Chapter 16 - Chapter 13: Coherence Before The Storm Came

In the backyard, where the sun was still at its dawning, and where the sky was still pink. I was playing with my dad, throwing the football back and forth. I can admit this is quite fun, even if it was so simple. "How was school, son? Well… besides that boo-boo you got," Dad said. I then answered before I threw the football back to him, "It was good… nothing so bad." The feel of the football wasn't real… I can't describe it but it felt like leather, that's all I can describe. Throughout this whole day, I almost felt like I was fading… Everytime I remember an imagination, it just disappears. Could it be- "That's great. But… be careful next time, I don't want you to get hurt again," My dad replied to the answer before he threw the football back at me. We continued throwing the football back and forth. It could be nothing… After a few minutes of throwing the ball while we talked. He catches the football one last time and says, "You know, It might be time to head inside. It's about to be dark. I'm surprised you know how to throw a football, though." I smiled and nodded. It's been fun throwing the ball back and forth, but that tape was just nagging on my back. This game of catch really cheered me up, because now… now… now what…? "Hey, Dad..?" I called out. My dad before he went inside turned back to look at me. "Yeah, son?" My dad replied. "I was wondering if I can stay out here for a bit… before I go inside. Can I?" I asked softly. My dad nodded and told me before he went inside, "Sure. Maybe for a few more minutes." My dad opened the door and went inside. Now, the backyard was silent. The only sounds were the leaves rustling from the wind, birds chirping, and no more jazz music. I walked to the slide and climbed to the top of it. Before I slid down, I looked at the sunset. It felt like looking at something that's beautiful yet will vanish soon. I drew, read, and played today yet something keeps bothering me everywhere I go, even at the end of time? Something nags at me that I shouldn't be here. I do belong here. I've always been here, and I've always been happy. The sunset had an orange glow, with the sky around it being pink and the air felt humid like it was sweating. I know that feeling from somewhere… I pushed myself and slid down the slide. Just that, made me have a small smile on my face. I should enjoy it while it lasts till my heart stops in joy. Was it an imagination? An Imagination that keeps coming back like a boomerang? No matter how far you throw it, it always comes back. Until you threw it too far and it just… never came back. I continued going up and down the slide. Making me happier the more I slid down. I slid down the slide many times. I could slide on it until my pants rip, well… nevermind, that's a bit weird. Throughout this whole day, it's been 'in the middle' but also a glee. I got a wound from walking on the sidewalk, that's fine. And at school… What happened at school? I did have fun at school, I played with my friends, and I learned a lot today. Yeah… that's what happened. Well.. I entered this strange house when I was walking… wait, no I didn't. Nothing happened, I just got a wound from walking. I watched a VHS tape, it had… me in it. No, that didn't happen either. It's not in the front nor back of my head. I wonder… how do I know how to even throw a football in the first place…? Now, I just feel like I've gone too far to the point where I don't even know my origin point. What was my origin point? Where did I come from? Though I know one thing, I was born here. After sliding down this slide, I just stopped. The slide became… dull. It no longer made me entertained and interested. It now became empty. Let me just slide down… one last time. I went up the ladder, sat down, looked at the sunset which was about to fully go down and it's about to become nighttime, and slid down the slide. This final slide felt like a final spark of my happiness on this slide. After that slide, I stood up, and went inside with a small smile on my face. Leaving the slide sit there in the warm humid afternoon… in the humid… warm… sunny… blissful… afternoon that'll become elusive. A perfect way to describe it. Ever since that game of catch with Dad, it felt