The ignorant are more confident.
Only when I knew nothing could I remain calm. I truly believed that doing this would save Kanna's life.
That's why I hadn't thought about it so urgently. And indeed, didn't her breathing stabilize again because of what I did?
But the next day, after returning from Academy activities, when I heard the doctor's opinion alongside the teacher, my mind went completely blank.
"I'm not sure if I should discuss this in front of a student, but since the teacher has permitted it, I'll explain. There's some brain damage. It appears cerebrospinal fluid is leaking from somewhere, but we can't locate the exact source, which is causing complications."
I felt a chill run down my spine at those words.
The teacher frowned strangely and tilted her head.
"...Cerebrospinal fluid? Wait, can you determine what happened?"
"There's nothing to determine. There are no bruises or anything else, so we can't even figure out what the situation was. All we know is that there's less cerebrospinal fluid than normal, and there's damage somewhere..."
"Just a moment, Yoon Ha-min."
The teacher, finding too many strange points in the doctor's explanation, turned her gaze to me.
Then came the question.
"Do you know how Kanna ended up like this?"
"Ah, well..."
Under the teacher's questioning, I explained everything to both her and the doctor.
Since they said she had less cerebrospinal fluid than normal people, I had no choice but to tell the truth.
While fighting a Strange One, she was suddenly caught in an explosion of unrefined mana, which regenerated her limbs.
Then, as we continued fighting, the hard body of a new type of monster crashed into Kanna's head while she was groaning in pain.
Because of that, something that diluted blood seemed to come out of Kanna's head, and I thought it might be cerebrospinal fluid, so I spoke up.
I hoped this would provide a proper lead for the doctor who was struggling to figure out where the fluid had leaked from, given how intact her body appeared.
The doctor scratched his head, carefully examined the file in his hand, and frowned.
After hearing my explanation and seemingly organizing something in his mind, he let out a small groan.
"While cerebrospinal fluid deficiency is a symptom often seen in the elderly, if it's just physically leaked out, it should be able to recover. It's even better if the gap has been filled. But the problem is..."
I tried to concentrate on listening.
I prayed for some solution to overcome this situation.
But the world isn't easy, and it only brought me painful circumstances.
"Because she healed so cleanly, it's difficult to determine whether the skull fracture was linear, depressed, or a basilar skull fracture, making it challenging to treat hastily. Of course, we'll need to address it comprehensively, but we might face difficulties, and since it's the brain..."
Hearing those words, I wanted to deny reality.
I wanted to deny the fact that even though she was alive, she might end up just barely breathing.
No, no. Surely she could be healed with a totem.
The explosion of unrefined mana had regenerated her limbs, and something like a totem had healed all of Kanna's head wounds.
Could the doctor be lying? Could it be that they're saying they can't treat her because there's no totem like what the Strange One had scattered?
I even had the terrible thought that maybe they were planning to postpone treatment, claiming they had too many patients, when there must be a way to heal her.
"Doctor... is there, is there no other treatment method?"
"I'm sorry, but when it comes to brain research and treatment, there's still no established approach. Given that some brain conditions are completely untreatable..."
I shook my head at those words.
"That can't be, no, um..."
I shook my head to deny it, but I couldn't bring myself to say that I should feed her the totem left behind by the Strange One, so my words trailed off.
Perhaps feeling sorry for my distressed expression, the teacher, who had been quietly watching from the side, eventually spoke to comfort me.
"Yoon Ha-min, if you trust the doctor, I'm sure there will be a good outcome."
"...Yes."
I could only nod weakly.
In a private room, I was alone with Kanna.
Unconscious, she was quietly breathing with machines on both sides.
Beep, beep, the noise indicated she was alive, but she showed no signs of vitality.
Surely, surely she was alive, but the thought that she couldn't open her eyes made my brow furrow involuntarily.
I felt an unshakable guilt, knowing that my hasty actions were causing difficulties in her treatment.
Furthermore, I regretted not helping her sooner, not focusing solely on staying by Kanna's side and leaving everything else to the heroes.
But could I have withstood that explosion?
No, if even the heroes lost consciousness in that explosion, I couldn't have endured it.
But still, now that Kanna was in this condition, my worries wouldn't subside.
Surely this was the best option. No, not even the best.
If I had been faster, I could have somehow deflected the monster falling onto Kanna's head.
No, more important than whether it was possible or not was the fact that I hadn't done it.
I had firmly believed she was alive and brought her here, but now it felt like she was a living corpse, making my chest tighten.
She was breathing, her pulse was beating, but the impact to her head was so severe, especially since her neck had been severely bent and then returned to position, that it became even more problematic.
Kanna's head had bent at a right angle.
Her head had burst, and cerebrospinal fluid had flowed out.
Blood and a transparent liquid.
A reaction that made me think she had died without even letting out a groan.
Ah, I wanted to look away. I didn't want to think she was dead. I believed I could save her. I thought if I could save her before her heart stopped, before her brain was damaged, it would be fine, but that wasn't the case.
I was desperately trying to revive a dying ember.
I wanted to believe she wasn't dead, despite the fading heartbeat.
And surely, because I didn't give up, she was still breathing. Her heart was still beating.
"...But what good is that..."
I clenched my fist tightly and grasped that fist with my other hand.
I rested my forehead on my joined hands, which were placed on the bed.
It was more regretful that my incompetence, powerlessness, and ignorance had reduced Kanna to this state.
Moreover, after being fed something by that strange female Strange One, my ability usage had been restricted.
I had become so weak that I couldn't even assert I could protect Kanna if something happened to her in the future.
What exactly could I do for her?
I had boasted that I would protect her, but what could I actually do?
I felt so unjust and sorrowful that I couldn't protect Kanna because I was stupidly focusing on other things.
My heart was constricted.
I wished for her to live.
"...Kanna."
But there was no response.
The voice saying she might become a vegetative state still lingered.
I prayed that wouldn't happen.
But the doctor was cold.
All I could do was pray it wouldn't happen, and he would do his best.
While I understood that was the doctor's best answer, as someone who didn't want such a future, it wasn't a satisfactory response.
"Ugh, ugh..."
I didn't want to accept it.
Even though turning a blind eye wouldn't achieve anything, I continued to look away.
Kanna might have died.
No, she didn't die. Her heart is still beating. Even if it's a dying ember, even if it's about to fade, I would have tried to revive that pulse.
Kanna might have died.
That's why I did my best with what came to mind at that moment. If I hadn't acted then, she would have surely died, and without that method, I couldn't have saved Kanna.
I failed to protect Kanna.
Unable to escape that fact, I swallowed my anguish.
When I thought, "If only I had stayed by Kanna's side from the beginning," I immediately remembered the heroes who had collapsed around her.
If I had, I would have collapsed too, and there would have been no one to administer the totem to Kanna, and she would have died, which sent a chill through me.
To the fundamental question of whether I could have defeated that Strange One, the fact that twenty heroes had rushed in and failed came to mind, so it would have been a limitation.
The clock showed 10 o'clock.
I should have gone home to rest and gone to school tomorrow, but I sat on the nursing bed, blankly staring at Kanna.
Suppressing the surge of emotions, I looked at her.
I wanted to shout, "Don't die, please wake up alive, let me hear your voice."
But since any words I spoke would only linger in the air and disappear, with no answer returning, I couldn't open my mouth.
Because I was so afraid of not receiving a response.