Yu Shayue had never felt what is a father's love is, from the moment when she could hold a brush, she was taught to write strategies instead of poems, from the moment she could walk, she was made to stand in the court instead running through gardens and playing.
Her father—the Emperor—had never once held her hand and be like a real father and daughter.
He did not ask her, if she was tired, if she was afraid, if she was scared, if she had hurt.
He only asked about—'Was the formation correct?', 'Did you find the flaw?', 'Why did you hesitate?', 'Why are you not working on this correctly?'
There was warmth in his gaze for her when he would look at her, even if she would look at him with bright and warmth in her eyes but, his eyes would still be cold and distant. As if was an only expectation and nothing more.
But when she would succeed—
When her strategies impressed the ministers, her calculations proved flawless, even the generals would fell silent before her.
He would just nod, and then order
'Reward her.'
Gold, silks, jewels, rare treasures and imperial treasures would be delivered to her.
Which Shayue never ever touched, because what she wanted was never will weighed in gold.
What she wanted was, her father's love, a hand on her head, a single word of pride that would not sound like a judgment but a true pride.
But those things were not, never given to her.
Her childhood had been carved away piece by piece by her father's greed, until nothing remained but a title that would be honored by everyone,
A Crown Princess of the Yu Empire, who would calculate war and gave victory to her Empire
But one thing she wanted the most was never given to her after 17 years
'Love.'
Shayue's mother had passed away when she was just five. It happened right in front of her eyes, the memory in which she held her mother's hand which was cold, her mother's hand slipping from hers. It was the memory which had long faded but one thing remained painfully clear.
At that moment the person she had turned to was her father, not as a Crown Princess, not as someone trained for war or court but just as a child.
Waiting and hoping that he would come forward and take her hand and would say something… anything.
But he did not move a single edge, he stood there watching, calm, composed and unshaken. As if what had lost was not something he could not replace.
Shayue never cried in front of him, she never asked why he was like that, she told herself again and again…
'He must have had his reasons. That the Emperor should not have a weakness, that grief was something he should never show to the people.
She never blamed him.
But one thing she understood, from now on she would have to face things alone.
Only later she began to understood, when her father remarried,
When Lady Lui Ruxian entered the palace not as mother's sister but as Empress… when her children were acknowledged, rightful and secured, only then the truth settle, quiet and undeniable.
Her mother had never belonged there, not beside the Emperor, not within those walls. She was not been chosen for love but only for balance, for power, for a place that was never meant to last. When the purpose ended—so did her place.
Shayue never spoke of it because she had already understood it.
In that vast imperial palace, there had only ever been two people who had truly treated her and her mother with care and kindness, as more than a title.
Her father's parents…
The former Emperor and Empress Dowager, they were the only ones who called her name without any weight behind it. The only ones who allowed them to sit beside them, with them she was not a Crown Princess, not as a political tool and not as a future alliance,
Just—
Yu Shayue.
But the warmth didn't last long, when she turned twelve… they passed away, one after another… and with them the last place in the palace where she had ever felt like a child.
After that the palace grew colder and colder, her father returned fully to the Emperor distant and unreadable. The new Empress settled into her place, her children into theirs.
And Shayue—into silence, she did not complain nor did she resist, from youth until now, her loyalty had never wavered, even when it was never returned.
To be continued...