Ichikawa stood in the center of his crumbling, glitching hyperspace, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He watched Ruleus, who was currently humming a jaunatey tune while standing in a void that was literally screaming in agony from his last punch.
"Alright, that's enough," Ichikawa wheezed, his 1% divine essence flickering like a dying lightbulb. "The cafeteria is open. Go. Feed your void stomach before you accidentally delete the concept of Tuesday as well."
Ruleus stopped humming. He turned his head slowly... too slowly, with a wide, gleaming chirp.
"Leave? Now?" Ruleus asked, his silver eyes wide and unblinking. "But Ichikawa-kun, we haven't even gotten to the best part! I haven't shown you my Special Move!"
Ichikawa's heart performed a terminal skydive. His eyes narrowed, the blue glow in his pupils sharpening into needles of pure, cold authority.
Special Move? He looked at the hole in the hyperspace. a literal wound in reality created by a casual punch. If Ruleus actually tried, this entire pocket dimension wouldn't just collapse, it would likely ripple outward and erase the planet, the solar system, and possibly the very idea of existence itself.
Ichikawa's hand drifted toward the red ring on his finger. The sinkhole inside it thrummed, sensing his intent.
*If I don't unseal it... I won't just lose. I will cease to have ever been. Mother, forgive me, but I can't let a Special Move from this idiot hit me at 1%.*
He gripped the ring. The air around him began to distort as the first 10% of his power started to leak through the seal, turning the white void into a crushing, heavy obsidian. The tension was so high that the kazoos in the background stopped screaming and started praying.
Just as Ichikawa's thumb hooked under the band of the ring—
Sniff. Sniff. sniff.
Ruleus's nose twitched. His Special Move aura, which had been beginning to manifest as a swirling vortex of silver Deadass energy, vanished instantly.
"Is... is that Level 4 Spicy Curry?" Ruleus whispered, his head snapping toward the tiny tear in reality that led to the school courtyard. "The kind with the little potato chunks that look like tiny gold nuggets?"
"Ruleus, wait—"
"CURRYYYYY!"
Ruleus didn't use a Special Move. He used The Lunge of the Starving. He reached out and grabbed Ichikawa by the collar with the strength of a collapsing star. Without a second thought, Ruleus dived headfirst into the tear in the hyperspace. There was no finesse. There was no magic. He simply broke the barrier by wanting the curry more than the barrier wanted to exist.
SHATTER.
The hyperspace exploded behind them like a window hit by a brick.
Ichikawa and Ruleus tumbled out of thin air, crashing onto the gravel in front of the school's main entrance. They skidded across the ground, narrowly missing a very confused delivery man, before coming to a halt at the base of the stairs.
Behind them, the jagged hole in the sky let out one final, pathetic pop as it shrank down to a point and vanished. The reality wound fixed itself with a sound like a zipper closing, leaving the sky blue and the birds once again free to scream in peace.
"We're alive," Ichikawa muttered, face-down on the gravel, his hand still clutching the red ring. "I'm in the dirt, my blazer is ruined, and I almost triggered a Second Big Bang because of a silver haired moron."
Ruleus was already on his feet, his silver hair perfectly styled despite having just shattered a transcendental dimension. He looked toward the cafeteria doors with the focused intensity of a predator.
"Hurry, Ichikawa-kun! If we're late, they only have the Mild left, and Mild is for people who enjoy being bored!"
Ruleus didn't even wait for a response. He took off at a dead sprint toward the building, leaving a trail of dust and Deadass energy in his wake.
Ichikawa slowly sat up, plucking a small pebble from his forehead. He looked at his hand, the red ring was silent again, the sinkhole satisfied with its 99% meal.
"I am a God," Ichikawa whispered to the empty courtyard. "A divine entity of the End Times. And I just lost a fight to a bowl of spicy potatoes, the train was so much better" Ichikawa was staring at his trembling hands and wondering if Godhood came with a 30-day return policy. The smell of Ruleus's lingering deadass energy was still in the air—a scent that reminded Ichikawa of ozone and unwashed gym socks.
"Ichikawa-kun? Is that you? Why are you communing with the gravel?"
