Throughout the days ahead, a bit of happiness ignited within me, the nightmares and hallucinations all but gone, helping my good friend Raef out, introducing him to the class's ecology, and providing him with a few less-than-moral things.
This didn't bother me much. Extorting classmates and helping Raef recruit more students didn't seem so bad. In this city, hierarchies like ours were common, and since Raef was a good person, living under him was bearable, preferable even. Who would truly want to stand alone without backing, dealing with their problems without the help of any sort?
But what gnawed at me, a creeping anxiety beneath it all, was the ongoing decline of my health; the worry became a low, persistent ache, making me wonder—was this the call's doing? I didn't really fear the consequences, but it still stayed in the back of my mind, a looming afterthought.
I had heard so many horror stories about it; would I soon become one of such?
I developed thick, dark circles under my eyes, and my already pale skin grew even paler each day. My condition was clearly getting worse, but I couldn't identify why, perplexing me greatly.
But Raef reassured me that it would pass, so it should be fine. Reaf is good, that meant he had to be right.
Seven days crawled by, each making my body weaker, dizziness surging through me in choking waves. But perhaps most frightening of all was seeing Raef's gaze cool, his opinion of me shifting—was I about to lose him? The panic made my heart pound. No, I forced myself to believe, he couldn't. He wouldn't. Reaf wasn't like that—or was he?
Noticing the sensation of fear for the first time in a while, my confusion grew. The fear was subtle, the fear was weak, the fear only came when the thought of abandonment came to mind.
Watching, numb and hollow, as one of Raef's new cronies slammed a trembling student to the ground, terror shining in the boy's eyes. Suddenly, a flash of guilt burned in my chest—a headache splintered my skull, sharp and sudden.
Why are we doing this? This isn't right. W-Why have I been just standing by?
Walking towards Raef, I asked in a hushed tone, confiding in my most trusted friend.
"Isn't this too much? Shouldn't we stop here?"
Looking a bit startled for a split second, a very uncommon expression for the childish-looking Raef. Had I ever seen him like this? A split second later, a reassuring smile returned, as he casually put his arm over my shoulder and directed us outside the room.
"How have you been recently?"
"Ahm, not so good, I guess... aren't you going to stop them?"
"Yes, of course, of course, just you look quite unwell, I fear for your safety, are you having hallucinations, bouts of dizziness, and headaches perhaps?"
"…Yeah, I guess, headaches and dizziness."
Looking me in the eye, concern was clearly written all over his face, but somehow there was a cold glint hidden beneath the compassion and empathy, hidden behind a mask of lies, was cold, callous logic, calculating something.
"So, no hallucinations? That's good, make sure to go to the teacher after you get hallucinations."
After I get hallucinations?
Hearing this, a bit of confusion lingered within, as Raef said, his face unchanged.
"You should go rest, I'll take care of the rest here, and get well, okay?"
"O-Oke"
Being sent off, confusion lingered; the next days came and passed. The fear that had so long disappeared slowly started to reignite, with it a certain forgotten guilt arising as well.
"Bang"
A hit from Brutus shattered two of my rib bones, the pain barely suppressed between clenched teeth.
Why is he doing this? What could I have possibly done wrong to deserve this kind of pain? The hurt—physical and emotional—became almost unbearable. Do I deserve this? A question arose with it, and a few fragmented pictures flashed past his mind. A girl's body breaking and folding together…
Letting the class pass by, I went to my room, where a little girl was waiting, sitting on my bed, as if nothing had happened.
A wide smile finding its way onto her face, it began anew.
"Ahhhhhhaa"
Days crawled by, each dripping with fresh agony. The torture, relentless and sharp, reignited all my guilt and left fear surging through me, faster than I could hope to contain—filling me up, drowning out everything else.
"Whhhyyy"
"Let me alone!"
"Pleaseeee!!"
"F-Forgiv....!!!!!!"
Unable to mutter the last phrase, my own guilt stopped me in my tracks.
After days of hallucination, the strong fear of what would happen stopped me from going to the teacher, stopping me from following his advice.
"Ding dong"
Walking to the door, my body somehow working better than it did before the hallucinations began, my perplexity healthier, the headaches weaker, everything better with the exception of the eyerings growing ever more pronounced, with the lost sleep.
Opening the door sluggishly, a young man stood before me, the one I had assumed to have abandoned me, to have forgotten me.
Stretching out a hand, which I took as if in a daze, sleep-deprived and madened just like at our first meeting. He pulled me down to his level, making me notice that he had grown a bit since our first meeting. His mouth, now next to my ear.
