"GIVE ME—GRRGH!—BACK—YEARGH!—MY FLASHY CHOPS—WA-A-ARGH!—STRAW HAT!"
Buggy's indignant demands fell on deaf ears. Luffy, busy hopping around in a series of acrobatics that would put an entire circus to shame, instead cheekily shook the duffel bag into which he had crammed Buggy's entire body sans head, hands, and feet after the clown's decision to not just tempt fate but challenge its manhood. It was helping him ignore his first instinct of beating him within an inch of his life.
It also doubled as a way to get a decent look at his surroundings, so he could find a way down. And possibly find a certain okama, though Bentham's absence from this floor was one change Cross had mentioned being almost certain about.
Though… while he bounded around, something in the landscape tickled his mind. Alabasta had given him a lifetime's experience in what a desert felt like. The heat was there. The sand was there. And the mirages were there; he could see the walls moving and everything.
Or were they?
Luffy landed, and rather than bound off again, he walked toward a hazy patch of air, Buggy in close pursuit and Galdino struggling behind them. He reached out his hand…
Sssss! "AAGH!"
And jerked back as though he had been burned. Because he had, consequently, found out the hard way how the Starvation Hell had been revamped: it didn't just look like the cells were moving in the distance—!
"Guys!" Luffy barked, spinning around. "Be careful, the walls are—!"
Luffy's words lodged in his throat at the blank wall not three feet behind him. Acting fast, Luffy jerked forward, shoulder-checking his way clean through the wall. The rubber man swung his arm out to wave away the dust cloud. All he found was an entirely new set of desiccated cells full of the husks of prisoners, and nary a clown or 'artiste' in sight. Not even any sounds to guide him, either, just the dry howling of the infernal winds and the souls lost on them.
Luffy blinked as he took it all in, particularly the renewed struggling of Buggy's pieces in his bag.
"Well… crap."
-o-
Much like the Crimson Hell, the Eternal Hell of Impel Down had been passed over for upgrades, and for the same reason: with the kind of prisoners kept there, it was an unnecessary expense on top of the already expensive upgrades to the rest of the prison. A complete lack of mention of the sixth Hell in the SBS broadcasts had neatly kneecapped any further argument. If nobody knew the level existed, and the only thing that could intimidate the prisoners within was Magellan's poison, then what was the threat?
And that small number of prisoners not intimidated by the Warden's might shrank further in the face of the world's most beautiful woman stepping into their line of sight. The Eternal Hell's usual silence found itself shattered into a cacophony of catcalls, jeers, and other masculine crudity as Hancock's procession wound its way through the corridors.
It was a familiar scene for Hancock, made mildly unfamiliar solely by the fact that the prisoners shouted obscenities even darker and more perverse than what she usually heard. The crudity issuing from just about every prisoner on that level was doing an excellent job explaining why they had been incarcerated there.
Just their misfortune that news of the BioMEGAs hadn't trickled down to forewarn them of how toxic Magellan's mood was. No, they learned that the hard way when some particularly suicidal idiot reached through the bars in a futile attempt to try and grope the most beautiful woman in the world.
Upon which Magellan doused his cell—and every cell in his general direction—with a wave of venom that left the prisoners writhing and howling in pain.
Actually, they weren't howling so much as screaming. A nasty fate, but at least their wails replaced the… utterances of before. Plus, they were still alive and mobile, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing.
Hancock glanced back and up at the Warden with a cocked brow. "I would thank you for that, but not even I am quite that sociopathic."
The venom-man's only response was a derisive snort. "My duty requires no thanks from you. What a foolish notion."
With that, the group proceeded in silence for a few minutes more before coming to a halt before their destination.
At a glance, it looked like any other cell. But the lack of overt hostility from the captives was both obvious and made them stand out from the others on the floor. Well, most of them lacked any overt hostility. One of the men within, whom she idly identified as the 'Maelstrom Spider' Squard, was giving the group a glare that could peel paint.
As for the others, the only woman in the cell, 'Ice Witch' Whitey Bay, was earning her moniker with a cold, almost bored indifference. In contrast, the entire origin of this endeavour was paradoxically morose: slumped against the wall and hanging slack in his bindings, Portgas D. 'Fire-Fist' Ace was the picture of a defeated man, his spirit so snuffed he didn't even bother to look up at the witnesses to what were almost certainly some of his last hours.
But easily the most surprising of the prisoners was also the largest of them: the one staring evenly at the Wardens, Warlord, and Marine with an unflinching expression was a big blue fishman who almost looked familiar—wait, what the hell?!
"Jinbe!?" Hancock breathed in shock, boggling at the chained and leering Whale Shark-hybrid. "What in Ouroboros's unending coils are you doing here?!"
The 'Knight of the Sea' shrugged with a clatter of chains. "I disagree as to the necessity of this farce. Call it a conscientious objection."
"He opposed the World Government's order to do his duty and fight for Justice, and this is his punishment," Magellan stated in an acidic tone (not that he had any other). "He has the next 24 hours to recant his decision, or his stay in this cell will become permanent."
"Then my stay in this cell will become permanent," Jinbe replied. "My 'Justice' will not weather murdering a friend to throw the world into chaos." He turned his unavoidably toothy expression on Hancock. "What about you, 'Empress'? What's your take on things?"
