"Hmm? Why am I under her care, you ask? I don't mind sharing. Camie's clams, you see, always go right to me!"
"So it's for the food."
"W-Well, that's not entirely—!"
"Oh, oh! And what about how you can speak? We've never seen an animal do that without Soundbite's help before!"
"Ah! Well, that's actually quite the tale indeed! Ohhh~—!"
"Reasoning: hitode = 'starfish', hito desu = 'I am human'. CONCLUSION: HE LEARNED TO TALK PURELY BECAUSE OF A PUN. PUBLISHER'S NOTE: HOW PATHETIC CAN YOU GET?"
"BITE ME, LAND-SLUG, AT LEAST I CAN SWIM!"
"YOU WANNA GO!?"
"What is it with the slimy ones having the biggest mouths…?" I groaned despondently, letting my head thunk back on the barrel I was leaning against, the literally spineless blobs continuing to argue on the counter of the pavilion. Because seriously, I just did not have the energy to deal with him standing upright.
"I know, right?" Hachi chuckled empathetically; his hands continued their work, prepping his cooking tools. "He's gotten us in quite a bit of trouble with it."
"QUIET, LIMB-SLAVES!" invertebrates barked in a rare show of cooperation.
"Furthermore, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE WILLPOWER!" Pappug pridefully added. "THE WORLD RUNS ON IT!"
"The starfish does have a point there…" I admitted before slamming my head back against the barrel and clutching the sides of my head. "'The starfish has a point'... This is not how I envisioned adulthood."
"No, really?" over half the crew demanded from all across the ship.
Anyway… as you can see, the atmosphere on the Thousand Sunny had very quickly returned to its usual casualness once we set off for the Florian Triangle. And while the newly mobile slice of Lovecraft-on-Grand-Blue had apparently relocated itself over the past few weeks so that it was far closer to the Red Line than before, we still were unlikely to arrive before nightfall. Which, of course, gave Soundbite and me plenty of time to plan out things we could do upon meeting the other Supernovas. I'd probably only be able to pull off truly wowing a handful of the ones I didn't already know, but it was still going to be a hell of a good time.
There… really wasn't much to say beyond that. I mean, there's only so many times that I can describe what we get up to on the Grand Line before it gets tedious. Even the fact that we had five other ships (sort of, given two of them were small enough that we could shove them into a storage area in the Takoyaki 8) beside us didn't change a lot; the Barto Club had been with us for a month already, and everyone else was shut away in their own ships. Especially so for Takoyaki 8, seeing as those two were doing the smart thing and not showing fin or scale of their sorry hides.
So, a boring, casual (but not normal) day sailing on the Sunny. And… I glanced at the sun; we'd just passed the one-hour mark, so that could only mean one thing.
"Are we there yet?"
Luffy asks whether or not we were there yet. And any other time, that'd be the end of it. But since this was the fifth time he'd asked that question in as many hours?
"RAGH!" KER-CHOW!
That made this the time when Nami's temper went nuclear, and she attempted to deep-fry our dumbass of a captain in the clutches of her Eisen Tempo.
See, I don't get why people call our crew insane. We're really quite regimented.
"No, we are not there yet, you brainless twerp!" Nami snarled, wringing Luffy's neck with her meteorological halo. Though, unlike usual, her ire didn't stay long on our captain since our navigational tool could actually talk back this time and made for a more sporting target. "And you! You've been saying we were almost there for hours! Either retract the statement or produce an island. Or else I swear—!"
"Even normal Grand Line geography can't be considered an 'exact science'. And Skelter Bite moves, so forgive me for being a bit off in my estimate this time," Coo said dismissively, utterly ignoring the meteorological ire being aimed at him. "And I'm not that far off, anyway. It should be… just around…" Coo's head shot up, a beak-stretching smile on it. "There! I see it!"
Coo's cry drew whatever attention on deck hadn't already been drawn by Nami and Luffy's little 'tiff'. Nami was quick to strain her eyes and senses in the direction Coo indicated, with Usopp and Conis only a breath behind her.
"Let's see… oh, yes!" Conis said happily. "Dark purple mist on the horizon! We should be there within the hour!"
"Wait, dark purple?" I said. "I thought that the mists were gold now."
"For the most part, sure," Coo answered. "But if the Obelisks kept the outside looking that inviting, it wouldn't make a great sanctuary, would it? Outside's as scary as usual, so only those brave or stupid enough to go in singing that song get through to the gold. You can't get any deeper inside otherwise, and any attempts to do so…" The bird winced and tipped his cap down. "Well, you sailed in the place first."
Nami hissed out a sharp breath before glancing back at Coo. "And how deep into those mists is Skelter Bite going to be?"
"Not too far as long as you know where you're going. Once the vanguard sees us through, it'll only be a few minutes."
Nami nodded, her shoulders lowering in a release of tension. Sanji practically materialized beside her, offering her a drink that she took and practically chugged down. "Alright. In that case, it's time to double-time it. Franky, Merry, Vivi?"
"Right!" Franky and Merry cheered, while Vivi began stretching her arms.
"I'll see what I can do," she said. "Franky, what is the optimal wind force for the rigging systems of the Cannibal and the Sunny, and where on the sails do I need to focus on it to avoid undue stress and any chance of us running into each other?"
"That's… uh…" Franky paused his enthusiastic preparations, then began to trundle to one of the ladders leading belowdecks, scratching his temple. "Lemme get back to you on that… Yo, Nami, d'you mind if I borrow some of your weather charts?"
"You damage them, and you're paying in parts, shellhead!" was the distracted reply.
One batch of calculations and compliments directed towards the Sunny later, our negotiator was parked on the quarterdeck, our shipwright and helmsgirl manned the helm, and our friends sailing beside the Sunny had assumed brace positions, complete with Ever, Apis, and Valentine calling out "Brace! Brace! Brace!" in eerie synchronicity. I'm not kidding, it was extremely creepy how in sync they were.
Anyway, I turned away from that oddity as Franky called out: "Soldier Dock System, Channel 0: Cola Paddle System!"
"Breath of Isis!" added Vivi, much of her upper torso fading into the wind as she shoved her arms forward into double twisters.
"Double propulsion, Turbo Sunny!" Merry finished with a massive grin, yanking the helm's lever and putting the entire combination into action.
To use an apt simile, the result of the Coup de Burst is a lot like what happens to a soda bottle cap when you shake the bottle too much. And while a couple of powerful paddlewheels along with a sudden gale in our sails wasn't quite as fast, we were definitely burning foam for the horizon, and the bank of clouds that lay upon it.
Beside us, Sandersonia urged her mount, "Faster, Orchid!", the poor reptile straining to keep up with the sudden increase in our speed. The strain was evident in her grit teeth, though I got the feeling that it was as much the smug smirk Lindy was giving her as it swooped above all of us. Seriously, if those two got it into their heads to hate-breed, I swear…
Thankfully, it was only a few minutes later that the fog of the Florian consumed the horizon. And as we slowed to enter the foreboding mists, which were already curling out towards us in a decidedly unfriendly manner, Brook himself drew his violin and began to play.
"Yohohoho, yohoho-ho~! Yohohoho, yohoho-ho~!"
The skeleton's tones echoed eerily back to us, and slowly the purple mists lost their malice, swirling around us in a circular and far kinder manner. The swirling cloud coalesced into a tunnel deep into the fog, large enough for us to pass through unimpeded and revealing the warm and inviting yellow mist hidden behind the menacing purple. Wiping the half-condensed sweat from her brow, Vivi urged our ships forward again, though much more slowly.
And then our acceleration abruptly halted with an almost cartoonish screech as a very familiar silhouette loomed before us in the mists. And as is stereotypical of such things… it was not a good silhouette.
