Harry arrived at Snape's home with a wheezing cough that knocked him down to his ground on his hands and knees.
"Potter, can you talk?" Snape asked.
Harry nodded as he continued wheezing on the ground, "Y-yes."
"Call for your elf."
Harry, despite his weak and vulnerable position on the ground, still attempted to glare up at Snape.
"H-his name is M-Mavis," he said around another deep cough.
"Apologies," Snape said drily, stretching a hand out to help Harry back to his feet, which Harry ignored. "But as he insists upon calling me 'Mister Snoop' I don't feel as inclined to use his name."
Harry smirked at Snape, he knew that would irritate the man eventually.
"Mavis," he yelled.
Snape grimaced but was unable to reprimand him for shouting as Harry was suddenly attacked by a tiny little elf.
"MASTER POTTER! MASTER POTTER IS SAFE! MAVIS IS MISSING YOU!"
Harry flinched backwards harshly away from Mavis.
"D-don't hug me, Mavis," he said, his face pale. "P-please."
Mavis looked up at him with his large yellow eyes and gave Harry a watery frown.
"Mavis is being a bad elf, touching Master when he knows Master is hating that. Mavis is sorry Master Potter. Would you like Mavis to- to rip his ears off?"
Harry sighed, he'd had a lot of talks about 'punishments' with Mavis when they first set about their arrangement. Mavis would never have offered to hurt himself if he hadn't been left alone at Hogwarts. He knew those poor slave elves in the kitchens would be a bad influence.
"No Mavis," he said softly. "Just- I just don't want a hug, okay? Do not hurt yourself or..." Harry looked around as he tried to think of a suitable threat. "Or you can't bake anything for at least a week!" he finally said.
Snape snorted at Harry's ultimatum but it did the trick because Mavis gave Harry a fearful look.
"Mavis will not be punishing himself... Master Potter is very kind and sneaky."
Harry rolled his eyes and looked up at Snape, "What'd you want Mavis for?"
He looked around quickly as he realized he wasn't really sure where 'here' even was.
"Er- where- where are we?" Harry asked nervously, seeing they were standing in the middle of an empty field. He thought they were going to Snape's house? Was this some sort of trick?
"I assure you we are at my home," Snape said quickly. "I have to key you to my wards before you can see the house."
Harry backed away from Snape slowly, grabbing Mavis' robe collar and inching him backwards with him as well.
It wasn't that Harry didn't trust Snape... necessarily... it was just that... it'd been a lousy couple of weeks, couple of months really, and he wasn't really sure where he stood in anyone's lives anymore.
Snape used to be his friend, but Harry used to have a lot of friends, didn't he?
He had to concentrate very hard to occlude out the ache that accompanied the thought of his friends.
"Hogo Harry James Potter le Severus Tobias Snape," Snape murmured while working his wand in a complex pattern multiple times.
Harry felt an ache in his chest as he saw a plain white stone two-story cottage shimmer in to view. He'd give anything right now to be able to do his own magic.
Snape was keying you to his wards, not attacking you.
"If you would kindly return to Hogwarts and retrieve my potions kit in my private stores in my Hogwarts quarters I would appreciate it, Mavis," Snape said, ignoring the fact that Harry and Mavis were now several feet further away from him. "Then return here with the kit and soup for Mister Potter."
Mavis nodded eagerly, "Mavis is on it Mister Snoops!"
Harry's lips nearly twitched at Mavis' title for Snape.
"Come along, Potter," Snape called, opening the wrought iron fence for him. "Would you like to enter the house first or shall I?"
Harry hesitated once he was on the doorstep.
"You first," he finally decided.
Snape nodded and opened the door and walked in to the hall. Harry took a few very slow steps to follow behind him.
He stood in the hall and looked around carefully. There was the door behind him, a kitchen to his right, a staircase to his left, and a doorway which probably led to a sitting room directly in front of him.
Plenty of places to run.
"We will go to the kitchen so you can eat, is that acceptable?" Snape asked.
Harry was jolted out of his assessment of Snape's house and had to fight down a blush at how long he'd probably been standing there staring around.
"Yes sir," he mumbled, following behind Snape to the kitchen.
