Kōichi and Kazuma stood side by side, both draped in those hero capes glittering in the sunlight. Rented, of course.
Kōichi wore a solemn expression, his eyes carrying the sort of melancholy that said he had already made peace with life and death. Beside him, Kazuma skillfully spread out a huge red cloth, on top of which sat several oversized donation boxes in neat rows. Painted across them in bold red letters were the words:
[Defense of Axel: Special Hero Equipment and Logistics Fund]
"People of Axel! Brothers and sisters!"
Kōichi suddenly stepped forward, and with amplification magic boosting his voice, it rang across the entire square with tragic intensity.
"I know that what you see before you now are glamorous heroes! But do you know what is happening out there? On those peaceful plains, the Demon King's General Beldia is sharpening his scythe of death! He has sworn to reduce Axel to scorched earth and drag every living soul into the endless abyss!"
The square fell silent at once, and quite a few faint-hearted adventurers had already begun to tremble.
"That's right!" Kazuma jumped in at exactly the right moment. Pointing dramatically at the tears that were not actually there in the corners of his eyes, he spoke with fiery emotion. "In order to protect everyone's smiles, Kōichi has not closed his eyes for three days and three nights! Right now, he's developing an ultimate technique called 'Holy Light of the End. Annihilation Impact'! But... every time this technique is used, it consumes rare materials worth tens of thousands of Eris! We've already run through all our savings. Even this morning's breakfast money... sob... Kōichi only managed to scrape it together by selling off his family heirloom!"
Kōichi immediately put on a bleak but resolute smile and raised a hand toward the crowd.
"No, Kazuma, say no more. As long as Axel can be saved, even if I, Kōichi Hayashi, am shattered to pieces, even if I lose everything I own, I will have no regrets! It's just... I worry about my companions. Look there. That genius Arch Wizard of the Crimson Demons, Megumin. In order to prepare the Explosion spell that will turn the tide in a single blow, she's starved herself so badly she can only chew on roadside weeds!"
All eyes followed the direction of Kōichi's finger to below the stage.
Megumin was clutching her staff, her whole body stiff with overwhelming embarrassment. To the crowd, that shaky, rigid posture made her look exactly like a tragic young girl burning away her life for justice.
"Oh, no! Megumin-san is too pitiful!"
Heartbroken cries rose from the crowd.
"And then there's Darkness!" Kōichi pointed toward the crimson-faced Crusader, whose breathing had already grown ragged. "In order to withstand Beldia's charge of death, she has been tempering her body day and night, even volunteering to endure the cruelest blows, all so she can buy everyone one more second to escape when the time comes!"
At that very moment, Darkness was immersed in the fantasy of being publicly executed before the entire city. Both hands clutched tightly at the armor over her chest as she let out a moan dripping with pleasure.
"Ah... yes... no matter how rough it is... please, come at me..."
The onlookers were instantly awestruck.
"What noble self-sacrifice! Long live Darkness-sama!"
Kōichi took a deep breath, and his voice dropped into a low, stirring cadence.
"So, everyone! We do not ask you to go to the battlefield. We will walk into that hell ourselves! But if you wish to do your part to protect our home, then please support our Hero Fund! Every copper coin is an arrow fired at Beldia! Every Eris is a brick in Axel's defense!"
"I'll give five thousand Eris! Please make sure Megumin-san gets a proper meal!" one man shouted as he generously tossed in a stack of bills.
"I'll give ten thousand! Kōichi-sama, please make sure you come back alive!" Several young girls pulled out their wallets with tears in their eyes.
Kazuma collected the money at top speed while shooting Kōichi a look that said, loud and clear: Kōichi, we're going to make a fortune off this.
Meanwhile, Aqua stood behind Kōichi, doing her best to maintain the smile of a holy goddess, though drool was practically about to drip onto her feet.
"(Hehehe... so much money... how many bottles of premium sparkling wine could this buy... Long live Kōichi! Long live Kazuma! I, Aqua-sama, really am a Goddess of wealth!)"
Looking at the donation boxes filling up at incredible speed, Kōichi sneered inwardly.
Beldia, thank you so much. You've already earned us enough booze money for our next life. As thanks, I'll have Aqua hose you down extra thoroughly later.
As they watched the donation boxes grow crammed with Eris bills, so full they were almost overflowing, Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a look of complete mutual understanding.
With practiced elegance, Kōichi closed one of the boxes, casually stuffed the heavy thing into his backpack, and gave a deep bow to the still thoroughly riled-up crowd in the square.
"Everyone! I can feel your passion, and it has filled me, Kōichi Hayashi, with strength! And now, we set out to bring that source of darkness to an end! Please wait here for news of our triumphant return!"
Amid a chorus of "Long live the heroes!" and "Kōichi-sama, please come back safely!", Kōichi's party strode out through the city gates under the gaze of the entire town, walking with all the grandeur of righteous champions. Though in truth, they were just nervous.
