Sabaody Archipelago was not actually an archipelago, nor was it even technically an island. Nobody much considered this fact, or cared when they did. Simpler that way. The fact that the weather there stabilized, as it never did out on the wide-open sea, only confirmed that attitude.
Thus, the gray clouds forming into thunderheads way too quickly, flashing with lightning and rumbling with thunder, were a most unpleasant surprise. Those who had lived their entire lives in the Grand Line quickly grasped that this was not the ocean's natural insanity. It wasn't much of a leap from there to the actual cause, and the scattered reports floating around the islands were enough to get anyone with a modicum of common sense to pick up the pace getting out of the open, into shelter, and away from the metaphorical storm the literal one in the sky represented.
"Ugh. It's going to rain. For the love of the Sacred Twenty, could this day get any worse?"
Saint Charloss was not one of those people. As he dismounted his skeletal slave mount and sauntered into the Auction House, he remained blissfully unaware of the danger that was upon him.
…and just as unaware of the inevitable fate that awaited him.
-o-
"Don don don don!"
SMACK! "OW! I didn't say anything!"
"That is precisely the point. Don't say anything," Tsuru firmly ordered.
Helmeppo grumbled rebelliously as he moved his skewed visor back in place. "You're not serious. Okay, yeah, I was wrong before, but what could Cross do that would be worse than that? Who could he attack that would make a bigger impact?"
Tsuru's eyes narrowed almost to slits. "You listen to me, you brat, and listen well. You're not wrong that, in sheer magnitude, whatever Cross is doing now isn't going to outdo that… interview." Her already wrinkled face scrunched a bit more as she shook her head. "That does not mean that the impact he leaves from whatever he's doing now cannot be worse."
The blond subordinate snorted and crossed his arms. "You'll have to pardon my disrespect, Vice Admiral, but I find that very hard to believe."
With an expression as flat as paper, Coby unhooked the Transponder Snail in the room - and was promptly surprised by both it and its visual cousin waking up, the latter projecting an image onto the wall. The image that was being projected appeared to be a top-down view, displaying—
"…what's that, an auditorium?" Helmeppo broke out into a hopeful—read, somewhat desperate—grin. "Oh, please tell me that the Straw Hats have just gone to the theatre now, we all need a nice break!"
Coby flipped his glasses down and squinted at the screen, scrutinizing the stage at the front of the projected room, before reeling back with a look of shock and horror. "Helmeppo, trust me, that is not a performance you want to have any part of!"
"Huh? What are you—?"
"—And sold to the man in the baby Sea King leather cloak for 700,000, a fine purchase for a fine dresser!" the man on stage grandiosely proclaimed as a figure was led out to stand next to him. "Our next lot is number 27! Peterman here was one of our fine suppliers, but earlier today, he made the mistake of trying to shortchange me for a catch of the day. Well, you've gotta make up that difference somehow!"
The fact that that 'joke' actually drew a smattering of laughter made most of the Marines' skin crawl.
"As you can see, we have fine musculature, decent skills with a bow—"
"You double-crossing snake, I didn't do shit you motherfu—!"
CRACK!
"GACKH!"
"And a broken jaw. The fresh ones are always so wordy, but I guess breaking them in is part of the fun. Still, we'll be starting this one off at a discount price of 450,000. Do I have 450?"
Any trace of blood evacuated Helmeppo's face as the crowd shouted out their replies. "A slave-auction? What the hell is Cross playing at? I thought they'd already burned down literally every slave shop on the archipelago!"
"Every slave shop…" Coby croaked out, hands visibly trembling. "But not the Auction House. There's only one Auction House on Sabaody, and Cross said they were avoiding it…" He turned his pale face towards Tsuru, who was stiff as a board. "Because the Celestial Dragons frequent it."
Tsuru's neck went whipcord taut—
THWA-WHACK! "OW!" "OUCH!"
—before her cane lashed out and cracked both youngsters over their heads.
"Well, what are you two waiting for, a gold filigree invitation?!" she barked. "Raise the alarm and start preparing the troops. I want all quarters manned ten minutes ago. MOVE!"
"YES, VICE ADMIRAL!" the rookie soldiers yelped, saluting and shaving out of the room.
Tsuru snorted, her heart rate slowing down from jackhammer to jackrabbit. Satisfied that she'd both fulfilled her 'duty' appropriately and given all Masons on base sufficient warning to batten all hatches, she turned her attention and ire back to the screen.
"For goodness' sake, Cross, I thought your plan was to avoid poking the dragon and Dragons," she bit out. "What could have changed!?"
Almost as if in response, the viewpoint suddenly swung down, hugging the wall and gliding to the floor before zipping through a small forest of legs, until finally stopping by an all-too-familiar pair of greaves. Gif then slowly raised herself up to rest at Cross's eye-level, thus giving her and all other viewers access to the conversation Cross was currently a part of. And the topic…
Her frown deepening, Tsuru grabbed for a pencil and notepad, writing down the names falling from the Straw Hats' mouths on one side and listing Sengoku's medications on the other. She suspected she'd need a few doses herself before the day was through.
-o-
"General Ausdin from the Democratic Republic of Tasan, Duke Venomania of the Asmodean Oligarchy, Viscountess Conchita of Beelzenia…" Vivi suddenly cut herself off with a sharp gasp. "Oh, that bitch!"
Cross gave her a sharp look. "What?"
"Princess Riliane Lucifen d'Autriche!" the bluenette snarled, her face promising murder. "I always knew she bought her boyfriends, but I didn't think she literally bought them! And she had the gall to call me a sand rat!? To anyone from her household who's listening, anyone who can provide proof they set off a Molotov cocktail in her room will find gainful employment in Alubarna, at twice your previous salary!" Her expression then grew contemplative. "…actually, no matter what she said about my behind, we are close to the same size, so if you could snatch some of her dresses on your way out—"
"Vivi," Cross interrupted with a gimlet glare.