"Soundbite?" I grit out. He needed no further direction, and an air horn blasted out from the other side of the Sunny.
"GAH! What is it, Cross?" Tashigi's voice rang out, very snappishly.
"Stow the attitude, I need to know if there are any of the Divine currently stationed in the Triangle."
"Any of…? No, no, there aren't. Because A. it really ruins the reputation of a pirate sanctuary if Marines are hanging around being friendly, and B. if there were, I wouldn't have been so unwilling to come with you."
"Then why the hell is there a Marine battleship here?!" Zoro demanded, his hand landing heavily on Wado Ichimonji's hilt as he stared down at the Marine battleship silhouetted in the mists. I mean, sure, it was a damn rundown battleship, with ragged sails and hanging lines and gouges dotting the hull, but still! Battleship!
However, he was saved from having to actually exert himself—
"Sheathe your blades, Pirate Hunter, I'm not your enemy!"
By, for some reason, Soundbite boosts the officer's voice, a grin suddenly on his face. Granted, the voice sounded slightly familiar, but considering the influx of callers over the last couple of weeks and the fact that all I could see was more than a silhouette on the other ship, that didn't help me identify the guy. Then that was all rendered a moot point.
"Former Warrant Officer Ernest Gheilt," the Marine identified himself, his smile audible. "Current Vanguard of the Skelter Bite Phantom Armada. We're some of the Marines you saved from our hellish twilight, and as we promised you back then, I and mine are at your service, Straw Hats."
"Oh, yeah, I remember him," Luffy perked up, pounding his fist into his hand. "He was the first guy who called in during the victory party!"
That finally jogged my memory, and my grin matched Soundbite's when I waved at the ship. "Well, I'll be damned! Good to meet you, Gheilt! Decided to stick it to your old bosses by giving them a bloody nose to match their black eye, I take it?"
"You know it," the man replied, chuckling fondly. "Took some fast talking to get Lola's trust, but you can't fake the pain of not having your shadow. Plus, my ships already looked like they were halfway to sinking, so we just fixed them up a bit while keeping the aesthetic and—!"
"The fabled pirate heaven of Skelter Bite gets a ghost fleet to act as a border patrol for the mists, and make sure that the more persistent assholes who actually get it in their skulls to keep trying their luck against the Triangle and potentially ruining other pirates' days get thrown out on their asses!" I completed with an ecstatic giggle. "Brilliant!"
"Yeah, Captain Lola thought so too, both from a strategic standpoint and a thematic one," Gheilt agreed, trailing off into a wistful sigh. "Ah, but anyway, you all didn't come here to listen to this old sea dog gush about how good his life is; keep moving forward, you and yours are always free to return to Skelter Bite. The Florian will guide you the rest of the way."
And no sooner did the ex-Marine give that order than did a few notes whistle out from the silhouette; it was a different melody from Binks' Brew, something… deeper, it sounded like. More… emotional, I suppose? Hard to say, I'd have to ask Brook about it later.
Either way, the effects were immediate and highly visible: The golden mist parted like the Red Sea behind the battleship, the sea actually colored red by the twilight shining through the thinned mists on the other side. The mists behind the Sunny reached down and plumped the sails, allowing Vivi to flop to the deck. It was shortly after that that we got our first good look at what the New World Masons had accomplished over the past couple of months.
It was… incredible, I'll be honest. Before the island's renovation, Thriller Bark's looming profile had been a stark monument to terror and oppression, not helped by the twilit darkness of the Triangle, which obscured the island's true size and the structures dominating its landscape, making it seem bigger and more threatening.
Skelter Bite, though? While the light did outline how insanely massive Skelter Bite was, the light coming from the island completely upended the connotations that size conveyed. It was massive, yes, but it was the kind of 'massive' that could only be called 'majestic'.
The first thing we noticed was actually the most threatening aspect of the island, the gate: the tooth Absalom had crashed into had been either repainted or replaced with a gold tooth, and the rest of the gate had been remodelled into a massive white skull. Menacing as hell, even with straight white teeth, especially since the eye sockets were angled just right to seem to stare into your soul, though I imagine smaller ships wouldn't fully appreciate the effect. But we were pirates; what was a symbol of terror and destruction for most people was… well, okay, as I said, it was still pretty threatening, but it was also a symbol of camaraderie and sanctuary!
Also, a good chance to get your teeth knocked out, but hey, some people enjoyed that. Or needed it, considering some of the dental work I'd seen back in Mock Town. Anyway, the symbol was also emblazoned on the sky-shadowing mainsail, which had been altered so that it now featured the usual straight-facing skull. But rather than crossbones behind it, a ring of bones circled the skull. Actually, looking closer, it wasn't just bones, but a hundred smaller jolly rogers! Nice touch.
And that was all just the front gate and sail. Beyond it? Beyond it lay what I could only describe as a veritable city of lights. No, seriously! An actual city outlined in the blurred light of the setting sun, the dark silhouette of dozens of buildings of as many shapes outlined by the bright lights within dancing across them, and that loud, low buzz that characterized a thriving metropolis just bursting with life. In every conceivable interpretation of the phrase, the contrast was glorious.
And while my first instinct was to give credit to Oda—where it was still ultimately due, of course—I remembered that this setting only existed because of what I had brought about. And damn if that just didn't fill me straight to the brim with pride.
Faced with such a monument to piracy and freedom, I tried to come up with something to say, something to mark just how momentous the occasion was—
"WELL, FUCK ME RUNNING, THAT'S ONE BIG-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!"
…and then Bartolomeo beat me to it and utterly ruined the moment. Because of course.
"Crude though that was, this… is amazing. The Masons were able to do this in just three months!?" Sandersonia demanded, her serpent angling its head to put her near me.
"And you think I'm less amazed than you?" I demanded.
"…Maybe not, but I think we're both less amazed than they are," she remarked, gesturing over my shoulder.
I sighed, not even bothering to look. "Wild guess: Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Merry, Franky, and Brook all looking at Skelter Bite with starry eyes."
"And every animal on the ship that isn't our 'beloved' ball of slime," Robin confirmed, chuckling. Her tone grew more sincere as she continued. "And who can blame them? Lola's lofty ambition is going to be seen through if it hasn't already."
"It's already night and day compared to Mock Town," Vivi breathed in awe.
"Yesss, this is impressive; it almost makes me happy that you forced me into this," came an aggrieved voice from behind me.
I could have given Tashigi a bone and not poked her… but nah. "Oh?" I inquired innocently, turning to grace her with my full, perfectly impish smile. "And what's keeping you from being happy, hm?"
"Well, I don't know, maybe it's got something to do with how you FORCED ME INTO THIS! AND BY THIS, I MEAN BOTH THIS OUTFIT AND YOUR CREW!" Tashigi finished in a shriek, gesturing indignantly at her new outfit. Said outfit consisted of the age-old pirate classics: a blue-and-white striped shirt, canvas trousers, and a red bandanna tied around her head. Ah, but what really tied the whole ensemble together were the eyepatch tied around her left eye and the cast made of wood strapped over her leg.
"That is not the appropriate attitude to take if you want a promotion within this organization, CABIN GIRL SHIGI!" Soundbite chided in between blatant sniggers.
I snorted and jabbed a finger at the snail. "Listen to your superior officer, Cabin Girl."
Tashigi's entire head jerked at that comment, and she glared at me with an intensity usually reserved between Sanji and Zoro. "You're going to pay dearly for this indignity, sir," she hissed, her every word dripping with Yuda venom. "I don't know how, I don't know when, but before I leave this mortal plane, I will make you regret this."
…well, there was only one way to reply to that, wasn't there?
"Neat!" I beamed brightly.
