The spring breeze was soft, and the area around the Su Manor's side gate was quiet. Zhou Hu stood guard, his sturdy frame upright in his tight guard's uniform, but his usually stern and steady face was clouded with a lingering daze.
He had not slept a peaceful night since that shocking alley encounter.
Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw Shen Ruoxi in her simple linen dress, gentle and harmless. In the next blink, she was calmly stripping off her clothes. The girl's pale, slight figure, together with her empty, persistent words "I am starved for affection", looped in his head like a curse, impossible to shake off.
It was the first time he had seen a woman's body, abrupt, absurd, and violently shocking.
The more he valued decency and restraint, the more deeply this scene was seared into his heart.
During the day, his mother praised the girl nonstop for her tenderness, thoughtfulness, and virtue, leaving him feeling mixed and suffocated beyond words.
He could not speak. He could not explain.
If he did, people would only call him obscene, say he was slandering an innocent girl.
On top of that, there were other troubles:
Miss Su Liwan had thrown herself at him one moment, then humiliated him the next;
Yunxiu had shown him kindness, yet he had dreamed indecent dreams about her, waking up hating himself so much he hit his own face.
Three women, three kinds of turmoil, tangled together, leaving him distracted and anxious even while on duty.
He even began to fear:
Was the self-control and integrity he had always prided himself on really so fragile?
Footsteps approached slowly, calm and gentle.
Zhou Hu looked up, immediately composed himself, bowed, and said respectfully, "Sir."
This was Qin Ruhai.
Everyone in the manor knew Miss Su Liwan's heart belonged entirely to this scholar, making his position special. Zhou Hu dared not be the slightest bit disrespectful.
Qin Ruhai nodded slightly, glanced at his tight jaw and hidden restlessness, and said softly, "To be distracted while on guard is unlike a responsible guard like you."
Zhou Hu's heart tightened. "I have been troubled by trivial matters lately and feel a little tired. It is nothing."
"Tired?" Qin Ruhai stepped closer, his voice low enough for only them to hear. "I think you are not tired, but unsettled. Troubled by affairs, trapped by improper thoughts, so much so that you can barely steady yourself. Am I wrong?"
Zhou Hu's fingers clenched around his dagger hilt, his face paling faintly. "You speak in jest, sir. I know my place."
"Your place?" Qin Ruhai smiled lightly, his tone gentle but piercing. "You carry unspeakable shock and self-reproach inside you, tormented day and night. Can this still be called knowing your place?"
Zhou Hu's throat tightened. He could not find words to reply.
His inner chaos and shame had been seen through at a glance.
Qin Ruhai stood with his hands behind his back, gazing at the swaying willow branches in the distance, and spoke as if recalling an old tale:
"Once, in the previous dynasty, there was a lady whose husband was a loyal and brave general. She guarded her virtue and cared for her relatives with dignified propriety, admired by all.
Yet once her husband marched off to war, she secretly met with rascals in the streets, revelling night after night.
When others asked if she feared ruining her reputation,
she only laughed: Virtue is just clothing worn for the world. Once undressed, all are the same."
He paused, then looked at Zhou Hu lightly, his voice soft but cutting:
"The more dignified one appears in public, the more unrestrained they are behind closed doors. Most women in this world are like this. Chaste in appearance, seductive at heart."
Zhou Hu trembled, his face turning ghastly.
There was no need to name anyone — the first person to jump into his mind was Shen Ruoxi.
Gentle and virtuous by day, shocking by night; innocent in public, absurd in private.
"All women… are truly like this?" he blurted out, his voice hoarse.
Qin Ruhai's eyes darkened, and he added a line that crushed his moral pride:
"Women long for tenderness by nature. If you insist on holding yourself aloof, clinging to empty rituals and integrity,
giving them neither peace nor satisfying their deepest desires,
is such coldness not also a kind of betrayal, selfishness, and even wrong?"
Zhou Hu was struck like lightning, utterly stunned.
The "restraint" he had upheld his whole life was now called "wrong"?
Qin Ruhai gave him no time to recover, continuing his assault:
"You cling to your integrity and your many principles,
yet what have you gained in the end?
A poor household, a gravely ill mother, scorn from others, endless torment.
We are all just ants in this world. Why cling so fiercely to virtue?
Is it not better to seek pleasure in the time we have?"
Zhou Hu snapped back sharply, "You speak wrongly, sir!
What difference is there between a person without principles and a beast?
Even if our lives are as insignificant as weeds, we must uphold our hearts and not abandon ourselves to indulgence!"
His words were forceful, but inside, he wavered for the first time.
…Was holding fast to his principles all these years really worth it?
…Was refusing her truly my fault? My coldness? My mistake?
He forced the thought down.
He still stood straight, his gaze firm, still the upright Zhou Hu.
Yet in his heart, the unshakable wall of faith had cracked a tiny, invisible fissure.
A seed of doubt had been quietly planted.
Qin Ruhai saw this, a faint smile tugging at his lips, and said no more.
At that moment, Yunxiu quietly stood guard around the corner, ensuring no one else was near.
The next second, the Su Manor's side gate creaked open.
Su Liwan hurried out, glanced around, and seeing only Zhou Hu on guard, her eyes blazed with reckless passion.
Abandoning all decorum, she rushed straight to Qin Ruhai, threw her arms around him, and held him tightly.
She pressed her cheek to his shoulder, clinging to him warmly and devotedly, without reserve, her whole world centered on him.
Qin Ruhai gently held her for a moment, his movements natural and intimate, his voice soft. "Why so impatient?"
Su Liwan lifted her face to look at him, her eyes bright with undisguised affection and obsession. "I missed you. I couldn't wait another moment."
Right there not far from Zhou Hu, they spoke softly, exchanged affectionate glances, caring nothing for ritual or decorum, not even bothering to hide from the guard on duty.
Zhou Hu stood frozen, his heart jolted violently.
The young lady who had thrown herself at him wildly only moments earlier now clung to Qin Ruhai with such unrestrained passion.
The "seek pleasure in the moment" that Qin Ruhai spoke of was being lived out openly before him.
Yunxiu stood guard nearby, as if this were all perfectly ordinary.
After a moment, Qin Ruhai patted her back gently. "Go back. I will find you later."
Su Liwan reluctantly let go and walked back inside, glancing back repeatedly. Yunxiu bowed and followed.
The alley fell silent again.
Qin Ruhai nodded faintly and walked past Zhou Hu, leaving calmly.
Only Zhou Hu remained standing in the wind, unable to recover for a long time.
Over and over, his mind echoed Qin Ruhai's words:
"The more dignified one appears in public, the more unrestrained they are behind closed doors."
And the cutting line:
"If you cannot satisfy her, is such coldness not also a kind of wrong?"
He replayed the scene again and again:
Su Liwan embracing Qin Ruhai without restraint, passionate, wild, unashamed.
He stood blankly, and for the first time, a chaotic, terrifying thought arose:
…Are all women really this unrestrained, this disregardful of virtue?
Was the integrity and decency he had upheld his entire life
nothing but a joke he played on himself?
The wind blew gently, with no reply.
Only the seed of doubt, deep in his heart, began to quietly sprout.