Chapter 172: The Great Meatball Conspiracy
"Here's her basic profile. Take a look."
With a casual gesture, Haruto opened a gap in space and pulled out a stack of documents, handing them to Kaguya.
Kaguya accepted the file, her gaze immediately landing on the photograph clipped to the top page. It showed a woman with a cold, elegant face. Below the photo, her name, age, estimated strength, and even her home address were listed in unnerving detail.
Kaguya's eyelids twitched with increasing frequency as she read. Before she could even finish, Haruto continued, his tone casual.
"Ran's people are still digging into the finer details. Once they're done, I'll be sure to give her another little surprise."
Kaguya silently gave him a thumbs-up. 'So he really is going to track her down through the internet,'she thought with a smirk. Pulling out her own phone, she opened their group chat, tagged @Su Ning, and, following Haruto's lead, sent a simple, ominous message:'You're finished.'
On the other side of the world, Su Ning was still puzzling over why her best friend had been acting so strangely all day, hesitant and evasive. Her phone vibrated. She pulled it out, saw the new message, and her face, already clouded with confusion, darkened even further.
"So," Kaguya said, pocketing her phone, "what are your plans for later?"
"Find a nice plot of land and release these Cute Meatballs," Haruto replied. "I just sold two to Kourindou. I also plan on spreading the word that these things are poisonous and inedible."
"Kourindou? You managed to sell those things?" Kaguya's expression was a mixture of surprise and curiosity. "And are they really poisonous?"
"They can be sold," Haruto confirmed with a nod, proceeding to explain the entire transaction with Rinnosuke.
Kaguya's expression grew more and more incredulous as the story unfolded. When she heard that Haruto had actually managed to sell two of the creatures for a staggering sixty thousand yuan, her mouth couldn't help but twitch.
"You charged him sixty thousand for these things?"
"Who told him to scam my shrine maiden first?" Haruto declared righteously. "Remember that first instance I entered? The flashlight he sold me was ridiculously expensive. If he wants to play the scammer, he should be prepared to be scammed in return."
'Besides,'he thought to himself,'counting the forty thousand I scammed out of Reimu before, I only really made twenty thousand off him. I'm being perfectly honorable here.'
"As for the meatball itself, it's not actually poisonous," Haruto explained. "It's just that in the early stages, we have to prevent people from overhunting them out of sheer curiosity. We need to give them time to breed."
He elaborated on his plan. "So, I'm going to spread a rumor that these Cute Meatballs secrete a toxin from October to January. It's not noticeable in the short term, but long-term consumption leads to paralysis at best and death at worst."
"And how, exactly, do you plan to spread this news?"
"Just find Aya."
"The paparazzi, Aya?" Kaguya's mouth twitched again. "Are you sure? I think finding any random folk newspaper would be more reliable than her."
Haruto had to nod in agreement. Shameimaru Aya's Bunbunmaru Newspaper boasted fast distribution and high sales, but its credibility was dubious at best. Most of Gensokyo treated it as a collection of exaggerated stories, good for a laugh after a meal and little else.
"You could find Tewi and have the rabbits under her do it," Kaguya suggested.
"Those little rabbits?" Haruto frowned, recalling that Tewi Inaba did indeed command a veritable army of them. "Can they even talk?"
Kaguya rolled her eyes at him. "Isn't that obvious? Many of the rabbits at Eientei have already taken human form. Not only can they talk, they can probably sing, dance, and rap for you if you pay them enough."
"Then I'll go find Tewi for help right now."
Just as Haruto opened the door to leave, he found Tewi Inaba herself standing right outside, her hand raised as if she were about to knock.
"Well, what a coincidence," Haruto said, raising an eyebrow. He hadn't expected her to be visiting Kaguya.
The moment Tewi saw Haruto, she froze. Her eyes darted between him and Kaguya, who was still inside the room. A spark of understanding—or rather, misunderstanding—ignited in her eyes, and her face lit up with mischievous excitement.