"Tch, can't have nice things…"
"Less griping, MORE WHISTLE-BLOWING," Soundbite groused.
"Yes, yes. Now, let's see, where was I…" The princess sat back up in her seat and gazed down the auditorium. "Ah, yes, I'd recognize that tacky hairpiece anywhere. That fellow a few rows down is Lord Octo of Elphegort. Always thought he was a little too chummy with Wapol. And sitting next to him—!"
"Huuuugh…"
"Feeling conflicted, Your Majesty?" Igaram asked gently, giving his king a sympathetic look out of the corner of his eye.
"Extremely…" Cobra sighed, half-watching the spectacle through his fingers. "From the first time another noble invited me to that hellhole in an effort to 'loosen me up'—"
"Three broken ribs and a concussion, I remember," Igaram nodded sagely.
"Quite," Cobra nodded. "And I've always harboured a minor, if remote, fear of Vivi ending up in that building for one reason or another, and now I see that very fear happening before my eyes." The sound of grinding teeth rang out. "And yet…"
"She's as safe as she can be in that sort of situation. I know the feeling," Toto grunted from where he was shuffling through a sheaf of papers. "I spent four years worrying constantly about Kohza. But despite everything that went wrong, he's still with us, a wiser man, though still hotheaded. And even in those four years, I wasn't really too worried about him."
Cobra blinked, then frowned, a suspicion niggling in his skull. He glanced over at the once-again hefty old man. "And why weren't you worried about him, while he was leading a rebellion?"
Toto scoffed and waved his hand dismissively. "Because he was leading a rebellion in Alabasta. Honestly, if you're going to do anything like that, this is the kingdom to do it in. Anywhere else in the world, he'd be a head shorter, but here? Indefinite community service! Ahhh..." He shook his head with a wry chuckle. "I really can't tell you how much I appreciate having someone like you on the throne, Cobra. On several levels!"
Cobra regarded Toto with a small frown; Toto, pointing out part of his rule that he took pride in, didn't bother him, but at the same time, he did feel something of a prick in his pride at the jab.
He shook his head with a gruff huff. "Well, still leaves me with the headache of Vivi being in a position I wouldn't envy anyone being in, as well as the fact that the next Reverie is just guaranteed to be an utter nightmare." That comment drew several confused glances, and Cobra huffed. "If they allow the likes of Germa there, they'll have a devil of a time banning me."
"Sire, with all due respect… the Germa Kingdom may have a repulsive reputation, but they aren't overtly opposing the World Government," Igaram pointed out.
"The Germa also don't have a legitimate bloodline, and the backing of everyone else who's decided to give the World Government the heave-ho," Cobra countered, his scowl deepening. "Damned lizard-witted cowards, they've got the courage to burn a flag, but when it's time to look the Government in the eye, no, that's when they get twitchy." His ire lingered only briefly before collapsing into a relieved sigh. "Well, at least I know I'll have some allies standing at my side…"
Igaram nodded in agreement, then stiffened up at something on the screen. "Perhaps one less than you di—mah, mah, MAH!—think, your highness!"
Cobra gave the captain a questioning look—
"Wait… is that Margrave Lowance? What's he doing here!?"
—before snapping his attention to his daughter with an incredulous bellow of "WHAT!?" But no matter his disbelief, he couldn't help but recognize the person sitting three rows ahead of his daughter.
Cross, undoubtedly ignorant of the emotions raging in both royals, shrugged indifferently. "Signs point to—"
"Cross, I know that man!" Vivi protested, only just keeping her voice below a harsh whisper. "He's a friend of my father's, he's one of his staunchest political allies, I've met him several times at the Reverie, he was always so kind, so pleasant! He even gave me these beautiful dresses that his—!" Vivi and Cobra simultaneously stiffened, those moments of kindness now presented in a very different context. "That… he said his girls sewed, oh Ra help me—"
"Focus, please?"
"I AM WITHIN MY RIGHTS TO BE SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED, CROSS!" Vivi grit out, barely below a shriek.
"As am I," Cobra said, voice flat but quivering.
"YO, CALLER ON LINECREWMATE."
"It's me, Vivi," came the familiar voice of Conis. "And I know this must look bad for you, but if he's earned your father's trust, maybe think it through a little more? We do know of other reasons to be here. I mean, you're in here."
"…right. You're right, he could just be here to liberate some people in the only legal way available," Vivi muttered. "I would be jumping to conclusions if I didn't consider that…" Her expression crumbled visibly. "Except that he's been divorced for the last ten years. And guess which parent his daughters chose?"
"…Soundbite, if you wouldn't mi—? KALICK!"
"That's what I thought. Daddy, I need you to burn some things for me."
Cobra sighed, cradling his head in one of his hands while the other waved at Igaram, prompting him to take out a Baby Snail and start speaking into it.
But with that issue handled, a new one presented itself, and it tightened his jaw again: who could the Straw Hats be trying to buy to freedom, and why were they attempting to buy them in the first place?
-o-
"Cross, as satisfying and… tangentially scarring as this experience has been, remind me why—apart from the World Nobles at the front of the room—we didn't just bust in the back door?" Vivi grumbled mutinously into the drink she was using to try to soothe her stricken nerves.
"Because whatever jackass decided to throw down the gauntlet is guaranteed to have an explosive collar around her neck by now and their finger on the trigger," I answered.
From Vivi's expression, that killed any further objections, but did little to calm the restlessness plaguing the entire crew. Myself included, because the only thing that I could do to kill time in a meaningful way was to save Byron—the would-be slave who bit off his tongue to avoid being sold—by assuring him that he'd be free within the hour. And naturally, I had long since finished convincing him.
