Eirin Yagokoro—Sage of the Moon, pharmacist of Eientei deep within the Bamboo Forest of the Lost. She appeared to be no older than twenty, a silver-haired, grey-eyed beauty, but in terms of age she ranked among Gensokyo's most ancient. Five-hundred-year-old Remilia would be considered a child next to her. She frequently concocted dangerous drugs.
Scratch, scratch—
At the moment, she had no choice but to set aside the medicine she was mixing and turn her attention to the mischievous little hands trying to push a beaker off the edge of her table.
She produced a small stick and gave the offending paw a light smack.
"Ow~" Yimi rubbed her hand.
Eirin grabbed her by the collar and dragged her out to Kaguya. "Princess, what exactly did you bring home?"
"Oh, how did she get in there?" Kaguya reached out to take her.
Zero situational awareness—wasn't a kidnapping victim supposed to stay put?
She ran her hand over Yimi's head. The texture was actually quite nice, though a real-life catgirl didn't feel as fluffy as she'd imagined. Hair was smooth and silky, not fuzzy at all—but the kid did nuzzle into her palm after being petted, so that earned an extra two points.
"If you want a pet, there are plenty of Inaba rabbits outside waiting to be picked up." Eirin folded her arms and stared down at Yimi's ears.
She'd read the crow's article about the Hakurei successor. Tabloid fluff like that usually died down within a week. Later that crow had even dared write that Kaguya was that turkey's mistress—for which Eirin had made a rare trip out of the bamboo forest to force-feed Aya Shameimaru a concoction potent enough to give Yukari Yakumo explosive diarrhea.
What concerned her more was what she'd confiscated from the Princess.
As one of Gensokyo's most notorious shut-ins, blessed—or cursed—with immortality, Kaguya had developed a habit of collecting otaku merchandise despite being the most beautiful woman alive. Eirin generally saw no reason to interfere; across an endless lifespan, one had to find some way to pass the time.
But the items discovered a few days ago—Nekopara, raising simulations, and the like...
Eirin looked Yimi up and down, then snatched her back. "Confiscated."
"I feel like Eirin has gotten the wrong idea. I really should write a five-hundred-word explanation to salvage my reputation..."
"There are no misunderstandings left to have with a princess this steeped in otaku culture." Eirin shooed Kaguya out.
Turning back to the child she'd kept behind, she found the brat standing on her chair, sniffing at the medicine she'd just been mixing—and had even licked a tiny bit.
"Rua!"
Gross. This woman had shattered the law that grown-ups' drinks always tasted better than a kitten's.
Eirin plucked her off the chair. "That's a drug that makes the medicine itself attract Spell Cards. It's only a prototype, though—once swallowed, the effect stops working."
A peculiar effect, but she made all manner of peculiar drugs: ones that made your ears fart, ones that caused hair to burrow back into the scalp instead of falling out or growing. None of them served any particular purpose.
"You should be grateful you didn't drink the one next to it. Reisen tried that one yesterday and grew black fur all over her body."
Noting the two small shoe prints on her chair, Eirin pulled over another seat for herself and gestured for Yimi to sit on the one she'd just been standing on.
The little cat sat down on her own shoe prints.
Eirin pinched Yimi's ears. "How strange. Not a youkai, not a human, not a god, not a Lunarian. What exactly are you?"
Mildly curious.
"I'm a cat." Yimi swung her legs, which didn't reach the floor, and gazed at the bottles and jars covering the table. She pointed at Eirin and bestowed a new title: "Grandma Number Three!"
Because Grandma also liked tinkering with bottles and jars, and also didn't like Yimi poking at them.
She felt an instant kinship.
Through Eirin Yagokoro's eyes: the Princess—whose catgirl and raising-sim games had just been confiscated—had suddenly brought home a little girl with cat ears, then taught her strange things that made the child call Eirin "Grandma."
Her expression remained flat. "While I'm surprised the Princess sees me that way..."
This hobby clearly required disciplinary action.
Eirin pulled out a cotton swab and leaned down to Yimi's level. "Open wide. I'll give you candy after."
Yimi immediately clapped both hands over her mouth, dove under the table, and hid. She knew what doctors did—and it probably ended with a needle!
The little cat became afraid of Eirin.
"It's not a shot." Eirin put the cotton swab away, not pressing the matter. "Reisen, take her out. You have today off—no test doses."
She had her own research to attend to and didn't want interruptions. She'd also need to have a talk with the Princess later.
"Yes, Master." Reisen came over and guided Yimi toward the door, pulling it shut behind them. "Come with me."
"Rabbit who can't outrun a tortoise!" The little cat recognized her at once.
"Who can't outrun a tortoise? Wasn't that because you guys stuffed money in my pocket? And I'm not really a rabbit either. Well, technically I'm the leader of the Inaba..."
Reisen picked her way carefully along the path as they walked.
"Leader of the Inaba?" The little cat was curious.
"The rabbits' leader," Reisen explained, pulling Yimi along into the bamboo forest while grumbling. "But they listen to Tewi more than me. Tewi won't listen to me either. She even extorted away the money you guys gave me last time. Watch your step around here—otherwise you might accidentally—ah!"
Before she could finish, a rope snare snagged her ankle and yanked her upside-down. Her skirt, with perfect respect for Newton, dropped to reveal purple panties with a bow. She pressed at it desperately, but couldn't keep it down.
"TEWI INABA!!"
No response. The bamboo forest was littered with traps set specifically to mess with people. That rotten rabbit didn't bother lurking beside any single one.
Reisen had no choice but to beg Yimi for help. "P-please put me down."
"Okay." Yimi grabbed Reisen's dangling hair and pulled downward.
"Ow ow ow! Let go! I meant cut the rope!"
The racket was unbearable.
Since they hadn't walked very far, Reisen's shrieking successfully attracted Kaguya, who emerged and looked up at her with exasperation. "This is the third time this month you've fallen for a trap this simple. Different-patterned panties every time—do you actually have some kind of special hobby?"
"I'm sorry, Princess! Please save me from this child!"
"You could wriggle free from this kind of trap on your own, couldn't you? Setting booby traps right at the front door, honestly." Kaguya flicked out a Spell Card.
It spun through the air, then arced toward Yimi along a trajectory that defied all known physics—more precisely, it flew straight at her mouth.
"Nom."
Yimi opened her mouth, bit down on it, chewed, and swallowed.
"?"
Kaguya looked down at her own hand. Reisen had warned her, sure, but the card she'd thrown wasn't supposed to be an anti-cat weapon, was it? Then again—what Spell Card had she even thrown just now?