He looked around the kitchen with interest after he made a point of checking the back door for locks. He didn't know if most Wixen owned fridges and stoves and microwaves but Snape's kitchen was set up just like every Muggle one that Harry had ever seen.
"I like your kitchen, sir," he said quietly as Snape grabbed bowls out of the white cabinets.
"Thank you," Snape said politely. "This was my parents home, I grew up here. I can show you where your mother grew up next weekend if you'd like."
Harry nodded quickly before he hesitated again.
"W-will I still be here next weekend? I thought you'd want me to go stay somewhere else..."
It wouldn't do to get his hopes up for anything at this point. Snape never said how long Harry could stay, just that he'd have privacy if he wanted to come here instead of someone else's house.
Snape turned around and gave Harry a weird look. His mouth looked tired but his eyes seemed softer than usual.
"You may stay here as long as you would like," he said, carrying the dishes to the table. "However, if you would like to be somewhere else- we will arrange it."
Harry inched towards the table and sat down while he watched Snape.
"And I don't owe you anything?" he checked.
Snape sat at the opposite side of the little square table.
"You will owe me absolutely nothing," he confirmed.
"And you won't tell anyone where I am?"
Snape hesitated so long that Harry had tightened his muscles and was preparing to leave...
"I will not tell anyone where you are if you do not wish me to," he said slowly. "I absolutely will not tell Albus Dumbledore that I have even seen you, as I believe that is your primary fear. However; your classmates, allies, and even the damned Minister of Magic have been fretting over your whereabouts and I may put myself in a difficult position if I do not inform at least a handful of people that you are in a safe location."
Harry zeroed in on the only part of Snape's words that didn't make his chest ache with regret, "I am not afraid of Dumbledore," he sneered. "I'm just not stupid enough to face him when my magics gone, am I?"
Snape gave him an amused look, "Planning to kill the Headmaster once we fix your mental block on your magic?"
"Yep," Harry said easily. "Told him I was going to, didn't I?"
Snape's look of amusement quickly morphed in to one of shock.
"You told Albus Dumbledore that you were going to kill him?" he breathed. "What in Merlin's name were you thinking Potter? What happened to 'sweet orphan Harry'?!"
Harry shrugged and glanced around the kitchen quickly again as he answered, "He already expelled me and took my wand. What was the point in the games anymore?"
Snape was apparently too shocked to form words for a moment because he just stared open mouthed at him.
"Potter... That was incredibly foolish. You see that, don't you?"
Harry shrugged, feeling uncomfortable.
"Why's the Minister looking for me?" he asked instead.
Before Snape had a chance to answer, a loud 'crack' startled Harry to his feet.
"Fuck, Mavis," he coughed, struck again by another fit.
"Mavis is so sorry Master Potter!" the elf cried, wringing his hands. "Mavis is not meaning to scare his wonderful Master."
Harry groaned and rubbed his eyes, "I wasn't scared," he lied. "And I'm not your 'Master', I'm you're friend."
Mavis gave him a skeptical look and turned to Snape instead.
"Mavis is bringing Mister Snoop his potions and foods!" He snapped his finger and the table was suddenly ladened with food and potions.
"Thank you Mavis," Snape said. "I believe 'Master Potter' will be staying here for the foreseeable future. You should make yourself at home in any location, aside from my room or my lab, that you would like."
Mavis gave Snape a bright smile and a low bow to Harry before he disappeared with another loud crack.
Harry glared at Snape for making Mavis think it was okay to call him 'Master'. "You're a bastard," he said.
Snape huffed and crossed his arms, "And you are a brat, yet here we are."
Harry leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms as well. "Here we are," he agreed.
Snape stared at him before he grinned lightly, "Will you take the potions I recommend or will I have to fight you on it?"
"What are they?" Harry asked suspiciously.
He didn't think Snape would poison him but... but he didn't think Dumbledore would really expel him either. It wasn't smart to trust people too much.
Clear your mind.
"A Pepper-Up Potion, an antibiotic, and a nerve strengthening potion," Snape said, pushing them toward Harry as he listed each one. "And if you would allow it, I would like you to take a daily nutrition potion as it seems like you are once again drastically underweight."
Harry felt his face burning again.
"That isn't my fault, is it?" he snarled, feeling angry and defensive.
"It is not," Snape agreed calmly. "Would you like the potion to help recover your loss?"