"FUCK YOU!" And with that final roar, Tashigi wheeled around and started to stomp off.
"You know he's just doing this because he loves watching you react, right?" Koala casually called after the "ex"-Marine.
"DON'T CARE, STILL GONNA KILL HIM!"
"I tried, you're on your own," the Revolutionary shrugged in defeat.
"I've come to terms with my imminent beatdown. At this point, I interpret half of them as affection. Which, to be frank, is not inaccurate." I hummed happily. "More importantly, no doubt about it now: Skelter Bite is alive and well!"
"And not just in the way you meant!"
I turned to the bow, where Merry and Franky were standing, the former sporting a soft smile on her face as she inspected the upcoming haven with a spyglass.
"Lola's treated her right," the ship-girl clarified. "The damage will still take a long time to heal completely, but the worst is gone. She's going to grow so strong! And the rest of the old timers are enjoying their retirements pretty damn well, too!"
"Eh?" I raised a questioning eyebrow. "Whaddaya mean?"
"Here, check it!" Merry handed her spyglass off to me, and I peered through it at the approaching haven.
A closer look only made me even more admiring of the architecture. Now I could take in the helter-skelter, clearly improvised profusion of architectural styles that didn't seem to follow any… set… hold the phone and the mayo! "Are those… ships?" I asked incredulously.
Not that I needed an answer, because now that I looked, it was blatantly obvious that yes, those were old ships that had been repurposed into buildings. Some were still sitting on their keels, others had been stood up on their sterns with their prows pointing into the air, and others still had been straight-up flipped upside down so that they were keel-up. And as if the buildings themselves weren't crazy enough, the layout itself was positively insane: the ship-buildings were… well, simply put, they were anywhere and everywhere, stacked on top of one another and strewn about like a titanic child's set of building blocks.
"They fished up the old-timers that sank in the jaws of Thriller Bark, and repurposed them so they can keep supporting us even after they're no longer seaworthy!" Merry sighed blissfully as she all but melted into the Sunny's wheel.
"It's so SUPER!" Franky capped off, slamming his arms into his signature pose. "Now, this is what I expected to see from the biggest ship in Paradise! Of course, if Ice-For-Brains actually manages to make that plan of his work—"
"You haven't been keeping up with our news, have you?" Robin chuckled.
"Giant amateur shipwrights are still amateur shipwrights," Franky clarified, less exuberantly, adjusting his sunglasses far too primly for someone of his stature. "And Ice-For-Brains would have about as much luck teaching them as you're having with your students."
"Hey, Vivi resents that," Conis sniffed with a dismissive flap of her wing.
Vivi retaliated with a snort and a hair-mussing gale. "Bite me, miss 'can't tell squall from squid'."
"They are very similar characters!"
Their banter continued in much the same vein, but I tuned them out to think over that little revelation. The implications of Vivi being proficient in the Void language and a Logia, coupled with the fact that she would soon have the opportunity to return to Alabasta, made me a little dizzy; I still didn't have any solid idea of what Pluton was, but depending on how things went, I might find out sooner than I expected…
But for now, we had a whole different ship to concern ourselves with.
It seemed like the Rolling Pirates had spared no expense in maintaining the fear factor of the defences. Just as an example? The moment we came within range of the skull that had replaced the front gate, its eyes lit up into blood red spotlights that swept over us, scanning over our ships and our crews.
"WHO DARES TO APPROACH THE IMPREGNABLE BUCCANEER BASTION OF SKELTER BITE?" came a double-layered voice. It was actually pretty impressive; whatever rig they were broadcasting from actually managed to ripple the water beneath us.
Unfortunately for them, however…
"YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, FOOLS," a Zuul-possessed Vader rumbled in reply.
"AAGH!"
Well, frankly, we were just better than them.
It was with no small amusement that we watched a pair of very familiar figures leap out of the gate's eye-sockets and plunge into the water below.
"Huh…" Barto looked over the edge of his ship's prow, rubbing his chin. "I take it those are the Risky Brothers who interrupted the SBS a while back?"
"I ASSURE YOU, this instance of divine justice HAS NOTHING TO DO with that lack of respect for their auditory deity," Soundbite lied shamelessly.
"Okay, seriously!? You two were trying to intimidate us?" Usopp called down, giving the water-treading brothers a disgruntled look. "Us?! We faced way scarier than that last time we were here! Heck, I'm scarier than the two of you!"
"Personally, on behalf of rodents everywhere, I am deeply ashamed of how unskilled your sorry excuse for trickery was," Su sniffed, flicking her tail primly.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, JUST BECAUSE OUR SHADOWS WERE IN SQUIRRELS DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE'RE SQUIRRELS!" the black-masked one hollered furiously as he paddled for the island-ship.
"And come on, we were just having a little fun!" the afro-toter added as he followed his brother's lead, both of them climbing back up the side of the ring. From the lack of visible footholds, they must have practiced to know how to do it… which really did not help the first one's case. "And it's not like we just did it to you! We put everyone through it! It's tradition!"
"Besides," the first one added. "We still need to keep records of who comes in and out. Black Bart's flag, we recognize, but who are the other two?"
"Takoyaki 8 is mine," Hachi said, stepping forward. "Hachi, ex-pirate and current chef. I'm here to serve Takoyaki to the biggest names of this generation!"
"Ooh, we'll have to stop by when our shift ends!" the other said. "And what about—"
"Boa Sandersonia of the Kuja Pirates, sister of Boa Hancock," the Zoan declared imperiously from her craft. "I am interested in exploring the luxuries that Skelter Bite offers those of my kind."
The Riskies froze in their climb, completely silent. One of them damn near slipped off in his shock, and I wasn't exactly eager to let them start panicking when they got their wits back about them, so I took the opportunity to jump into the conversation.
"She has my approval, her sister isn't here, the Government doesn't know she's here, and translation: she wants to get blackout drunk and party with the noobs," I deadpanned, which Sandersonia helpfully backed up by adopting an ear-to-ear grin and flashing a peace sign at the bros.
The brothers glanced nervously at each other, but to my relief, they pulled themselves together rather than panic.
"Very well. You may enter," they said together in impressive synchronicity. "Turn to starboard as you enter to reach the main docks."
The crew dispersed as the gates cranked open, furling the rigging as we pulled into the floating island's makeshift harbour.
"Oh, and one more thing!" one of the brothers called down as we passed under them. "We're still missing about a half-dozen more Supernovae… Supernovas? Whichever. Point is, you're early!"
"The Coos have found the rest and are bringing them in now," the other brother nodded. "But still, the earliest estimate we've got is that we'll have the meeting tomorrow. 'Til then, enjoy the city, drinks are on the house! Nothin' but the best for the Straw Hat Pirates!"
"Oh-hoh? Is that so?" Lindy licked his toothy maw eagerly as he regarded the city with a new light in his eyes. "Well, don't mind if I—!"
"I said Straw Hats, scale-ass! You cheapskates still gotta pay!"
Instead of throwing out a derisive comment, Lindy's eyes simply narrowed. He sucked in a deep breath and then exhaled explosively. Literally explosively, given the building-sized fireball that shot from his maw. I turned away as it hit Risky's skull-booth, but the expected explosion didn't come. Instead, when I turned around, metal shutters had slid down over the openings, the bone around it only mildly scorched.
"Metal shutters!" one of the pirates crowed, rolling it up a little to smack it. "Suck on that, you overgrown lizard!"
"You two have quite the balls to oppose a dragon. I respect that. And if I ever get my claws on you, I'll rip 'em off!"
"And it's comments like that that convinced Captain Lola to let us turn this place into a sea prism stone-enforced bunker!" one of the Riskies cackled. "Do your worst!"