It was only worse for the members that were waiting outside, which was most of them, because even if this audience was the proudest of the proud on this island, there were guaranteed to be at least a few with half-decent self-preservation instincts. So if they saw all twenty-four members of the Straw Hat Pirates entering the building, visibly furious?
Subtlety was the only way to play it for now. All of us were eager for things to get loud, but until the time came, we were standing by. Vivi, Soundbite, and I were, of course, sowing more chaos. Nami, Sanji, and Robin drifted on the edges of the room, and Funkfreed and Lassoo skulked near the entrance, while Conis and Su had infiltrated the audience.
As had Donny and Leo. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to shoot down their idea to pull the 'two half-pints in a trenchcoat' gag, especially under these circumstances, but somehow I had consented to it. At least they were pulling it off.
Everyone else was waiting feverishly outside, be it on foot, flying fish, or in Luffy's case, electrokinetic bird wings, too high to jump down and wreck everything without ample warning for us to fend it off. Even that fail-safe wouldn't buy us much time, but it would buy us enough to try this the normal way. Probably wouldn't work, but we had little choice, so it was worth one last shot.
And of course, watching Disco actually boot one of his auction items in the solar plexus, he seemed to be in rare form today, which only reinforced both that decision and the hope that it wouldn't hold for much longer.
"…he's a lot more… reckless than I remember," I muttered, watching him pull the fallen man up by his neck. "The way I recall, he's the man whose strength comes from chains…"
"I imagine being the last man standing on this has emboldened him. I'd like to see the look on his face when he realizes that his patron isn't going to protect him." She eyed the smiling devils plastered on the wall before giving me a sharp look. "He isn't, right?"
"Shouldn't have any reason to, no," I confirmed. "This is just one source of income for the bastard, and we killed it right when he was getting bored with it. Hell, the spectacle alone is probably payment enough for him." I sent a pleading glance skyward. "Now we just need to hope he doesn't try to add in his own flavour of fun, because that usually involves a lot of bloody collateral damage."
"Glad to hear it. But… still…" Vivi muttered in a grim tone, a glance at Soundbite prompting him to muffle our conversation from the world. "There's one other piece of this plan I think has a flaw, Cross: us buying Camie would be easy enough… if Charloss weren't explicitly looking to buy her too! The idea of us outbidding a Celestial Dragon… I'm sorry Cross, but that's an impossibility. Not difficult, impossible. No matter how much money we might have on hand—!"
"You'd have a point if we were actually going wallet-to-wallet with the fat bastard," I whispered back.
Vivi's eyes widened slightly. "Explain?"
"Think about it: Charloss is a complete and utter waste of skin, fat and bones who hasn't worked a day in his life, even by World Noble standards. He has no political weight and doesn't even touch the actual governing of the World Government, so where, pray tell, does all his money come from?"
Three seconds to think, and Vivi's eyes lit up, her gaze snapping to the helmeted devil sitting next to Charloss. "His father, he's the one bankrolling Charloss' lifestyle!"
I nodded. "Roswald's as cruel as his son, but he's at least semi-mature, and he knows that Charloss is just looking to buy a mermaid on a stupid whim. ฿500 Million alone had him balking once, even if it was out of annoyance rather than actual outrage. But the fact that he was annoyed at all suggests a limit. Hence the plan: we're not betting against Charloss' wallet…"
"We're betting against Roswald's patience, I see, I see," Vivi nodded in understanding, though her frown remained. "That's definitely a good plan, Cross, though, I feel the need to point out that it hinges on a World Noble acting in a semi-sane and logical manner."
"Which is why everyone else is poised to enact Plan B, or in other words, our usual Plan A, should things go sideways," I reminded her.
Vivi conceded my point with a sigh, waving for Soundbite to let the world in on things again. "Fair, fair. One more question, though: us and all of our crewmates have had our faces plastered around the world, and I'm fairly certain we're all less than welcome in this… establishment, for lack of a better word. Sneaking in is one thing, but how are we going to bid without this place falling on us like a ton of rocks?"
"Simplest matter of all: it won't technically be 'us' bidding," I replied, pointing to the left of the stage, where a table was set up, and a line of men and women were sitting in front of Transponder Snails, regularly calling out bids on different lots. "And on that note, seeing as we're getting close to the end of the auction… Soundbite, plug us in."
"Got one lining up… right… ABOUT… PURU PURU PURU!" And right on cue, one of the mobile bidding snails rang and was picked up.
"This is Line 5 of the Human Auction House," I watched the operator state from halfway across the hall. "Please identify yourself and your purpose for calling today."
I was about to do just that, but before I could, the transceiver's mic was suddenly yanked out of my hand. I snapped my head around and prepped myself to furiously, if quietly, demand what the hell Vivi thought she was doing, but an unnaturally persuasive "Shh!" forced me to hold my tongue.
As such, I could only watch as Vivi held up three fingers right below her chin, and then slowly lowered them to her collar. She then opened her mouth—"Hello."—and Soundbite and I could only boggle in surprise when her voice came out a full three octaves lower than normal!
"I am Countess Marianna Baudwich of Calligis," Vivi stated in her altered voice, staring at Soundbite with a face of utter contempt. "I am calling your establishment for the purpose of bidding upon your product. I am assured that it is of the highest quality, and that all shall be conducted with the utmost discretion?"
"The Auction House prides itself on selling nothing but the best and providing nothing below top-of-the-line service, milady, I assure you," the operator replied, bowing his head—and as a result, Soundbite's as well—in deference. "If the Countess would simply be so kind as to provide a means through which we might verify her funds?"
My eyes shot wide open, and I narrowly bit back a curse. A damn fund check, why the hell didn't I realize they'd pull that!? Of course, they wouldn't sell to just anyone who got hold of their number!
