As the two wandered down that darkened path, Tao Hua found himself absorbed in his own thoughts. So much so that the deeper he'd venture, the more he'd stray toward the flock of trees.
One of two things would bring him back to reality, both terrifying. Either Shan Si would bark at him to return, which only frustrated him further as they travelled down the dusty road, or a rustle would sound amid the shadowy patch.
Both would make Tao Hua jump and immediately rush to Shan Si's side. Shameless, at best, but this wasn't without reason.
What captivated his mind hadn't anything to do with the entire sequence of events. Not the fire, not the book-stealing-fun, nor the insults…if they could be called insults.
Truths could also work.
Once he made it to Shan Si's side, he'd glance up, studying the side of his face. Shan Si was distracted, constantly checking their surrounding with each twitch of the eye. From one side to the other, as if expecting something to attack.
It was Siyue Town; Tao Hua knew there wasn't going to be anything worth his time. Even if the little critters in the bushes terrified him, he was certain they only rushed away at the mere notice of a tall, intimidating figure.
He blew out a few puffs of thin air, one after the other. It was almost rhythmic, following his every step. Then, his thoughts would emerge once more, and he'd subconsciously trail back from the pebble he'd been kicking on their journey to Shan Si once more.
"…" Then he looked away, eyes widened and trying to hold back an awkward smile. He thought, The type of man men flock to…?
Of all the things that day, this was what had him unknowingly stray off in a daze. That interaction of theirs, by the Tao Esate gate, what did that even mean? Tao Hua struggled to understand it, and it was far different from the man who had entered his room and restrained him.
But he thought, tipping his head sideways and crossing his arms. Both his lips and forehead wrinkled amid the thoughts.
He makes it sound like he has other reasons for breaking in. But what would those reasons even be? First he gets mad, pushes me against a wall, and demands me of things I don't have answers to.
Tao Hua squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying to figure out this man's motives.
But when I compare it to… Tao Hua slowly opened his eyes, staring at the gauze on his hand. Shan Si was careful to bandage me and gave me more time when I couldn't get up. Helped me out of the window.
He had to stop, shaking his head. Can I even count that?! It was his way of kidnapping, after all.
Even that didn't make sense to Tao Hua, and had him pressing a finger to his forehead. See, in most of the books he'd read, where the princess ended up taken by some scary villain, they usually did it against her will. Despite Shan Si saying Tao Hua hadn't had a choice, he didn't act like Tao Hua didn't have a choice.
And then he thought about the same thing that had been said to him earlier. You're the type of man men flock to.
That had to mean something. So, Tao Hua turned to look up at Shan Si, and of course, Shan Si was still heavily focused, which somehow only fuelled Tao Hua's hope even more.
He opened his mouth, but then closed it, and he'd do this again, repeating it a few more times until it became a habit. A bad one, to be exact.
At this point, his lips were drier than the grey dust that coated the fabric of their boots. Absolutely parched.
Shan Si, however, was a keen man, and he'd already caught onto whatever game Tao Hua was playing. As the two strolled, and without moving his head once, he said, "Just say it."
Tao Hua froze and just thought, Was I really that obvious?!
With hesitation, he pressed his hands together and twiddled his fingers. They were grossly sweaty, and the longer he stood there fidgeting, the more they'd dampen. Still, that didn't wipe away the bashful smile he had on his face, or the way he refused to look at Shan Si.
So, Shan Si stopped, and finally, he turned to look at Tao Hua. His expression was a mix of disinterest and annoyance—something best worn by all lazy people. He had his hand pressed on his sword, and judging by the way he fiddled with the string, it was clear the impatience was growing.
"If you've got something to say, it's better to say it now before we leave."
Tao Hua, under his breath, with sweat trickling down his face, said, "Um, yes, okay."
But there was no proper answer, which caused Shan Si's brows to quiver. He tapped against the pommel, and with each tap, Tao Hua's sweat would accumulate.
"I'm not going to carry you if that's what you're asking," said Shan Si, ina clear attempt to speed up their interaction. Before he could turn away, however, Tao Hua shouted.
"No! Er, wait, no?" Pausing, Tao Hua contemplated those very words, his eyes nearly going cross-eyed. It wasn't a bad idea; he was already exhausted—but clearly it was already off the table, so there was no point in offering it a second thought. With a shake of his head, he pinched his fingers and quietly said, "That's…not…it."
"You can have your book back later. Once we figure out how it's involved with the relic," said Shan Si, still as inexpressive as before.
