Piano practise was worse.
Way worse.
My hands stumbled on the keys and I kept making mistakes that I never made before.
I played sometimes voilent, as if I got in a face to face revenge argument with my enemy and came to play piano.
My mind which was usually empty and wandering like a sailor on a peaceful sea that was the sound was now filled with words thought scattered like leaves in the wind.
My instructor Helen noticed.
"Something wrong Olives?"
I shook my head. "Nothing."
"You're lying. Something happened." She sat on the stool by me and once I stopped playing she started playing. "Tell me." She said as her fingers pressed the keys.
I took a deep breath.
"I am going to be a governess"
"That is rather good news, is it not?" She said.
It was surprising how she did not stop playing but continued as if what I said is something that would happen on a regular day.
"I am going to be a governess, in a place far away from here. I will miss everything".
I said, her reaction spurred on my disappointment and devastation. "You may never even see me again."
"Which place are you going to?"
"Excuse me?"
"Where are you going to work? And for who?" She said, now she was playing another song.
"I don't know. I think Mrs Gerald wanted it be a surprise."
She suddenly stopped playing and turned to me.
"Perhaps it's better that way. To keep you excited."
I sighed. "You're right."
"Good now, relax and start with the song Sweet Lullaby. To relax yourself and practice."
I started playing, trying to once again be the sailor on a calm sea. Sailing endlessly with closed eyes and a quiet heart and the mind and soul following the music. Surely if I wasn't going to be sent away… it would have been easy for me to slip away. But I couldn't.
"Won't you miss me?" I said, I stopped playing looking at her.
Helen was silent for a long moment, I regretted asking her the question. Then she answered.
"Yes…and at the same time, no."
I was silent, taken back.
"Listen Olives." Helen said standing by me and looking at me. "We have known each other for a long time. I have stood by you and helped you, I remeber the day I first taught you the basics of piano."
"Yes I was only nine."
"Exactly." She paused for a moment. "You see there will be times where I will find myself wanting to see you, see you make mistakes, and learn and improve. Just like what you did all these years, which made you become as good as you are now."
I exhaled.
"But Olive, life whether you like or not, will move on. Eventually I will be teaching other people,will be playing at school events, and maybe I might teach someone as dedicated as you. But you must know you will always be I'm my rightful lights, and eventually as time will move on, you must move on with it. Or you will be left behind."
With that she tapped in the piano.
"That's enough, you must rest. You are now more than just a student. Wish you well Olive." She said.
I then got up, unable to speak. What she said there hit hard. But I knew I must accept it.