The timer on the microwave came to an end. I took out the food and brought it to the main room to eat while watching television. The events that happened today keep repeating on my mind like a video on loop, not even a proper loop, more like something replaying certain parts while skipping others, as if my own mind is deciding what deserves to stay and what should disappear.
It's weird. So many things happened today but I am not surprised, astonished, baffled and other things. I also ended up accepting these things really easily. That's not like me. It's like something is making me calm even if it's forcibly. Not calming me in a natural way, but holding me in place before any real reaction can form. The moment I came back after all of it happened, I have this warm feeling in my body, and it hasn't faded even a little since then, as if it settled there with intention.
It's between my lower chest and stomach. It isn't painful or uncomfortable, which somehow makes it worse, because there is nothing to react to, nothing to reject. It just exists, quietly, like it belongs there, like it has always been there and I simply never noticed it until now.
Other than the priest, that old man who dropped me off, his face has also disappeared from my memory. Not fading slowly, not becoming unclear, just gone, as if it was removed instead of forgotten. I am forgetting him even faster than I was forgetting the priest, and that feels wrong in a way I can't properly explain. And remembering that old man doesn't cause me any pain or it does not anymore. At first it did but it was very subtle, almost like a small resistance rather than real pain, like something testing how far I would push before stopping.
On the other hand, the priest only when I try to recall his name does my head hurts. Though it's way less than before. Simply remembering him does not cause any type of discomfort anymore. That difference stays in my mind longer than it should, because it doesn't make sense why one memory resists while the other simply disappears without leaving anything behind.
Although the television was on I had no focus on it. The sounds were there but they didn't stay with me, like they passed through without leaving anything. Before I realized my meal was already finished. I don't even remember the last bite, or when exactly I stopped eating, and that small gap feels more noticeable than it should.
Before going to kitchen for dishes I looked at my phone. It was 32% charged. I booted it up. Some message and missed calls. One from my brother and two from my mother. Seeing her name on the screen brought a small sense of normalcy, something stable in the middle of everything else that felt off.
I called her. She asked how was I doing and how my exam went. Apparently Arthur already talked to her about me. She said couple of things about her family and told that ours neighbors aunt will deliver food to us tomorrow. I told her I could have cooked and why she disturbed the neighbors. She replied with "It have to be edible." With a sarcastic voice, and that tone felt familiar enough to pull me out of everything else for a moment.
"Hey, I don't cook that badly" I said returning with her tone, and for a brief second it felt like everything was normal, like nothing strange had happened today, like I had imagined all of it.
"Ah—Your Grandmother is calling me. I have to go and remember don't wake for too long and don't forget to study your final exams. They are coming in few months" I replied with smile "Yeah. I will not forget" She didn't hang up the phone expecting something, and that pause between us felt familiar, something that didn't need to be said out loud.
After few moments she said "You are forgetting something right now!" What?? I was confused. I quickly think everything that I might have missed, going through small things first before anything important, and that hesitation itself felt strange.
She said something that brought my mind back to the moment "I love you, Winston...What are you waiting for? Say it back."
"Uh..yeah. I also love you too, mom. Take care" She made a little smooch sound and after saying "Bye". She hanged up. I guess I was smiling a little, not because of anything special, just because it felt natural to do so, like a small habit that stayed unchanged. I am blessed to have such a family, and that thought came easily, without hesitation, without resistance, and for once nothing about it felt strange.
I was really getting tired. I left the TV running and before going to sleep I checked on Arthur. He was on upper floor. I went there slowly opened his door. I don't want to disturb him. He was still on his computer playing, completely focused, like nothing outside his screen mattered. I stood there for a moment watching him, not because I needed to, but because it felt reassuring in a way I didn't expect.
I went down and jumped on the sofa. I noticed the Television was still ON but I had already laid down and didn't wanted to stand back to turn it of. I let it running. I adjusted myself with a comfortable position and as soon as I did that my eyes already started feeling heavy, heavier than they should, like sleep was waiting for me.
Before I noticed I was already asleep.