"No," he spat. "I don't want your pity potions at all."
Snape leaned closer to the table and gripped the edge, "They are not 'pity potions' Potter," he said through a clenched jaw. "They are potions to restore your health."
"I don't want them," Harry said back. "I was fine without them wasn't I?"
"No!" Snape cried, throwing his hands up angrily. "You clearly weren't!"
Harry scooted to the edge of his seat and glanced towards the doorway behind him, he could be out the front door in less than 30 seconds if he moved fast...
"I'll make you a deal."
Harry hesitated and turned to glance at Snape out of the corner of his eye. He didn't sound as mad now...
"What k-kind of deal?" Harry asked.
"You drink these four potions and you can ask me any four questions you'd like."
Snape had his hands folded calmly on the table and was giving Harry an even look. Harry thought about it, he did have a lot of questions about what all's happened since he was expelled... and the potions would probably make his painful chest feel better...
"Okay," he finally agreed. "I go first."
Snape smirked at him and pushed the potions closer to Harry, "We both know I am going first since, out of the two of us, I am the less likely to weasel out of my end of the deal."
Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed the first potion, a cherry red vial, and downed it quickly.
"Ugh," he shuddered as an intense heat wave went over his body. "Why's Minister Fudge looking for me?"
"Madam Bones had made it sound as if he was rather fond of you," Snape responded immediately. "He offered me multiple resources to help me find you."
Harry waved one of his hands irritably, "Yeah, he thinks we're mates. That's not what I meant though, I meant who told him I was 'missing'?"
Snape snorted, "Only you would consider the fact that the Minister of Magic 'thinks you're mates' as a minor fact."
Harry didn't miss the fact that Snape had avoided his question.
"Do I have to drink another potion or are you going to answer the question I meant for you to?" he asked with a wary look.
"Drink." Snape said, sliding a dark green potion towards him. "Antibiotic before the Nerve Strengthening one."
Harry tipped the vial back and emptied it quickly, watching Snape as he swallowed the thick concoction.
"There was quite a bit of news coverage about your expulsion," Snape said, though much slower than he had answered the last question. "Because Albus refused to disclose where he sent you, it was interpreted that you were missing."
"What kind of 'news coverage'?" Harry asked quickly.
Snape silently slid another potion to him, which he drank quickly.
"What kind of 'news coverage'?" he repeated tersely.
"Nothing that painted you in any light besides a tragic orphan who was done a terrible wrong by another of the most beloved figures in our world," Snape assured him. "Although..." he hesitated and gave Harry the slightest grimace, "you will undoubtedly dislike the public speculation that your Muggle relatives are physically abusive."
Harry froze. "What?" he whispered. "Why- why would they say that?"
It was a mark of how quickly Harry's thoughts were spiraling out of control that he barely registered Snape summoning another potions vial.
"Drink," Snape said, handing him the light purple potion.
"You owe me another question," Harry said, after drinking the potion. He recognized what it was as a sense of calm that didn't belong to him spread through his body.
"I believe 'why would they say that', counts as a question," Snape drawled.
Harry didn't respond, he just stared at him and waited for an answer on why the news would say he was 'abused'.
"Very well," Snape rubbed his eyes and sighed. "In my opinion, the campaign began as an attempt to slander Dumbledore and piggyback on the tragically orphaned hero status you uphold in our world. Albus was not aware you were not with your relatives but others suspected you were not. Reporters reached out to many people who, in an attempt to garner sympathy for you, implied that your home life was less than satisfactory. This caused a great many difficulties for Albus and has heightened concern for you to new heights." He gave Harry a sympathetic look, "It is not a tragedy that people are concerned for your welfare."
"Says you," Harry muttered. "I notice you're not jumping up to tell reporters that you had a... a crummy childhood."
He hoped his friends hadn't read it.
If you even have friends anymore, he thought with a miserable slump to his shoulders.
"This could work out very well for you in the long-term if you play it right," Snape said casually, ignoring Harry's jab at his own childhood.
"How?" Harry asked, his thoughts still wrapped around everyone at Hogwarts he probably lost. He thought he'd probably be more upset if the calming drought wasn't coursing through his bloodstream.
