First of all, this fanfic only focuses in first perspective, so please don't get confused. Second, english is not my main language, there might be confusing paragraph or sentences. And lastly, I don't know when the updates, but it's probably no greater than a week per chapter. Possibly mischaracterize...
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I love Kiana. I'm already started dreaming, yesrning, and perhaps end my life if it means meeting her. So this fanfic is definitely inserted MC, possibly you, mine or everyone else. But purely mine.
Critism is okay for me, but don't criticize my Kiana.
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I was just a normal human being, completely oblivious to the matters outside my own convenience. True to my words, I hardly matter to anyone unless they share similar traits to my own. Idiotic, useless, and incompetent to the outside world, yet finding calm to the solitude I built up.
On this normal day, normal life, full of mediocrity to the world, I stumbled upon something. My eyes stared at the girl whose back was leaning on the wall. Her snow white hair, soft delicate features, few scratches, darker shade beneath those eyes and her unconscious face tainted with mud. My mind told me to leave her alone, that's for sure, after all, there's no way this beautiful girl was lying down here defenseless.
"Sigh… women these days, sleeping everywhere after getting drunk. Don't you guys have a little self awareness to your surroundings, or to the fact that they're defenseless?"
Despite my exhausted and irritated grumbles, my body refuses to walk away from this crime scene. Perhaps it was my conscience stopping me from fleeing, my thin hand reached out, holding her close next to me, and began walking back to my apartment.
"Why is this girl so heavy?!"
Despite the grumble, the fact that this thin body of hers is in fact, much heavier than what looks shown you… seriously.
With heavy steps and practically dragging her, earning a strange look of surroundings, I forced myself to smile awkwardly at them. The corner of my mouth twitched uncontrollably, with heavy thought I braced myself knowing my social appearance was already ruined because of this girl, slumping on my shoulder. I should've left this girl in that alley… I mean, I look like a predator who's faced eager to devour this helpless prey on my hand.
After minutes of hellish dragging this heavyweight lady, finally arriving at the doorstep of my apartment, I gently placed her on my bed and slumped to the ground, leaning on the soft mattress occupied by this girl.
Sweat dripped to my head, and stiff shoulders I've finally noticed after getting that weight off. My gaze trails to her clothes that seemed to be what you can only see in sci-fi; a bodysuit and white and orange jacket. Being a normal human I was, without a doubt my hormones are the same as that teenager. With the beautiful girl lying down on my bed, she was basically screaming "devour me and ravish me!", or so I imagine.
While I was tempted to do it, I'm also not stupid to act with it. I have morals, and I, a law-abiding citizen of Arc City, of course I wouldn't stoop that low just to satisfy my hunger.
So naturally, I stepped out to the room and went to the kitchen and began preparing dinner. With the sun starting to go down, and darkness starting to emerge, hinting it's time to cook some dinner. I'm not a great cook, but I can handle my fair share of cooking, though it was not a masterpiece just like any chef's, it was still edible.
Soon, the aroma started to envelope the room. The smell of chicken soup filled the apartment and followed by rice, and soon my stomach rumbled.
"Hm. Not bad."
I muttered proudly, after taking a taste that perfectly suit my taste, I began setting two bowls and pouring the chicken soup evenly, and placing it on the tray. The problem was… whether the girl was awake or not. If she was, it's good but also bad.
Imagine waking up in an unknown ceiling and place, caution naturally kicked in and she might start attacking and ultimately spilling this food on the ground, total waste. I'd rather avoid that situation.
"Forget it, worrying about the future isn't like me."
Pushing those thoughts aside, I walk towards the room, holding chicken soup. The door opened, and instead of the girl sleeping, what my eyes saw was a disheveled bed, and the girl was nowhere to be found. A faint breeze hit my face and I instinctively looked at the opened window.
"What an ungrateful girl, running away and didn't even bother to leave a thankful message."
My voice cracked with exhaustion, solemnly looking at the chicken soup in my hand, after all, tomorrow, it will undoubtedly go bad. It was wasteful. Just as I was about to turn around, a cold metal suddenly pressed to my head, my body stiffening like a cat.
"Who are you and what am I doing here..? Are you from Shicksal? No, unlikely. Anti-Entropy? Possibly."
A cold and exhausted yet wary voice echoed behind me, along with that cold barrel pressed hard against my head. My body immediately began sweating as I nervously gulped, my head or even my body refusing to move..
"L-look, I'm not Shicksal or Anti-Entropy or whatever you call it. I just happened to find you lying on that dim alley, I couldn't possibly leave you alone defenseless so I took you in."
My voice replied with nervousness, any sane person would if a gun was pointed at their head. Wrong move and I might cross another bridge. Though, despite my nervous response, the gun still hadn't made an inch until it slowly lowered, only then did I let out a sigh of relief. Turning around, there, a girl with that twin braided tail with striking blue eyes.
"...sorry. And you should've left me out there."
Her eyes lowered along with her weapon, her voice hinted with self-loathing as if her worth was no less than a bug, needless to be crashed.
