Morning in Axel was so bright and beautiful it made you want to roll around in the grass.
For the next three days, Kōichi and Satou Kazuma experienced the closest thing to heaven they had known since coming to this other world.
There was no Aqua shrieking at top volume because she had "lost" a sacred relic, when in reality she had traded it for booze. No more rolling around on the floor to demand expensive bath additives. And no more greedy green glint in her eyes every time she saw the hard-earned pile of money they had managed to save up.
Kōichi even felt like the air in Axel itself had become fresher.
He and Kazuma slept until they woke naturally every day, had a delicious meal at noon, spent the afternoons in the Guild drinking the finest ale, and at night took that gleaming compensation voucher to the Succubus Shop to enjoy life.
Even Megumin and Darkness settled down a little. Without Aqua there to egg them on, their destructive power dropped by at least five percent.
But that heavenly life came to an abrupt end on the morning of the fourth day.
As Kōichi and Kazuma stepped out of the inn, yawning and preparing to go feast on a hearty dragon meat meal, a dark figure suddenly shot out from the shadows nearby with a shriek so desperate it tore through the air.
"Please, I'm begging you! Take her back! Please take her back!!"
Kōichi jumped, then looked closely, and his whole expression fell apart.
Standing in front of him was the once radiant, justice-filled Hero, Kyouya Mitsurugi.
But now his splendid armor was covered in stains of some unknown liquid, which looked suspiciously like expensive red wine. His once handsome hairstyle was a total bird's nest. The dark circles under his eyes were worse than someone who had worked overtime for three days straight. He had lost a shocking amount of weight, and even the magic sword Gram looked like a burnt-out poker from magical exhaustion.
"M-Mitsurugi-san?" Kazuma's mouth twitched as he instinctively took a step back. "Did you just crawl back from the Demon King's Castle, or did you fall into a septic tank and get mauled by Slimes for three days and three nights?"
With a thud, Kyouya Mitsurugi dropped to his knees in front of them, clutching Kōichi's pant leg with both hands as he cried with snot and tears streaming down his face.
"Kōichi-sama! Kazuma-sama! I was wrong! I never should have questioned your purification ritual! I never should have challenged your management methods! These last three days... these last three days have been hell!!"
Still sobbing, he went on in a voice filled with despair. "On the first day, she drank all of my aged wine reserves and even used my magic sword as a stirring rod to mix some kind of 'Goddess Special Cocktail'! On the second day, she sold my spare armor to a junk dealer so she could buy a glowing pet Slime! On the third day... on the third day she ran up a 500,000 Eris tab at the most expensive restaurant in town, then pointed at me and said that since I'm the Hero, I could stay behind and wash dishes to pay it off! I don't even have money left for travel rations, and she's still in that restaurant yelling about how she wants to eat deep-sea giant clam... uuuugh..."
Looking at this once proud Hero now crying like a three-year-old who had lost his favorite toy, Kōichi could not help but feel a little sympathy.
Just a little.
With an expression of utter disgust, Kazuma tried to yank his pant leg free. "Hey, hey, hey, Mitsurugi-san. A deal's a deal. Payment was made in full. No refunds, no returns. You were the one crying and insisting on saving her from a life of misery. How can you back out now?"
"I'm not backing out! I'll pay you! I'll give you another 300,000! No, 500,000!" Kyouya Mitsurugi frantically pulled out a bundle of wrinkled IOUs and the last few large bills he had left, staring at them with hollow eyes. "As long as you take her away, I'll do anything! I'd even pull purification ropes for you for the rest of my life! Please, I'm begging you. If she stays by my side any longer, I really might become the first reincarnator to kill himself under a mountain of debt..."
Just then, from the far end of the street came that familiar, lively voice, the one that made Kōichi's soul shudder.
"Mitsurugi! Where are you?! Get over here already! The owner says if you don't pay the remaining 50,000 Eris, he's going to send me to the temple as labor! Hurry up and pay, you useless Hero!"
The instant he heard that voice, Kyouya Mitsurugi shuddered violently, then buried his face in the dirt and let out a despairing whimper.
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance, and both their mouths curled into the same brutally sadistic smile, one that somehow also carried the spirit of pure business.
When Kōichi and Satou Kazuma took the heavy 500,000 Eris money pouch from Mitsurugi's trembling hands, it almost felt as though some sacred hymn had begun to play in the air. The crisp sound of money changing hands was just that divine.
"Deal." Kōichi stuffed the pouch into his clothes without the slightest hesitation, patted Mitsurugi on the shoulder, and said in a grave, earnest tone, "Mitsurugi-san, you've made a wise choice. After all, in this world, there are certain burdens that only seasoned professionals like us are capable of carrying."