Snape leaned forward and Harry saw his eyes had an almost mischievous sparkle in them, "How would you like to damage Albus' public image while also finding a permanent residence that is not with Petunia Dursley?"
Harry was jerked abruptly from his thoughts at that.
"What? How?"
Snape slid the last potion, the yellow-green nutritional one, across the table to him.
Harry snorted and gave him an incredulous look.
"You'd make me use one of my questions on telling me how to not live on the streets anymore?"
Snape lifted one shoulder in a casual shrug and smirked at Harry.
"Would you take it otherwise?" he asked.
"Nope."
Snape looked smug as he explained his idea to Harry after he choked down the nasty potion.
"You do an interview with the Daily Prophet," he said, as if that weren't bloody ridiculous.
"An interview," Harry deadpanned.
Snape nodded and scooted a bowl of soup towards Harry. "An interview," he confirmed.
"Are you going to explain why the fuck I would do that or are you going to keep being annoying?" Harry asked sharply, ignoring the offered soup.
"Eat, and I will explain."
Harry eyed the soup closely and took a cautious sniff. It seemed like it was just regular chicken soup. Mavis probably wouldn't have poisoned it but...
"Where'd the soup come from?"
Snape furrowed his brows down briefly at Harry's question.
"I believe your elf stole it from the Hogwarts kitchen," he said.
Harry pushed the bowl back towards Snape and wrapped his arms across his chest.
"I'm not eating anything from there," Harry said stoutly. "Not a chance."
He thought Snape might argue with him, but he just sighed and pulled the bowl closer to himself.
"It is not poisoned," he said, taking a demonstrative bite. "Nobody even knows you are here Potter."
Harry checked Snape's face carefully after he swallowed the soup. Snape just stared at him with a blank face until Harry was satisfied the man wasn't going to suddenly stop breathing.
"Brill," he sighed taking quick bites of the soup.
"When's the last time you ate?" Snape asked with his brows scrunched down again.
Harry waved his empty hand as he blushed furiously. "Not the deal," he said between bites. "You're supposed to explain the mad idea you have, aren't you?"
Snape gave him a sharp look but thankfully decided to talk about his idea instead.
"I believe you can explain your temporary disappearance, pay Albus back slightly, and be officially removed from Petunia's guardianship by telling a reporter your story."
Snape looked pleased with himself but Harry scoffed, "No. I don't need everyone thinking- thinking that kind of stuff about me."
'Freak... freak... freak...'
He felt like he could still hear the Dursley's whispering in his ear how worthless he was, even four years later.
Occlude, he thought furiously. Clear your mind.
"You could withhold details," Snape said, leaning towards him slightly. "You could simply say that your relatives distrusted magic, kicked you out of your home after the Headmaster expelled you last month, and you have been fighting to survive ever since." He gave Harry another smirk, "It's horribly tragic, heroic, and very in character for the beloved Boy-Who-Lived."
"How- how would that mean I don't have to ever go back to Surrey?"
"Albus placed you there to utilize blood wards that are carried through your mothers sacrifice," Snape said, slipping in to what Harry recognized as his 'Professor mode'. "However, if you no longer consider that to be your home, if you were to feel that somewhere else was your home, the wards would fall. The point of you being placed there would be moot and the outcry from the public would pressure the Ministry to step in to find you suitable living arrangements."
Snape looked really pleased with himself.
Harry couldn't help pointing out the flaw in his plan, "But I haven't lived there in years, how would there still be wards?"
Snape scowled for a moment before he slowly answered, "Because you have never considered anywhere else to be home either, I presume. Blood magic is heavily regulated, unpredictable, and the results can vary from Wixen to Wixen." He looked thoughtful when he continued, "I believe Lily likely intended for you to be protected in your home. Albus, who has never studied such a grey area of magic, must have believed that blood wards have to be erected with blood relatives."
"'Albus' shouldn't have gotten to decide," Harry said angrily, pushing his now empty bowl away from himself.
Snape leaned back in his seat and inclined his head, "I agree."
Harry mulled over everything Snape had shared. He hadn't said anything about Harry getting to go back to school, or his friends, or anything. And while it would be nice to find a place to stay, since he couldn't stay at school anymore, he didn't want to get his hopes up over it either.
It was pointless to want things you'd never get.
"Can I ask you more questions?" Harry asked hesitantly.
