POV Rio
"So you're the new replacement?" Chief Master Seargant Doyle says.
"Y-Yes," responds the new-looking kid.
'Oh no.'
"You are out of uniform, soldier! WHERE IS YOUR POWER ARMOR!" Chief Master Seargant Doyle screams.
"I... Gulp... Don't have any," the new recruit nervously says.
I brace for what comes next.
"Don't have any?" Seargant Doyle says in a fake tone as if he was saying, Oh, you don't say.
"You expect me to believe that maggot! The truth is, you've lost an expensive piece of special-issue equipment. That suit is gonna come out of your pay! And you will remain in this job until you are... 510 years old! Which is the number of years it will take for you to pay for a Mark I Power Combat Armour, you have lost! NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU LOOK LIKE A SOLDIER!" Seargant Doyle screams.
"Yeesh, that's what, the second time he's done that, and it still makes me scared," Clarence, my coworker and guide for my first week, says with a grimace.
"I mean, those suits seem really important, don't they?" I comment.
"Yeah, I heard Wayne Enterprises made a few for us and us alone. And Seargant Doyle is head of security, so I suppose losing those suits falls on him. Though I don't blame the guy; he's been working here for what? 24 years? Besides Dr York, I don't think anyone else has lasted this long in The Box," Clarence says with a shrug.
"Wow, 24 years, I thought you got retirement after only 5 years," I comment.
"Yeah, but that was a very recent change. Before that, it was 10 years, but because the average job tenure is 7 years, they chose to reduce it to 5 years to help hire more people. But we're getting off topic. Today is a big day, and I need you to know something very important. What you will see today is not for the faint of heart. We'll be heading into the lower levels. Where the real dangerous inmates are kept," Clarence warns.
"I thought the D-Class personnel were the prisoners," I comment as if this was a surprise.
I was currently infiltrating The Box as a newly hired guard, though this wasn't the only method I was choosing.
"They technically are. And don't get me wrong, they are monsters, and every one of them deserves to be here, but the inmates in the lower levels are classified differently as they... they aren't human, or at least not normal humans," Clarence says vaguely.
"How many inmates are in the lower levels?" I ask.
"20, and they vary massively in terms of risk to you as a caretaker. But I need to make that especially clear. These inmates are extremely dangerous. Even if they look cute or sexy, or innocent. They can and will kill you if they get the chance," Clarence warns sternly.
"Got it," I nod.
"Good, now leave all electronics here; one of the inmates has the ability to infect and transmit themselves via electronics," Clarence says while removing his equipment.
"Wait, but how will they know if something bad happens or if there is a situation?" I ask.
"As long as the device isn't a computer, it should be fine, and we can use infected equipment, though assume we are being listened to at all times," Clarence warns.
I nod and follow his lead.
"Now the inmates in the lower levels are organised by threat level. The deeper they are, the more dangerous they are. All of them are dangerous. But some are... unique circumstances," Clarence explains.
I nod.
"First, we have the objects section. Shield liked to call these items 084s, but we use something different. Items are stored securely, and all are given designators and nicknames. For instance, this one is called A-5 or the Skeleton Key; it can unlock any door, lock, digital or otherwise, and is on occasion approved for use on a mission," Clarence explains while showing off a key.
"Wait, anything? Even the most secure server?" I ask.
"Yes, but no. It can unlock a lock but can't decrypt anything, and as most info is encrypted, it makes it less useful than you may think," Clarence clarifies.
"Fair enough, but should this be kept here? What if an inmate got a hold of it?" I ask.
"A logical worry, but you don't have to worry in case of a security breach; massive metal walls will come crashing down from the ceiling, sealing anyone in here. That and the inmates wouldn't need this key to breach the majority of the doors in the upper levels," Clarence explains.
I nod.
"Now, some of these items, as I'm sure you can tell, are a bit more secure than others. You should never be handling any of these with your bare hands!" Clarence nearly shouts.
"What?" I ask.
"Sorry, we've had some hazing where some of the more senior staff would trick new recruits into holding this with their bare hands," Clarence says, pointing to a securely locked box bearing a warning.
