It had been about half a month since my body became like this.
Since I couldn't rely on Yoon Ha-min every time I needed to bathe, I figured it was time to seriously consider my options.
My prosthetic arm was waterproof, so getting it wet wasn't a problem.
The issue was when my uncontrollable ability would occasionally amplify, like sparks flying.
Ever since absorbing the totem scattered by that Mysterious Person, I would periodically discharge electrical waves like seizures.
Under normal circumstances, it was just a mild tingling sensation, but when wet during bathing, the danger level changed completely.
It didn't happen frequently, but since I didn't want to die from some freak accident, I had relied on Ha-min several times.
But even that had its limits.
"...Ha-min, can I go outside for a bit?"
"Why? We're about to eat soon."
"I want to practice controlling my ability."
"Oh, um... suddenly?"
"I can't keep asking you to help me bathe."
At my words, Ha-min fell silent for a moment before nodding.
It seemed he had been concerned about this too.
I really did need to train to control my ability.
"Then can I watch you from the side?"
"Weren't you preparing food?"
"Someone should be there in case something happens."
"That's true."
Having one observer wouldn't change anything.
With that thought, I walked out to the front yard of Ha-min's house.
It wasn't particularly spacious, but just having it felt nice.
I couldn't practice on the street where others might see me.
Ability control training in front of Ha-min... though I called it that, I didn't know what to do or where to start.
Even with just one ability, its application varied depending on the situation.
At a distance, I would fire it; when up close for sustained attacks, or when needing a quick burst to shake something off, I would discharge it.
If I had to describe what was happening to me, it was closest to the discharge type, erupting like seizures with each breath.
Of course, it was too weak to be called an attack—barely enough to make someone go "Huh?"—but still strong enough to electrocute me to death if amplified by my prosthetic while my body was wet.
What should I do to prevent that?
Lost in serious thought, I took a deep breath and clasped my hands together.
Refined mana—I wasn't a being who drew power from the mana flowing within this barrier.
I was someone who drew strength from what the Mysterious Persons and monsters considered oxygen—what people called unrefined mana.
Ha-min watched me silently for a while, then asked with some concern:
"What are you going to do? Come to think of it, control means stopping those ability outbursts, right? Have you ever succeeded?"
"...Not really, but I'm thinking about it, so could you please be quiet?"
"Sorry."
Ha-min immediately closed his mouth.
I closed my eyes again and thought seriously in the silence.
How could I stop the mana inside me from trying to escape in those seizure-like bursts?
"Ah."
Then it occurred to me.
If the problem was the abnormally large amount of mana I'd absorbed from the Mysterious Person's totem, wouldn't it work to simply deplete that mana?
Until now, I'd thought I should just avoid using my ability since I couldn't control it properly. But if I closed my eyes and released it all at once, wouldn't that eliminate any uncontrollable outbursts?
If that worked, I wouldn't have to deal with these inconveniences anymore.
I turned my head, excited about my idea.
"What do you think?"
"Huh? About what?"
"If I completely discharge all my mana, there won't be any left to control, right?"
I thought it was a good idea, but he didn't seem to agree, tilting his head with an ambiguous expression.
If I had been alone, I would have acted immediately without asking for opinions, but seeing Ha-min hesitate made me hesitate too.
Feeling awkward, I scratched my cheek with an embarrassed expression.
"Maybe not such a good idea...?"
Feeling a bit embarrassed that what I thought was a good idea wasn't, I scratched my head awkwardly and turned away again.
I pouted, thinking this might be too risky after all.
But then again, I couldn't think of any better alternatives.
Ha-min hesitated at my voice for a moment before raising his head.
"...Um, is the ability Kanna uses operated with the same mana as the Mysterious Persons?"
"Probably. Even now?"
"I guess losing limbs doesn't change that."
His concern seemed to deepen as he covered his mouth with his hand and muttered something to himself.
If cutting off my limbs had removed the unrefined mana and returned me to being a normal person, I wouldn't have had these worries in the first place.
That didn't happen, which is why I ended up like this, and why it was now the biggest problem.
Anyway, without consuming more totems here, I wouldn't get more mana.
So if I discharged it all in advance, wouldn't I deplete all the mana I needed to control, eliminating the risk of electrocution while bathing?
"What if you use your ability and a Mysterious Person exploits that...?"
He voiced a very reasonable concern.
"But if you don't use it at all, would the excess mana make you easier to find...?"
It seemed like a lose-lose situation, but I was grateful watching him repeatedly consider the problem for my sake.
My options were increasingly limited, and I wasn't even sure if I could choose how I died, while Ha-min was still trying to make rational judgments in this situation.
If I had been alone, I might have already been contemplating ways to die.
Despite my fears, I might have just sat on a railing and jumped with a "Here goes nothing."
Without Ha-min, I might have ended this second life meaninglessly, before even finding its purpose.
I took a deep breath to avoid feeling depressed.
"Kanna, if you discharge your ability, I'll try to purify it as much as I can."
"...You can do that?"
"What? You didn't know about this?"
"No, I didn't..."
Ha-min seemed to have thought I knew everything about him, because when I admitted I didn't know something, he looked triumphant.
The Ha-min I knew was only the Ha-min as described to me. I didn't know what expressions he made or what habits he had unless he told me.
That's why I couldn't help but be surprised by this ability usage method I'd never seen before.
Did the power of stars include purification?
"But how?"
To my question, Ha-min confidently clenched his fist.
"By pulling it in..."
"Are you crazy?"
"Huh?"
I cut off Ha-min's confident answer.
"That means you'd have to absorb unrefined mana, right? That could be dangerous for you."
"Well, not all unrefined mana is necessarily fatal, and if I control the amount..."
"No, absolutely not."
I shook my head.
I couldn't let Ha-min put himself in danger.
If something happened to him, everything I'd done until now would become meaningless.
When I firmly pushed back, Ha-min became hesitant.
I clenched my fist tightly. Without this option, all this talk about control seemed pointless, but thinking that either choice could be dangerous made me feel indecisive.
I repeated what Ha-min had said earlier.
"If I'm still functioning as a totem... or at least as some kind of signal beacon, wouldn't it be better to discharge? Though it would be a problem if discharging my ability caused trouble."
Since both options were difficult to decide between, I tried to work through the question and answer process multiple times, like double-checking a math problem.
Ha-min also seemed to think this was a serious matter, as he answered sincerely without showing any annoyance.
"Honestly, either way is problematic."
And finally, he came to a conclusion.
"...If both options are problematic, wouldn't it be better if you weren't being chased by Mysterious Persons?"
"There won't be any problems if I discharge it, right?"
"If you're really worried, I could..."
"If you're going to do that, then I won't do it at all."
It seemed like we were going back to square one, but Ha-min seemed to give in to my stubbornness as he said with sweat dripping:
"Sorry, I won't do anything. But what if something goes wrong?"
"...If there's any possibility of you getting hurt, I won't do it. If this causes problems and you say you'll absorb it, I'm just not going to do it."
"Alright."
I wasn't sure what Ha-min understood, but he relaxed his shoulders that had been tense until just now.
Then he moved to one corner and gazed at me intently.
"I won't do anything, but I still hope you can release as much mana as possible. Then you won't be chased by Mysterious Persons, right?"
His voice was genuinely concerned for me, and I felt a lump in my throat.
I knew he had approached me sincerely many times before, but still.
"Well, I'll try a little bit..."
I put some distance between myself and the considerate Ha-min.
Then I pointed both hands toward the ground.
Since electricity wouldn't flow through the ground, I tried to aim in that direction.