Snape responded instantly, "Certainly."
"What do you want in return?" said Harry.
Snape smirked at him, he seemed to be in a pretty good mood really. "Absolutely nothing. I am sure you have many questions and I am happy to answer them if I am able."
"But you- you said I'd have to drink the potions to get answers earlier!" Harry protested.
Snape shrugged and studied his fingernails, "I simply wanted you to take the potions. I am not the head of Slytherin for a lack of cunning, Mister Potter."
Harry gaped at him.
"Bastard."
"Brat."
Harry thought about which questions were most important, just in case Snape changed his mind afterwards.
"Is Sevvie okay?"
"He is," Snape assured him. "And I will bring him here with me tomorrow if you would like."
"You will?" Harry asked, surprised. "Why?"
Snape rolled his eyes and it was such a familiar gesture Harry almost smiled at it.
"Because he will likely peck Mister Zabini to death if he is not reunited with you soon," Snape drawled. "I believe your friends will be relieved to no longer deal with that monster."
"Blaise took care of him for me?" Harry looked down at the table and ran his thumbs over the smooth granite top, "I-I wanted to bring him with me but I didn't think I'd be able to feed him... and I didn't want him to be hungry... I'm sorry."
"You did the right thing leaving him at Hogwarts. I made sure as soon as I was informed you were not there that he was being cared for. Do not castigate yourself for having to make, what I am sure, was a difficult decision regarding his care. Miss Granger informed me that you were immediately concerned for Mavis, which was admirable considering the circumstances."
Harry glanced up at Snape's warm tone and saw that the man, while not smiling, had a look of approval in his eyes.
"S-so you talked to M-Mione and Blaise?" Harry asked, taking a stab at a casual tone and missing by over a meter.
"I have spoken with all of your friends, multiple times a day, every single day, for the last two weeks," Snape said drily.
"What did you talk to them about?" Harry asked quietly, staring down at the table and desperately trying not to get his hopes up.
"Potions, of course," Snape said breezily.
Harry slumped down a little further in his seat.
What did you expect? You aren't their classmate anymore.
Harry had thought that at least the members of his gang would miss him, maybe just a little, but that's what he got for hoping.
He clenched his eyes shut.
Occlude your mind and keep it clear.
Snape suddenly chuckled and Harry peeked up at him.
"You were the topic of conversation, of course, you foolish child," Snape said. "In fact, I believe if I do not immediately inform Miss Bones of your safety that she may actually snap and attempt to end my life."
"Yeah?" Harry asked, with the first tiny grin he's had since the day he was expelled. "She's asked about me?"
Snape pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed. "Potter, your friends abstained from leaving the castle for the holidays in an effort to more easily irritate me to death for information on your whereabouts. They are refusing to eat in the Great Hall out of a protest on your expulsion. Miss Bones has screamed in my face enough times that she is lucky I have not yet removed her vocal chords. Miss Granger has apparently decided that the Headmaster is no longer worthy of her respect as she has taken to glaring at him every chance she has. Draco openly threatened the man during Christmas dinner. I personally have been sneered at, scowled at, and argued with by every member of your little entourage, including the usually charming Miss Lovegood."
Harry stared at Snape in shock during his rant.
They didn't forget me? They've been asking about me? Harry felt his chest warm at the thought.
"Why are they being nasty to you?" he asked curiously. "You didn't expel me."
"Apparently, I have not been searching 'god damned fast enough' or 'freaking hard enough' for you, according to newly fearless Miss Bones," Snape said.
Harry grinned a little more at that. Susan really was fearless if she was cursing at Snape.
They didn't forget you.
"Why were you looking for me?" Harry asked, moving on to to the next question he had for Snape.
"Because you are my student, my responsibility, and I needed to ensure that you were safe and being cared for."
"But I'm not your student, or your responsibility, anymore," Harry said with a frown.
"You will be as soon as I am able to find a way for you to rejoin your friends at Hogwarts."
Harry scowled. He missed his friends but he wasn't a big fan of Hogwarts.
Snape must have read his thoughts because he gave Harry a wry grin.
"Of course, you have had multiple offers to join foreign schools for magic. I believe Scuola Magíca in Italy has sent you a formal invite through the Contessa Zabini." He lifted one of his brows at Harry, "Shall I submit my application as an Italian Potions Master?"