The warnings clearly stated not to touch the contacts with bare skin.
"Inside is a normal-looking stone that can swap your biological gender. It's deisgnation is A-13 and named the Genderbender Stone," Clarence explains.
"Wait, what?" I ask with legitimate shock.
"Yeah, full change. So you'd lose your dick and gain a vagina and boobs, though the boobs size is based on genetics, so if your mom was well endowed, you likely will be as well. We have no idea how it works, and it is usually permanent if you hold it for more than a minute. Otherwise, it will last for a few hours, and you will feel strong gender dysphoria. It only happened a few times, but one time it became permanent, and everyone in question was demoted to D-Class Personnel. So don't do it," Clarence warns.
I nod firmly.
"Good, now let's see... Ah, yes, so see that coffee machine," Clarence says while pointing out the machine in question.
The machine looked pretty ordinary to me.
"That machine can produce anything as long as it is a liquid. It's designated A-14 and called the Infinity Coffee Machine. But be careful with the wording of your request and what you request. Some idiots ordered some stupid things like Horse Sperm, Lava, Crude Oil, Steamed Hams, a Coworker's Sexual Fluids, Gamer Girl Bathwater, and a lot of other things that are mostly sex related," Clarence says with the tone of voice that makes it seem like he's seen too much.
"I'll be responsible," I say calmly.
"Moving away from this room, there are only a few other items of note. First is that heavily locked box. DO NOT drink what is in there!" Clarence actually shouts.
I raise an eyebrow.
"Hazing?" I ask.
"Yes, hazing. The stuff isn't as permanent as the stone, but it is far more perverted. But DON'T ask. You will never have any reason to use it or open that container," Clarence warns firmly.
I nod and leave it alone. I was curious but felt I would find out later after I robbed this place.
"Next is A-9, Pocket Sand. They are a pair of jeans that seem normal from the outside, but you will find the pockets are always filled with sand. If you ever get into a confrontation, you will have a strong urge to throw the sand in other people's eyes while yelling Pocket Sand. It's amusing and really harmless, but keep it locked up anyway," Clarence explains and moves on.
When I looked at the jeans, I sensed an enchantment rather than a curse, so that was interesting.
"Next is only to be used during specific experiments. A-3, The Neverending Story. The story changes for each new reader, and some can't read it at all, but it is said the book is sentient, or it makes the reader believe the events in the story are real. It remains locked up until authorised by the Warden," Clarence explains.
This time it was a leather-bound book with a simple title called: THE NEVERENDING STORY. It had an interesting metal brooch above the title. I was a bit curious to know if this book was the real deal, as I could tell it was magical, but that was about it.
"Next is A-8, The Potato Dimension. This burlap bag produces an infinite amount of potatoes and connects to another dimension, or at least that is the running theory. The potatoes are approved for consumption, so if you want to come and grab some, then you can come over and ask one of the workers to hand over a potato. Most of them are shipped to the surface for various countries anyway," Clarence says with a shrug.
'That explains the massive potato shipments.'
"Now, so far, the objects have been fairly harmless or low threat. Containment is basically done, and you don't have to do anything, but going forward is where things get a bit more complicated. Now they get more... dangerous. First off is A-6, the Shed Of No Return. It must never be opened. If someone or something opens it, a disembodied voice shouts Hey, hey, hey, what'd I tell y'all about comin' in my shed. Before the sound of a chainsaw is heard, and the being that opened the door will be cut in half from the top. So far, it has proven capable of cutting through anything, so don't test it," Clarence warns.
"That's... Really odd," I say with legitimate confusion as I try to think of why or how this would ever be made.
"Yes, well, just listen to the warnings and stay out," Clarence says firmly.
I nod.
"Next is A-11, The Union Statue. It's a living statue of a Union Soldier that has a functioning stone rifle; he sings Union Dixie on occasion but is otherwise well-behaved. He hates birds; keep them away from him," Clarence explains.
I nod.