Vivi, however, nodded her acceptance without so much as a flinch. "I have funds exceeding one billion beri in the International Bank of Arianon," she baldly claimed. "You need merely contact them at 567-843-210, and ask for the status of account 37-84-26."
Then, out of the blue, Vivi switched her stare from Soundbite to Gif, staring intently into the Vis-Snail's eyes. "I repeat," she reiterated, keeping her voice low and intense. "That number is 567-843-210, and the account is thirty-seven, eighty-four, and twenty-six." The last three numbers were repeated with as much emphasis as possible.
The operator, meanwhile, didn't seem to notice the intensity and was instead more concerned with writing on the paper before him. "Understood, ma'am. Please hold while we verify your funds." And with that, the line fell silent as he dialled Vivi's number into his snail.
I made to ask Vivi what the hell she was thinking, but she silenced me with a raised finger, her eyes on the operator. I was forced to do the same, both of us watching as the man spoke with whoever was on the other end of the line for almost a minute. He hung back up and—
"Countess."
—called us back.
"I trust everything is in order?" Vivi sniffed haughtily.
Ohhh, this was going to—
"It is indeed, milady."
—wait what the fuck?!
"The bank successfully verified your funds and is prepared to transfer payment as required. You are fully eligible to bid upon our wares once the bidding commences. Should you require any aid, feel free to ask."
"I can handle my own affairs from here, thank you."
"As you say, then. Please stay on the line, and feel free to speak up when you hear a lot you would like to bid on. Good day."
And with that send-off, Vivi all but rammed the mic back into its cradle and sank into her seat with a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank Isis that worked," she groaned.
"How the helldid you do that!?" Soundbite incredulously demanded.
"Answer the snail!" I prompted immediately.
Vivi took a few seconds longer to get her breath back, but once she did, she cracked her eye open and smiled as she stared at Gif. "For that particular feat of excellence, you can thank Princess Priscilla of Arianon for once again proving that for all that she is a smug bitch… she's not an utter cunt." The blue-haired princess nodded appreciatively. "Thanks, Pris. Stay safe, and give your father my best."
"Puru puru—KALICK! Yeah, same to you, goody-goody. Dad's been looking for an excuse to book anyway, and this seemed as good a time as any. Give them hell and get out safe; the genepool is shallow enough already, can't go losing the only other royal with two brain-cells to rub together at this point, or else we'd really be screwed. KALICK!"
Vivi chuckled slightly at the exchange before blushing at the looks Soundbite and I were giving her. "Pris and I have a… complicated relationship."
I nodded in agreement, only to freeze partway through as I double-checked what Soundbite was feeding me.
"Yeah, well, life's just gotten even more complicated still. Why the hell are they bringing her out now? She was supposed to be at the end!" I hissed.
"Don't quote me, but I can guess:I heard Charloss starting to grumble about how he was getting bored. AND IF I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD HIM—"
"Then they're likely moving up the timetable to keep him invested, got it," I groaned, sinking into the bench with my hand rubbing my eyes. "This day just gets better and better…"
And as further proof for just how utterly… improved my day was so far, Disco picked that exact moment to clear his throat.
"Ladies and noblemen, you've all been a fan-tastic audience so far, and thanks to you, I can safely say that today has been one of the most profitable days our fine establishment has had on record! Not that we keep records, of course, don't want any names leaking to any… loudmouthed individuals, of course—"
"Oh, I am going to enjoy breaking his face," I quietly swore.
"—but! I digress! Seeing how absolutely fantastic you've all been today, we here at the Human Auction House have decided that a little change in the line-up is in order! Presenting the rarest of rare commodities, the jewel of the seas, lot number 777…"
Barely had the last number been named than a masked attendant wheeled Camie's tank onto the stage, shackled by her wrists and tail to the bottom of the bowl. Her face was a mask of fear that made me want not just to break Disco's face, but to turn it into powder. The auctioneer opened his mouth to introduce her—
"A REAL MERMAID!"
But, well, probably couldn't give a better introduction to the product than Charloss's excited, jumping-out-of-his-chair shout. A motion that obviously got Camie's attention, if the way her prior fear escalated to outright, throwing-herself-back panic was anything to go by.
Disco grimaced slightly at being interrupted, but nodded and slammed his fist against the glass of the tank, drawing a heavy flinch from Camie. "The great and powerful lord from Mariejois has it right, folks! One purebred mermaid, right here, right now! Tail unsplit and everything! As you can see, her species is—"
While Disco rambled on, Camie was looking around the room in utter terror and—due to the thick glass—total silence, looking on the verge of breaking down into hysterics. But for better or worse, her terror morphed into outright desperation when her eyes suddenly locked onto Vivi and I in the stands. Before she could really make a scene, though, I snapped a finger up to shush her, spinning another finger to indicate the room. The poor girl looked like she was on the verge of breaking down sobbing, but she bit down on her lip and nodded minutely, straightening her back and staring straight ahead. She was still miserable, obviously, but at least her state of mind wasn't deteriorating any further.
The same could not be said about the situation in general, however, as Disco wrapped up his grandstanding, much to the crowd's morbidly mounting excitement. "—so as you can see, my fine customers, this is truly some top-quality product you'll be purchasing here today! As such, we'll be starting the bidding off at no less than—!"
"฿500 MILLION! I'LL PAY ฿500 MILLION!"
I felt a full-body shudder run through me as those words, those goddamn words I'd fought so hard to stop, but I at least took solace in the fact that, unlike the first time around, I actually had a response to them. "Alright, here we go," I muttered to myself and Soundbite both, nodding my head at the mobile bidders. Soundbite promptly reconnected us and swapped my voice with 'the Countess'. "600 million on lot 777."
