Ropyr
October 2014
Jeremy drove me home after baseball practice. He didn't stay, which was odd, but he said he had something to do. It wasn't like him to be vague, but I didn't want to ask any questions. He wasn't my boyfriend, so he wasn't obligated to tell me anything. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I was falling for him, and I knew it was fast, but the way I felt around him was something I hadn't experienced before. I was crazy about him.
He was different after practice. He didn't kiss me, didn't hold my hand on the way to the car. It was weird and I couldn't shake the feeling that I had done something wrong. He was fine before going into that locker room. Maybe one of the guys said something. Or, and even more likely, the change had nothing to do with me at all. Maybe something happened with his coach, or his grandparents.
I was going to try really hard not to obsess over it.
I went to my room after getting a soda from the fridge. It was Friday and I liked to go ahead and finish all the assigned homework so I could enjoy the weekend. The issue now was that I didn't know if I had any weekend plans. I realized then how much of my life was centered around Jeremy and what he was doing. It was like I couldn't breathe if I wasn't near him.
I tossed my bag on the floor and checked my phone. No messages. No calls. Nothing. I paced around anxiously, trying to talk myself out of calling him and demanding answers. That would just push him further away, and I knew that, but Neve's voice was in my head saying that I needed answers. I wasn't a toy he could throw away when he was bored. Oh no…was he bored with me already?
Stop it, Ropyr. This isn't about you.
The stars from the ceiling were still in that neat stack on the dresser. I'd been meaning to put them back up, but I hadn't. Now was the perfect time since I had nothing else going on. In the hall closet was a step ladder and a drawer full of tape, scissors, thumb tacks, random stuff. I grabbed what I needed, and the ladder, and got to work fitting the stars where they came from.
The first constellation I completed was Libra, the zodiac for October. I didn't know anyone who had an October birthday. I was midway through the second constellation, and it looked like it could be Leo. My birthday made me a Leo, but that didn't make sense. Wait. Dawson's birthday was July 29. He was a Leo, too.
"What are you doing?!" I almost lost my balance on the ladder from the shouting. Dawson came into the room and grabbed me, tossed me onto the bed and started pulling the stars down again. "These don't belong to you! You had no right!"
"Dawson!" He grabbed the rest of the stack from the dresser and went to his room, slamming the door closed. I wasn't letting it go. I went after him and didn't even knock on the door. "What is your problem?" I asked. It was about time I knew what was going on with him.
"These don't belong to you!" He shouted.
"I know that!" I yelled back. His eyes were watery and the veins in his neck were pronounced. "I know," I said softer. "Who do they belong to, Dawson?"
He pulled at his hair. He sat on his bed then stood again. He did that several times. "I can't be here. If you're here, in that room, I can't be here." He snatched his keys and shoved me out of his way.
I let him go. Whatever was going on with him…I couldn't let it be my problem.
When I finally decided to try calling Jeremy, it went straight to voicemail. His phone wasn't even on. His phone was always on. Always. This was too weird. Everything was pissing me off today, and what did I do when I was feeling like this? I baked.
I read through my dad's recipe cards and found the one for the Halloween sugar cookies. Trina had the cookie cutters already. I'd found them in the top of the pantry weeks ago. She had a lot of baking supplies all stuffed into one very dusty box. I gathered all the ingredients and turned the music to my favorite 80s playlist, then got to work.
The timer dinged as none other than Davis Lewis walked into the kitchen. "Dawson isn't here," I said. I tried to sound like saying his name didn't infuriate me, but I failed miserably.
"I can wait. We're supposed to hang out," he poured himself a drink from the fridge then turned down the music, earning a side-eye from me. "What? It's too loud."
"Let me ask you something," I said. I carefully put the cookies on the cooling rack. If anyone knew what was going on with Dawson, it would be Davis. "What is his problem? I know it's not me anymore. I'm sure I don't help things, but he screamed at me earlier and said that as long as I was here and, in that room, he couldn't be here." I set the baking sheet in the sink and folded my arms. "You know anything about that?"