"Slurp"
"I promised you that the pain would stop, right? And I will hold my promise, and you should hold yours. Go to the Teacher, and he will release you from THIS pain; this is a second promise, a contract that I intend to keep."
A sucking sound, encompassing his every whispered word, my fear disappeared fully, leaving not the slightest remnant behind, this time not taking the guilt with it, a desire for atonement encompassing every sluggish thought.
I turned away, seeing only apathy in Raef's gaze, as if I'd become invisible, utterly discarded. What unsettled me most was the numb, quiet sensation inside—I no longer felt any fear, maybe regret, but fear seemed to be gone from every crevice of my mind. This emptiness felt strange and alien, as if I had been hollowed out. It was almost as if all the sharp edges inside me had dulled into silence, leaving nothing but a cold stillness. I wondered, for a fleeting moment, whether this numbness was a blessing or a curse: was it protection from pain, or just another form of loss, a part of myself gone missing?
I should talk to the Professor.
Making up my mind, no longer restrained by the chains of fear, time went by.
Sitting in the class, I feel my body's condition deteriorating at a visible pace, a strong howling call to some place, tearing at my very being, drilling through my mind.
Walking to the Teacher with apathetic steps, not the slightest bit of hesitation, finding its way into my mind.
While talking with the Professor, my vision started to blur, my eyes failing me. Walking out of the class, side by side with the Professor, my mind started splitting.
It felt like living out multiple lives at the same time, multiple possibilities, multiple instances, multiple fates, of the same moment, all coalescing on the same spot, converging towards the same outcome.
Watching as I was set down on a chair, multiple people surrounded me, wearing medical equipment and masks, intending to sterilize the surroundings, as all of them coordinated, preparing some kind of procedure. The process in every life shows minute differences, yet leads to the same outcome.
Analyzing this apathetically, not fearing what was to come, some of us tried forcing our way out following our instinct to survive, before being detained, a snorcle being forced onto our face, not depending on our actions, all of us fell unconscious, the last thing to see was a scalpel moving towards our bare chests, to his last moments not the slightest fear numbing our thoughts, logicaly watching as if a bystander.
***
The thousands of possibilities, thousands of lives lived at the same time, converged on a single point, nothing but that singular point before me, in me.
Everything was black, everywhere I looked, nothing but a vast expanse of black sludge, as I floated along it, without body, without thought, without mind, one small part of a greater whole.
A singular drop in an ocean.
A small part of a greater whole.
It wasn't an uncomfortable sensation, nor was it particularly comfortable; it was simply nothing.
Suddenly, something looked at me. Something deeply inhuman stared towards me, at me, a mere drop in an endless ocean of like-minded individuals.
What is this? Why am I?
I feel fear—cold, overwhelming, raw. I feel? That sudden, primal panic erupts inside me, almost unfamiliar after so long buried. I think? Why am I here? Who am I?
Bewildered by the emotions, I heard a dark, sinister voice, resounding throughout the entirety of the dark sea, a ripple spreading as a response to the unthavomable force.
Letting the lost emotion bloom into something so strong, incomparable to every other instant of feeling, taking in all his mind, overwhelming and suppressing all of his other emotions.
"I... SEE... YOU"
***
"Uargh"
Shaking heavily, Nox looked down at his hands. The thread, connected to the string of fate, was slowly liquifying, its once-white texture illuminated by gold breaking down and its color darkening, until the entire thread was nothing more than a black puddle marring the once-clean floor.
"Why am I not dead?"
Mumbling this out loud, questioning reality itself.
Still staring at his hands, or were they his? They seemed somehow different.
Seeing a dark droplet fall onto the pale skin, creating a stark contrast of black and white, he now stared into the reflective surface of the black sludge, which had formed a pool in his hands, as more and more droplets rained down. Nox's face was fully reflected in it, with two black streaks running across his face, staining his usually pristine white face.
"This isn't my face. No... No, no, no, wait, I'm not Elisa! I-I- Im Noctis...Noctis Raveth, wh-who looked into the fate of Elisa Weak. Ahha. What? How?.. Urgha"
Feeling something stuck in his throat, a lump or something else. Finding it difficult to breathe, he started regurgitating, not wanting to choke on whatever was stuck in his throat.
"gulp-gag-gag"
"BLECH"
Feeling a lump, traveling upward, closing his airways on its way, the thing was feeling like it was growing by the second. Noctis' face slowly took on a shade of blue-purple.
Before passing out because of the lack of oxygen, however, the lump finally traveled to his mouth, before flowing out in a stream of puke and blackish liquid.