I was momentarily worried when the operator paused, boggled at his snail, and visibly hesitated, but he ultimately did the job he was paid for. "We have ฿6—"
BLAM! "YOU DARE?!"
The room as a whole reeled as the lone gunshot rang out like a blast from a cannon in the once-quiet room, and the ensuing stillness gave me enough time to locate who the hell had fired that—oh, you have got to be kidding me!
"That fish," Charloss snarled, still huffing with the disproportionate rage of the tantrum that had driven him to shoot at the damn operator (he'd only managed to wing the snail's shell, but still—!) "Belongs to me. Unless anyone else wants to defy me!?"
Considering how all the other nobles were all looking at one another nervously, and the Transponder Snails were cowering in their shells...
Vivi let out a sharp tsk as she cracked her neck to the side. "Well, that's what we get for banking on the words 'sane' and 'World Noble' in the same sentence," she groused, her hair starting to ruffle in a personal breeze.
I let out a tortured groan, dragging my fingers down my face. "…yeah yeah, hindsight and twenty-twenty, can't blame me for trying. Alright, let's do this shit. Soundbite?"
"Thought you didn'tWANT any more METAL GEAR references today,"he muttered cheekily, right before two raspy words blasted through the air of the room:
"IT'S SHOWTIME."
At my side, Vivi announced our presence with a massive gust of wind straight up into the ceiling. It didn't blow the roof off, but it was nice and visible, and the dust that rained down on the crowd made our point nicely. Conis announced her presence a moment later by standing up and firing a shot into the air, and then, a moment after that, Nami was at the edge of the crowd, Eisen Tempo, black as coal except where arcs of electricity were sparking between clouds.
Several people got up to leave or opened their mouths to scream. For every such person, two hands sprouted from their shoulders and clamped down on necks or mouths, Robin tapping a finger to her lips in a "shh". Sanji wasn't visible from our position. He didn't need to be. The smell of smoke starting to fill the room—and not just tobacco smoke, either—was all the introduction he needed.
And as for Donny and Leo…
"Hey!" someone in the crowd shouted, pointing at the totem-pole dugongs. "That's not a person, that's two dugongs stacked in a trench coat!"
"Oh, no," Donny's voice deadpanned from about where the crotch would be on an actual person. "You found us out."
SCHWING!
Tatters of canvas fluttered to the ground around Donny, Leo giving the crowd a vicious smirk and his blades angled just right to glint menacingly.
"Whatever shall we do?" Leo finished.
This was when Funkfreed burst through the door, trumpeting at the top of his lungs. Lassoo, standing on his back, coughed up a bomb that hit right above the stage and exploded, sending Disco tap-dancing out of the way of falling, burning plankage.
Hit by shock after shock, the crowd was on the verge of breaking. Wide eyes, dripping sweat, and hyperventilation were the order of the day. Either the crowd would descend into a panicked riot… or someone would take control.
Stepping up onto the bench I'd been sitting on, I planted my foot on the top of the seatback. "Ladies, gentlemen, World Nobles," I announced, Soundbite sending my voice booming through every corner of the auditorium. "Yes, hello, it's us, Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite, rabble-rousers extraordinaire. Please, no need to be alarmed, stay nice and calm."
"Hell, point a gun at us if it relaxes you!" Soundbite cheerily piped in.
And they proceeded to do just that. That is to say, several dozen of the hundreds of individuals looking at us drew and aimed their firearms, blades and other such weapons in our direction.
Soundbite dropped his chipper expression into an outright scowl. "After all, you're only human."
There was quite the variety of reactions to the presence of my friends and I being in the building—apart from the small armory, of course—ranging from the terrified to the outraged to the indignant - and much to my everlasting disgust, the excited.
"Oh my, is this actually a hold-up? This should be a lot of—!"
"SHUT! HIM! UP!" I roared, stabbing my finger at Charloss' brain-dead face. "I can only take so much ear cancer in one day!" You can imagine my immense relief when Soundbite did just that and muted the bubble-headed walrus, a move which was doubly well-timed if the way his face screwed up and started turning red was anything to go by. "Thank you."'
"Thank yourself, I'm the one who still needs to listen to his GODFORSAKEN VOICE," Soundbite growled.
"I'll buy you the good lettuce after this," I nodded before re-addressing the room. "Now, as I was saying before the fat, blubbering neanderthal interrupted me… yes, you collection of most vile and depraved individuals, we, the Straw Hat Pirates, are currently in the process of robbing this…" I plastered an exaggerated grimace on my face as I waved my hand in front of my face. "Well, I'd say 'fine establishment', but the smell of blood and despair speaks for itself. The point is-" I glared malevolently at my impromptu audience and pointed directly at a very eager-looking Camie. "You have our friend up there. And we are not leaving here without her, one way or another."
"So, to keep it nice and simple," I continued with a patient step forward, outwardly unbothered by a company's worth of firepower that followed my movement. "We're not here for you, or for your money." Turning around, I pinned Disco with the most blistering glare I could muster. If Saturday Night Fever over there turns over all the slaves in this place, everyone goes home safe, happy, and with a few therapy sessions to set up. Refuse, and we burn this place to the ground, most likely with you all still in it. So!" I spread my arms wide. "What's it gonna be?"
I saw the guns pointing at me begin to waver, the arms holding them quivering in uncertainty. The spears weren't wavering, though, so credit to the guards on that, but they also weren't doing anything. Frozen. Unmoving. Unable to make a decision. Huh. Y'know, if we actually manage to bluff our way out of here, I might consider taking back a few of the nasty things I'd said to BROB over our journey.
Alas…
"HA!" a derisive bark blasted out through the room.
It was not to be.