Hancock's eyes flicked a split second to her 'hosts'. Then she bared her teeth and raised her head to the point where she was showing her chin. "That I, unlike you, have my duty and responsibilities prioritized correctly. I shall do as I am required, I shall do it to the best of my ability, and I shall do it with pride!"
Jinbe's grin widened. "On that point, we can both agree."
"Enough."
The Snake Princess looked up to the source of the venomous order, a literally steaming Magellan who looked about ten seconds away from eating someone's liver raw. With no garlic.
"Boa Hancock. You have 60 seconds. I won't need any more than that to issue a reminder," the Chief Warden intoned, a violet sheen on his skin and the steam revealing itself to be a sickly green gas, prompting the rest of the party to discreetly shuffle away. Then he turned his gaze away from her and towards the rest of the cells. "And speaking of a reminder…"
And that's when things started to get loud again.
Satisfied that he and her watchers were distracted, Hancock stepped up closer to the cage and returned her attention to Ace, now staring at her as hard as Jinbe, Whitey Bay, and Squard were.
"…he's here."
Ace's eyes scrunched shut in an expression of pure misery, slumping down in his chains. Hancock's eyes narrowed in annoyance in response.
"Straighten yourself," Hancock snapped as softly as dared, even with the agonized screams of the surrounding prisoners covering her. "Both because if our watchers suspect anything, we're all dead, and because no matter how this has come about, you are now responsible for his survival. So right now, two choices lie before you: you can give up and guarantee you both die, or prepare for when—when he gives you the opportunity to flee. So, now you tell me."
She leaned in as near to the bars as she dared.
"What sort of person did Whitebeard raise? Someone with strength and will… or just a man?"
It wasn't the first time since waking in hell that someone had tried to provoke him with his captain. But it was the first time that it resulted in a reaction other than more depression: 'Fire-Fist' Ace raised his head and scowled at Hancock, a spark back in his eyes.
"Har har!" Whitey guffawed softly. "Good one, sister! I'd high-five ya, but as ya can see I'm a wee bit tied up at the moment, har!"
"I thought this floor was the one without torture…" Squard groaned.
Ignoring the byplay, Hancock's gaze turned to Jinbe. This time, no words were spoken. None were needed to determine where their loyalties lay. With that, she turned her attention back to her escorts. With her task complete, nothing could make her happier than to be outside again.
It was a matter of sheer good fortune that the only one near enough to possibly overhear Hancock was Tashigi, the other prison workers having scattered to avoid Magellan's Hydra. As the poison oozed away, leaving a handful of prisoners wishing they'd been fatally struck, she reapproached the poison-man.
"You have my gratitude, Warden." She smiled softly. "It's almost a pity that we're unlikely to ever meet again."
With some of his stress worked out, for a brief moment, the Warden's eyes turned to hearts. Then he gave himself a firm shake and turned away, leading the way back to the elevator.
"…though I will say. Puns appear to be an effective torture method even for these criminals."
That made him stop, tense. But after a few moments, he shook his head again and kept going.
"Even we have standards, Empress."
Hancock nearly chuckled, moving to re-enter the elevator…
!
When suddenly she froze, a slight shiver passing over her frame.
"What. Was that?" the Snake Empress bit out, her voice tense and taut and close to a snap.
"…nothing you need concern yourself with," Magellan slowly ground out, his fists clenching and unclenching nervously at his side.
Unseen by the rest of the group, he turned his head slightly so that he could look at a cell. A single cell, innocuous, normal, except for its prisoner. The prisoner, sitting on a bench in the dark. A prisoner who hadn't said a single word, had barely even moved, in the entire time he'd been incarcerated.
A prisoner, whose head was now tilted back. Whose blank, dead eyes were staring straight up.
"Just a problem that we will handle," Magellan muttered as they left the Eternal Hell to its solitude.
-o-
Back in the Starvation Hell, Luffy sat on top of one of the larger dunes, sipping from a small barrel of water he had taken from his bag.
~o~
Right behind Vivi was Carue, who seemed unfazed by the hug Luffy gave her.
"Kind of wackwustah compawed to some of the othews, but you need watah to live. So to make suwe you stay hydwated, I'm putting in my pewsonal jug. Fiwwed to the bwim with genuine Yuba watah, just wation it wisely. Twust me, it's a bad idea to just guzzwe it aww."
Luffy nodded, his smile still in place. "Thanks, Carue." Then he added quietly, "She'll need you more than ever now. Take care of her."
The duck nodded in perfect understanding.
~o~
His face was scrunched up in thought, pondering what to do next. His first inclination was to just wander until he found somebody he could talk to, but that never worked. Well, it never worked in less than a few days, which he didn't have.
Unfortunately, he also had a dire lack of better ideas. Scrunching up his face even harder, Luffy flashed back to some of the lessons he'd overheard Robin giving Vivi and Conis. Most of what she'd said had flown right over his head, but the part about approaching a problem from a different angle had resonated.
"Alright," Luffy asked himself. "What would Zoro do?"
In his mind's eye, a chibi Zoro popped into existence, a bottle of indeterminate booze in his hand. The figure glanced both ways before shrugging and turning left. Directly towards one of the cell blocks. And then through it with a few swings of his swords.
"Well, that's not helpful!" Luffy groused. "Hmm. What would Nami do?"