Harry shrugged, not sure why Snape would get a new job if he switched schools, and worked to fight off a yawn.
"Sleep, I think, Potter. I can answer any more questions you may have tomorrow when I return with your belongings and owl," Snape said. "I will show you to your room. Though I must warn you, it is no Slytherin dormitory."
"If there's a roof and a door it's fine," Harry said with a shrug. He'd been mostly sleeping in alleys under his cloak for weeks now, anything was an upgrade from that. Plus, it seemed like he'd be alone here, which was a huge boon.
Snape grimaced at his comment as they stood to find Harry's guest room.
"I would like to inform your friends, the Malfoy's, the Contessa, and Madame Bones of your safe arrival here. Do I have your permission?" Snape asked as he led Harry up the stairs.
Harry paused on the stairs while he tried to think through any consequences of them knowing where he was.
"They can't get in, right?" he asked. "And they can't make me leave?"
Snape continued up the stairs and turned towards a door on the left.
"They cannot enter. They may floo call, but I will change the password to one of your choosing so that nobody may come through without your permission. As for your second concern, the only person who would be able to legally call for your removal from my home is your current legal guardian, Petunia Dursley. And as of the 19th of December when I visited her, she was still entirely unaware of your existence."
Harry let out a relieved breath. Snape was a lot of things, but he wasn't a liar. If he said nobody could get in and nobody could remove him then that's that.
"Then yeah, you can tell them I'm here. Do you wanna borrow Sevvie to send them a letter?"
Snape paused for a fraction of a second before he gestured Harry in to the room.
"I will inform your friends in person upon my return and send a patronus message to the rest."
Harry nodded as he gazed around the room. It was actually nicer than Snape made it sound. The walls were a pale grey and there was a large black iron bed in the center of the room with a black dresser and nightstand on either side of it.
"What's a patronus message?" Harry asked curiously as he peeked inside the other door in the room and was reassured to see it was just a closet.
Only one entrance.
But only one exit...
He tried desperately to ignore the panicky feeling that wanted to blur the edges of his vision at that thought.
Occlude, he thought desperately.
"A patronus is a guardian of sorts," Snape was explaining as he lent against the doorway and watched Harry poke around the room. "It is an advanced defensive spell that is typically utilized as a defensive measure against the Dementors of Azkaban. However, they can also be used as messengers."
"Brill," Harry said, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. "What do they look like?"
Snape gave Harry an inscrutable look and didn't answer for a moment before he hesitantly said, "They differ from person to person. Would you like to see mine? I can show you how it is used to send messages."
"Yeah," Harry said, both excited and upset at the thought of seeing a spell he'd never seen before and now would never get to do.
Snape closed his eyes briefly before he flicked his wand, "Expecto Patronum."
"Wow," Harry breathed, all thoughts of his missing magic gone. "It's amazing, sir."
Snape's patronus was a little fox. Its silver fur was so detailed Harry climbed to his feet and reached out towards it, sure he could feel it if he tried. He gave a small grin as the little fox turned its mischievously sparkling eyes on Harry as his hand went through the silver mist.
"I wonder what mine would have been," Harry said, walking around the little fox to admire it. He looked up at Snape, who still had that weird look on his face, "Is it always the same animal each time?"
"I suspect mine will remain this form for the foreseeable future," Snape said in a tight voice.
"Brill," Harry said. "Do you know what my mums was?"
Snape smiled, his eyes looked softer now, "It was originally a cheetah when she first cast it in our seventh year. I found it deeply ironic as your fathers was a stag."
Harry grinned, he knew just enough about animals to understand why Snape found that ironic.
"You said originally? Did it change?" he asked as he sat back on the edge of his guest bed.
Snape nodded, "It did. I saw hers arrive with a message at Albus' wartime headquarters in August of the year you were born and her patronus form had shifted to a small fawn."
"A fawn?" Harry asked, bewildered. "Why would her guardian go from something strong and fast like a cheetah to a damn baby deer??"
Snape seemed to consider Harry's question carefully, "A patronus will change its form based on a deep emotional shift. I believe the obvious shift in her case, was the birth of her much beloved only child."
Harry felt a little teary for a moment and turned away from Snape so he could have some privacy to clear the emotions off his face.