The moment they passed through the gates and out of the public eye, Kōichi and Kazuma instantly dropped the act. Their ramrod-straight backs sagged on the spot.
"Whew, I thought I was gonna suffocate." Kazuma wiped the cold sweat from his forehead while rapidly estimating their earnings from that stunt. "Kōichi, we made at least a million off that, right? Once this is over, should we book out that succubus shop? I heard they've got a new special..."
"Worry about that after we survive," Kōichi cut off his fantasies and pointed toward the abandoned castle ahead, which looked even more sinister beneath the dark clouds. "That bastard Beldia is probably already sharpening his blade. Aqua, you ready? You're our faucet today, so when the time comes, spray straight and spray hard. Got it?"
Aqua had been happily daydreaming about post-battle premium sparkling wine, but the moment Kōichi spoke, she confidently slapped her nonexistent chest.
"Leave it to me, Kōichi! I'm the Goddess of Water! He's just some tin can that's scared of getting wet. I'll wash him straight into the sewer! But... don't you dare go back on that hundred-thousand-Eris wine afterward, okay?"
Megumin kept her head lowered the whole way, her huge wizard hat hiding her flushed cheeks.
Clutching her staff tightly, she spoke in a voice barely louder than a mosquito's buzz.
"...Kōichi, next time... could you maybe not say lines about me being so hungry I'm eating grass? The pride of the Crimson Demons... is about to shatter into dust..."
"What's the problem, Megumin!" Darkness said from the side. Not only did she fail to comfort her, she was wearing an extremely dangerous, utterly intoxicated expression. "Having so many people look at me with pity... being talked about like some tragic sacrificial offering... ah, that feeling was surprisingly wonderful... If only Beldia would use an even rougher method on me later..."
"Shut up, you perverted Crusader!" Kōichi and Kazuma snapped in perfect unison.
As the group approached the abandoned castle, the temperature suddenly dropped, and the air filled with the mingled stench of rot and rust.
The wasteland before the ruined castle was swept by sinister winds, making the dead grass sway.
Mounted atop his headless warhorse, Beldia was just preparing to launch into some long speech about the majesty of the Demon King's Army and the foolishness of mankind, the sort of thing meant to highlight his dignity as a General.
Kōichi and Kazuma, however, had absolutely no intention of giving him the chance.
Arms folded across their chests, capes flapping in the cold wind, both wore the exact same arrogant grin, the kind that practically screamed superiority and you're already dead.
"Hey, you headless tin can." Kōichi dug a finger into his ear and rudely cut off Beldia just as he was about to roar out his opening lines. "Your intro's too long. Our audience, meaning the townspeople on the walls watching through telescopes, doesn't have the patience to sit through your nonsense. Since you love holing up in that creepy wreck so much, we figured we'd help you with the demolition."
Kazuma gave a smug little laugh beside him and jerked a thumb toward the girl behind them, who was already furiously gathering magic power.
"That's right, Beldia. As thanks for helping us raise enough food money for the rest of our lives, we've decided to give you a special present. Megumin! Show this shut-in General what an Axel-style opening salvo looks like!"
"W-wait! You insolent little..."
Beldia never got to finish. A terrifying surge of magical energy slammed the rest of his words back down his throat.
Megumin suddenly lifted her head. The cheeks that had been red with embarrassment were now twisted, no, shining, with the light of manic ecstasy. At the tip of her staff, crimson magic circles layered over one another as they spread outward, and the air itself trembled with a sound like a mournful scream.
"Crimson-blacker than black and darker than darkness, I beseech thee, combine with my deep crimson. The time of awakening cometh. Justice, fallen upon the infallible boundary, appear now as an intangible distortion!"
Megumin's voice rose, sharp and piercing. She had clearly poured all the resentment from being slandered as a grass-eating girl into this one spell.
"Let the world be engulfed in flames! Explosion!!"
BOOM—!!!!!
A colossal pillar of light, enough to split the heavens, detonated in front of the castle gates.
The horrific shockwave and searing blast instantly swallowed Beldia and the Undead guards behind him. The entire ruined castle shook violently under the impact as walls crumbled and smoke and dust billowed into the sky.
As the aftershocks of the explosion gradually faded, Megumin collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut, crumpling to the ground in a perfectly executed pose, still muttering to herself.
"...Hah... This Explosion... was my... fire of revenge... to erase the shame of being known as the grass-eating girl..."
As the dust cleared, Beldia's once-imposing black armor had been blasted charred and blackened. He crawled out of the rubble in utter disarray, the severed head in his left hand now spewing black smoke wildly. Even the plume on his helmet had been burned clean off.
"Cough, cough! You bastards... you lunatics! You use this kind of magic as a greeting?!"
Beldia roared in fury. His warhorse had been blown to pieces, leaving him no choice but to charge forward on foot, swinging his massive greatsword.
"I'll hack all of you into mincemeat!!"
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance. Far from afraid, their grins only widened.