Chibi Nami popped into place, talking immediately. "Based on the blah blah of the blah, and the insert-technobabble-here, I have determined that the way down is this way!"
So declaring, Chibi Nami walked off in a random direction.
"Aww, that's even less helpful!" Luffy groaned, tugging at his hood. "Okay. One last try: What would Cross do?"
Chibi Cross poofed into view, a tiny Soundbite on his shoulder. Unlike the cheerful Nami and Zoro, the crew's third mate wore a disgruntled expression.
"Dammit, Luffy, I'm a figment of your imagination! You don't know where to go, so I don't know where to go! Now start wandering until your RNG gets better and something actually happens!"
"Man…" Luffy grumbled to himself as he dutifully started trudging, the heat beating down on him like his grandpa. "Even in my head, my crewmates are smarter than me. I mean, that's why I've got them, but it still stings. And I still don't know where to go, so I'm still lost…"
The rubber man made it all of five steps before a thought occurred to him that froze him, leg raised mid-step.
"Of course!" he exclaimed, spinning around and smiling up at the cells surrounding him: more specifically, at the nooks on top of them. "I just need to do what I always do whenever I get lost: climb as high as I can and then jump down to wherever I'm going! It's genius!"
Had there been any other figments of Luffy's crew around, they'd have wobbled their hands with an ambiguous 'eh'. But, as there were not, Luffy took a run at the nearest cell, leaped for the roof of the building!
THUNK! "ACK!"
And slammed into the wall instead when the building spontaneously grew an extra meter, taking Luffy's goal out of his reach. Rather than drop to the floor, however, the Monkey retaliated in the only appropriate way he knew.
CRUNCH!
With overwhelming force, he digs his fingers into the stone to keep himself anchored.
The Straw Hat-in-chief looked up at the roof—and the floor in general—with a rebellious growl. "Oh, no, not this time. This time, I'm pushing this place around!"
So saying, the rubber man heaved his arms and launched himself up and over the building's edge, immediately shooting to his feet and bolting to the summit.
Reaching it, though, was no easy feat. The entire floor veritably heaved in an effort to try and stop him. A pillar of cells abruptly jutted out from the side to block Luffy's path, the rubber man dropping to his knees and bending back near horizontal to slide under. And when, at the edge of the pillar he was on, another stack of stone shot up and kept shooting up, he leaped at it even harder and latched on again, this time riding the stonework up.
A ride that was quickly and rudely interrupted by a wooden beam attached to chains and bristling with spikes, visibly swinging his way in his peripheral vision. He didn't immediately react, waiting for the right moment to leap off the pillar. His jump cleared him over the spikes and onto the chains, whereupon he immediately kicked off again and went slim between two stone turrets sliding together.
Which coughed him up right over a spiked pit that hadn't been there when he grabbed the chains.
"Whoa!" he yelped, flailing wildly. "Whoawhoawhoawhoa—!"
His flailing connected with the brickwork of the pit, and he latched on for dear life, a mere foot above the gleaming blades. Breathing a sigh of relief, Luffy eyeballed the width of the pit. Nodding, he leaped across the void, jumped off the wall, and then repeated the action until his last bounce took him out of the deathtrap.
"Shishishi! That was pretty cool!" Turning, he noted that the prison hadn't shifted again despite the time spent in the pit. "Huh. Wonder why they haven't moved again?"
-o-
In the central command room for Level 3, one of the guards frantically doused a bank of consoles with a bucket of water. "Get work crews into the mechanisms with all the lubrication oil we have!" another barked.
"I told you moving entire cell blocks that fast would break something!" another snapped back from under a set of consoles.
"Shut it! Did you see that guy move? It was the only chance we had of nailing him! And what about the prisoners?"
"Tumble dry suuuucks…" came a groan from one of the intact consoles.
"We can check them after this whole mess is over. We don't have the manpower with Saldeath dealing with the break-in. As it is, I don't think any of them are going anywhere anytime soon."
"…Did you mean to use three 'anys' at once?"
"Shut up!"
-o-
Shrugging, Luffy said, "Oh well, mystery mechanisms."
With that, he decided to put as much distance between him and the pits—death pits, not ones that led deeper as he needed—by going back to his plan of getting as far off the ground as possible. He squinted to try to spy another wall through the heat haze… which sounded like meat filets… aaaand now he was getting hungry, and Sanji was an ocean away. It was official, he now hated this even more than he had when this whole ordeal started.
The rubber man promptly slapped his hands against his cheeks. Concentrate! Cell, chain, prisoner, cell, old man out of a cell, more chains… there! The heat haze was different there. He started to move towards it and was one leap away from embedding his pipe as an anchor before his mind caught up with him, and he looked back at the old man he had seen before.
While at this distance, specific details couldn't be made out, Luffy was still able to pick out three important things: that he was wearing green and a horned helmet and not a striped jumpsuit, he was so ancient his limbs had more in common with twigs than human anatomy, and oh yeah, he was lying face-down on the sand, not moving.
Shaking his head, Luffy looked back up toward his planned vantage point. He couldn't afford to stop and—
Yeah, no, he couldn't finish that thought. Heck, Luffy knew for a fact that the entire reason why he had Buggy and Candle-guy with him this time around was that he couldn't leave well enough alone the first time around. So, honestly, what was one more? With a final wave at the departing train of logic, Luffy leaped off the wall, angling his descent to touch down next to the insensate old man. There, he performed the sole medical technique he knew:
He poked the old man on his bearded cheek.