"Oh, he did not just say that…" Usopp groaned, slapping a hand to his face.
Lindy snarled and spread his wings, obviously prepared to do just that—
"Apis Rubber Band of Doom!"
SNAP!
"GYAGH!"
—before he suddenly collapsed onto his muzzle, whimpering in agony as he clutched at his… well, let's just say he got a lot of sympathy from most of the pirates present.
Apis wasn't one of that number, instead spinning her impromptu weapon around her finger with an impressed grin. "Hey, Usopp, you were right, this is an effective weapon. I'll take ten."
"Twenty for me!" Tashigi tacked on with a far too eager grin.
"Lemme think about it…" Usopp whimpered miserably.
In a not-at-all panicked attempt to take my mind off the rapidly developing situation, I zeroed in on the approaching island. I have to say, now that I could get a closer look at the details, it was even more impressive.
More interesting than the architecture, in my opinion, was how drastically they'd altered the island's geography. The last time we'd approached the landmass known as Thriller Bark, the only building was a mile inland, so all that was visible from the cove were the topmost towers of Moria's manor. Now, however? It was almost impossible to see the base of Skelter Bite's sail-tower from the harbour, because of the towering skyline of ships blocking our line of sight. Heck, it almost reminded me of sailing into New York!
And the docks only emphasized that; they had been impressively large before, but it clearly hadn't been enough for Lola; she had expanded them out into the harbour itself via a series of floating docks, forming a makeshift port with dozens of ships of all sizes within. It looked like a fully functioning port, even including a host of… surprisingly stable-looking cargo cranes, half of which were unloading crates from the larger docked ships. Crates whose origins I really didn't want to dwell too hard on, but still.
"Mmrgrgh…" Tashigi grumbled to herself, critically eyeing the black-peaked forest of masts, her fingers clenching and unclenching around Shigure's hilt. "On the one hand, this was all built without any actual legitimate government involvement. Impressive. On the other hand, pirates. So… damn… conflicted…"
"Oi." Thwack.
"Ow!" Tashigi yelped, rubbing the spot on her temple where she'd just been flicked. "The hell—?"
"Tashigi," Zoro cut in, frowning sternly. "If you need to look at anything in this rare and fleeting moment, you're actually wearing your glasses—"
"HA!" "All of my hate, slimeball!"
"—You're the most familiar with pirate flags out of all of us," our first mate continued, stuffing a spyglass into her hand. "Give us a who's who, so we don't reenact Jaya if we don't have to."
Tashigi blinked in surprise, and after visibly wrestling with herself for a moment, she raised the spyglass and pointed it toward the collection of ships we were sailing toward.
"Let's see, we already know about Kid and Apoo… hmm, and it looks like there are three other Supernovas too, I can see Law, Bege, and Drake's ships. But it looks like the others haven't—wait a second, is that Foxy!?"
I snapped my eyes over, and my jaw dropped. Unmistakable in size and decor, the still cringe-inducingly named Sexy Foxy was anchored ahead of us with what looked to be a smaller cadet ship anchored next to it. Guess our ersatz 'recruitment officer' had decided to expand a bit.
"This shouldn't be as much of a surprise as it is," Usopp muttered. "I mean, it's a pirate haven, and he's one of our closer allies. OH!" He perked up eagerly, pounding his fist in his palm. "Maybe Dorry or Broggy will be here, too!"
"Here, lemme…" Merry hummed thoughtfully, tilting her head to the side and cupping her ear for a few seconds before shaking her head with a sad sigh. "Sorry, Usopp, nothing doing. The ladies say there are about a dozen Giants here, yes, but Ogres, no. Still! They're all crewmates of the big guys, so I recommend some padding for all the backslapping you're going to get."
"That means almost all of the Damned are on the same island," Tashigi muttered, ignoring the byplay. "Any bright ideas for how to keep the alliance discreet?"
I shrugged and started to tick off my fingers. "It's a pirate island, so shit happens, I've got Soundbite to muddle any possible eavesdroppers, thanks to the ad-hoc, unregulated construction, there's probably upwards of a hundred hidden and unrecorded rooms and passages per building—"
A sound part-way between a grunt and a cough sounded out beside us.
"—And we have Popora, too. Want me to go on?"
She continued staring at me for a moment. Then she sighed and turned back. "Really hate when you're right."
Disembarkment followed soon after, with both cooks staying behind on the Sunny: Hachi to prepare some samplers that Luffy couldn't inhale, and Sanji half to help Hachi prep the food and half to put the fear of… basically anyone and everyone into those two.
Coo, for his part, gave us all a sardonic doff of his newsie cap. "Well, folks, I'd say it's been fun, but more than a few of you tried to eat me while I was onboard. If you don't mind, I'll be going back to the saner of the big mouths in Paradise, thank you very much!" And with that, he flapped off to rejoin Apoo and his flock.
Over on the Cannibal, most of the Barto Club's mooks and officers were staying put themselves… to run damage control when Goldenweek inevitably got another bout of inspiration. There were a few wary assurances that they'd catch up later, but considering Ever was directing an effort to de-paint the sails as we left, none of us were holding our breath. Gin and Barto, especially, Soundbite had gotten some new curses to add to his repertoire when they jumped ship right before the paint started flying.
Anyway, one completely unfair shot-down attempt to ride in on Funkfreed (probably shouldn't have tried to take off solo), we set off into the city.
And before anyone asks, yes, we knew that we'd left Camie and the Dugongs behind. But c'mon, they were professional martial artists with our crew's knack for the insane and impossible. They'd be back, probably in some impossibly awesome manner, so there were maybe five minutes of worrying before the more level-headed of us got that through everyone's skulls. We wouldn't let it happen again, of course, but this time it wouldn't be a problem.
Anyway, back to the point: reviewing Skelter Bite's fantastic transformation!
Though... frankly, 'gruesome' fit the walk to the front gate better. Or, as some would put it…
"Well, this is inviting!" Robin remarked in an outright chipper tone.
"Robin…" Usopp moaned, dragging his hands down his face.
"Only you, Robin," Vivi lamented, her tired sigh echoing around us. "Only you."
Yup. Only someone like Robin would find a baker's dozen gallows with skeletons swinging from the arms to be 'inviting'.
"Meh. 6/10, NEEDS real skeletons."
"What?" Robin said, head whipping over to Soundbite.
"Yohohoho! Soundbite is quite correct!" Brook, standing next to one of the gallows and staring at the apparently not a corpse hanging from it, declared. Reaching out, he gave it a hard shove, and we all heard the rattle of wood on wood, not bone on bone (do not ask how we all knew that).
Ignoring Robin's disappointed groan at that, I gave a closer look at how the bones were arranged and what was on them. The effigies' arms were spread-eagled, which didn't fit a hanging, but it seemed to be to allow them to hold up what appeared to be tattered and torn pirate flags of several designs. Any confusion about that imagery was cleared up by wooden signs hanging around the skeletons' necks and by what was written on them.
"Ash Tooth Pirate Crew. Crime: Arson. Unjustified and Unprovoked—"
"Oh, come on, they're qualifying crimes now?" Tashigi groaned.
"According to what I've heard so far," Merry said, scrunching her face in concentration. "They don't care so much about the fire as they do the intention and location. That's the gist for all crime around here: when it comes to 'pirate justice', Motivation and Consequence are king. Burn down an uninhabited building, fine; you'll probably get press-ganged into helping with the repairs, but not kicked out. Burn something down in a fight, same thing. Heck, even if you're doing it to try to kill someone, there's no big deal unless someone ends up dead or they're not actually a legitimate asshole that someone else hasn't gotten to first."
"What are they punishing, then?" demanded Tashigi, a sentiment that was shared by me and several others, I am not ashamed to admit.
