Chapter 41: She Is the Character, On and Off the Screen
*I'm so envious...*
*If only I could become a dazzling person like that...*
Watching the radiant Kana Arima on television, Akane Kurokawa harbored such a wish.
But soon, she realized that she didn't actually possess the talent to become "dazzling."
She honed her acting skills day after day, yet no director was willing to cast her. Until she acquired her own commercial value, superior acting skills didn't grant Akane Kurokawa the slightest advantage in the competition.
Akane Kurokawa was a "newcomer" with no reputation—a green leaf meant to set off others—and green leaves do not need to attract attention. The reason most directors refused to cast her was precisely because her brilliance would inadvertently steal the spotlight from the lead.
In fact, Kana Arima faced the same situation. The difference, however, was that Kana Arima was already a somewhat famous child star with her own commercial value; she was an object capital was willing to bet on. Therefore, until that value vanished, Kana Arima was *permitted* to be dazzling.
Akane Kurokawa envied Kana Arima.
No, not just Kana—she felt a small spark of jealousy toward anyone more radiant than herself.
At school, she was a quiet loner who couldn't find a single close friend; at the theater, she preferred practicing alone, with only Mr. Kindaichi to talk to.
Even though her contract took 80% of her earnings, leaving her with only 20%, the agency remained unsatisfied and refused to acknowledge her commercial worth. Every time her manager was scolded by a superior because of her, Akane—hiding in a corner and eavesdropping—could only cover her ears helplessly and silently apologize to the manager.
"It's all because I'm so useless..."
The manager never blamed her; instead, they would comfort Akane with a smile, which only served to amplify the guilt in her heart.
"Ah, aside from acting and profiling, I'm a person of no use to anyone else."
"If I rely only on myself, it's hard to attract anyone, isn't it?"
Akane Kurokawa envied those who were bright enough to shine just by being themselves.
People like Kana Arima, who could perform with such freedom; like Ai, who could capture everyone's attention just by showing her face.
And like Aqua, who could always strike up a conversation with anyone and blend naturally into his surroundings.
During Aqua's week at the Lalalai Theatrical Company, he would always quietly observe Akane, reflecting on his own acting deficiencies. Meanwhile, Akane would quietly observe Aqua, because her agency had suddenly extended an olive branch to him as well, making her fear she was about to be discarded.
Like a butterfly with beautiful wings, if those wings are broken, there is only the path of falling to one's death.
"Akane Kurokawa? Akane Kurokawa!"
Aqua called her name twice. Finding no response, his tone grew heavier, but the Akane in front of him remained in a trance-like state.
"This scene is already finished! We can rest now!"
Kana Arima chirped beside them, already looking forward to what delicious food they would have for dinner.
"Akane Kurokawa!" Aqua shouted again, his brow furrowing as his expression shifted to concern: "Ai Kita!"
"Eh?"
Akane responded instinctively.
"Are you back with us now?" Aqua said, feeling a bit helpless.
It's common for actors to get too deep into a role, especially for an "Experience School" actor like Akane Kurokawa; it was perfectly normal for this to happen.
The so-called Experience School emphasizes the actor personally experiencing the character's personality and life. The actor *becomes* the character, and the performance becomes the character's life.
Phrases like "bringing the character to life" or "she isn't acting, she *is* the character" all describe the Experience School. Many actors will live the character's life for a role, so that during the performance, every word and action is the character's own.
Generally, experienced professional actors control the degree of their immersion; they know they are not the character, and they can stand behind the role to observe their own performance. Some inexperienced young actors might dive in headfirst, resulting in a state of being "stuck" in the role.
"That's why the Experience School is so weak—getting lost in the role?" Kana Arima looked rather smug. "True acting isn't about *becoming* the character, but standing behind the character to *present* them! As I thought, my acting style is the strongest!"
"You, pipe down for a second." Aqua flicked Kana's forehead, making her cry out in pain.
"Don't overthink it. You and Ai Kita are two completely different people. You are the actress Akane Kurokawa, and she is just a symbol made of words in a script. Don't let the character affect you."
Aqua spoke to Akane, emphasizing every word.
"Mm."
Akane replied in a small voice. She finally recognized that she wasn't Ai Kita.
But she remained in a daze.
Akane kept reflecting on what Aqua had just said, only to fall into a deeper state of doubt.
Were she and Ai Kita really so different?
Socially awkward, isolated, ignored by everyone...
It was almost as if they were cast from the same mold.
Perhaps she hadn't suffered bullying as severe as the character's, but the situation she faced—wasn't it essentially the same?
Facing the bullying, Ai Kita chose to end her own life to escape this hateful world...
Then... what about herself?