The old man stirred, a bony finger weakly twitching up as a muffled "'M not dead yet…" croaked through the sand.
Luffy let out a reluctant groan of frustration. "Which means I actually do need to save you. Don't take this the wrong way, but crap." He then cocked his head to the side in silent admission. "Still, at least this'll suck as much for you as it's gonna for me. Long-term, anyway."
So saying, Luffy hooked his hands under the geezer's shoulders, hoisted him up, and politely coerced him back to wakefulness.
"Wha-ha-ha-haaaagh!"
Which is to say that he shook the old coot like a ragdoll until he was groaning properly again.
"Stop the ride, I wanna get off…"
Satisfied, Luffy held the old man in front of him while his eyes stopped rolling in his head and came back into focus. They blinked, and then blinked again.
"Ah, hello… you're not a prison guard, are you?" the old man wheezed, though he seemed like he knew already.
"I'm an intruder," Luffy said, tugging down the cloth around his head to show his face. "You?"
"The same," the old man responded, shaking his head. "Monkey D. Luffy… I didn't think I could be surprised anymore." He frowned in confusion. "Actually, strike that: I'm not surprised that you'd do this, but I don't get why."
"Ace is my brother," Luffy said bluntly.
The old man's eyes lit up in shock, and then he began chuckling. It quickly devolved into a fit of coughing and wheezing, but he started it chuckling.
"What's so funny?" Luffy demanded, his tone one wrong answer away from outrage.
"O-Oh, nothing, nothing…" the old man wheezed, waving one hand while the other pounded his heart back into place. "J-Just amused… at the irony of it all. You see, that's the same reason that I came here. Let me introduce myself: I'm Byojack World, Co-Captain of the World Pirates."
The rubber man blinked at the old man. "You're a captain? I honestly thought you were a corpse."
"Check again next week…" Byojack sighed in a resigned tone before shaking his head. "A-Anyway… like I said, I'm here for the same reason as you: My own brother and co-captain, Byrnndi, has been trapped in this hole for many years. It was before Roger's time, but he was one of the most powerful pirates out there! And we became pirates for the same reason that you did: we set out for adventure and brought down anyone who tried to stand in our way! But then…" The geezer's gaze expression collapsed into a sorrowful grimace. "Things… things went awry, and we… lost our way."
He shook his head. "A-Anyway, Byrnndi ended up getting captured, and I've spent the last 37 years trying to carry on without him. I love my brother dearly, but it always seemed like a pipe dream to be able to break him out of Impel Down." Byojack then grinned, exposing a patchwork collection of teeth. "Or it was, until your crew came along and destroyed Enies Lobby. After all, if a group of rookies like you could do that—no offence—"
"Offence? That's a compliment!" Luffy grinned.
"Heh, indeed—but as I said, if rookies could do that, then veterans like my crew could pull this off with the right information. Cost us a fortune on the black market, but we found someone with…" Byojack grimaced. "Disturbingly in-depth knowledge of the Government. As in, he gave us a blueprint to plan our assault. It wasn't perfect, a tad outdated—we didn't see this labyrinth coming when we broke in, it split me up from my crew—but it was enough that we made it inside."
Luffy blinked slowly. Normally, he'd let that information pass him by and move on. But anyone who knew more about this place than Cross was dangerous, and while he only knew the first thing about blueprints, that first thing was that they belonged to the builders. "That sounds..." he trailed off warily.
"Yes, I'm perfectly aware that this is all sketchy as sin," Byojack agreed. "Making a deal with a devil, much less one whose face and name I don't know, was a drastic and risky move, but those are the moves you have to make if you intend to invade hell and succeed. No sacrifice is too great for my brother's freedom."
And that put Luffy's stirring dread to rest. Given the chance, he'd have done the same thing. And seeing as he currently was in the middle of doing just that—!
Luffy grinned and pumped his fist. "Shishishishi! Well, I need help and from the looks of things, so do you! Whaddaya say we team up?"
Byojack blinked at him in surprise, then grinned eagerly and tried to get up. The key word being 'tried', as his weathered muscles only managed to support him for a few quivering seconds before he collapsed back into the 'sand' (for lack of a less nauseating word) with a tired groan. "I… I'd love to, truly, but… that 'week' I told you about earlier might very well have been an overestimation. I…hurk…" He coughed up a cloud of 'dust'. "I truly feel… I'm at the end of my rope…"
So did Luffy, because he recognized the symptoms he was showing. "Aw, man, it's like Sabo's first jungle summer. Stupid heat." Kneeling down, he carefully hefted Byojack onto his back and directed the barrel of Yuba water towards him. "Make this last, okay? It's the only one I've got."
Byojack seized the barrel but paced himself, carefully downing a few swallows of water and looking much better for it.
"Bless you, Straw Hat," Byojack gasped, wiping his mouth off. "I can't thank you enough!"
"Shishi! You can thank me by navigating," Luffy replied.
"Of course, of course." Luffy heard something rustle and turned his head around to find Byojack digging out an equipment-laden Black Transponder Snail from his pack. "Just give me a bit to tune in, and Gladis and I can listen in on the guards' movements. Shouldn't be too hard to find the important locations."
"Whoa!" Luffy gasped, eyes sparkling. "You're just like my commie!"
