The three sit around a small table. A clash of sunlight and candlelight illuminates the room. The distant hum of people reaches their ears.
Alzir has given everyone a cup of tea. It is, at best, hot water with leaves.
"I rushed through my youth," Alzir begins his story. "From what I wrote down, I tried leaving my home as fast as I could. I took up an interest in the stars from a very young age, and I became so enthralled, I pushed everything else aside... Absorbed in my studies, I missed out on my childhood..." Alzir doesn't seem regretful. "I didn't care about interactions with others. Any attempts from my family to engage with me ended in failure for them. I didn't see the point. I isolated myself."
The phrase resonates with both of them.
-Did I... Do the same thing...?
He doesn't know. If he did, he didn't want to. He didn't want his life to turn out like that. He didn't want to be alone... Right? His feelings conflict with each other.
Alzir observes their body language.
"If you asked me when I first came here, I would have said I'd do anything to go back. To go back and hug them. To go back and enjoy my life, instead of flying through it... It took me a while before I realized... I shouldn't dwell on it."
The statement irritates Sirius. Something isn't sitting right.
"I wrote down all I could about myself," Alzir flips through a short journal. "Clinging to the past... To the old me. But now..." Alzir slams it shut and grins. "I'm happy. I hope they're happy, too, but I don't even remember them, so... All I can do is focus on myself. In hindsight, I don't even consider my previous life wasted. I engrossed myself in something I was passionate about, and that I am still passionate about. While I may have told that witch otherwise... I have no regrets."
Sirius's eye twitches. Alzir's words remind him of Timekeepers'.
-Stop...
"That's great," Korlin smiles. What hides behind there?
"What I'm trying to say is... Don't stress over your memories disappearing. It'll take some adjusting, but once they're gone, you won't even notice. The way I like to think of it... Is that this is a fresh start. Gone are your earthly tethers holding you back; here you can live and achieve anything you want."
Frustration boils inside Sirius. This should be uplifting...
-Stop it... Bury it.
"Timekeeper said something similar..." It spills out of Sirius's mouth.
-STOP.
"Oh yeah? That guy... I wonder what his past was like. Not that it matters-"
"Question."
-Why am I like this? Bury it. Bury it!
"Huh? Oh, yes?" Alzir is surprised at Sirius's sudden change in demeanor.
"Are you messing with us?" Sirius scowls at the scientist.
-Damn you. Why?
"Sirius?" Korlin is first to respond. "What are you talking about?" He fails at an attempt to whisper.
"What do you mean?" Alzir gives a sympathetic look. It aggravates Sirius more.
-His eyes... He is... He's pitying me.
"I'm just saying, I've been in this world for almost three days. I haven't noticed any signs of it myself. It's only the humans I've met that talk about it. It's starting to feel like you and the Timekeeper are just messing with me. I'm... tired of it."
-Bury it... Stop... You're supposed to be...
Alzir sinks into thought.
"...He has a point..." Korlin agrees.
"Well then, should I test you?"
"Test?" Sirius rests his head on a hand.
-You're overstepping your bounds. You're showing too much of yourself. Stop being rude... Alzir is a kind person... You're making Korlin feel awkward... Drop the bratty attitude. Bury it.
Sirius takes a breath and smears a shallow smile on his face.
"Yes, you've certainly already lost some memories. Likely very small ones, but aspects of your life, nonetheless. It's tough to narrow down what those would be at this stage... But I'll give it a shot."
"...Sorry. Alright... Go ahead..." Sirius doesn't feel confident in Alzir's abilities, but still, this memory thing needs to be cleared up.
Alzir pauses to think a moment.
"Picture your house, or wherever you lived. Now, outside of your room or wherever you spent the most time, can you recall any photos hanging on the walls?"
"Man, I hate tests..." Korlin sighs.
Both boys dig through their memories. They retrace the steps of their homes, scouring the walls inside recollections. They search for multiple minutes.
"I can't..." Sirius mutters. "But that doesn't mean anything. I wouldn't have remembered those anyway."
"I've got nothing either," Korlin announces.
"Hm, alright then..." Alzir ponders once more. "What about birthdays? They don't hold much weight here considering the month conversions, but can you two remember any of your past birthdays? Think of your early years. Five or seven."
Sirius quickly recalls something.
"On my seventh, maybe eighth, birthday, I believe I got my first bike."
"Do you like bikes?"
"I guess I do. I haven't ridden one for a while, but I liked going out to ride while listening to music."
"Then that means that memory still has a reason for existing."
"..." Sirius doesn't buy it.
"I think," Korlin utters. "I remember on my sixth birthday, my sister destroyed my cake. I can remember my parents laughing... I didn't get a new cake."
"Hmm..." Alzir spaces off. "This is tough. The memory loss we're talking about isn't like dementia or whatever I called it in my journal; your cognitive abilities will remain intact after your memories disappear. I'm sure you've heard, but the memories fade from least important to most. Or rather, from how significantly they impact your personality."
Korlin nods.
"What I'm getting at is that I can't really find out what's gone without knowing what's important to you. Truly important to you. Not surface-level value, we're talking the inner depths of your psyche." Alzir places the round frames over his eyes. "So, what is important to you? What makes you, you?"
"..." Sirius buries his hand in his hair. He's never thought much about it before.
"Friends, family, vacations..." Alzir lists. "It can be things like that, but in reality, those aren't always what's really important to us. For the you that you project to others, those things may be, but when it comes to your personality, the important things are often obscure. Likely... they are bad memories; memories you wish you could forget."