"Next are A-10 and A-12, which are the Swamp Lady and Golden Goldfish, respectively. The Swamp Lady has a specific diet, but she generally behaves very well as long as she is fed. Do not attempt to touch her; she is covered in a poisonous film that can kill with a single touch. The Golden Goldfish is self explanitory is a Goldfish made of Solid Gold. It can swim freely and is otherwise an ordinary Goldfish. He's Swamp Lady's friend, so don't try to separate them," Clarence says and then goes on to explain the feeding schedule.
I listen carefully, and we move on.
"Next is A-2; her name is Maria. You won't ever interact with her, as only female staff are permitted near her. She's a succubus, and before you get any ideas, she can instantly kill you with a touch, so don't try it! The guards are also permitted to use lethal force if you try to bypass security. She is an inmate, but she is here voluntarily. We feed her, and in exchange, she gives us knowledge of demonology and magic," Clarence explains.
I nod as I don't see a reason why I would bother with a simple Succubus. In terms of demons, they aren't that impressive.
"Next is the inmate I was talking about before we came down here. A-7, also called Ghost Wolf, can infect and transport itself via computers or similar devices. They'll target someone and slowly drive them insane until they kill themselves. We're really lucky we caught them so early in the electronics era. I shudder at the thought of what they could do now that we have the Internet," Clarence says grimly.
I nod and look at the single flip phone that was sitting in the middle of the room. I could tell something was off with it, but I let it be.
"The next inmate seems normal on the surface, but don't be fooled; they are also quite a menace," Clarence says and leads me to a frosted window.
When I look inside, I have to do my best not to react too crazily.
"What in the..." I say.
"That is A-4, Pepsi-Woman. And yes, it's as crazy as you think. That is a sentient creature made of aluminium that can summon cans of Pepsi from seemingly nowhere and has nearly limitless stamina. We lost a lot of good agents capturing them. The world thinks Pepsi-Woman doesn't exist and that Pepsi-Man is the real mascot for Pepsi in Japan. As you can see, that isn't true," Clarence explains.
"Is there a Pepsi-Man?" I ask.
"Not that we know of. So far, it seems there is only Pepsi-Woman. We have no idea how she came to be. We don't even know what she is. An Alien? Robot? Golem? No idea. The only thing that seems to stop her is extreme cold. As such, she is encased in a solid block of ice at all times. If you hear Code Pepsi, run," Clarence says grimly.
I nod as we leave that mind-boggling discovery behind.
"Next is one that you will never see in person. It's a creature or statue that cannot move unless you are looking at it. Its favored way of killing others is neck snapping," Clarence says while showing me a picture of a famous statue from my past life.
'The Peanut.'
"There are only three more to go, so let's start with A-15, Beeman. He's a meta with the ability to warp reality to summon bees. Or create them out of various containers. Don't talk with him. He's crazy," Clarence says while showing someone that makes me break out in a cold sweat.
"What's this, a new guard being shown around the prison? My prison bed is full of bees out to put a stop to this!" Dr Bees says.
BZZZZZ
A massive bug zapper turns on and kills all the bees before stunning Dr Bees.
"Like I said, crazy. Speaking of crazy, this next one is... tricky. We can't get near her as she is highly dangerous and kills anyone she can. Until recently, she was the newest addition to The Box. A-17, Bloody Mary," Clarence says while showing surveillance footage.
'There she is.'
"Who's the last one?" I ask without revealing that I already know.
"A-18, the Rabbit of Caerbannog. It looks like an ordinary rabbit, but it's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you'll ever set eyes on. It's got a vicious streak a mile wide, and it's a carnivore," Clarence says seriously.
"Really a rabbit?" I say with a fake skepticism.
"Don't be fooled by its cuddly appearance. It has a confirmed body count of 17. I ripped the throats out of an entire gang in NYC," Clarence said seriously.
"Well, I'll take your word for it," I reply.
"Well, that does it for the tour. There used to be far more items, but a lot of them were destroyed under the new management, so things aren't as bad as they used to be. But let's head back to the office so I can have you complete a simple quiz on what we talked about," Clarence says, and I follow him, leaving behind my magic clone.