"Who—oh, right, of course," Byojack chuckled self-deprecatingly. "Oh, I'm sad to say that my girl's nowhere near Soundbite's capabilities. But she does her job well enough." The snail preened happily under the praise. "Now, one moment…"
It took a few minutes of mystery listening and quite a bit of muttering that reminded Luffy of Franky or Usopp with a particularly tough engineering problem. Jeez, he missed them… Thankfully, Luffy was only just starting to get homesick when Byojack found something.
"Found a big cluster at 97 degrees," he declared.
"Cool!… What's that mean?"
It was then that Byojack, with a rather poleaxed expression, fully realized that he was dealing with Straw Hat Luffy. In other words, an idiot. So he dumbed it down.
"Go right, and keep going right. I'll put you back on the right track if we have to detour."
"Woo! Let's go!"
And with that, Luffy bolted off through the maze of dry and dusty buildings in the blink of an eye!
Before running back just as fast, sheepishly scratching the back of his hood. "Aheheh… whoops? Uh, how are you…?"
"Oh, just let me ride on your back, and I'll be fine and dandy!" Byojack replied with an easy laugh. "And don't worry for my sake, I'm used to it! My brother's easily ten times taller than you are! And only half again as smart too!"
"Shishishi! Sounds like my kinda guy, I'm sure we'll be friends when we spring him! Now c'mon!" Luffy turned around and knelt down, hands held at the ready. "Hop on and let's get 'em both!"
Once the senior pirate was safely parked on his back, Luffy set off at an easy, distance-eating jog, Byojack periodically calling out course changes as required. And with the labyrinth unmoving, there was little to impede their progress. In a remarkably short amount of time, the pair crested a set of stairs to find the source of the large cluster of guards Byojack had found. Though what they were 'guarding' was… unusual. And in a prison with a desert, an inferno, and a blizzard in it simultaneously, that was saying something.
"'Two days to retirement?!' 'Two days to retirement,' are you fucking kidding me!? First, you humiliate my Blugori, and now this!? You're a dead man, you 'flashy' son of a bitch, you hear me!? The second we get you back in chains, I am going to chop you up, desiccate your pieces in Level 3, broil them in 4, CHILL THEM IN 5, AND THEN FEED YOU TO EVERY ONE OF MY BLUGORI, PIECE BY TWITCHING PIECE!"
Specifically, Saldeath was attempting to strangle mini-Buggy—' attempting' due to his missing neck—with Galdino cuffed and looking forlorn at the edge of the impromptu circle the guards had made. Said forlornness most likely due to the knowledge that once the devilman was through with the clown, he was likely next.
"Wow, they really don't like him," Byojack remarked blandly.
"You should've heard what else he said," Luffy replied, his voice just as flat. "I'm pretty sure he caused you and your crew to come here in the first place." He sighed despondently, head hanging. "Still need to save them, though. Hang back, these guys won't take long."
Byojack frowned in discontent, but slowly moved off his back to stand in the shadow of a nearby building. Nodding to himself, Luffy fingered the zipper on his bag. Did he want to…?
ZIP!
Luffy blinked, glancing down at the bag and its open zipper. "Whoops," he said as Buggy's limbs shot out of the bag and rejoined their owner. Each piece slotted neatly into place, and when they were all back, the clown forcefully threw the warden off and posed dramatically.
"I'm back, baby!" he crowed.
CL-CL-CLICK!
"…blast," Buggy groaned a second later, cringing from all the guns aimed at him.
"Ah, wonderful," Saldeath sneered as he stood up and dusted himself off. "Now you actually have kneecaps that we can shoot out. Men, start there and then work your way up to his face. On your marks—!"
"SORRY FOR THIS!" KA-BLAM!
The guards never got the chance to fire, however, due to Luffy barreling into them from the side and collapsing their line with a whirlwind of kicks, punches, and percussive pipe pummeling. It wasn't long before the guards wisened up enough to back off, leaving Galdino free to stagger up to his erstwhile 'comrades'.
"Gyahaha! Thanks a lot, S—er, friend!" Buggy chortled as he snatched up his discarded and misappropriated axe and brandished it eagerly. "I was almost a dead man!"
"Yeah, probably, but I still need your help to get to Ace," Luffy said with an annoyed glare that sent shivers down the clown's spine. He then refocused on the wardens, glaring bloody murder at them all, but the diminutive warden leading them all, who was just staring at him. "Alright, listen: I don't know you, and you don't know me, but—!"
"Oh, but that's where you're wrong, imminent inmate," Saldeath interrupted, his tone perfectly even. "Or would you rather I use your real name… Straw Hat Luffy?"
A sinking pit opened up in Luffy's stomach at that declaration, and his grip on his pipe went white. He briefly ran through all the excuses or arguments he could make to outwit or dissuade the shrimpy fiend's correct assumption. Then he slumped in defeat at the notion of him actually managing to 'outwit' anyone. And the memory of every time he'd tried that tactic with his crew. Or brothers. Or any time, really.
"Okay, I'll bite: how did you figure me out? I didn't stretch or anything the whole way here."
"You managed to bullrush your way through three of our floors, brutalized a cutting-edge weapon of mass destruction, and you're not even winded," Saldeath deadpanned. "It was a toss-up between you or Gold Roger reborn, and at this point, those two options aren't mutually exclusive."