"Winston....Winston!!" I jolted and stood up. Someone called me. I looked around frantically. "Arthur!??, Arthur!?" I screamed. But no response came. I was feeling weird. My chest was heavy, but not the same as before, this felt tighter, less calm, more present.
I ran up the stairs. I opened the door fast. I was able to breathe. "OMG!! You scared me! What happened?" Arthur said while looking at me still sitting on his chair. His eyes were wide opened. With one look I could tell. I unintentionally scared him, and that grounded me more than anything else.
"Did you called for me, Arthur?" I asked. He replied immediately "No? What happened? An important match is going on. I almost died in that because of you. If you are doing this to make me loose. I swear you will never find your jar of peanut better and jam ever again." That's a bit harsh, but it sounded exactly like him, and that normal reaction felt more real than everything else that happened.
I looked around a bit "It's nothing and remember to not wake up for too long. Sleep before 12:00. You have school tomorrow." He nodded while still paying his game. Well I should also have but I am taking break for three days. I already send out a notice that I am sick.
I went down and sat on the sofa. "It's off" I am pretty sure it was ON before I went to sleep. I stood up and moved closer to the TV. I inspect It a bit and sat back down again on the sofa. I looked at the clock it's only been 30 minutes since I slept. That voice. It felt someone shouted inside my ear, not from outside, not from distance, but from somewhere too close.
I took out the phone and start browsing it. Around 5 minutes later.
Suddenly; Something happened. I flinched with all of my body. All my hair in body stood up. My ears started ringing. My heart skipped a beat. My eyes become blurry. I heard something. I heard a faint voice "...….w…..I….n..S…t..0…..nnnnnnnnn~" It was smooth yet cracked like an imitation, like something trying to sound right but not fully understanding how.
"Huh???…Who!??" I screamed. I stood immediately. I couldn't make out of it. I looked around. It start getting louder "….Winston…Winston..Winston.Winsssssstttttooonnn" No. The voice was getting closer not louder. It was behind me.
I instinctively turned around but something blocked me. As If neck is fixed in place. I couldn't move it. It was my own body. I remembered. I did. Something told by two completely different people. Both said something similar. It's like that thought is embedded in my brain so much that my body reacted even before I ever could.
I stood still. The voice was still there. I sat down again. I was looking at front. The voice was getting closer. I didn't react. It came so close that I could feel something behind my ear, something cold but not like air.
I saw something. In the television which was turned off. The screen was completely black. I saw a figure. It was not that of a human. It was extremely disfigured. It has only one hand. It's thin. Extremely thin. It's head was teared open from above. There was a huge thin grin which almost reached it's eyes. It looked burned. I can't see properly. The reflection was not clear. It lifted it's hand. I was watching everything from the reflection, not turning, not moving, because something inside me understood without needing to think.
I feel a sudden chill on my back. It was cold. Very cold. This thing touched my back. It said something. Slowly. "Winstttonnnn~" I didn't react. I saw this doing something. I quickly lowered my head. This thing was moving it's head in front of me upside down through above me, observing in a way that didn't feel natural.
Then it said something different. I hoped to never hear this from this thing. "Arthurrrrrrr~~~~~~~~~". I shaked a little. I grabbed my thighs with all my strength. Why…..Just why. That name made everything worse, not because of fear, but because it reached beyond me.
It stood like that for few moments. Not moving even a single bit. Then I felt it's presence disappearing. But I still didn't moved. I sat there for another few minutes, forcing myself to stay still, as if moving too soon would undo everything.
I stood up . But still looking down. I moved towards the room exit door. I was walking side by side. I didn't change the direction of my back. I went to the direction of upstairs. I climbed. Same back direction. A bit awkwardly. I opened Arthur's room door. Slowly. I looked up. I took a sigh. I relaxed. Arthur was still in his room. Playing. He didn't even noticed I have entered, and that normal scene felt heavier than anything else.
....................
He finally noticed and took a quick glance at me. Then back at his game. He said while still completely grossed in his game "What?".