"Fuckkkk... Why the hell did this bastard Mickey Mouse start playing Battleship with the whole world? Everything's gone to shit because of him. Companies are firing employees like they're trimming pubic hair."
"Hey, chill out. Do you really want the FBI banging on your goddamn door? Even if you don't get busted for this, you'll definitely be in cuffs when they find your stash of exotic hentai."
In the middle of all the shouting, a rare voice of reason spoke up.
"William, I know these last three years have been rough on you. Being a nine-to-five corporate slave isn't easy—2026 has been hell for everyone. But if you run out of toilet paper, grab a newspaper. Hell, sometimes even a smooth rock will do the job."
"Aagh... I know. I've spent three years trying to get my shit together. No family to back me up, finally paid off all my student loans, and I was actually thinking about finding someone—maybe starting a family. But no, this fucked up world just wants me to stay single forever. I'm twenty-six, for fuck's sake."
William sat slouched in a gaming chair he bought during an 11.11 sale two years ago, the only light in the room coming from his computer screen. The room was barely furnished: just a single bed, a messy desk, and shelves filled with novels, comics, and various suspicious reads. These were the few small joys in his messed-up life.
He had no parents or relatives; he was a true orphan. Sometimes he wondered if he was even born or just manufactured in this world. Still, he never felt like he needed anyone's help. He got to where he was on his own. The only thing he wanted was a damn relationship. He'd been single his whole life, so much so that even his own handprints seemed to be fading.
It wasn't that he was ugly or anything. William had a lean build and stood at a solid six feet. Sure, his messy black hair and dark circles under his eyes didn't help, but if he actually bothered to clean up, his sharp features could easily make him look handsome.
The real reason he was single was simple: money. With all his loans, he couldn't even afford to take someone out on a decent date. These days, relationships cost a lot more than just dinner.
Just as he finally paid off his debts, the company he worked for downsized. Now he was unemployed, spending his time in an MMORPG with his only friends, Archie and Dante, using the game to keep his frustration in check.
Archie grumbled, "Forget the crap going on outside and focus up! We have to clear this damn dungeon today. We've been stuck on this mission for a month now."
William, eyes glued to the screen, muttered, "Yeah, I'd love to fuck this world sideways, but for now, smashing this boss will have to do."
They all focused on the game as if their lives depended on it. In the virtual world, a brutal battle was happening. The three of them fought a bull monster so huge it would put Eddie Hall to shame. It stood on its hind legs, swinging a sword bigger than any of their characters.
As the battle came near its end, Dante shouted, " William, you bastard, what are you even doing? I am going to die here."
William yelled back, "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming! Stop whining like a damn baby." His in-game character lunged forward, slicing off the monster's arm—the one holding the massive sword. William grinned and taunted, as if the boss could actually hear him, "Tremble in fear, you bastard!"
Behind him, Archie cringed. "Save the cheesy lines and just finish it already. It's almost midnight, and unlike you, we're not all unemployed."
Reminded of his unemployment, William scoffed, "Tsk, I was about to do that. No need to rub in the whole jobless thing." With one final blow, his in-game character finished off the boss, and the mission was finally complete.
Dante let out a sigh of relief. "Finally! It's done. Now that we've finished all the missions, we can get the guild token."
William grinned. "Yup, now we can finally start Abyss Reapers."
Archie and Dante immediately yelled in protest, "Hell no!"
Archie added, "We're not calling ourselves something that damn dramatic. We'll pick a name tomorrow—it's almost midnight."
William glanced at his phone—11:59 p.m. "Come on, it sounds pretty damn cool. No?"
But before anyone could argue, something weird happened. A thunderous, almost godlike voice echoed in his head, so loud it felt like someone was screaming through a megaphone right next to his ear.
"Greetings to all inhabitants of UMW-90221—Earth."
Far, far above in the God Realm, two figures stood side by side. One, dressed in a sleek black suit, was Archivon—the God of Records. Beside him towered a massive, cylindrical figure with a head so enormous that even his whispers could be heard across galaxies. He was Vocarius, the God of Announcements.
"Idiot, lower the volume! Do you want to kill the whole planet before the trial even begins?" Archivon snapped, struggling to keep his calm demeanor.
"Oh! My bad. I haven't done this in quite a while, so I forgot they're just mortals," Vocarius said, scratching his massive head in embarrassment over his blunder.
On Earth, everyone clutched their ears in agony. Some people's ears started to bleed, and a few even fainted from the sheer force of the sudden announcement. Inside his dim room, William dropped to the floor, pressing his hands over his headphones in a desperate attempt to dull the pain.
His ears were still buzzing from the noise when another announcement echoed—this time, mercifully quieter.
"Um... Well, apologies. I forgot to control the volume."
Hearing the voice again, William jumped to his feet and looked around, trying to figure out where it was coming from. "Who the fuck is pulling a prank at midnight?" he snapped.
Just then, the voice came through his headphones, still connected to the group chat. Archie groaned, "Ugh... Which one of you motherfuckers is doing this? My ears almost exploded!"
Dante's voice followed, raw and panicked. "I'm fucking bleeding over here!"
While they all scrambled in pain, the announcement kept going, unaffected.
"So, as I was saying—greetings, everyone, it's officially planet Earth's turn to participate in the Trial of Towers."
"In a few minutes, everyone From the ages of 20 to 45 will be transported to the Tower Expanse."
"There, each of you will be granted your own tower, troops, and unique talents. You will compete until only one tower remains standing."
"You'll receive all the details once you arrive. Get ready—life as you know it is about to change. That's all from me. Vocarius signing out. Peace."
William was the first to react. "Has that lunatic Mickey Mouse developed some new sound-based weapon and decided to test it on his own country now?"
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[A/N] : Please don't start guessing Mickey Mouse in comments.