"You have no idea…" Buggy groused.
"Quiet, you," the demon and the monkey snapped in synch.
Grumbling under his breath, Luffy lowered the cloth covering his face but made no further removals. His disguise may have been blown, but the robes still helped with the heat. That done, he slammed his pipe down in his palm.
"Alright, you recognized me. Good for you, you're pretty smart. Which means you should be smart enough to realize that that's not a good thing for you, because now, I don't need to hold back when I kick all your asses."
Saldeath hummed in quiet agreement. "Very true, so perhaps you might indulge me, for the barest of moments, by answering a simple question? Before you inevitably concuss me, anyway."
"Don't do it, he's buying time for his backup to get here!" Galdino hissed.
"I have to, I need to buy time to think of a plan!" Luffy whispered back before addressing Saldeath. "What question?"
"Why?"
"Huh? What are you—?"
"Why are you doing this? Why break into Impel Down? We most certainly don't have any of your crewmates here, regardless of how very prepared we are to receive them all, and I highly doubt you're here to pay a visit to any of your prior victories, either. As such, I can discern precisely no motivation for this little suicide run of yours." The demon-man swept his arm out invitingly, if lazily. "If you'd be so kind as to indulge my curiosity…?"
Luffy snorted and shook his head. "Obviously, I'm here to break someone out. But you really think I'd tell you who it is? I'm not that stupid."
"Yes, you are."
"…alright, I am, but Cross told me not to, so there!"
The imp's demeanour darkened. "Tch, even when he's neither present nor opening his maw, that little bastard still manages to give us trouble." Saldeath graced the group with a blistering glare. "Very well then. If you won't tender that answer freely..."
He stood up from his slouch and swept his pitchfork out with a sharp whistle, prompting the surrounding guards and Blugori to snap to attention, weapons unslinging and firearms cocking in a cacophonous chorus of metal. "Then we'll simply rip it out of you along with your fingernails. Allow me to be the first to properly welcome you to Impel Down, Monkey D. Luffy. I'd say that I hope you enjoy your stay… no, let me rephrase, I hope that I enjoy your stay."
"…Actually, you know what? I have an idea, I think we'll both like. Buggy, you fight them first, I'll just watch."
"WHAT?!" the clown roared indignantly.
"Hey, we need to buy time, and they wanna hurt someone, so we all win!" Luffy hissed.
"I DON'T!" Buggy whisper-screamed.
"Sure you do." Luffy suddenly glared. "I won't want to punch you in the crotch so much."
"…you know, the funny thing is, I know you're playing me. But I'll play along," Saldeath stated blandly.
And all at once, without hesitation, all of the guards' attention turned to Buggy the Clown. His face reddened, and his eyes twitched.
"Straw Hat… if I make it out of this alive, I'M GOING TO—!"
"Be very unfortunate. Fire!"
BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!
"AH! OOH! EEE! WATCH IT, YOU FLASHY BASTARDS!"
Bullets blasted at the Chop-Chop man in what should have been an unavoidable wall of lead, but somehow he was dancing and flailing madly enough that everyone seemed to miss him. Luffy blinked several times as he watched, his keen eyes taking in the truth of what was happening. His eyes slowly drifted to the other observer beside him.
"How long before that guy notices?" Luffy hissed.
"Not long, I think," Galdino whispered back. "Or he may just—"
"Forget the guns, just crack his skull!" Saldeath barked, slashing down his pitchfork to produce a sharp shriek that goaded the Blugori into action, the blue wall of muscle advancing ominously.
"—do that," he finished lamely as the Blugori charged, reluctantly raising his fists as he coalesced rapidly-melting gloves over his arms, while Luffy's muscles tensed in preparation to deliver a vicious beatdown. Even Buggy grit his teeth in focus, eyes flashing as his own hand whipped up to grip his axe's shaft, and he put together a plan.
A plan that ultimately wouldn't come to happen, because, as always, fate had its own designs.
KRASH!
Suddenly, everyone was drawn up short by one of the nearby walls bulging ominously, a massive impact sounding out on the other side.
Saldeath's already pasty demeanour lightened even further, and he slowly started to back away. "Oh, no, come on, not here, not now—!"
But it was indeed here, indeed now.
KA-KRASH!
And it started with the wall exploding in a blast of brick and mortar and… oh, screw it, people dust, the entire floor was covered in people dust, are you happy now?!
Aaanyway, the wall burst open and disgorged a massive, blue-skinned and black-clad figure who tumbled on exit onto his feet, two crumbling maces in his hands.
He cast them aside just as a spinning brown boulder of gleaming spiky death shot out of the hole like a cannonball and shredded floor headed right for him, while the giant—vanished into thin air?!
The boulder skidded to a halt, unfolding to reveal a wedge-like helmet-head poking out of the gleaming, segmented, spike-festooned shell of what was unmistakably yet another biomechanical monstrosity. Its head creaked up, and it inhaled through the slits that passed as its nose before its entire mass spun on the axis of one of its legs.
With the spin, the beast spun its long tail—topped with a ferociously spiked club, because of course there could be no inch on the thing that wasn't immediately lethal—in a massive arc at something unseen. Something that was revealed to be the blue giant in the middle of a frantic dodge, the air unblurring from around him. A dodge that, from the timing, Luffy knew had to have started a fraction before the monster had swung its tail.
