Suite. There, we have professional musicians from the royal capital, and... genuine treasures absolutely worthy of Your Highness's station."
He bent slightly and made an inviting gesture.
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance, and at last the stone hanging over their hearts dropped.
"In that case, lead the way." Kōichi straightened his cloak and gave Aqua a slight bow. "Your Highness, after you. Though this place is a little shabby, it will barely do as a temporary palace."
Aqua lifted her chin and walked into the hall with proud, haughty steps, while Kōichi and Kazuma followed close behind like two impeccably dutiful demonic retainers.
The three of them passed through a corridor inlaid with real gold, drawing sideways glances from countless noblemen and women in the middle of conversation.
For that one moment, the three of them really did seem like the rulers of this luxurious world.
That illusion lasted right up until Aqua nearly started drooling at the sight of the gold-leaf cake on the table.