"Apparently, it depends on how popular the buildings are; the more people who don't want them gone, the more dangerous it is. Wrong idea to try proving your stones like these jackasses apparently did; they tried to light the alcohol stores on fire." Merry's expression fell flat as she grabbed our first mate's arm without even looking. "Put 'em away, Zoro, they're not even on the island anymore, so you can't cut them."
"You don't know that."
"Wait, hang on," Vivi butted in, shoving Zoro aside—
"GAH!" SPLASH!
—and clean into the drink with a particularly forceful gust so that she could get a closer look at the skeleton. "You said they're not here anymore? Then where are they?"
"Uhh…" Merry cocked her head at the skeleton. "I'm getting 'fate worse than death… and then death'."
Barto perked up at that. "Neat!"
Gin, however, was a bit more… conservative in his response. Specifically, he yanked Merry up by her hood, glowering. "I'm going to need way more detail before I set one foot in that city, brat!" he demanded.
Merry gave the other first mate a flat look. "Put me down, dead eyes, before I break your weak little fingers like breadsticks."
Dead eyes' weak little fingers snapped open, letting the shipgirl drop to the dock and brush herself off.
"Thank you," she said, nodding primly. "Now, to answer your question, nobody on this here walk of shame was executed. They just got their asses kicked based on the severity of their crimes, and then they got tossed out on their asses with a not-so-subtle warning to get out and stay out, while their flags got pinned up here to warn everyone else who comes after them."
"No matter the world you're in, there'll always be terms and conditions… though at least I can make sense of these," I snorted.
"So, what exactly is Lola doing? I mean, blacklisting them wouldn't get them dead, and it hardly strikes me as a fate worse than death, either," Sandersonia wondered, sounding far too interested.
"Actually, I think I can answer that," Tashigi said thoughtfully, a genuine smile on her face for the first time since we set foot here. "Since the outer guards are former Marines, and since I recognize some of these flags from recent arrest records, it's not hard to put things together."
"Kick their asses, take and string up their flags, turn them in," Koala summarized, nodding. "Makes sense; it's effective, final, and guilt-free because anyone who commits these crimes is then a common criminal instead of a pirate." She let her expression fall flat. "Though I seriously doubt anyone appreciates the beauty of it beyond 'piss us off and we kick your ass and string your flag up'. Besides Robin, of course."
"Oh, now, that's not true. I'm sure Don Accino feels the same way," Robin said sweetly.
It took an effort of will, but clamping Soundbite's lips shut let me avoid mouthing off. "Don't respond," Lassoo advised, cutting off any other reactions.
"Well, anyway…" Franky hummed, rubbing his chin as he examined another effigy. "If we're going in, we might as well read a few of these, see what we can and can't do in this place. I mean, we're going to piss somebody off, might as well not include the local authorities in that list…"
He paused so that he and about a half-dozen other of the assholes I called my friends turned to give my snail and me looks.
I stayed silent and contented myself with flipping them a pair of birds, while Soundbite rolled his eyestalks. "In the words of every sitcom character in the early '90s and everyone in the Midwest through the rest of the '90s, 'don't go there'."
"I don't even know what a sitcom is or where the Midwest is, but I can already tell that was offensive and clichéd beyond all reason," Vivi deadpanned.
"Anyway," Franky cut in, a little loud. "Let's just read the rules so that we can at least try to avoid ticking our friends off on purpose, alright?"
"Aww!" Luffy groaned, throwing his head back. "Do we really need to read? That's, like, the worst thing anyone can do ever!"
I snapped my gauntlet into a fist. "Hold him down, Robin."
"Gladly, Cross," the assassin-archaeologist sniffed primly as she ran her fingers over her knife's edge.
"A-Ah, Luffy?" Usopp spoke up hastily, eyes darting between his captain and the two of us. "Give it a chance, would you? Maybe some of these stories will be funny!"
"Mmm, yeah, that's true," Luffy conceded, before swiftly perking up. "Yeah, yeah, alright! Go ahead!"
"Aye-aye, captain!" Usopp saluted, zipping over to an effigy holding up a flag that had a bloody bear-trap on it. "Let's see, Lockjaw Pirates, Crime…" Usopp's eagerness died a swift and violent death, his expression dropping into a horrified gape. "Guh… A-Attempted Murder - Unjustified/Unprovoked."
While the rest of us gagged in shock, Luffy's expression merely went blank, and he tilted his head to the side. "…well, that's not funny."
"And this turned on us right quick," I groused, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Alright, Merry? Elaborate. Now."
"Um…" Merry tapped her temple and quickly winced. "Seems like they got in thanks to a bard who faked it well enough for the lot of them to slip past the Triangle. And because Gheilt and his hadn't gotten here yet and the sea gate was still under construction, it looks like they were able to come in guns blazing…"
"Oh, I can explain that, at least," Koala scowled. "Within days of the SBS broadcast, Big Mom promised a king's ransom to whoever could destroy Skelter Bite and bring back the captain's head."
Everyone matched her scowl, as well as the malicious eagerness that followed when Usopp spoke again.
"Well, here's some good news: looks like they only managed to get a little way into the island before they were sent packing. The last charge here is 'Failed to make Lola break a sweat.'"
…I am not ashamed to admit that it took me a minute to grasp that Lola had singlehandedly curb-stomped that crew. I may have made her one of the Damned's leaders, but in the face of… let's be brutally honest here, everything about her, it was incredibly easy to forget that she was a skilled swordsman and pirate captain whose shadow had powered one of the General Zombies, not to mention my newer knowledge that she grew up in the New World. Put all those pieces together and…
"Holy shit, I think the only reason she didn't send them back to her mother in pieces is she didn't want to give Linlin a snack," I mused aloud.
That earned me a good number of shocked looks.
"I can't tell what part of that sentence is most disturbing of all…" Lassoo whined, dropping to the ground and covering his eyes with his paws.
"And that… person is one of the strongest pirates in all of the New World? As in, the ocean we're going to next?!" Conis squawked, her wings twitching.
"Oh, I'm sure it won't be that bad," Brook said airily.
"Of course it won't. It'll be so much worse," I agreed just as airily.
"Right, so much wor—oh, dear."
"HEY, LOOK AT THIS ONE, THIS ONE LOOKS FUNNY!" Chopper barked from further up the flag line, a hint of hysteria in his voice that was backed by his twitching smile and distinct lack of cyan madness. We obligingly trooped over to the flag and let Carue take a look at it.
"Wet's see hewe… Kojiwo Piwates… foah some weason…" A sweatdrop beaded on the back of his head, and on mine and others'; why the hell was the Jolly Roger chomping down on a big red 'R'? "And the cwime was…" Carue's sweatdrop doubled in size. "Theft."
"Wait, what?" Tashigi demanded. "You mean they're actually punishing that one?"
"Hang on, there's a footnote," Vivi interjected, leaning past her mount's shoulder to squint at the corner of the sign. "It says 'Dumb enough to get caught'."
The 'ex'-Marine slumped over. "Ah. Now that makes more sense. I honestly don't know what I expected at this point."
I wanted to repeat that question to Tashigi's face, but that decision was taken away from me by Nami accidentally jabbing a section of her Eisen Cloud into my side. Instead, I looked at Merry askance.
By this point, Merry was already tilting her head…
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
And then she fell on her back laughing her little head off, which got Luffy snickering along in turn, even though he had no idea why. No more needed to be said on that front.
That was the last one we read as a group, though everyone read the remainder in passing, alternating between exasperation, satisfaction, and amusement. That ended the minute we saw the entrance, which had been… thoroughly remodelled.