like nothing bad happened today. Well, really nothing bad happened today, it was truly a glee. But sometimes, I wonder, wouldn't it be easier to forget things that get in the way of bliss rather than remembering them? I went inside, and in the kitchen, it felt cool… That's perfect, it was pretty hot outside, it's also why I went inside, or maybe my only reason. I could still taste the chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, and choccy milk, even if that was about 5-10 minutes ago. I wish I could eat it again, to be honest. I looked at my hand… oh right… I forgot about that… the wound from the sidewalk. I stood there looking at the linen bandage covering my hand. I don't like it… I don't want to know what the wound even looks like. The wound even aches just like my heart sometimes. I looked away from my hand and walked to the living room, where my dad was sitting on my sofa, his head resting on his hand. "Hey, son, glad you came inside. I was going to go and tell you to get inside," My dad said. I nodded and sat down… I sat down… I sat down… on the floor, picked a tape to watch, and I chose whatever felt familiar to me… Spongebob Squarepants. Maybe… I remembered this, surprisingly. I watched Spongebob's antics play on the screen, cooking krabby-patties, and you know, doing goofy things. I wonder… How are krabby patties made, were they made from crabs..? No, that's too scary… Maybe they're made from kelp. Yuck… who eats kelp? Only the fishes. My head was filled with so many questions, not just about this show, but also my life which I've always had here. A confusion so thick that I could not fathom it. Oh, how I wish I coud answer them all at once and just be left with coherence… coherence… coherence… what does that mean? I don't know what it means but that's what I might need right now. I kept looking at the screen, the confusion increased, to the point where I cannot pinpoint anything. Instead, I just looked at the floor. In confusion… In loss… In disorganization… In irrationality… In unreasonability… and finally… Incoherence. It's the point where it felt like I was drowning in my own mind's static until my dad's voice snapped me out of it. "Tim?" Dad called out. I looked away from the floor and my gaze went onto Dad. "You okay, son? Is the… TV too much for you?" My dad asked. Speaking of which, I think it was. My head was now throbbing in pain, possibly from maybe me being close to the television screen and/or my own thoughts. I rubbed my forehead, the pain was now torturing me, just like my thoughts did. "Yeah… My head hurts… for some reason," I replied. "Maybe it's because you're too close to the screen to the point you'll be sucked into it," My dad teased as he helped me stand up and sit on the couch. Then, he ordered me, "Stay here, I'll get water for you." Really… I could get up and get that water myself… but naturally… I just listened. Because it's the right thing to do, to respect and follow what your parents say. That's the obvious thing to do, who wouldn't? Maybe some water could help relax and get off of those… lies. I can't even be happy, filled with glee and relaxation, without something getting on my back. Then, My dad came to me, and handed me a cold bottle of water. I looked at the bottle then took it from his shadowy hand. I opened the bottle and took a sip. The cold liquid ran down my throat, not only hydrating me, but also killing off the headache. "Better?" My dad asked and which I answered, "Yeah, much better. Thanks, dad, you're the best." I gave him a small smile. My dad smiled back… I think… I think he did smile, really… I just couldn't tell. My dad ruffled my hair before changing the television from VCR To Live TV. I don't know what the Live TV showed, my head was too… ruffed up to even remember right now. I laid my head on the cushion of the sofa, closed my eyes… maybe this headache will vanish away like it deserves to be. Why can't I just have a day where I can actually relax… maybe for the weekends. I last heard of the voices from the television which were talking about some… I don't know, a toy? When those voices passed, I fell asleep… and when I did, I stared into pitch-black abyss. The abyss felt cold… even if I couldn't feel it. I feel like I was floating but