"You think you can play MC in my Auction House, Cross?!" Disco bellowed, his shit-eating grin somehow never wavering. "You still don't get who's pulling the strings here! Audience, you've got them outgunned, and I know you came here for a show. GET RID OF THEM!"
The only thing more baffling than Disco being that bold was the fact that they actually listened to him. I'm not kidding, the bulk of the auction house patrons' bodyguards—and hell, even a few of the patrons themselves—were either shooting at us or pulling melee weapons and charging. I mean, seriously, what the fuck?
"Well… this isn't what I was expecting," I muttered casually as Vivi conjured up a wall of whirling wind to deflect the hail of bullets that came our way. Then I felt a grin grow on my face. "But far be it from me to complain about bleeding some of the excess blinding rage I'm feeling about now. LASSOO, FUNKFREED!"
As it turned out, the crowd's sense of self-preservation was merely severely atrophied rather than dead entirely, because most of them dove out of the way of Funkfreed's charge. Aside from a few bullets spanging off his hide, there was nothing to stop them from reaching me and switching to weapons forms for me to grab.
"Guards, cover the World Nobles. Don't attack them, but don't give them an opportunity to take a potshot at Camie or any of us. And Vivi, cover me," I said, eyeing Disco, who looked… remarkably calm. Cocky even. Shouldn't he have been in the middle of a panic right about now? "Disco's got the detonator for the collar. He probably hasn't pressed it because he hasn't gotten paid for Camie, but that's not going to last long."
"Got it," Vivi and the TDWS echoed, the former throwing up another wind wall while the latter encircled the Celestial Dragons, keeping them penned up where they stood in righteous indignation. With my back covered and the three living WMD's handled, I turned around to find a wall of armoured bodies in my path, pointing spears at me.
"Oy, seriously?" I groaned, almost casually flicking my arm their way. "Pachy-Charge."
Funkfreed crashed into the center of the ragged line, shattering armour and bodies alike. The remainder rushed in, but an explosive baseball left one half reeling, and I parried a spear on Funkfreed's tusks and then stepped in between his two fellows.
"Evening, gentlemen. Tonight's entertainment is brought to you by Cani-Blank Productions and Impact Entertainment." That bought me a second of confusion, which I used to press Lassoo into the belly of one guard and my Impact Gauntlet into the face of the other.
Despite his two fellows sailing away in pretty ballistic arcs, the last guard still tried to wrench his spear free so he could try to skewer me. I twisted Funkfreed so that the guard would either drop his spear or get flipped onto his back. He chose the former, which just meant I placed Soundbite on his shoulder with a remark of "Go to town."
One Gastro-Blast later, I once again turned to head onto the stage, only to find that Disco had turned tail and was… running for the door to the backstage area, oh that son of a—!
I bit out a sharp snarl as I swung my arms forward and flung Lassoo and Funkfreed up onto the stage. "SHRED HIM!"
My gun and sword morphed and gave chase with a howl and trumpet, respectively, the second they were on the stage. Thanks to his mass and abilities, it was Funkfreed who reached Disco first, thundering his bladed trunk forward and hitting—air?! I blinked in stupefaction at Disco, who'd managed to narrowly duck under the blade.
Lassoo tried to follow up for his tusked friend, lunging forwards with foam dripping off his hackles to take a chunk out of Disco's ass, only to fail due to Disco kerking just out of reach of his jaws, seriously!? And once would have been a fluke, but then he just kept running, and Lassoo and Funkfreed just kept missing him by a hair and… what, did the bastard just not miss leg day or something!? Honestly, on any other day this would have been funny as hell, but seeing as he was holding my friends' lives in his hands…
"Soundbite," I grit out.
"OKAY, COSTELLO, SHOW'S OVER!" Soundbite roared.
The tell-tale hum filled the air, and Disco stumbled just enough mid-step for Funkfreed and Lassoo to slam into him and send him CRASHing through the floor of the stage - which, as a result, sent the detonator into the crowd. Because of course.
"Fracking sonnuva—!" I cursed under my breath as I signalled to my recalcitrant weapons to get involved in busting heads. "Soundbite, make sure only the crew and our allies get this: Guys, heads up: the detonator got thrown into the crowd. I'm not sure where it is, but keep an eye out for it."
I got a chorus of affirmatives and turned to try to follow the remote through the mosh, only for something to clamp down on my ankle. Glancing down, I found it was one of the guards Funkfreed had knocked over in his initial charge; a nasty gash in his armour was weeping blood, and his right arm more resembled shredded beef brisket than, well, an arm. And yet, here he was, trying to slow me down.
Rolling my eyes, I waved over at Funkfreed, who wrapped his trunk around the man's waist, ripped him off my ankle, and carelessly tossed him aside.
Now I could actually look for the remote. "Alright, where's the—"
There. Right square in the middle of the messiest and most violent part of the fight. Because of course. Nevertheless, I mentally rolled up my proverbial sleeves and dove in.
There was no time to actually fight, and it would draw unwanted attention anyway, so I settled for moving as quickly and efficiently as I could manage. I just shoved my way through the crowd, supplementing my body with a few Impact Dial shots. I dodged bodies, bullets, spears, and on one memorable occasion, an armoured guard Franky had hurled like a shot put. Hell, a few times I even dove and crawled under someone's legs, just to get there a little faster.
But ultimately, I did get to it, finding the remote wedged against the back of one of the benches; probably the only reason Camie still had a head at this point. I grabbed it with unseemly haste because, frankly, I could have kissed the damn thing at that point. No time for that, though, as I immediately had to kick a suited guard in the face when he aimed a gun at me, then had to roll away from another, and dammit, I really should've waited and had Funkfreed just clear a path.