But just as she was about to open her mouth, she was struck by the memory of the last time she'd been too talkative and earned the combined wrath of the two. A shiver ran down her spine. She forcibly swallowed her words, making a mental note to share this juicy gossip with Reisen later.
"Uh... I seem to have come at the wrong time," Tewi said, forcing a pair of dry laughs as she began to quietly back away. "You two continue, I'll just... come back later..."
Before she could retreat more than a step, Haruto's hand shot out and snagged her by the collar, easily lifting the rabbit youkai off her feet and pulling her back inside.
"Since you're already here, why are you in such a hurry to leave?" Kaguya asked, a faint, knowing smile playing on her lips.
Tewi dangled in the air, her little legs kicking uselessly. "I really didn't see anything! This rabbit was just passing by!"
"Perfect. I have a job for you," Haruto said, setting her down but keeping a firm hand on her shoulder to prevent another escape attempt.
"What is it?" Tewi asked cautiously, not agreeing immediately.
"It's simple. Have the rabbits under your command help me spread some news. Just say that a new species has recently been introduced to Gensokyo, but these meatball-like things produce a toxin from October to January. Long-term consumption leads to paralysis at best, death at worst."
Hearing that it wasn't some troublesome task like stealing the games or manga Eirin had confiscated, Tewi visibly relaxed, a sigh of relief escaping her. She patted her small chest and puffed it out proudly.
"No problem! A small thing like this is just a matter of a few words."
With her promise made, she turned and scampered off with a pitter-patter of footsteps. Halfway down the corridor, however, she skidded to a halt and turned back.
"Um... what do the Cute Meatballs look like? Do you have a photo?"
With a wave of Haruto's hand, a small, pink meatball tumbled out of a gap and landed softly on the floor. When Tewi saw it, a look of sudden realization crossed her face.
"Isn't this just a hairless Fuzzy Ball?"
"Close," Haruto said, "but these meatballs will mimic the voices of children to trick people into giving them food."
While Tewi was still processing this, the pink meatball on the ground spoke up, its voice a perfect imitation of a small child's.
"Big sister~ big sister~ can I have the carrot in your hand? I'm so hungry."
Tewi finally understood. She silently hid the carrot she was holding behind her back.
"Well then, I won't disturb you two. I'm out of here."
"Hold on," Haruto called out to her again.
Tewi turned back in confusion, only to see Haruto reach out and deftly snatch the carrot from her grasp.
"Let me borrow this carrot."
"No way!" Tewi immediately snatched it back, shielding it behind her. "I still need to use this! If you want to eat, go to the Human Village and buy some yourself. This rabbit grew this with a lot of hard work!"
"I'm just borrowing it. I'll return it once the luck attached to it is used up."
"You wait right here!"
Tewi ran off, returning a moment later with a freshly picked leaf in her hand.
"Take this, it has the same effect," she said, panting slightly. "This carrot is my breakfast."
"That works too," Haruto conceded. He only wanted the luck attribute anyway; whether it came from a carrot or a leaf didn't matter.
After Tewi finally left for good, Haruto and Kaguya departed from Eientei to find suitable places to release the Cute Meatballs.
The two of them first placed a batch deep within the Forest of Magic, then scattered another portion on the mountains near the Human Village. They had initially worried that the creatures wouldn't be able to withstand the toxic mist that permeated the forest, but to their surprise, the spores in the air seemed to have no effect on them at all.
"Let's go," Kaguya said, stretching tiredly after a busy day. She noticed, however, that Haruto was still standing in place, his gaze fixed on something.
Following his line of sight, she saw a single, pale pink meatball amidst the group of multi-colored ones they had just released. It was a size smaller than the others, and every time it tried to get close, the other meatballs would scatter, avoiding it like the plague.
"What's going on?" Kaguya asked, walking curiously to Haruto's side.
He shook his head. "I'm not sure."
Just then, the pale pink meatball turned toward them. A childish, yet strangely resonant voice rang out—
"Old hag, old hag~ I'm so hungry. Can you give me something to eat?"
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