also falling at the same time. The crackles and sounds of static fills my ears, tormenting me and always coming back even if I try to think of something else. I could feel my body twitching, squirming, and even aching but I did not move. Have… I reached my limit? Was I truly happy? Why does it matter how my heart breaks..? And most importantly… What's going to happen? Am I going to become just like them and my bliss becomes fulfilled? I'll see what fate decides if I can be happy forever, and ever… a̸n̵d̷ ̴e̷v̶e̶r̷…̸ á̸̭n̸̞͒d̷̠͠ ̶̝̋e̵̪̍v̷̜̊e̵̟͗ŕ̸̫…̴͔̂ a̶͓͕͠n̴͇̺̽͝d̴̠̓̄ ̶̡̫͗̓e̵͕͠v̷̨̑ė̶͔̦͝r̴̗̭̅…̵̭̈͘ İ̵̖̀'̴̡͉̄l̷͇͊l̷̡͋ͅ ̶̲̫͆b̶̭̰̑͠e̶͔͈̾ ̷̮̒h̸̼͊à̵̳̓p̵̮̓̐p̴̟͝y̷̤͗ ̷̞͇͛t̵͕͛͠i̶͙͂̎l̶̘̋̓ͅl̶̘̈ ̵̱̟̆̍t̴̙̬͒͘h̵͍̓ȩ̵̫̓̌ ̸̛̦̄d̶̰̱͆͛a̸̗̎̉ỹ̶̦̔ ̶͍́Ī̴̠̺͝'̴̟͎̓l̸̮͎̀̈l̷̄ͅ ̷̜͙͒d̷̗̰̓͝i̵͛͜e̴̱͗̔.̸̝̃̀ ̴̗͔͛̍ I continued falling down the blissful abyss. I did hear music but… it was constantly stopping and sounded… distorted and sounded like the wind was blowing past. I'm not sure if I'm falling into happiness or falling into- ugh… despair. I can't stop even thinking about it. But… It doesn't matter, because İ̵̖̀'̴̡͉̄l̷͇͊l̷̡͋ͅ ̶̲̫͆b̶̭̰̑͠e̶͔͈̾ ̷̮̒h̸̼͊à̵̳̓p̵̮̓̐p̴̟͝y̷̤͗ ̷̞͇͛t̵͕͛͠i̶͙͂̎l̶̘̋̓ͅl̶̘̈ ̵̱̟̆̍t̴̙̬͒͘h̵͍̓ȩ̵̫̓̌ ̸̛̦̄d̶̰̱͆͛a̸̗̎̉ỹ̶̦̔ ̶͍́Ī̴̠̺͝'̴̟͎̓l̸̮͎̀̈l̷̄ͅ ̷̜͙͒d̷̗̰̓͝i̵͛͜e̴̱͗̔.̸̝̃̀ ̴̗͔͛̍ … ţ̴́̉ȉ̶̢l̴̪̞͊̓l̶̡̍ ̶͍̮̈́t̶̙͐̅h̷͈̃̔e̶̲̜̾ ̷̪̤͝d̶̫̬͠ȧ̶̦y̴͘ͅ ̷̛̲̳̊I̷͎̓'̵̝̂̕ḻ̸̌̾͜l̷̖̣̑̊ ̸͚̕͝d̵͍̟͝i̵̭̽ē̵̻… ţ̴́̉ȉ̶̢l̴̪̞͊̓l̶̡̍ ̶͍̮̈́t̶̙͐̅h̷͈̃̔e̶̲̜̾ ̷̪̤͝d̶̫̬͠ȧ̶̦y̴͘ͅ ̷̛̲̳̊I̷͎̓'̵̝̂̕ḻ̸̌̾͜l̷̖̣̑̊ ̸͚̕͝d̵͍̟͝i̵̭̽ē̵̻… ţ̴́̉ȉ̶̢l̴̪̞͊̓l̶̡̍ ̶͍̮̈́t̶̙͐̅h̷͈̃̔e̶̲̜̾ ̷̪̤͝d̶̫̬͠ȧ̶̦y̴͘ͅ ̷̛̲̳̊I̷͎̓'̵̝̂̕ḻ̸̌̾͜l̷̖̣̑̊ ̸͚̕͝d̵͍̟͝i̵̭̽ē̵… Slowly, I woke up. I was no longer in the abyss but in the same living room where I was sleeping. I sat up and saw that I had a soft blanket laid on top of me. Maybe mom or dad put that on me when they saw me sleep. I stood up and rubbed my eyes. That was… a blissful nightmare. I know those things can't go together though. The TV was still on live, it was about some game show… What was the name…? Eh, it doesn't matter. My headache's gone but now I feel a bit dizzy from that nightmare. Dizzy… giddy… woozy… swimmy… lightheaded… or maybe all of them. Wait… is it morning already? I looked outside the window, but it wasn't morning. The sky was a void and all the buildings and objects had blue lighting. No sight of dawn. Okay, maybe it's midnight, the house is quiet after all. I don't even want to see that television screen anymore, ever since that little storm. I walked to the television and turned it off. Now, the house was fully silent, and it was a peaceful type of silence. I could go back to sleep, but that nap really filled my energy. I want my mommy and daddy though… by my side, and whenever I need them, I can always go to them. I went back to the couch, laid down with my blanket covering my body from my feet to my torso, and stared at the ceiling…. ceiling… ceiling. I'm lonely, I'm scared, I don't feel like going back to that nightmare, even though it was blissful. Then, I heard footsteps, and… and… a voice. "Tim?" The voice said. Oh… that's my mom, what was I worried about? "Hi, mom," I said tiredly, "I just woke up from my good nap." I don't think it was really good or bad… maybe in the middle. "Are you still tired, Tim? Or, obviously, energized," My mom asked and I whined in response, "I'm a bit tired, but I don't wanna go back to that nightmare." My mom walked towards me and crouched to meet my height. "Tell me about your nightmare, honey," she requested with softness in her tone. "In the nightmare, I was… I was… umm… I don't know, mom," I sighed and looked down on the floor. I don't know why, but the nightmare, I think… it never happened. Mom nodded and picked me up gently. "It's fine… nightmares are temporary, after all. Now, let's get you to bed." She carried me upstairs to my room and laid me down. The bed was comfy like it should be. My mom kissed me on the forehead, and said to me softly, "Good night, Tim. Tomorrow's a new day." She left the room and closed the door behind. Mom's right, tomorrow's always a new day, It's never same. I closed my eyes shut, and slowly fell back to sleep. No more nightmares… When I wake up, I'll probably be smiling and the morning will be full of bliss…. Tomorrow's a new day… a new day… a new day… and it'll always be like that.