"Jett!"
"..."
"What's with you, man? You've been zoning out all day. You look like someone who got laid and then ghosted."
"Pae!! You-"
I sat up straight, eyes bulging. Pae, are you psychic or something? Honestly, I've been through my fair share of bedroom battles, but this time... This time, even a warrior like me walked away with wounds. Wounds!
"If something's up, just say it. Stop spacing out."
"It's hard to explain."
"Fine, whatever, dude."
"Why so mean? My heart is fragile."
Then, he smacked me hard on the head-probably to bring me back to reality. I sighed and took a long sip of my iced milk, only to choke on its sweetness. Pae rolled his eyes. I bet he's going to gossip about me to Duang later. Duang, who is probably snuggled up somewhere in Chiang Mai with Khun Qin right now.
People in relationships... I don't wanna deal with them.
"Seriously, what's up?"
"Don't push me."
"Alright, I'm out."
"Pae... Have you ever truly loved someone?" I emphasized the "truly" to make sure he knew I was dead serious. Pea, with his scruffy beard, sighed. He's probably got a date with his wife. That's why he's rushing through this meal.
What the hell.
Everyone's got a partner these days.
"I'm asking about the last time you really meant it."
"Prachein, listen-"
"If you stall one more time, I swear I'll pour this soup over your head, you damn-"
"You're so dramatic."
"Just get to the point!"
"Fine. I hooked up with someone. The usual."
"AIDS exists, you know."
"I always use protection, thank you very much."
Pae shook his head, chewing on an ice cube like a stressed-out person. He's scolded me about my lifestyle plenty of times. But come on, it's not like I sleep around that much! Just... not with the same person, that's all.I'm just a carefree guy, right?
"So, here's the thing. I woke up to a cold sheet. You get what I mean?"
"Nope. Explain."
"I woke up, and he was gone."
"And? What were you expecting? Breakfast together? A temple visit? That's hilarious. It was a one-night stand. You wake up first, you leave. Samething."
"Heh..."
"Wait. Have you never had this happen before?"
"Not really. Usually, I wake up first. Or I leave right after. If he falls asleep, I sleep too. I don't let things drag on."
"Well, now you know how it feels."
"What, am I not good enough or something?"
"How the hell should I know? Maybe he had something to do. Did he leave anything behind?"
"Yeah. Just the torn wrapper of a used condom. What a lovely keepsake."
"Gross."
"Three rounds that night. I was completely drained. I've never been that satisfied before, Pae. Imagine this-you have the best omakase ever, and the next day, someone offers you cheap sushi from a convenience store. It just doesn't taste the same."
I put on my best heartbroken face. I meant it. Even the kisses he gave me that night-I still can't forget them.
Who the hell is he?
How can someone be that perfect?
"Sounds like you're hooked."
"I just want one more night."
"Just one?" Pae muttered.
"As many times as he'd allow."
"Who is he? A student from our university? Where'd you pick him up?"
"The usual place, but no, he's not from our university."
"Oh yeah?"
"Pae, he felt like a dream."
"You mean like Khun Qin?"
"Even more than Khun Qin. Just sitting there, his presence alone... I was shaking, couldn't stop fidgeting, walked like I had a limp."
"You idiot." Pae burst out laughing, but I was serious. His face, his body, his style, the way he talked, the cologne he wore, his body language... I swear, I felt bewitched.
"He didn't even seem like he was from this country. I could feel it."
"Did you talk to him? Before, you know..."
"Are you crazy? Who could even think straight? The moment I drove him to the hotel, his hand was on my thigh, wouldn't stop moving. Next thing I knew, he was at my belt buckle."
"Sounds hot."
"The hottest, Pae. He was top-tier. No need for divine intervention."
I stirred the ice in my iced milk.
Look, it's not like I was obsessed or anything. I just... really liked him. I mean, how often do you meet someone who's exactly your type? Almost never. And damn it, he was something else.
I think I just wanted to know more about him.
For the first time ever, I wanted to actually get to know someone I'd slept with.
"So what now? Gonna wait for him at the same place?"
"Already tried. He didn't show. Turns out, one of our seniors kind of knows him. I asked around. They said he only shows up once in a while. Last year, they saw him almost every month at that place, and then he disappeared. Came back this month, and after the night I spent with him, he hasn't gone back there since."
"Maybe you sucked. Total amateur."
"Three rounds. I'll say it again-three."
"Oh my god, shut up."
"I just want to know him."
"Do you even know his name? How the hell am I supposed to help if you don't?"
"Mars."
Mars, like the planet.
And just like that, he really did feel worlds away.
"Marvis."
---
"Say my name."
