The moment Eto first realized she was different from her Dad began with something very trivial.
She still remembers that day vividly.
I climbed into my Dad's arms as usual after he finished work. Dad gave a bitter smile, fretting that he'd sweat so much he'd smell, but I didn't find that scent off-putting. If anything, the richer it got, the more something rose up inside me.
It was just an ordinary day.
Just the usual childish playfulness.
I even had that bratty urge to see Dad squirm a little more.
I bit Dad's arm.
Just a little.
I was sure it was just a light bite.
But in that moment, my body slipped out of my control.
Crack!!!
The sound was anything but the faint nibble I'd intended.
A rush of ecstasy I had never felt before surged through me.
The flavor was completely different from the 'meat' Dad brought home. I was drunk on it, as if I'd downed potent liquor, and couldn't regain my senses for a while.
I didn't even register what the sound was as I chewed and swallowed the wave of pleasure flooding into my mouth.
In response, a hot sigh rose from deep within my chest. A dangerous, dizzying seductiveness overtook me that no five-year-old should ever possess.
Then I came to my senses.
Before me lay a pool of blood staining the floor, Dad slumped on the ground clutching his arm, his lips bitten raw as he stifled his pain.
"Huh...? Wh-What...?"
"Did... did I do this?"
"Did... I... eat Dad?"
I was in shock.
I couldn't believe that the one who hurt Dad, the one who'd just been hungrily devouring bits of his flesh, was really me.
As I sank down and burst into tears, he approached me, forcing down his own pain.
"It's okay."
He wrapped his uninjured arm around my head, hiding his agony, and spoke in his usual calm tone.
He told me it was okay over and over again, soothing me gently.
I cried myself to exhaustion in his arms and fell asleep.
When I woke again, it was as if it had all been a dream—the house was spotless, and Dad stood in the kitchen cooking as usual.
Was it really just a dream?
It wasn't.
Dad's right arm.
The spot where I had bitten him was wrapped in bandages.
Seeing me still confused about what I'd done that day, Dad told me the truth.
That I was a ghoul.
A creature that cannot survive unless it eats human flesh.
If anyone discovered I was a ghoul, people would hate me.
And they would summon the ghoul's natural enemies.
Dad made me promise never to tell anyone I was a ghoul. If I did, he warned, he and I might be separated forever.
I kept that promise.
I didn't want to lose Dad. I didn't want to be hated by people.
If anyone did find out… I would have to silence them.
Absolutely.
So when I met a woman atop the cliff, I revealed my true nature to her.
To corner myself.
To build up the courage to push her over the edge with my own hands.
To see 'death' with my own eyes.
"..."
"..."
Silence stretched between us.
The woman stared at me, oblivious to the cigarette burning to its end.
What reaction would come? It'd be best if she dismissed me as just a child playing a prank.
If she let her guard down, my ambush would succeed all the easier.
"A ghoul… huh."
And finally, she spoke.
"I see."
Click.Fwooooo….
That was all.
She tossed the burnt-out butt away and pulled out a fresh cigarette—that was her entire reaction.
She neither flinched nor denied my words as lies, merely accepted them.
It was I who was taken aback by that unexpected response.
"You don't believe me?"
"No, I believe you. At least I don't think you're lying. Well…"
She held the cigarette and pointed its tip at my hand.
"I doubt someone's hand would tremble that much over a silly prank."
"…!"
Perhaps it was at what was about to happen, but I was so nervous I didn't even notice my own hands trembling pathetically.
I steeled myself internally.
I was fine. Even a child ghoul's physique is powerful. I could beat Dad in arm wrestling—assuming he didn't throw the match on purpose.
I just needed to push with both hands.
I would kill this woman and see with my own eyes the thing gnawing at Dad.
Then I would pick it up with my hands.
I wouldn't let Dad carry the burden alone anymore.
The woman watched me, more serious than a child has any right to be, then spoke.
"You're going to kill me?"
"Have you suddenly decided you want to live?"