He sipped his sweet tea, avoiding eye contact. Davis never avoided eye contact. I could wait, too. I had all night. No plans, obviously.
"No one told you?" He finally asked. I shook my head when he looked at me. "Hazel would be turning five tomorrow. She died when she was less than a year old. No one here ever dealt with losing her. Dawson lost part of himself when they lost her. He doesn't handle his emotions well. As you know."
I could tell he wasn't comfortable telling me that. He knew he shouldn't have, that it wasn't his story to tell, but he had done it anyway. Davis wanted to be honest with me when no one else had bothered.
"That explains a lot," I said, mostly to myself. "Why wouldn't they tell me that? I knew something happened. This house is just…too…quiet. I knew it wasn't about me."
"Well, it's a little about you," he said. "You came in and brought some sunshine where it's been missing," he smiled. A genuine smile. This wasn't his playful, teasing grin. I liked this serious side of Davis.
"My dad calls me Sunshine," I told him.
"It suits you," he agreed.
He offered to help with the cookies, so I showed him how to fill the icing bags and gave him the cards with the pictures. I figured he could handle decorating the candy corn shaped ones.
He proved me wrong, and we laughed a lot.
Later we sat on the couch, eating cookies and watching reruns of The Impractical Jokers. Davis laughing at every skit while simultaneously saying how stupid it was made me laugh even harder.
Dawson didn't come back that night. Jeremy didn't call or text. It was me and Davis, alone and watching television until Douglas came home around ten. He came in with bags of Chinese food. He held the bags up and nodded toward the kitchen as a way of greeting us.
"Where's Trina?" I asked, passing the plates to Davis.
"Jodie took her out for dinner and a movie. Something about quality girl time," he scooped a big pile of fried rice and passed the box to me. "She'll be back tomorrow."
"That's good. She needs to get out more. You should, too," I suggested.
He made some kind of gruff noise and dipped his chicken in the sweet and sour sauce. Davis and I shared a look. He was silently telling me not to mention anything. "Have you heard from my dad? Or my mom?" I asked. "Davis knows all of it, it's okay."
"Your dad called this morning. He won thirty bucks playing Chess against a guard," he chuckled. I did, too. "Bobby's always been too smart for his own good. That's why I don't get why he's in this situation."
"Mom said he's covering for someone. Jace, I think? I talked to Davion not long ago and he said the emails and contracts didn't match anything official from the company. He might be gone long."
"He took a plea deal, Ropyr. If he wasn't guilty, he would have told the detectives the truth. He wouldn't have gone to prison and risked losing you. I know my brother."
I knew my dad, too. I wanted to tell Douglas that he hadn't been in my dad's life for at least ten years, maybe longer, so he didn't know what he was talking about. That behavior would disappoint my dad if he found out about it. I sat there and silently ate my dinner. I wanted to defend my dad. I wanted to let him know I was on his side, but he hadn't responded back to me. Ten weeks of letters and not a single response.
Douglas retreated upstairs after dinner.
I washed the dishes while Davis dried and put things away. He told him he didn't have to, but he insisted. "I guess Dawson isn't coming back tonight," he said once we finished. "I should head home."
"Or you could stay," I said. I didn't want to be alone tonight. It's not that I was asking Davis to stay, I would have asked anyone. If Davis hadn't come over, I would have called Neve, or maybe even Kenny. "We can camp out in the living room. Popcorn, smores, horror movies…"
"I'll get the blankets and pillows," he said with a grin.
"I'll get the popcorn and movies."
When I came back into the living room, he had the couch pulled out into a bed and several pillows stacked, all the blankets from the closet. I handed him the movies and made myself comfortable on the bed.
SCREAM played on the tv and we took turns quoting the lines and sharing the movie trivia we knew. Things were easy with Davis. He was more complex than people knew. He wasn't just a baseball player. He was a good guy. A good friend. I knew I couldn't live my life without him now.