"M-Mars."
"No, it's Marvis this time :)"
"Mars."
I muttered it in Korean, making Plapplueng pause at my unexpected trilingual moment. I rolled my eyes and tossed a crumpled sketch paper at her. She was one of the few friends I had here... Ah, here in Thailand.
"Where's your mind wandering off to? If you miss Korea that much, just go back already."
"You're so loud, Plapplueng."
"Don't mix Thai and English like that, Mars. Speak full Thai or you'll forget it all."
"What do you want?" I spun my pencil in sync with the beat of a Lapsley song playing nearby.
And in that moment-like a switch flipping-memories came flooding back, sending chills through me.
His whispers, playful yet everywhere, echoed in my head, not even sparing the bed.
"Mars, Remember When I Said You Were Like the Rain?"
"You think I'm like the rain?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe it's because being with you feels relaxing or something."
"I don't think it's that."
"Then why ask me?" I sighed, watching my ever-careless friend take off her T-shirt to change into a tank top-completely braless. (Don't freak out; she had her back to me.) Even though going braless wasn't exactly accepted in Thailand, she did it so often that I was sure she just didn't care anymore.
I shifted my gaze from my friend to the skyline. From this high up, I could still see the clouds and the sun dipping below the horizon, the orange hues washing over the buildings, blending together in a way that was more beautiful than usual. I let my thoughts drift without bothering to pull them back.
I gave myself the freedom to feel.
"Are we going?"
"Going where?"
"To eat, obviously! Marvis, you're driving me insane."
"What?"
"You can't just work all day without eating! Come on, let's go to Paragon."
"Again?" I grumbled, but I still got up to find something to wear. I picked out something simple, but I still wasted time choosing accessories. I loved dressing up, shopping for clothes, and fashion in general-that's why I chose to study fashion design. Even though my studies were draining me, well...
Pain from doing what you love isn't that bad.
"Do you even know how to spell 'defeat'?"
"Of course not."
"Ugh, I forgot who I was talking to!"
"As long as you can say it, that's good enough." I frowned, slipped on my black leather slippers, and followed my shoulder-length-haired friend to the elevator. As I watched the digital numbers count down, Plapplueng applied her red lipstick.
It suited her.
"You look wicked."
"I am."
"See? How am I not supposed to speak English? Sometimes I just can't think of the right Thai word."
"Just use what's in your vocabulary, Marvis. Guys love it when girls act all cutesy and clueless."
"Are you bullying me?" She stuck her tongue out at me before grabbing my hand and leading me to the parking lot.
This girl was filthy rich. I thought to myself. Yesterday she was driving a Porsche, today it's a Benz. Not that I was complaining-having someone drive me around was convenient. I didn't even know how to drive.
"When are you going back to Korea?"
"I'll go whenever I'm done with work."
"Change things up a little. And stop by to visit your grandma's grave."
"This is a mess. My mom's a full-blooded Chinese woman born in Thailand. My dad's Korean, but they met in San Francisco. Then they had me, so I was born there, hold an American passport, live in Korea, and speak three languages. What the fuck is this?" I laughed. It was confusing.
My first language was English, but I learned Thai and Korean because my parents drilled them into me from a young age.
As a kid, I could barely hold a conversation with anyone because everything got jumbled together.
"Hey..."
"Hmm?" I turned to Plapplueng as she suddenly spoke up while the car sped onto the expressway. I kept my gaze on the road ahead, listening to the soft love song playing in the background to keep the silence at bay.
"Has anyone ever approached you while you were over there?"
"Here and there."
"When Are You Gonna Get a Boyfriend, Mar? Staying Single Just to Make People Jealous?"
"Well." I chuckled lightly, shrugging as if to say that wasn't the worst way to look at it. It wasn't that I didn't believe in love, nor was I heartbroken to the point of shutting myself off. I just didn't see love as a necessity in my 21-year-old life.
"Annoying. You have people swarming around you all the time."
"Swarming?"
"It's just a metaphor."
"Noted."
"Want me to curse them out for you?"
"No need. I don't think anyone deserves that."
"Such a pain. Do you even know that phrase?"
"I've heard it before."
"You need to expand your vocabulary. The way you talk, all soft and airy, guys fall for it instantly. Meanwhile, girls like me? I wouldn't even know where to put my face."
I muttered under my breath in English that she was being ridiculous. It didn't take long to reach our destination since traffic wasn't as bad as expected.
As soon as we entered the mall, she spread her arms to embrace the air conditioning. She had been talking about splurging on Prada's new collection since the night before. Well, if she had the money, why not?
"Marvisss!"
"What?"
"Make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, please! I miss your cooking."
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