But after those two, I had a moment to catch my breath and shove the remote into my jacket, allowing me to take in the bigger picture. From the looks of things, I'd ended up in the part of the fight where the fishmen were, Hachi and Kuroobi punching a path through the guards and nobles—and looking very happy about the latter—with Chew providing fire support.
Except out of the corner of my eye, I could see that the suited guard I'd rolled away from had picked a different target. And now the goon was out of lunging range, so as much as I wanted to, I couldn't just jump him. No time even to tell Soundbite anything, leaving only one option… and one regret.
Why, out of everyone in this hell-forsaken room, did I have to be saddled with saving his life!?
"Oh, are you kidding me—MOVE!"
"Hey, what are you—!?"
BLAM!"
"GAH, RIGHT ON THE BORDER OF MY SCARS, AGAIN? SERIOUSLY?!" I shouted as I clutched at my blazing gunshot wound, a luxury I was afforded by Soundbite dropping the gunman with a Gastro-Phony, or more likely a Gastro-Nation, going by how the bastard was clawing at his helmet in clear agony. Which just left me with the jagoff I'd saved.
"You… You just jumped in front of a gun… for me!? I thought you hated me, chew?"
I glared over my shoulder at Chew, the long-lipped bastard staring at me in shock and his demi-manta friend mirroring the expression behind him, then sighed wearily and dropped my ire because damn it, I was too fucking tired for this bullshit. "Okay, let's get this straight, jackass: I still hate you, both of you, that has not and will not change, but I hate you two because you're ignorant bigots and because you hurt my friend, not because of what species you are," I answered. "And even then, that doesn't mean I think you deserve a bullet, that just means I think your ass deserves a good kicking. You'll know when I want someone dea—!"
BLAM! "NYUAAAGH!"
I spun around as Hachi screamed - and my blood ran cold.
It had happened.
After everything I'd done. After how hard I'd fought. After how much I'd changed, it still happened.
Charloss had shot Hachi.
But while the old nightmare rehashed itself once more, I realized that there were some differences.
For example, this time around, Hachi wasn't the target. He'd been shot, yes, there was no denying the sight of him collapsing, but he wasn't the target. Rather, the reason the octopus had been shot was that he'd blocked Charloss from hitting his true target. The inbred bastard had not only somehow managed to get past the Dugongs—who were laid out flat and rubbing their skull-plates for whatever reason!—but had also clearly lost the ill-conceived respect and admiration that he'd had for me if the way he was glaring at the fishman on the ground was any indication.
"You stupid fish!" he snarled out. "That was supposed to hit that worm Cross in the back!"
That was also a major clue.
But no matter how shifted the circumstances, the results were the same: the room froze over as everyone processed that Hachi was down, bleeding from a bullet wound to the chest. Though considering he managed to get his arms under him this time, he seemed to be in somewhat better shape.
"What did you do that for, Hachi?" Kuroobi snapped. "That could have killed you, you could have died! Died for a—!" He cut himself before he could finish, but… well, enough was said.
I spared enough time to glare back at him, noting the hesitation on his face that meant that that outburst was probably reflexive, but not getting any less angry for it. Nor did Hachi.
"WHY?" Hachi demanded, coughing up blood before shaking his head and continuing. "Because it's what he would have wanted! His last wishes… to do what he couldn't, to end the hatred… no matter how we feel about it."
Suddenly, one of his arms lashed out and grabbed Kuroobi's collar, dragging him so that they were face-to—well, face-to-trumpet-mouth, but given how Hachi was gritting his teeth and scowling, it still fit. "What I did… It's what he would have done for him, or for her," he asserted. And then… then his… everything just sort of… sort of softened, as a tone of grief entered his voice and expression. "It's… what I would have done for you once."
It was almost palpable what happened to the other two fishmen at that moment. After all of the damage that had been done to their bigoted worldview over the past nine days, having even Hachi denounce them like that when he had done so much for them… I could almost hear their minds shatter.
"YOU! Stop ignoring me for that worthless fish!"
BLAM! Plink! "URGHhhhhhh…"
As Soundbite sank into a daze from the stamina it took to raise a remote Gastro-Barrier like that… well, to be frank, I tried my best to block him out.
And… I mean, I did try. I tried my damndest to ignore Charloss, I really did. Tried to focus on Hachi, to block out whatever the hell he had to say, tried to restrain myself because Hachi was alright, because this was bad but not that bad, because we didn't need to do this, didn't need to go down this road…
"Ungrateful braaat! You owe me everything, and you turn out to be just another annoying human!"
But it didn't help. It didn't help, and with that one sentence, I felt the world freeze.
Murder screamed through every inch of my body, but the frigid, razor-sharp clarity that had suddenly overcome me allowed me to slowly turn my head and stare at the God standing above us.
"What," I breathed coldly, my limbs tingling with nervous energy. "Do you mean that I 'owe you'?" Because I didn't get it, what could he be talking about? I knew he was a legitimately insane psychopathic man-child, but he still had some sense. And whatever there was from him stopping CP-0 all those times, I had paid tenfold in enduring his interview for that whole freaking hour. And yet, for some reason, I could feel a cold weight starting to settle in my gut.
"Dumbass!" Charloss spat at me, wildly swinging his gun about. "Your bounty, your SBS, how famous you are, you owe it all to my family! To me!"
I was prepared to dismiss that as just a piece of nonsense, but somewhere in my mind was a persistent niggling feeling about what he just said. I tried to figure out what it was…
…and then it hit me with the force of Popora's hammer. Because in the end, there was one way that he could be telling the truth. Only one way that made sense. A horrible, sick, twisted sense… that fit all too well.
"…You did it," I whispered with the calm of an armed nuke. "You, your father, your sister, whoever it was… You were the ones who stuck Vivi with a bounty."