Taking one glance at the black substance that had rested in Elisa's body, a revolted, disgusted, and most of all horrified expression on his face, a fleshy ball, indentations littering it with small tendrils flaying in the air, surrounded by a puddle of tar, looking like a hellspawn playing in a puddle, falling into his eye.
He averted his gaze, growing nauseous, at the thought of that having been in him.
Briefly thinking about squishing the nightmare for a split second, before denying the notion, not the slightest Idea what it was, and how it would react.
A second later, maybe feeling his thoughts, it started moving, pulling itself away, its tentacles astonishingly fast, throwing themselves forward, leaving nothing more than a black line behind it, leaving clear evidence.
Watching it disappear motionless, Noctis mumbled in a quiet, numb voice.
"Someone else will have to deal with this."
This would definitely come back to bite him, but he couldn't care less at the moment.
Catching himself again and reaffirming his Identity, a cacophony of thoughts rushed through Elisa, no Noctis as he built up conjectures and theories at lightning speed, the confusion and doubts lessening by the second, his brain working on overdrive. The impaired state of his brain, nowhere to be seen.
"I must get out of here!"
Feeling a strong urge to leave this place, before anyone came by and saw something they should not.
He tried to stand up, lifting himself from his knees, and he noticed his body feeling heavier than usual, as he almost stumbled forward, his brain hotter than it should be, and his Notium reserves completely drained. The strings of fate were nowhere in sight, as if they had never been there, a mere delusion of his. Did the ability deactivate because I used up all the Notium running through my body?
Hastily wiping away the black liquid that had flooded out of Nox's orifices, Nox started walking towards his room at a quick pace, thoughts bombarding his mind the entire journey.
What is wrong with this place!?
Did I just now see Elisa's life, or at least parts of it?
What's happening to me!?
Simply thinking about it made shivers run down his spine. There were a bunch of blurry parts, but Nox had seen more than he wanted to, almost being consumed in the process; the only reason he wasn't was the alien emotional differences he and Elisa felt.
Confused about this, especially during the latter part, when I experienced multiple lives. Was I multiple people? Did I see the possibilities of the future? Did this not happen yet?
Is Elisa still alive?
Suppressing thoughts about Elisa, Nox made his way towards his room, not wanting to think any further; he had a bad premonition: even thinking about the dark creature could lead to backlash, a connection strengthening between the two. After all, merely by talking to Trisha, their connection strengthened, so who was to say finding out more about someone could not lead to similar results?
Taking a turn and immediately jumping back, not wanting to be seen. Glancing around the corner, there was a young, pretty woman wearing a purple shirt with dark-coloured pants, the most striking part of her appearance being her naturally purple lips.
It was Trisha standing in front of his door, her arms folded, a finger tapping her arm in a chaotic, changing rhythm.
What is she doing here!?
Can I simply wait her out?
She was clearly waiting for him, wanting to ascertain why he had acted so weirdly during class, so maybe if he just waited, she would give up.
Still hiding behind a corner, Nox heard the one thing he truly did not want to hear at this moment. Steps.
"tip, tap, tip, tap, tip, tap, tip, tap."
Hearing the homing in steps, he could guess that there were two people coming from behind.
Not daring to look back, in fear of revealing his soot-covered face.
He had little time, either brush past Trisha, maybe revealing more than I'd be comfortable with, or definitely reveal something to a complete stranger.
Shit! Rushing forward, Trisha noticed Nox hurrying over, his face smeared with a barely cleaned-up black liquid. Making eye contact, a bewildered look flared up as Trisha saw the black stain-covered face.
Looking confused for a second, her confusion disappeared as she saw Nox's distressed expression, her face growing serious.
Narrowing her eyes slightly, she saw two students walking behind him. Not fully understanding the situation, Trisha chose a more cautious approach.
"Hey, my good friends, haven't seen you in a while."
Looking up from their conversation, the two female students' expressions distorted as they turned 180 degrees and hurried off, revealing their aversion to Trisha openly, not even attempting to hide it.
Truly, how does one achieve such levels of aversion, and who would have thought that it would come in use sometime?
Walking past Trisha, his gaze lowered.
Nox quickly opened the door with a card. Passing through, Trisha's gaze followed, clearly wanting to get an explanation.
Answering in a hushed tone, out of courtesy, for the help.
"I'll explain tomorrow,... and thanks for the assistance."
Not turning his head towards her, Nox quickly closed the door, finally reaching the safety of his home.
A relieved sigh escaped his lips before being replaced by somber silence, his body collapsing against the door.