"Dammit, how is your sense of smell that good? You don't have a head!" the giant snapped.
"BWOOOOOOH!"
The only response he got was a bone-rattling bass roar from the monster as it began to slide on its one foot to bring its spinning tail towards its opponent.
The giant attempted to retaliate with a punch that seemed to ripple in the air. 'Attempted' being the operative word; it hit only the floor, the weird armadillo-thing having rolled out of the way with far too much agility for its massive size and relatively stubby legs and being precariously perched on one at the start of the maneuver.
Both actions plunged the already disarrayed guards into pure chaos, every man and beast for himself, either sprawled on the floor from the ground-shaking punch or frantically scrambling away from the rolling mass of spiked carnage showing absolutely no regard for its 'comrades'.
Luffy took the opportunity to leap back from the area of impact, his own 'comrades' in hand, all three stared dumbfoundedly at the fight. Wotans were a rare breed, to begin with. The giant cyborg thorny devil was about as shocking as it gets. Both at once, locked in mortal combat and dismantling the guards that had been troubling them moments ago? They couldn't help but gape, really.
"Luffy? I think now would be a good time to get out of here. As in, now!?"
The trio spun around to find Byojack hobbling towards them as fast as his wizened frame and medical equipment permitted. And also scowling up at the blue-skinned giant.
"AND SEBASTIAN! Watch what you're doing, you could've hurt me!" he snapped, shaking his fist in the manner of old men everywhere.
"Sorry, Byojack, but I can't hold anything back! This sucker's tough," the newly named Sebastian declared, throwing his weight into trying to pin down the monster again.
"Wait, what?! Who in the flashy hell are you two?!" Buggy demanded.
"Byojack broke in to rescue his brother, don't know who the other guy is," Luffy explained before looking at the old man. "One of your crew?"
"More like my brother's first mate, but close enough," Byojack nodded. "I noticed Sebastian and that… thing fighting nearby, and I told him to bring the brawl over this way to help you out. Thanks for that, Sebastian!" he called over to the giant just as he was tossed clear of the grapple and into a nearby wall.
"I wish I could say it wasn't a problem, but seeing as I'm pretty sure I have a person stuck in my gills…" the aquatic titan groused. Sebastian then tensed up as the stony behemoth rolled up in a ball and started to spin up again, snarling in irritation, "Oh, no, you don't! Now I know where to grab!"
Sebastian was as good as his word. When the barreling boulder of death was close enough, he grabbed it on the single spot it was safe to touch: right where the edges of the shell met to close the ball. Unfortunately, he seemed to have misjudged the length of the spines, because several tore strips out of his chest before the spinning stopped.
Nevertheless, in an impressive display of determination and might, in spite of the shredding, he leaned back as hard as possible and lifted, dropping the beast to the floor in a prison-shaking suplex.
Oh, and also through one of the cell blocks, producing a spray of stone shrapnel that did a good job cutting down any guards still on their feet. More stones embedded themselves in the walls, one hole revealing—
"Hey, that's—! Let's go go go!"
A massive steam-filled shaft, visibly sloping downward. Luffy was already moving, his arms wrapped around Buggy and Galdino, much to their mixed feelings.
"Sebastian, I'm heading further down with Straw Hat! Regroup with the others and catch up as soon as you can!"
And Byojack, following close behind, leaped onto the Rubber Man's back and hung on for dear life.
The blue-skinned bruiser let out a grunt of assent, popping up a loose thumbs-up. "I'd say good luck to your face, but I'm a bit too tied up to tell where that is right now!"
Luffy snickered at the call out, before abruptly skidding to a stop, looking back between the hybrid giant and the beast, then down at Byojack. "He's blind?" he asked.
"Never stopped him before," Byojack replied, a bit defensively.
The next second, Luffy dropped his allies to reach into his bag again, withdrawing a pink baseball. Giving it a twist, he threw it with all of the force he could muster—
FWOOOM!
—and flooded everywhere in sight with smoke.
~o~
Gingerly, Lassoo moved forward and deposited a cloth package before Luffy.
"It took a bit out of me, literally, but here's my contribution: a dozen baseball bombs," the dog-gun chuffed. "The timers normally start when I cough them up, but I stopped them for these; just give them a good twist before you throw them, realign the threads, and they'll blow up as they should with anywhere from a 5- to 30-second delay."
Luffy nodded, looking over the bombs—and blinking at the fact that half of the balls were pink instead of white.
"Oh, yeah, and that: I got an upgrade on my smokescreen from Chopper, it's Cani-Haze now. Bigger area and better smell, too. Should be easy to tell them apart from the normal bombs this way," Lassoo explained.
Luffy nodded again, smiling and dropping his hand down on Lassoo's head to give him a firm pet. "I'd rather have you along to tell the difference for me, buddy."
Lassoo stiffened at the gesture and then relaxed and let his tongue loll out. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind going through hell with you too, but hey, you don't need to be lugging around twice your weight in guns, and Cross does. Just be sure to give them all a piece of hell from me, would ya?"
~o~
"Hey, what the—?!" Sebastian exclaimed.
"It's a smokescreen with a scent!" Luffy called out. "Now that thing can't see or smell you—!"
"But I can tell where it is, hell yes!" Sebastian cackled as he slammed his fist into his palm. "Come here, metalhead! Hope you like the taste of your own tail!"