See, back when the island was Thriller Bark, the only access to the harbour had been through a break in the seawall that ringed the island. Now, though, the builders of Skelter Bite had used a Marine Battleship to fill that gap. A years-out-of-date, defaced to hell and back battleship, but it still made for a heavily armed, extremely sturdy barbican… and Roger help me, there's another word I never thought I'd use in perfect context.
Once we finished picking our jaws up off the ground, our eyes naturally slid to the entrance, which was less imposing but no less eye-catching. A gold-painted arch glinted in the golden mist wafting through the entire island—yeah, that was a thing, forgot to mention that—and framed a tunnel carved through the bow of the battleship. Oh, yeah, and there was also a miniature graveyard parked directly in front. Though when I say 'miniature', I mean there was exactly one unmarked tombstone set behind a grave that had probably been dug last week, illuminated by a lantern hanging on a post next to it, and framed by a pea-soup wall of regular gray fog. Not the golden fog in the rest of the island, regular old cloud.
It was a complete visual non-sequitur that left us blinking in confusion for a solid minute before the freshly dug grave began to slowly shift as if something was climbing out. And, to our incredulous shock, something was climbing out, an ancient, decrepit-looking—
I blinked in surprise. "Wait, haven't I seen this bit before?" I muttered to myself.
Before I could say more or anyone else could actually react, Luffy walked ahead of us, right up to the 'zombie' that was halfway out of the grave and groaning unintelligibly. Luffy stared down at the 'living dead'…, and then I burst out laughing as he put his hands on the man's shoulders and head and tried—no, he actually pushed his torso back into the grave, leaving the 'zombie's arms flailing and twitching frantically in the air.
The re-earthing only lasted for a few seconds before the 'zombie' popped back out of the earth, visibly pissed off rather than the standard slack-jawed zombie expression.
"GAH! DON'T PUT ME BACK IN THE GROUND!" the old man howled. "ARE YOU AN IDIOT?"
"Yes," everyone deadpanned.
The old man's expression fell, and he grimaced in embarrassment. "Right, forgot about that. My bad."
"…It's an old man with serious injuries," Luffy finally observed.
"CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S A ZOMBIE!?" yelled most of the males with us.
"No, I can confirm that it really is an old man WITH SERIOUS INJURIES. HE STILL HAS A PULSE… I… think? It's a bit hard to OH THERE IT IS!" Soundbite nodded triumphantly. "SO YEAH, LIVING OLD GUY pretending to be himself next year. MORE OF THE OMINOUS decor?"
The old man shook off his grimace and grinned politely. "Exactly! It's fun on our terms, after all. Now, if I may continue my bit…?"
"Shishishi! Sure thing, old guy!" our captain snickered, hauling the old man the rest of the way out of the grave by his shoulders.
"Ah, thank you," the old man nodded gratefully, taking up his lamp-bearing staff and coughing into his fist. "Now then, back on task… BEWARE!" He threw his arms out, the fog somehow swirling around him ominously. "Whosoever would cross this cemet'ry must answer me these questions three, ere the city lights you see."
I turned a leer on Soundbite, who was inches from busting his shell laughing. "Pff… I didn't think sharing some PYTHON BITS during the party WOULD LEAD TO THIS! SURE DON'T REGRET IT, THOUGH!"
I sighed, half-fondly, half-wishing I could justify punting him off the dock. A glance around showed much muttering and shifting about, and that just wouldn't do, now would it. "Alright, guys, settle down, settle down, I've got this." And so saying, I walked up beside the old man and leaned on his tombstone. "Say! Real quick, just before we start on those questions of yours, what!… is your name?"
The old man blinked once, then twice, before shaking his head and puffing his chest out. "Spoil, leader of the now-disbanded Thriller Bark Victim's Association! Nice to meet you in person, Jeremiah Cross!"
"Mm-hm, I see, I see…" I mused, examining my metal-clad fingertips oh-so-casually. "Second, what!… is your purpose here?"
Spoil flung his free arm out, visibly preening. "To judge whether or not those who come here are worthy of passage into the grand pirate haven of Skelter Bite!"
"I see, I see," I nodded in agreement, glancing down at the senior citizen zombie. "And finally, what!… is the number that comes after two but before four?"
Spoil scoffed, raising his chin even higher. "Why, three, of course!"
"Correct!" I proclaimed, spreading my arms grandly. "Congratulations, you have answered the questions three! You may pass!" I declared, gesturing at the docks.
"Huzzah!" Spoil cheered, running past our crewmates with some impressive speed for a wrinkly old shrimp like him. I turned back to my bemused crew and companions, smirking all the way.
"We have anywhere from ten minutes to never, and I'm leaning towards the latter. Let's go."
It took a moment for everyone to get over the fact that that had worked, and the walk through the tunnel nearly sent Tashigi sprawling from her improvised peg leg five times, but the view of the city when we emerged from the tunnel…
It was incredible. I could still see the rushed, improvised, totally unplanned nature of the city, landed ships poking above the buildings lining the street in front of us, festooned with gangplanks, rope bridges, and suspended walkways stretching between them. But stretching out in front of us was a long street of properly constructed buildings—mixed in with some of the landed ships, naturally—stretching into the distance, reminiscent of the Vegas Strip or some of the longer streets in Manhattan. Shops lined the ground floors, and above that, damn near every window was thrown open, a head or laundry line or improvised balcony sticking out, and bright murals and equally colourful signs covered almost every other square inch. Wooden sidewalks bordered the central street, which in turn was paved. With cobblestones. Somehow, I had the feeling we wouldn't be seeing that anywhere else.
At the end of the street, towering in the distance, was the mainmast; no trace of Moria's mansion was left. Instead, about a quarter up the towering wooden pillar, was Oars' skull, pinned to the mast like the world's biggest hunting trophy with the city's Jolly Roger hanging from its tusks. Now that's how you make a statement!
And the people. Architecture is nice, but a city is made by its people, and this wasn't Mock Town, composed of average Joes who just didn't want to put in an honest day's work. Oh, don't get me wrong, there were plenty of those types, spilling out of the bars and sprawled on the street and most noticeable in the stench of piss and stale rum that underlaid everything. But they were a minority; most of the people I saw walking through the streets were the adventurers, the explorers, the truest of pirates found on the seas, or else the kind of honest and not-so-honest folk that always spring up to service them. The colours were garish, the fashions outlandish, giants lacking Giant Warrior colours leaned on the buildings, happily conversing with each other, and fishmen walked openly in the streets with nary a glance nor a hint of tension.
Speaking of those, the people serving these true pirates had clearly been busy. An eel Sea King was strung vertically on one side of the street, hanging from the bowsprit of a frigate dumped on its stern. There was what I could only describe as a ship dealership, selling and displaying everything from longboats to galleons. And… hold up, was that a cage being lugged over the rooftops? One big enough for Boss Kabuto, no less. Wonder what that was for.
Oh, yeah, and cheering crowds and lots of shifting money surrounded no less than three street brawls. Pirates. Gotta love 'em.
So, yeah. It was a chaotic mess, teeming with innovation and improvisation but also constantly on the verge of exploding into complete anarchy, anarchy that would probably level the place if it wasn't sent to Davy Jones' locker first. It was a true pirates' paradise, in other words. And I was loving every minute of it.
And it wasn't just me, either.
"Well, my compliments to the architects!" Sandersonia all but squeed, stars glittering in her eyes.
"Yeah, it's pretty awesome," agreed Zoro—wait, what!? There was only one path, and he didn't pass us, so how was he standing in front of us!?
"Where the hell did you come from?!" demanded Tashigi, waving her crutch at him.
"Blame my parents," the first mate deadpanned.
Immediately, every person present gave me an expectant look. Even Luffy!