"Exactly! Shalria always kept saying she was a…"
He kept babbling after that, but I didn't catch a word of it. One second, a red haze was swallowing my mind. The next… I was right back where I had been, save for a foot forward, and held in place by a hand on my shoulder like iron. I looked at the one responsible and froze. Terror at the monster, the beast in front of me briefly overwhelmed me - before the moment passed, the wave of amateur Haki with it, and the rational part of my brain reminded me that I was looking at my captain. Whose anger was not directed at me.
"He stole Vivi's freedom," Luffy said. Not raged. Not snarled. Just… said. "He tortured you. And now he shot Hachi. And I've owed them for ten years; he's mine, Cross."
I could not move out of his way fast enough. But as I bumped into one of the seats, I did manage to remember something.
"Luffy."
Slowly, dangerously, he turned away from the source of his ire to look back at me. But in this instance, on this battleground, I managed to stand firm.
"You know the price of doing this," I whispered, firmly ignoring the part of my brain reminding me that he didn't, he really, really didn't. But nevertheless… "So just tell me how you want this done. I can either keep this silent as the grave for a little bit longer… or very. Very loud."
There was no change. No response. Just an even stare.
And that was a response enough.
And so I nodded. "Alright, then…"
At the snap of my fingers, Soundbite and Gif locked every iota of their attention on Luffy and Charloss… and me. Me, as I raised my mic to my mouth… and prepared to help start what I couldn't help but define as the beginning of the end.
-o-
The Supernovas had stood by the Auction House before the action began, and they had continued standing by as the Straw Hats charged in. Their answers varied as to why they were still cooperating with the Straw Hats, ranging from simple gratitude and interest to self-preservation.
They didn't fear the Straw Hats (or at least that's what most of them told themselves, and what a few even believed). But the fallout from one of their revenge rampages did invite a bit of caution, so as not to be caught in it. Which, ultimately, begged the question being asked…
"Are we really just going to let this happen?"
X Drake's impatient demand reached the ears of all of his fellow Supernovas, who stood before a projector screen watching the action and waiting for a signal to move in, if any was going to be given. None of them, including Drake, looked away.
"He's going to do it," the 'ex'-Rear Admiral stated firmly, equal parts awe and horror in his voice. "He is actually going to do it. And when he does, he's going to bring an Admiral down on all of us, not just them. We're here, we've been working with them, we're accessories. And, in case it's escaped anyone's notice, we are close enough that we could stop this."
At that, heads started turning. Supernova looked at Supernova, and doubts were exchanged. Even Bartolomeo shifted, his gaze turning downwards in solemn silence.
But before anyone could respond, be it Law, or even Apoo, one of them spoke up. The only one who hadn't moved an inch.
"If anyone wants to go, then go."
All attention snapped to the one man who hadn't twitched. The one man standing strong.
Snapped… to Kid.
"I mean, hey," he scoffed, shrugging. "World's about to change in the blink of an eye, but whatever, you do you. Don't force yourselves. If any of you need to run from this…" He cricked his neck to the side with a particularly sharp CRACK.
"Then go right on ahead. And run."
Another round of glances, another moment of contemplation, and doubt…
And then, they all looked at the screen.
Looked, and watched, and did not shift even an inch, as the world changed beneath their very feet.
"People of the world," Cross began quietly. Solemnly, even as Luffy marched up the stairs. "Allow me to share with you… a piece of wisdom. Now, mind you…"
-o-
"This wisdom is pretty well-known already. In fact, it's common logic worldwide. But somehow… somehow, some people just seem to forget it, now and again. So allow me… allow us… to remind you all of this one, simple fact: Actions. Have. Consequences. It's… pfheheheh, it's so simple, isn't it?"
"Why did they want to watch this one in private?" Marguerite wondered for the dozenth time, her attention torn between guarding the door to the throne room and the unfolding scene of sheer fury on the broadcast before them.
"Your guess is as good as mine," Kikyo answered, side-eyeing the door. "Better, actually, since the Snake Princess seems to have opened up more with the crew than the rest of us."
Marguerite shook her head. "Not really. I mean, the last two broadcasts showed far worse than this. This is a different presentation, but it's nowhere near as bad as before… maybe she's just hit her breaking point after all of this? I know I needed to catch my breath more than once over the last few hours."
Kikyo nodded. "Perhaps. Even the strongest warriors need a reprieve." A smirk crawled onto her face as she looked at the menacing, advancing form of Luffy approaching the source of everything bad in the last broadcast. "Perhaps this will be the catharsis that she needs."
-o-
"It's so simple, such a simple truth, and yet… and yet people seem to forget. Seems to misunderstand the inevitability of it all. Some people… they think they're exempt from this law. They think they can do whatever they want and that there won't ever be any consequences. When in fact, that-that-that… well, see… that's just plain not true."
POP!
Shakky shook her head as the cork bounced off the ceiling. She had intended to save this particular vintage of champagne for her next anniversary, but some things just couldn't be helped.
The handful of patrons in the bar didn't even react to the sound of her opening the bottle and pouring it, especially Sandersonia and Koala.
Mere seconds earlier, the two had been tensed and prepared to rush to Grove 1 at the drop of a hat if the Straw Hats needed it. And now they were gaping at the screen as they'd just witnessed the face of God. Not surprising, really, seeing as she suspected that they and every other ex-slave in the world with this view were watching it just as intently. Just as reverently.
In the back of her mind, Shakky's jubilation was sobered by cold, hard knowledge: the knowledge that all of this was going to be a tremendous mess sat sour in her head - and was firmly countered by the equally valid knowledge that it was going to be spectacular.
"To the Straw Hat Pirates," she hummed to herself as she toasted her flute high. "If they get out of this alive, there's no chance they won't go all the way."
Her tone was deadpan, but as she tilted back the glass, her smile nearly split her face… even if it was a melancholy smile in the end.