Taken aback, Tao Hua momentarily lookd down at his hands. Is that why he wanted the book?
He was getting answers to questions he never intended to ask! Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing overall. Shaking his head, he said, "No…it's not that either."
"Well, hurry. Your Father is slow, but not nearly as slow as you are."
Another reason to freeze, mouth agape. Turns out if he wanted to know what this man was thinking, simply waste his time. But there was still truth in what he was saying. Master Tao loved his estate and treasured it most—it was his statement to the rest of the noble world and the people of Siyue Town.
So, there was really no doubt he was fuming, ready to send whoever it was that sullied his prized possession. What would the town think of him if they let this intruder get away? It would destroy his name and all he'd built.
Tao Hua watched as Shan Si started to turn back and then took a quick step forward, yelling, "N-No! THat's not it either!"
With a loud sigh, he stopped and turned once more. This time the indifference wasn't present, but genuine exhaustion. "Then what? Stop skipping around."
"Uh…um…" Tao Hua stuttered, but with one daring glance from Shan Si, he hurriedly exclaimed, "Are you actually doing this for the relic?! I get it; you need it. Sounds really important, but…maybe."
Shan Si squinted, watching as Tao Hua awkwardly rambled on and on.
"I just feel like maybe there is more to why you're doing all of this…or taking me. Right? Um, thank you? For, um, doing the nice things and saying the nice things."
His attempt was worse than a child selling a product. Tao Hua's chest beat so rapidly, throbbing in his already trembling fingers, and
Suddenly, what was feigned with annoyance returned. This time, it curled upward into a smile no faker than it was mocking. He looked down at Tao Hua, his face darkening.
"I push you against a wall, burn all you've ever known, read your diary, and somehow you think I'm not doing this out of self-interest? What kind of partnership do you think we have, Tao Hua?"
His chest seized, and that heartbeat slowed. Tao Hua was like a statue, standing amid the first blizzard of the wintry season. Somehow that hurt more than anything Shan Si had done all day.
But it wasn't like he wasn't already used to it. Twenty years of training, and all that fun stuff.
"Ah…I was just…sorry." Tao Hua lowered his hands to his side, trying to maintain the smile on his face. "I just thought—"
"You really do live in books." Shan Si darkly laughed, turning away and starting for the gate again. "That's expected of someone lonely enough to write friends in a book. I'm not whatever character you've created in your head. Get real, Tao Hua."
Now that's what truly stung. As Tao Hua stood amid all his fading, self-deprecating thoughts, he struggled to see the pebble he'd been kicking. It was blurry. He couldn't understand why it was blurry.
So he pulled himself together, removing the smile he tried to maintain. It was tossed aside like an old outfit, no longer of use. Even though it was his favourite outfit, there was no fighting with a piece of fabric that no longer fit him.
Did it ever fit him?
But for once, Tao Hua wasn't caught int he depths of his depression; instead, he was experiencing something newer. Something best fuelled by exhaustion.
Tao Hua was pissed off—and for once, not just at himself. Sure, he was mad for turning this man into something he clearly wasn't, but he made a choice in that moment.
That choice was not to carry the full responsibility for their actions, but also now placed it on the man who made the choice to have Tao Hua in his life. This anger was no longer Tao Hua's to burden alone.
He held out his hand, staring at the gauze with clear disgust on his face. Instead of seeing it as the white, beautiful silk it once was, he merely glanced at every blotch of red staining it.
What was I thinking?
Shan, now reaching the gate of Siyue Town, yelled, "Hurry up!"
So, Tao Hua curled his hand into a fist. Shan Si wasn't a fairytale prince, and he was no better than the people who inhabited Siyue Town.
A manipulator; someone who played the role of a dashing prince only to ever get what he wanted.
Nothing more than a beast with a pretty face.
And as for Tao Hua? That was the most laughable part of this whole thing. He wasn't a princess, nor would he ever be the princess worth saving. He was the jester to a beast that sat on a throne of lies.
That's what finally twisted his stomach, heightening his ever-growing exhaustion. He choked back the desire to shed tears and lifted his head. Even if his lip quivered, or his eyes reddened, he refused to cry still.
So, Tao Hua marched toward the annoyed man, and before Shan Si could say anything, he was weakly shoved aside without a second thought. Granted, the push didn't go far, or anywhere at all, but it was still a statement.
This time, it was Shan Si who watched Tao Hua walk ahead without turning back. And how this poor jester of a man contrasted against the backdrop of Siyue Town.
The light blue didn't complement the dull shadows of the empty space.
Chapter end.