"No, the story never got to that part of Zoro's backstory, and after the last revelation we got, no way in hell am I digging after it," I deadpanned.
Many sighs of disappointment were had, and I swear I thought I saw Brook discreetly palm a few bills to a grinning Merry.
"And getting back on the subject of impossible geography, I'd just like to announce that I am… conflicted about this situation," Nami muttered, the corner of her mouth twitching erratically between a smile and a scowl. "On the one hand, I can't wait to map this place because it's a brand new and brilliantly intricate locale… but on the other, it's evolving, meaning that mapping it is going to be nearly, if not utterly, impossible…"
"Might help to have someone more familiar with the area helping you out?" announced a somewhat familiar voice.
It took me a minute to locate the speaker: a woman who'd just stepped out of the flow of pirates, bearing a pointed nose, sunglasses, and dark blue hair in dreadlocks, dressed in an outfit that I could have sworn I saw Conis wearing the other day. And not two seconds after that, I realized there was only one place I'd seen an icepick like that on someone's face.
"Porche?" I half-asked, half-demanded.
"It's Marcedes while I'm undercover like this," the Foxy executive corrected, lowering her shades ever so slightly to shoot me a wink. "Gotta keep up the masquerade that we're still enemies. But good to see you finally made it. You all took your time getting here, didn't you?"
"Shishishi! Sorry!" Luffy snickered, rubbing his finger under his nose. "We were busy getting takoyaki. We brought enough for everyone, though!"
"Then in that case, everything's forgiven, captain!" Porche saluted before jabbing her thumb over her shoulder at Oars' looming skull. "Anyway, the boss and Lola have been expecting you guys; I've been familiarizing myself with the city for the last few days so I can give you some direction on where to go."
"Ohoh? In that case, where's the best bar?"
Porche stiffened slightly at the sight of Sandersonia, but showed her stones as a Straw Hat, albeit an unofficial branch Straw Hat, by simply pointing the baton she was suddenly holding down Main Street. "The closer to the front gates you are, the tackier and seedier the booze vendors. I recommend the Esun bar, about three-quarters of the way to the mast; it's on your right. Look for the crescent moon."
"Thank you~!" Sonia sang, speeding off without so much as a 'catch you later' but with a very large grin on her face. To this day, I still count it a minor miracle that she didn't immediately leap into her demi-form and start a riot then and there.
"…So, just to confirm, but that was one of the Kuja Pirates' Gorgon Sisters, yes?" Porche asked weakly, her more casual nature displaying itself as she suddenly looked like… well, no offence to him, but like an earlier Usopp.
"Remember the mystery caller who said that their 'superior' was being considered for the Snake seat?" I responded with a grin worthy of the now-departed Zoan.
A full-body shiver wracked Porche.
A sigh and a lack of any further reaction from Porche drew my attention back to the rest of the crew, who seemed to be watching Sandersonia go, and Koala, who had her face in her hands. "I'd better go after her before half the people in this place almost bite it, throwing themselves at her," she said between her fingers. "If anything will calm people about a Warlord's top subordinate being here, it's a Revolutionary vouching for them. Try not to level the place until I'm a mile offshore!" And with that parting compli-sult (patent pending), she set off after the serpent.
"Hmmm… you know, splitting up does sound like a good idea," Nami offered. "After all, until the meeting starts, this is pretty much shore leave, right, Captain?"
"Sure!" Luffy grinned. "We can worry about getting to Sab… Sab… uh, Cross?"
"Sabaody," I said. "For once, your tongue-tying is understandable. And yeah, we can save the plan for when we get to planning."
"For now," Bartolomeo cut in, wringing his hands with a toothy grin. "We're in a city where the primary forms of currency are booze, broken bones and bitchin' levels of badass!" He pumped his fists in the air, cackling. "Let's party!"
"Just a second," Vivi interrupted, freezing everyone else in place. "Before we scatter, I think we need to decide on a place to meet up when we decide to turn in for the night that's more convenient than the Sunny."
"Mmph—gah! Damn, that's freaky… a-anyway, I can help with that," Porche offered once her muscles unlocked. "The best inns that Skelter Bite has right now are The Queen's Blessing, Oden's Cottage, and The Lucky Rabbit. Most of our crew has spread out in the first one, but the top brass is at The Lucky Rabbit, and Lola has several suites reserved for you guys."
"And how do we find said inns?" Tashigi inquired, her expression falling flat as she thumbed Zoro. "Besides this one, who's just going to walk into the sea and then out of the closet."
"At least I'll be able to see where I'm going, four—oh, wait."
"I will see you all frogmarched to the gallows."
Porche blinked slowly at the Marine, and only barely covered a snort of laughter with her hand. "Oh, sweet Coyote, Pisces, is that you?! The captain is going to love—!"
SHING!
"So getting to the inns, nothing simpler, just follow the signs!" the Foxy squawked. She pointed at the walls, and indeed, there hung three signs featuring a crown, a pagoda and a rabbit, and arrows pointing into the city. "They're the best establishments on the island, so they have the most signs put up, you can't miss them!"
"Because they can afford to publicize the most?" Conis inquired.
"Er…" Porche rubbed the back of her head. "More like because they can afford the best materials to nail their signs in place. Trust me, once someone uses Wootz Steel nails to secure something, it's never coming off. I've been seeing competitors try all week."
"Yeah, well, that's the world of business for you, so cutthroat, a real window into the human—BOOK IT!" Barto suddenly barked, breaking into a mad dash for the nearest passageway, accompanied by the more adventurous pirates among us.
"WOOHOO! I WANNA FIND WHERE THEY KEEP THE MEAT!"
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, PFHAHAHA!"
Which is to say, Luffy and I.
And we almost made it, too, so close to just disappearing into the crowd and making a clean getaway and exploring the island unimpeded…
"Yeah, no."
"GWAH!"/ "ERGH!"/ "No!"
But tragically, it was not to be, due to Nami's Eisen Tempo snagging me by my ankle and laying me out flat, Gin somehow getting in front of Barto and clotheslining him, and Zoro thwacking Luffy in the stomach with one of his sheathed swords and kneeling on our captain's back, his sea prism stone hilt-cap pressed firmly against Luffy's head.
"Seeing as you three have somehow managed to forget, allow us to remind you of where you stand in this crew," Nami politely stated as she 'gently' hauled me off the ground by my heel. "For whatever reason, you numbskulls are the highest-ranking officers in both our crews. That means that when we officers go to check in at The Lucky Rabbit, you are coming with us. Whether you like it or not."
"And what if we tell you we're not going anywhere with you jagoffs?" Bartolomeo queried as he slowly picked himself off the ground.
"Are you an idiot?" Luffy and I asked together.
Barto took one look at Gin, cracking his knuckles and nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, yes, I am. Alright!" He clapped his hands and shoved himself to his feet with a Barrier-crutch. "Let's get going and avoid getting our knees broken, aye, boys?"
"Aye!" we two other idiots concurred.
"Nay," two other voices droned, and I bit out a sharp curse when a pair of weights disappeared from my body as Lassoo and Funkfreed jumped ship, which is to say, me.
"No offence, Cross, but we've been in close quarters with you for way too long," Lassoo snorted.
"And if there's any island in the world where two…" Funkfreed rolled his trunk thoughtfully. "Let's be generous and say individuals, like us, can just wander around and see the sights without any questions, well…" The elephant-sword's trunk spun in the air, indicating our surroundings. And considering how the Chinese New Year procession touting a stuffed Sea King eel as a pseudo-dragon float passing by, I couldn't deny the point.
I let out an irritated hiss and waved my hand dismissively. "Fine, whatever, fuck off wherever you want." I glanced at Porche. "I'm guessing they can bill any purchases they make by the flag?"