"Thank you…"
Despite the gratitude she offered– even though it was an empty word, I still couldn't grasp why. Why does she look so pitiful? So sad? Who is she grieving for? An unanswered question keeps ringing like a bell inside my head.
"Here, eat it."
I mustered up the courage to push the chicken soup in her hand.
"N-no, I'm not really hungry. You can eat it."
She shook her head in refusal, despite the aroma picking her nose, she still could not accept that food… because she doesn't deserve that kindness he offered towards her. Yet her body completely contradicted her mind, completely betraying her refusals.
"Don't be stupid, just eat it. I still have more in the kitchen, I'd rather not let this food spoil tomorrow."
Faced with my relentless offer, she naturally gave in and accepted it with reluctance.
"Thank you again…"
Her voice narrowed quietly like a child who got scolded by her parents. As I guided her towards the table, sitting across from her. We ate silently… not really silent because the girl across from me seemed to be crying. Her shoulder shook, while her face obscured by her bangs, I was still able to notice this… measly quiver.
My words simply stuck to my throat, not knowing what to do nor to say to support this girl. So I simply turned a blind eye. After all, sometimes not all voices help you but silence will guide you to relieve your grievances.
Moments pass and we finish our dinner, the girl still rooted to that same seat, staring at the window with the look of reminiscing the past. Without saying a word, I got up and headed towards the kitchen, heating the milk and once finished I gently placed it on her side.
"So… not to be rude but… why do you look out of place? You've been staring outside for almost ten minutes."
My eyes stared at her, waiting for her response. Her gaze shifted to me then to the milk before lowering her head.
"...I was thinking about the past. A happy past I wanted to return but couldn't."
She solemnly clutched the warm milked with both of her hands, knuckles turning white because of how hard she grip it. My eyes glanced at the noticeable cracks slowly formed and made no move to stop her.
"Because if I return… I might hurt them again. I don't want it to happen, I… I couldn't bear to see them hurt because of me."
I listened attentively, watching her degrade herself, lowering her neck as if burying her was the only good thing she could do to the world. My eyes still could see, that desperate, lifeless and dim blue eyes slowly turned into fury, then helplessness, then to simply blank, giving up completely. Despite her eyebrow furrowed tightly in-between.
"I don't know your story, nor can my words comfort you. But… you should go rest. I'll take the couch and you can take my bedroom."
"But…"
"No buts, it's my house, so you should take my suggestions."
I immediately rebuke her refusal, leaving no room for buts and ifs. With my determined voice, she ultimately nodded in reluctance. My gazes watch her back disappear behind those doors, slumping at the sofa with tiredness. I did not know where this tiredness came from or perhaps it was because of that girl. Her face is full of self-pity, grievances, loathing to herself. It was painful to watch, seeing her suffer alone.
"I wonder if I could help her…"
I muttered to myself, as my eyelids grew heavier until sleep finally took me. My breath became softer and calmer.
… … … …
"Heavy… I can't breathe… why…"
My voice grew weaker as oxygen in my lungs seemed to stop pumping… no, it feels like something is blocking it. My eyelids were still heavy, I couldn't even move my head nor my body. It remains comatose, tightly tied to this sofa I'm using.
"Sleep… paralysis?"
I muttered to myself, as my breath grew harder. The feeling of sleep paralysis, immobilizing, unable to do anything. Is this how others felt when they got sleep paralysis?
Suddenly, by a miracle, my eyelids suddenly became weaker, I could open them but not wide, rather it was a simple action that took all my strength just to open it.
What greeted me was a beautiful orange star-shaped eyes, her hands seemed to be clutching my neck. This demon– sleep paralysis entity seems albeit too real. The orange star-shaped eyes held with amusement, as if she was crashing an ant with no hint of remorse. Just pure entertainment.
"Oh awake? Then that's good, after all, you're gonna die because of her. Remember this well, that girl is a monster and right that, she'll be killing you with her own hands."
She said without a hint of emotion other than amusement to the sight she bore, yet I still failed to grasp the meaning of those words.
"I… can't… breath…"
I muttered desperately, her ears perked up and with a grin so wide, she replied.
"Good."
She then let out a mocking laugh so hard it rang my ears. I couldn't do anything but stared, I could feel my breath already leaving my body. As she leaned forward, her hot breath pressed against my neck up to my ears.
"After all, a monster like her doesn't deserve to be loved or cared for. So die, and let this death of yours be my stepping stone to rule this world and shatter that naive girl."
You're wrong… she deserves to be loved and cared for. I don't know who you were talking to but you're wrong. It's not up to you to make a decision for others… She deserves to be loved, and deserves to be surrounded by people she loves.
"Oh? Do you think so? Even if she destroys the world, even if she was the enemy of worthless humanity like you?"
I don't care. That girl… couldn't possibly destroy the world! She's too soft, she carried such a burden through her shoulder so… what gives you right to say that!
"Tch. That face… I truly hate that face you are making right now. Annoying pest."