"BWOOOOOOH!"
At the bass-deep roar that sounded out in response, Sebastian threw himself into the fog in search of his target. A target he found, judging from the crunch of stone and bone and another, far more agonized roar.
"Alright, now let's go!" Luffy yelled, leaping for the exposed shaft again. As he and Byojack pulled ahead, Buggy and Galdino followed with shared disgust and reluctance.
…visages of disgust, but not total silence.
"…so, why the charade?"
Buggy grimaced at the question and didn't respond.
"I saw, and Straw Hat saw, and I don't doubt even that two-foot twerp saw it," Galdino pressed. "So why did you only narrowly split your body around those bullets, instead of doing it visibly?"
Found out, the clown's jaw hitched. "Because. Because, as flashy as I might be and as brilliant as I am, I'm still smart enough to know what weight class I'm comfortable in. And if you think I'm idiot enough to try punching outside that weight class and bump up everyone's opinions of me, you're just flat-out insane."
Galdino shot a searching look at the pirate. "Then why the hell are you sticking with Straw Hat Luffy, even if he is our best shot at getting out of here?"
At that, Buggy's jaws ground together. "Call it… unfinished business."
-o-
Elsewhere in the desert, the number of Impel Down's prisoners that had yet to succumb to starvation was shrinking rapidly. Whether it was thanks to Buggy, Cross, or someone else that they were there, the Caribou Pirates were emptying every cell they found, and the captives within barely even resisted as they were pulled out of their chains and into the bottomless swamp.
But for all that Caribou was complacent, rule one of kidnapping was to always do it quietly. And so he remained in the shadows, cackling softly to himself as he observed the free-for-all between the monster, the guards, and that oversized fishman. He drooled at the blue-skinned beast; if he could fetch a wotan, it would be the biggest payday he'd ever had.
"Big brother, we've gotta keep going to get our quota," Coribou said, more nervously than usual.
Caribou snapped his eyes shut and shook his head to clear his thoughts, the vivid memory of his patron's abilities making him subconsciously reach for his neck. That… That had been a very eventful job offer, a clear memory, and an even clearer message. Right, right. Work first, profit second.
"Right, brother," Caribou agreed, turning his attention away from the brawl and allowing himself to smile devilishly again. "Next block of cells, how many prisoners?"
"I counted seven, big brother."
Caribou snorted in annoyance. "Well, waste not, want not," he muttered, skulking to his next group of victims.
-o-
The atmosphere in the elevator was one of relief when the doors dinged open on the first floor, a mutual feeling that their obligations were complete and they could go their separate ways, doing wonders to lighten their spirits.
That atmosphere died mere moments after they disembarked from the lift. The source of their discontent? A pink-clad ginger-haired dominatrix scowling at them, strangling a whip in her hands.
… No, this was not the start of an off-colour joke; it actually happened.
"Vice Admiral Momonga," Chief Guard Sadi stated coldly, a very clear and present desire to flay something—or rather, someone—seething below the surface. "I've been… instructed to relay new orders to you." Her lips twisted, baring her teeth in a snarl of fury. "On behalf of Fleet Admiral Sengoku himself."
A tense and heavy silence fell over the group, forcing Momonga to bite the bullet and make the first response. "And those orders would be?"
An outright snarl ripped from Sadi's throat. "You have been assigned to… aid us—" she spat out the words, "—in quelling the unrest that's arisen within our prison. Alongside the other Marines already present. And you are to remain here until the time of Fire-Fist's relocation to Marineford." Her attention then shifted to the Warlord, and her expression flattened to bored dismissal. "The Warlord will be taking your battleship to Mariejois, and is to be escorted there immediately."
Her bad mood was now matched by the Vice Admiral, whose face had turned red with rage, his knuckles whitening around his blade. The temptation to lash out at this woman was strong but swiftly dismissed. It would do nothing to help him, nor would protesting the order to remain while a Warlord sailed off on his battleship. It would earn him nothing but a chastisement.
"…so be it."
Hancock exhaled sharply in dissatisfaction even as she stepped away from the Vice Admiral. She had been counting on more time for her and her sisters to influence him, but once again, matters were against her. With that in mind, she turned to look the man in the eyes, and she spoke calmly and evenly.
"Vice Admiral Momonga. Whatever you may think of me, what I do is for my people. It is for them that I shed blood. I leave you this to think about: when you present yourself on the battlefield, who and what is it that you are fighting for?"
She held his gaze for a moment longer before turning away. With a clear air of impatience from all involved, she was released from her binds and escorted out of the entrance, down the boardwalk and back to the battleship. Behind her, the jailers and one Marine descended back down into Hell, where she prayed that Luffy had not yet revealed himself.
"We've been briefed, Empress, we'll be leaving at once," said one Marine as soon as she set foot on board. She gave him a disdainful look, then shook her head and marched to her quarters as fast as she could without appearing undignified.
Sonia and Mari stood up as soon as she entered, tense from holding themselves back from physically swarming her, an action which Salome did not restrain herself from as she coiled about her partner.
"How did it go, sister?" Sandersonia inquired.
"As well as could be expected, in all regards," Hancock answered with a sigh, half-collapsing into her serpent's coils. She gazed upwards, through the ship and into the sky. "Now… the true trial begins."