Kazuma, meanwhile, counted the money with a wicked grin, his eyes full of sympathy, or maybe mockery, for Mitsurugi. "Don't worry. We take after-sales service very seriously. Since we've accepted your money, we'll absolutely see this troublemaker's return through to the very end."
Kyouya Mitsurugi was so grateful he nearly burst into tears again, and looked like he was about to bow to them on the spot.
Then, with the grim resolve of a man trying to send away a living plague, he led the two of them to the entrance of that high-end restaurant.
Through the restaurant window, the two of them saw Aqua lounging with her legs crossed in utterly unladylike fashion, holding a massive deep-sea red crab in one hand, sauce smeared around her mouth, barking orders at the waiter.
"Hey, you over there! Where's my top-grade sparkling wine? And put the bill on that sucker with the magic sword! He's my servant. I've got plenty of money for him to pay!"
"...Now!" Kyouya Mitsurugi let out a low growl and slammed the restaurant door open.
Hearing the commotion, Aqua assumed her personal ATM had come back and shouted without even turning around, "Mitsurugi! You're finally back! Hurry up and pay, I just ordered another. "
But when she turned her head, what she saw was not the meek Hero she had expected, but two familiar faces wearing devilish smiles. Kōichi was idly playing with that familiar thick rope in his hand, while Kazuma stood there cracking his knuckles.
"Geh?!" Aqua let out a bizarre squawk like a duck whose tail had just been stepped on, and the red crab in her hand hit the floor with a plop.
"Well, well, Aqua-sama." Kōichi put on the expression that haunted a Goddess's nightmares and walked toward her step by step. "Looks like you've been living pretty well these past few days. Was the red crab good? Was the sparkling wine nice? Did you miss our cozy stable and that pond rich with the scent of nature?"
Aqua's face turned deathly pale in an instant. She sprang onto her chair and pointed at Kyouya Mitsurugi as she screamed, "Mitsurugi! What is the meaning of this?! You sold me out?! You actually sold a noble Goddess out to these two sadistic freaks?! Do you know what'll happen to me if I fall into their hands?! I'll be turned into a tea bag! I'll become a toilet-unclogging laborer! I'll be forced to live in a stable and listen to them snore! No way! I'm not going back! I want to stay in a luxury hotel! I want red crab!"
Compared to her days of lording it over Mitsurugi and using the Hero like a servant, going back to those two would be like falling from heaven straight into hell. Aqua might not be bright, but she still had that basic survival instinct.
"I'm sorry, Aqua-sama..." Kyouya Mitsurugi covered his face. Though he was full of guilt, his body very honestly moved to block the restaurant's back door. "My wallet can't take any more... and I'm at my mental limit too... For the sake of world peace, and so my magic sword doesn't end up as firewood, please go back with them!"
"Nooooo! Help! Human traffickers are kidnapping a Goddess!!"
Aqua let out a shrill scream and tried to cling to one of the restaurant pillars for dear life.
But backed by the power of money, Kōichi and Kazuma moved with shocking speed.
"Cut the crap! We already spent. No, wait, collected that 500,000!" Kazuma lunged forward in a single bound and expertly seized one of Aqua's ankles. "Kōichi! Move it! Grab her feather mantle! Don't let her use Nature's Beauty to make the dishes disappear!"
"Got it!" Kōichi pounced with a savage grin, and the rope in his hand coiled around Aqua's waist as if it had a will of its own. "Be good and come with us, Aqua! There are still several buckets of unwashed clothes waiting for you at home to purify!"
"I'm not washing them! I'm the Goddess of Water! Not a washing machine! Waaaah, Mitsurugi, you traitor! I'll bring down divine punishment! I'll—Mmph!"
After a scene of total chaos, Aqua was tied up once again and slung over Kōichi's shoulder like a giant cocoon.
She was still struggling desperately, but in the face of absolute force, and Kazuma's shameless methods, all resistance was futile.
The restaurant's diners stared at the scene in stunned silence, while Kyouya Mitsurugi stood there watching Kōichi and Kazuma's retreating backs, two streams of tears sliding down his face.
"Farewell, Aqua-sama... You may be beautiful, but keeping you is just too expensive..."
Kōichi carried the still muffled Aqua on his shoulder, feeling the heavy weight of the 500,000 Eris in his pocket, and said to Kazuma beside him, "Kazuma, she may be a massive pain, but I have to admit... she's really valuable."
"Yeah." Kazuma looked at Aqua, and there was even a trace of affection in his eyes, the kind of look one gives a money tree. "Next time we run out of cash, we'll just dump her on Mitsurugi again for a few days. This is basically a sustainable road to wealth."