"Not really. I don't have the courage to end my life myself, but if someone else did it for me, I couldn't ask for more."
The woman remained unfazed, sucking in smoke as if I could do whatever I wanted.
What a strange person, I thought.
I thought that when a life is at risk, any creature's instinct is to fight for survival—why wasn't that the case? Or was she faking it to trick me into letting my guard down?
I didn't relax my vigilance.
Whether I did or not, the woman seemed eager to chat.
"By the way, why did you come alone? Even ghouls must have parents."
"…My parents are human."
"…Wow. Really?"
The woman was even more stunned by that than by my revelation as a ghoul; she was speechless for a moment before finding her voice.
"You've had a lot going on. A human raising a ghoul… your parents must have it tough."
Twinge.
If she'd said that to create an opening for me to escape, it would have worked.
But when the woman saw me waver, she didn't try to run away.
"I'm sorry. I must have touched a sensitive spot…"
She apologized, blaming her own thoughtless remark that had upset me.
Her apology only brought tears to my eyes. Seeing that, she climbed down from the guardrail and approached me.
Startle!
I instinctively tensed for defense, but she reached out her hand as if it didn't matter what I did.
Her hand stroked my head.
"..."
I stayed tense, but before long I leaned into that touch.
Unlike Dad's gentle caress, her touch was rough and coarse. Yet it held a tenderness similar to his.
"…I see. That's why you came here alone. Your parents are human and you're a ghoul. They must have provided for you up until now, but you didn't want them to struggle on your account, right?"
I nodded.
"Is that so? A dutiful daughter, hm. But I can't call it a wise decision. People who only see the piece of meat on their plate don't realize how brutal the world really is. You need to go to a slaughterhouse, watch cows and pigs die and be butchered, to understand that we're part of nature's cruelty. You're far too young to handle how harsh the world really is."
I wiped my tears and looked up at her.
Her words felt like genuine advice meant for me.
As if I were facing a mother I'd never known.
"Your parents would never want that either. It'd leave an indelible scar on your still-immature heart."
"I don't care."
I didn't back down and stated my will.
"Dad is bearing the wounds I will have to take someday. His heart is already full of scars. I don't want that. If I'm going to get hurt someday, I'll do it now. I won't let those wounds pile onto Dad's scars anymore."
"…You're remarkable. Then I suppose I have no choice."
She withdrew her hand that had been stroking me, stood up, and opened her pack of cigarettes.
"There's only one left. Will you wait until I finish it?"
"…?"
The woman, noticing me tilt my head, lit the cigarette and took a deep drag.
Fwooooo….
Watching the smoke vanish into the air, she suddenly spoke.
"You know, I had an abortion."
"Abo…rtion…?"
I didn't know the word, but the way she said it sounded unbearably sad.
"It means to erase a baby. I was reckless back then, living without a thought for the future, and I ended up doing it. I aborted a child whose father I'd never even known. My parents pressured me—'How could you raise a baby when you don't even know the father?'—and I gave in."
Fwoooo….
"But you know… ever since I erased that baby, I haven't had a single moment's peace. It felt like I'd wiped out part of my own heart along with the child. Whenever I see someone else's baby, my aborted child always comes to mind. It didn't fade with time. 'If only I hadn't erased that child, they'd be this big now. If they were still alive, they'd be that tall,' I'd think…"
Fwooooo….
"It was about five or six years ago… if I had become that child's mother, they'd be just about your age."
The woman looking at me wasn't crying, but through my tears, it seemed as if she were.
She'd cried so often that her tears had run dry, leaving only invisible sorrow streaming down her cheeks.
"Ah…."
Just as I was about to say something, she flicked away her last cigarette and offered me a smile.
"I'll give you my 'death' as a gift."
"…!!"
Arms outstretched, she leaned over the guardrail as if she were lying on a bed.
"It will hurt and pain you… but stay strong and live on."
Before I even had a chance to react.
She smiled, as if a great weight had finally been lifted.
And then she vanished over the cliff.