A familiar, shaky voice drifted over. Teacher Yoshiro was wobbling toward him, holding a half-eaten bag of rice crackers. He looked like he had finally finished crying over his sandwich and was ready to resume his duties as a subpar educator.
"Teacher," Ichikawa sighed, not bothering to stand up. "The gravel has better conversation skills than anyone else in this zip code."
"I heard a sound," Yoshiro said, squinting through his smudged glasses. "It sounded like a thousand kazoos screaming in a blender. You wouldn't happen to know—*WHOA!*"
The universe, apparently not finished with its daily quota of slapstick, decided that the flat, dry pavement was suddenly a skating rink. Yoshiro's left foot hit a patch of nothingness, and his body performed a violent, uncoordinated tilt forward.
In that exact moment, the school's Beautiful Baddie. the legendary Student Council Enforcer, Seraphina, turned the corner. She was draped in a black and gold uniform that hugged her curves like a threat, her long violet hair flowing behind her like a silk curtain. She was looking at a clipboard, looking radiant, dangerous, and very, very stacked.
Time began to dilate.
For Yoshiro, the world turned into a sepia toned romantic comedy. The kazoos in the distance were replaced by a soft, melodic harp. As he tumbled toward the floor, he realized his trajectory was perfectly aligned with Seraphina's chest.
Is this it? Yoshiro thought, his eyes turning into watery, pathetic hearts. The legendary 'Accidental Protagonist Slip'? I'm going to fall, my hands will land in the 'forbidden zone,' she'll slap me into next Tuesday, and then... we'll start a whirlwind romance based on mutual trauma! My life as a paper crane was just the prologue for this!
He reached out his hands, a creepy, hopeful grin spreading across his face as he closed his eyes, ready to embrace his destiny.
Ichikawa, sitting two feet away, watched the entire display of human filth with a deadpan stare. He saw Yoshiro's hands reaching out. He saw the Dreamy look on the teacher's face. He saw Seraphina about to be the victim of a trope that was ten years out of date.
Not on my watch, I won't let anyone get hurt!, Ichikawa thought.
He didn't stand up. He didn't even move his legs. He simply tapped into 0.0001% of his 1% power.
Zap.
To the outside world, it looked like a gust of wind. To Yoshiro, it felt like the hand of a vengeful deity had reached out from the void and grabbed him by the waistband of his trousers.
Right as Yoshiro's fingers were a mere centimeter from Seraphina's blazer, his forward momentum was violently corrected. He was yanked backward and upward with such force that his glasses flew off his face and shattered against a nearby pillar.
"URGH-GACK!" Yoshiro gasped as his collar tightened around his throat.
Ichikawa had reached out a single hand and caught the back of Yoshiro's jacket, holding the man dangling in mid-air like a wet cat.
Seraphina stopped. She looked down at the flailing, mid-air teacher, then at Ichikawa, who was still sitting calmly in the dirt. She adjusted her clipboard, her eyes cold as ice.
"Teacher Yoshiro," she said, her voice like a razor blade. "If you were attempting to perform a gravitational audit of my uniform, I would suggest you reconsider. The last person who tried it is still in the infirmary learning how to breathe through a straw."
"I... I was... checking the friction... of the air!" Yoshiro squeaked, his legs kicking uselessly.
"He slipped," Ichikawa said, his voice flat and bored. "I caught him. He's very light. Like a paper crane, really."
Ichikawa unceremoniously dropped the teacher. Yoshiro hit the pavement with a dull thud, his dream shattered along with his dignity and his eyewear.
"Thanks for the save, Ichikawa-kun," Seraphina muttered, throwing him a look that was 10% respect and 90% 'You're still a weirdo.' She marched off, her heels clicking with the sound of a woman who had just avoided a lawsuit.
Yoshiro lay on the ground, staring at the blurry sky. "The harp music... it stopped, Ichikawa. Why did the harp music stop?"
"Because you were about to go to prison, Teacher," Ichikawa said, finally standing up and dusting off his pants. "Now get up. Ruleus is eating Level 4 curry, and I need a witness in case he accidentally melts the tables."