Her grips tighten to my neck, like a snake wrapping their prey with such a great grip. Just as it escalated, her beautiful orange star-shaped right eye suddenly flickered into blue, tears immediately came out.
"No! Stop it!"
That's… her voice… that self-loathing voice already grown tired, that voice already hated herself. It was without a doubt, it was her.
"Oh? Even with my influence, you're still able to get a portion of this body back? Did you really think I would stop just because you said so?"
"Stop it, you demon! Just… how long do you intended destroying everything I cared for?!"
Two souls went into conflict, dominating the body, wrestling each other until one of them dominated the other one. I could feel another hand left to my neck, while the other slowly loosened the grip.
"Huff… huff… huff…"
I immediately inhaled a large amount of air, my chest rising high and my heart beating faster than it normally was.
"Dammit…!"
"You despicable worm! Just who do you think you are trying to cage this queen! This world has already taken you as their enemy! You have nothing to love, nor protect even a friend! You already destroyed them so why are you being so annoyingly persistent!"
"Even so… even if I hurt Mei– everyone else, doesn't that mean I'll allow you to hurt any more than that to others! If taking my life is able to prevent you from hurting others then… I'll gladly end right here, right now!"
She suddenly pulled out the gun and pressed it to her temple, his finger clutching the trigger. Before she could fire, I lunged forward, tackling her from the ground, and grabbing the gun in her hand.
"Stop it you fool! Are you really gonna kill yourself!?"
My voice echoed loudly, both of us wrestled whoever took the gun between our hands. I could feel adrenaline coursing through my blood stream, but still…
"Just what the heck is this strength?!"
I grumbled, despite that thin body of hers, it was packed with so much strength, completely making my attempt futile to take away the gun in her hand.
"I am! Please… let go! I'm tired! I've caused a lot of harm to others! I'm a murderer, an enemy to all because of her! I-I-I can't do it anymore…"
The look in her face already showed this girl completely given up on living, what's in front of me is not a human anymore, but an empty vessel. Still, I couldn't refuse such a word coming from her mouth.
"So what?! Are you really giving up just because you've become a murderer? Completely discarding yourself over your self-pity?!"
"Are you really gonna give up your life just like that?! I don't know you, I don't know the crimes you've committed, I don't know what makes you hate yourself. But… I refuse to believe that you did something that makes you a murderer, even the enemy of all."
"What do you know?! You know nothing about me! You speak like you understand me, but you clearly don't! Everyday, I live knowing I killed someone, everyday I was tormented by this demon living inside me! All my actions are useless because it was already planned from the start! I was living in hell because of her."
She snapped at me, her furrowed tightly packed, eyes brimming with tears and furious over her own uselessness.
"But even so… I couldn't bring myself to end here. I keep running away, keep looking back from the past. My friends, my aunt, everyone… because of me, they are living in hell. I… I dragged them along with me."
"Hell this, hell that. Demon this, demon that."
I raised my voice, already stopped trying to take away the gun in hand. I straddle in her laps as she laid down on the wooden floor.
"If you know what you've caused, then you should know how to end it. Instead of running away, why don't you face it. I can't share that sympathy, I don't know how that feels, but… just live."
My voice finally became softer, her blue eyes looked at my eyes with wide eyes. Tears are still there in the corner of her eyes.
"Live…?"
"Yes, live."
"...I don't deserve it."
"Of course you do."
"How can you be sure…"
"Because I am not."
I shook my head firmly, she looked at me confusedly, why I suddenly contradicted my words.
"But… your life is still yours. Live, cry, get mad, run away, everything is part of life. There must be a reason why you are so sure that you're a murderer, so convincing that you are the enemy of all."
"...what's with that cryptic answer."
She finally stopped, her breakdown already finished. She simply lays down there as I move back to my sofa. Back slumping at the rear.
"...thank you."
"But… I can't stay here."
She got up, putting away her gun from who knows where. That eyes finally have a little life inside, so I just nodded.
"Where will you be going?"
I asked, tilting my head at her. Our gazes meet together, creating a soft rhythm of the night and the breeze passing through.
"I don't know."
She shook her head, scratching her white hair. Before pushing those thoughts aside.
"Then… if you have nowhere to go, please remember this place. If you have nothing to lose, nowhere to stay, no food to eat, please come here. I will… prepare them for you."
"Hm. Thank you."
She turned around and began walking towards the balcony, abruptly, she stopped and looked towards me.
"I'm Kiana, Kiana Kaslana. You are?" She, Kiana Kaslana, finally smiled at him. Though it was barely noticeable, it was still easy to be noticed if that person in front of you is like a goddess descend to the world.
"Me? I'm–"
The sudden strong window passes throw as Kiana smiled, she nodded her head and finally walked towards the balcony.
"Then I'll see you later.'
"Hm. See you later, Kiana."
With that said, she leapt towards the sky, my eyes stared at the sight. It was indeed, like a moon goddess, just like how the moon behind her, following closely at her.