It's not that he didn't think his mum loved him... she died protecting him... it was just, he was so important to her that he changed something her magic made? That felt different.
Good. It felt good. But it was different.
Snape cleared his throat, "I am going to send a message now."
Harry nodded and turned his head slightly so he could watch out of the corner of his eye.
Snape flicked his wand at the fox, "I have obtained the potion. It was difficult to find but is not damaged. I will be available to accept floo calls if you would like to speak to-" Snape gave a light and fake cough, "Apologies- speak about the potion, you may floo me at my private residence. If you have any other queries, feel free to reach me through the usual methods."
Harry grinned a little as the little fox took off. He liked foxes. He's only ever seen them in books, not a lot of foxes in London, but he thought they seemed smart and were kind of cute.
"Suppose I'm the potion then?" Harry asked.
"You are," Snape nodded. "Patronus' will relay messages even if the recipient is in a crowd of people so it is better to speak carefully."
Harry was about to ask what the usual methods meant when a different patronus came in the room.
"Excellent. I will inform the Minister of your success," came the voice of Mister Malfoy through the beak of a silver peacock. "I am sure he will wish to speak more about the potion soon, please inform me of the best time to set up a meeting." There was a pause before the peacock let out a chuckle in Malfoy's voice, which was bloody weird, "I quite enjoy your new patronus Severus."
Harry looked up at Snape curiously as the peacock disappeared.
"Is your fox new?" he asked.
He wasn't sure which was weirder, a peacock chuckling in Mister Malfoy's voice or seeing Snape blush.
"Do you require a dreamless sleep?" Snape asked instead, clearly choosing to ignore Harry's question. "I imagine occluding has been difficult as of late."
Harry narrowed his eyes at Snape's uncharacteristically obvious evasive tactic. "No sir, I've been doing it lots of times every day, haven't I?"
"You've been occluding multiple times, every single day?" Snape asked in a choked voice.
Harry shrugged, "Yep. I didn't wanna keep having 'intrusive thoughts' all the time. Except it's not been working much lately, I think it doesn't do as good now that I don't have my magic."
"Merlin, Potter," Snape groaned. "That is probably why your magic is malfunctioning. You cannot occlude your mind more than once a day, and it is generally recommended to only be done before resting to prevent nightmares. You cannot just occlude constantly to prevent having any natural feelings."
"What?" Harry cried, scooting further back on the bed. "You never said that! Why wouldn't you tell me that?"
Snape rubbed both of his hands over his face before he answered, "I didn't think it needed to be said." He looked over at Harry and frowned, "I apologize Potter. I have never taught a student as young as you. I should have been more clear. Occluding works best to prevent nightmares, and is useful to occasionally block intrusive thoughts during the day, but it should never be done more than once a day. I would wager that your barriers are crumbling under the strain, which is why it is not working as well."
He stared hard at Harry, who shifted uneasily under his gaze, before he continued. "I believe it may be the key to restoring your access to your magic if the barriers were dissolved and rebuilt."
Harry blanched and quickly shook his head. "I don't want to do that, sir. P-please. Can you find a different way?"
Snape looked sympathetic but he still shook his own head. "Child, you cannot close off access to your emotions for an extended period of time without suffering severe complications- as I believe you are already aware of."
"It's going to hurt," Harry whispered, ducking his head. "I-I can't take it. I couldn't take it before... and th-then I did something stupid... and now it doesn't hurt so much b-but I p-put up strong walls to k-keep it all out."
"I understand," Snape said softly. "But it has already closed off your access to your magical control, and may soon impair your rational thoughts if it is not fixed."
Harry wrapped his arms around his head and pulled his knees up to his chest.
"I can't do it alone," he whispered.
He knew he was being weak. He knew that. But if there was anyone who probably wouldn't use it against him- it was Snape. And Snape had said before that he'd be there if Harry needed someone to remind him what the point of life was. It was weak. It was pathetic. And it was needy. But Harry really couldn't do it alone.
His walls had burst the day after he was expelled, and he still wasn't sure how he was still alive, but he probably wouldn't be if it happened while he was alone again.
"I can help you," Snape offered in a soothing tone. "I will not leave you to do it alone."
"Swear?" Harry asked quietly.
"I swear."