"Aye, though considering your crew's reputation, you're going to get a ton of freebies before your first bill," she confirmed.
"Then go ahead and get going, you two. Though I swear, if I get even one bill about gold-flaked doggy kibble—!" I descended into a choked gurgle when I saw that they had disappeared without a trace. "Bastards."
"Eh, deal with it. Meanwhile, just so we're clear, as soon as this is done, I'm going to look for the best bar on this island," Zoro chuckled with a smirk as he hauled Luffy back to his feet, though he kept an iron grip on the collar of our captain's vest.
"I'll sniff you out and join you later, then," Chopper piped up. "I've been practicing Doctorine's negotiating techniques, and I could try twisting it a little for bets if anyone wants to try out-drinking you…" His expression flattened. "And, of course, I can practice my concussion treatments on said saps when their crewmates inevitably get it into their heads to try and take their money back by force."
"Sounds like a party!" Nami chirped, beri symbols in place of her eyes. She also let go of me; only the fact that I saw it coming let me avoid a neck-wracking drop onto my head.
"Well, if that's arranged, I believe I'd like to find some of the giants here," Robin waved offhandedly. "Usopp, would you care to join me?"
"R-Robin!? I, uh… s-sure!" Usopp agreed. I gave her a somewhat melancholy smile that she returned before the pair walked off.
And with that, everyone else trickled away from the group, intent on exploring the vast and amazing city of wonders that those of us being frogmarched could only fleetingly appreciate. Despite the tone, I refused to begrudge them a chance to look; no, my ire was reserved for the slave drivers doing the aforementioned frogmarching.
In short order, Vivi had mounted Carue and set off, the last non-officer aside from my partners (Nami had let a quivering, gun-shy Billy go off with Conis and Su) to depart from our group. But when she passed the nearest street corner...
"Oh, and Cross? Don't start any fires!" she called out over her shoulder.
Oh, I couldn't let that go unaddressed, and so I turned and spread my arms wide, walking backwards. "Oh, poor princess, your ignorance is showing! In case you've forgotten, this is a true pirate's city! And so, unlike Mock Town…"
"IF A QUARTER OF THIS PLACE DON'T GO AFLAME EVERY COUPLE O' DAYS, THEN WE'RE ALL DOIN' IT WRONG! AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS?" Soundbite shouted to the surrounding onlookers.
It was a true credit to Vivi's heightened sense of tolerance that even as the not-so-innocent bystanders cheered and laughed in agreement, all she did was smack the back of my head with a harsh breeze.
Still, I was going to make an effort to avoid starting a fire this time, if only because I didn't want to find out the hard way that the Unluckies had somehow found a way inside.
-o-
Not far behind the Straw Hats and their companions was a pirate who could be considered Luffy's equal. Not in the way that the bearer of the Leopard Zoan could, nor in the way that the bearer of the Mochi Paramecia would have one day been and more than likely one day still would. No…
"WHO DARES TO APPROACH THE IMPREGNABLE—!"
"A TICKED-OFF BITCH WHO'S GOING TO UNLOAD THREE MORTARS-FULL OF WHOOPASS UP YOUR ASSES UNLESS YOU OPEN UP, AND I MEAN RIGHT NOW!" Jewelry 'Big Eater' Bonney shrieked at the top of her lungs, making a credible attempt to set the tacky skull glaring down at her ship on fire with her eyes.
Equal, in that ordinary pirates would rather jump into a pool full of sharks covered in bloody shreds of meat than risk ticking her off. So, immediately after her outburst, the skull's armoured eye cover slammed shut to guard its inhabitants.
"Eesh, we thought you were one of the funner Supernovas. What gives?" someone called out from the skull.
"We ran into that blockade a week before your dumb birds found us, and the bastards managed to hit our pantry!" Bonney spat, even as she gestured for her crew to sail them in. "You try keeping a positive attitude after seven days and nights of hardtack and salt-dried Sea King!"
"Eesh…" the wince was audible in the other voice. "Well, we'll warn the nearest restaurants you're coming in. Just make sure you bring enough to pay, and there'll be no problems."
"I'm taking a big chance coming here instead of to the closest actual island," Bonney growled, more to herself than anyone else. She paced like a caged Sea King, each crack of her knuckles a gunshot ringing through the air. "There damn well better not be, or so help me I'm going to tear a strip clean out of—!"
"The main docks are to starboard, and the meeting between the Supernovas is tomorrow," the gatekeepers interrupted, the gate opening while they spoke. Bonney promptly waved her crew forward. They responded with impatient gusto, almost as eager to get quality food as their captain. For a few moments, Bonney allowed herself to relax; it was only as long as it would take to reach the city, then they'd be free to gorge.
Then she noticed some of the ships ahead. One in particular: the Thousand Sunny. Her mood lifted a bit, one corner of her mouth curving upward into a smirk. Well, she wouldn't get a better chance than this to prove that she was superior to Straw Hat in at least one way.
And then she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye and turned toward the wall. She blinked several times in surprise… then turned back toward the gatehouse and called a warning:
"Uh… just so you guys know, dragons are flying over the walls."
And indeed, there was a full-blown… flock? Storm? Pack? Whatever of large, green and furry dragons flapping over the island's protective wall and gathering in a circle over the parked ships.
Now, Bonney had sailed Paradise from start to finish, so she'd come to expect a lot from the madhouse of an ocean…
"Huh? The scouting party's back already?" One of the voices in the gatehouse called out. "Thanks for letting us know!"
But that response was most definitely not one of them. And neither was the telltale click of a Tone Dial being activated, followed by the strum of violins and a chorus of horns.
"Scouting…" Bonney repeated incredulously, turning back toward the feathered creatures. Then she fished out her spyglass to take a closer look, and her expression sank back into a scowl.
"Dragon-riding dugongs. Are you kidding me?"
"Any chance that this could just be starvation-induced delirium, Captain?" called one of her crewmates.
"Nil," she responded. "And Oriol?"
"I know, I know, I'll scribe everything that I can," the young scholar responded, already heading for his cabin to retrieve his writing materials.
"Lucca, scan the island. If the Straw Hats are here, then their chef is here; with any luck, we can get him to make us a meal."
"Ah, Captain?" said the lookout called down from the crow's nest. "The good news is I can see him… and the bad news is that those dragon-riding Dugongs seem to be heading straight for—oh, that explains it. That's Boss and his apprentices… I think the Straw Hats might have lost track of them recently."
Bonney cocked an eyebrow at her crewmate. "The hell makes you say—?"
"LEAVE US BEHIND LIKE A PILE OF CUT-OF BLUBBER, WILL YOU!?" screamed Hera after finding another one of Zeus' infidelities, punctuated by blasts of flame and shockwaves of razor-sharp air rolling out from the Thousand Sunny. "CHOKE ON MY BLADES, YOU PRETENTIOUS SWIRLY BROWED BASTARD!"
"GO, LEO, GO!" a trio of equally enraged voices shouted in support.
"...educated guess," Lucca finally said.
The Big Eater curled and uncurled her fingers, idly wondering if maybe she wouldn't have been better off not coming to what was obviously some sort of madhouse…
SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
And then three impacts strong enough to rock the entire ship struck in rapid succession. Bonney spun to the source, somewhere off the stern quarter, and stiffened at the frog Sea King leering at her. Once it saw that it had her attention, however, it impatiently flicked its webbed hands.
"Is… Is that thing communicating with us?" asked another Bonney pirate.
"Yes… and he is saying 'you're holding up the line'," Bonney blandly replied. For a couple of seconds, nobody moved. Then Bonney's smirk returned in full force for the first time in days.
"Oh, yeah. I am definitely going to like it here."