"Is that how it was for you?" Korlin questions.
"Somewhat," Alzir flips through his journal. He stops at a page, glances over the lines, and shuts the book. "My final memory was a happy one. It was when I was a child, going to my first planetarium. I met this professor who taught me many things and ultimately fueled my desire for knowledge. It was the memory that set my life in motion."
"You wish you could have forgotten that?"
"No, of course not, I'm a bad example for what I'm trying to say. Here... My second-to-last memory... Deemed the second-most important memory to me. It was... my death."
"Oh..."
"I won't bore you with its details, but that death helped define me. It... rebirthed me." A strange undertone emanates from the last sentence. Alzir clears his throat. "As crazy as it sounds... my old family was one of my first memories to go. They weren't seen fit as incredibly important to me. And I would agree."
There is a short pause. Then, he restates his question.
"So, what is important to you?"
-What is important to me...
Sirius digs through his pool of memories. While he sees so many, none stand out. How did I end up like this?
"I don't know..." Sirius can't find any words.
...
"But hey, I could be completely wrong," Alzir asserts. "It could very well be something as simple as your father, mother, maybe even a grandfather..."
A blurry image of a hospital bed flashes in Sirius's mind.
"Grandfather..." As soon as the words came out from Alzir's mouth, a strange feeling washes over Sirius.
"Hm? You got one? Is he important to you?"
"No... I don't..."
"Sirius?" Korlin waves his hand in front of the boy's lost eyes.
-Do I have a grandfather? I... I can't remember.
Sirius concentrates. He must have reacted to this word for a reason. If he does have a grandfather, he would be present in certain moments in his life. He scans his memories of himself and his father for any trace of an extra person. He does the same with his mother. It doesn't help. He doesn't know whose father his grandfather would be.
Digging deeper, he recalls a clearer picture of the hospital room. His mother cries. His brother, too. But the tears aren't for Sirius. So, for whom?
He remembers standing there, angry. No, envious... He remembers degrading himself as everyone in the room drains their tear ducts. Canopus was the most affected... Wasn't he always excited for someone to come visit?
As if a flicker, an indistinguishable voice asks a question.
-"Sirius, are you happy with your life?"
...
Withered hands touch his own. Whose are these?
Who asked that question? How did I respond?
It seems like too big of a coincidence to be thinking of this right now. It must have been a grandfather, right? But how can a whole person's existence be wiped from his brain?
"I think I do... I'm... not sure." Something in his mind feels like it's missing. But not something big. Something insignificant, like a handful of sand scooped off a beach. No matter how deep he searches, the results come back blank.
"You must have forgotten," Alzir's eyes emit warmth. "But not to worry, that just means, especially at this point, he wasn't important at all." Alzir smiles as if he didn't just invalidate a possible man's existence.
Sirius's heart pounds. He feels no grief, but rather fear.
-Does this mean... My memories are actually...? No...
"This feels strange..." Trying to recall any memory of the man leaves him with a fuzzy sensation. Like static in the mind.
"You'll get used to it after a while. It goes away eventually." Alzir rests his hand on Sirius's shoulder. "What about you? You got anything you think you're forgetting?"
"I don't believe so..." Korlin rubs his temple.
"A cousin, an old toy, a dusty old shed, a leaf, it can be anything."
"Yeah, those are a little broad..."
"Your bed, a shirt... maybe a dog."
Korlin twitches.
"A dog..." It tumbles from his lips.
"You think of something?"
"Maybe..."
Korlin distances himself away from everyone, presumably to gather his thoughts.
Sirius taps his foot rapidly. He keeps trying to grab something. But nothing is there to hold.
Alzir gently shakes Sirius. "You alright? You remember something?"
Confusion and guilt rush over him.
-Why...
"I take it you had a grandfather, but can't remember him at all? It just means he wasn't-"
"No! You're wrong!" Sirius blurts. Stop... "He was important to me! I-I should remember him! I think he died and I-I was sad about it... I was... sad..." His breathing grows rapid.
-Was I even sad?
"Take it easy, I know this is difficult, but-"
"No... I wasn't, was I? They were sad... I..." He laughs at himself. He laughs at how pathetic he is. "Of course I wasn't sad..."
-What's wrong with me? I need to... I need to get out of here.
Sirius leaps out of his chair, rattling the table. He sets his hands on it to stop it, but it doesn't last long, as his hands make the table tremble along with him.
"Sorry, I'm going to... Step out for a minute." He takes Alzir's hand off his shoulder and shuffles across the room.
"Sirius, wait-" Korlin stumbles out of his chair. His approach is stopped by Sirius's outstretched palm.
"Just... Leave me alone a bit," Sirius offers a pathetic smile.
He catches a glimpse of Korlin's eyes...
And finds pity.
...
Sirius feels vulnerable. Exposed. Meeting Alzir's gaze gives him the exact same feeling.
-They're pitying me... I need to get out of here... I can't... I don't...
Sirius pushes open the door and breaks it off its hinges.
"Sorry..." he mumbles, stepping over the fallen door.
He walks out into the deafening city, shouldering a storm of swirling emotions.
Memories, pity, people, time...
All of it is too much to bear. Denial won't solve a thing.
This was a mistake. All of it has been. He's too flawed for all of this.
...
The brightest star fails to retain light and instead prays for the seclusion of night.
...
Yet again, he runs.
The boy falls out of sight, smoldering in shame and distress.
Korlin watches for a second time, a guilt striking his sides.
"Sirius..."
...
The boy and the astronomer stand in silence, as time ticks ever by.
22760404 seconds remain.