Predictably, the giraffe was only the vanguard of the mob of animals that the pirates' noisemaking attracted. From all around, a stream of beasts emerged: a gigantic caterpillar, a massive blue tiger with two tails and six legs, a swarm of small bulls that bore a resemblance to tikis, a giant and menacing squirrel, a king-sized boar with porcupine quills over its entire body…if anyone watching was disappointed about not witnessing a massive free-for-all, this was a good consolation prize.
Besides, they kinda were getting a massive free-for-all. Sanji, upon seeing the stampede, dove straight at the small bulls, sending the creatures flying, accompanied by a musical accompaniment of beef recipes. That prompted the bulls to put aside their differences and gang up on the chef, though the steady flight of more of the bulls clearly indicated how well that strategy was working.
Conis and Mikey, meanwhile, pulled out weapons that were very much not what the viewers were used to. After all, nobody had heard of Conis using a piece of wood the size of a small cannon in a manner much akin to a staff, nor were nunchucks usually constructed out of bones.
The lack of special effects from Usopp, situated behind the above two plinking away at the quilled boar, merely emphasized the oddness.
"Where's the kaboom?" Pickles complained. "Come on, we know those two are bristling with explosive goodies! Why aren't they using them?"
"Do you know how fast ammo runs out in a sustained firefight?" Porche shot back. "I do. I do the accounting after every battle. You never have enough. Honestly, if they still had any ammo past day one, I'll eat my makeup kit."
"Then why's Usopp still shooting?"
"Because he's shooting rocks, dingus," Foxy deadpanned. "You look closely, you can see them shattering on that porcupine boar thing. He doesn't need gunpowder, and you can just pick decent rocks for shooting off the ground. That slingshot'll keep shooting until something breaks, and from what we know of his work, that's a long way off."
On screen, Mikey dodged out of the way of the caterpillar before kicking off the air and landing on its head. To the surprise of everyone, he then swung his nunchucks down and around the insect's body, grunted happily after an experimental tug, and then used his tail to slap it into motion.
To the surprise of no one, that just pissed it off, and the caterpillar began thrashing about, trying to dislodge its impromptu mount.
The boar, meanwhile, seemed to have tired of getting shot at, as it shrugged off one last rock to the face before pawing the ground and charging straight at Usopp. One last rock failed to slow it down, and everyone expected Usopp to beat feet away.
So you can imagine the reaction to him planting Kabuto in the dirt and standing his ground.
"Is he crazy?!" Porsche yelped, bug-eyed.
"Has the fear finally snapped his mind like a twig?!" Foxy demanded.
Pickles shook his head. "Nah, he's gonna do something really cool! I know it!"
Usopp continued to stand his ground as the boar drew ever closer. In fact, he wasn't moving at all. The festival atmosphere evaporated in favour of a tense silence as everyone in the square watched the feed, and mothers covered their children's eyes. Were they about to see this broadcast turn into a snuff film? And why wasn't Usopp doing anything?!
The boar was about five feet from Usopp when the camera suddenly panned up. Protests died on the audience's tongues at the sight of Conis falling from the sky, her log-like weapon grinding into the blue tiger's windpipe, the creature trying and failing to dislodge her with its tails. With a grunt of exertion, the Skypiean flipped in mid-air, the tiger going along for the ride until it belly flopped right onto the charging boar.
There was a moment where the only sounds were the background battle noises, and then both creatures squealed in pain, a good octave or two higher than their initial voices. Given one had been squashed under two tons of tiger and the other had gotten a bellyful of porcupine quills, this was an entirely appropriate reaction. The tiger promptly clambered off the boar, and both beat a hasty retreat, leaving behind a still-frozen Usopp and a panting Conis.
"Oh, good…" she groaned. "I wasn't… sure that'd… work… ow… gonna need to ask Sanji for another massage tonight…" Straightening, she turned towards Usopp. "Usopp, the beasts are gone."
The Foxy trio exchanged confused glances, but shouting from the square drew them back to the show in time to see Usopp keel backwards, which showed exactly why he hadn't dodged: his eyes were wide, tearing, and bloodshot, and his entire expression radiated terror.
"Oh, I have I-Do n't-Want-To-Be-On-This-Island-Anymore Disease again," he whimpered. "And this time it's fatal."
"You were saying something?" Foxy queried, one eyebrow raised as he looked sidelong at Pickles. A gaping, poleaxed Pickles.
Meanwhile, the camera panned back up to take in the entire battlefield. Mikey was still riding the caterpillar, and the clearing was now noticeably larger, with shattered trees strewn about. Bulls were still flying from where Sanji was fighting. And Su… had just smugly strutted into the picture with the giant squirrel lying in an insensate, twitching heap behind her?! What?
As if sensing the patent disbelief of the distant audience, the cloud fox turned to the camera and stuck her tongue out at it.
"How…" Porche breathed.
"Guess that confirms Cross's hypothesis of the drugs being intended for animal consumption…" Foxy half-whimpered.
"You mean that now she's—?" Pickles began, only to flail his arms.
"Uh-huh…"
After another few seconds of open-mouthed gaping, by some unspoken agreement, the audience collectively decided to forget that it had ever happened. At least, that happened with the Foxy trio. Besides, much more interesting things were going on elsewhere on the screen. Sanji, for instance, kicked an opening through the pile of bulls that had been around him, before delivering a "Party Manners Kick Course!" right to the center of the caterpillar as it bounded over him, still trying to dislodge the stubborn dugong on its back.
The massive insect promptly collapsed into a quivering heap, Mikey rolling off and pumping his flippers, at which point Sanji kicked him upside the head. Conis, dragging Usopp behind her, joined the two a few seconds later, and the audience promptly relaxed.
"Wait. Where'd the giraffe go?"
"BAROOOOO!"
The audience tensed right back up as the giraffe barged back in on the fight, bellowing and stomping.
"Huh, smart," Porche muttered. "Let them wear each other out and then ambush."
"Ssh!" Pickles hissed.
The Straw Hats onscreen tensed up, ready to fight… and then Usopp stood up and stepped in front of them, a confident smirk on his face.
"Great, now what's he doing?" Porche groaned.
"He has a plan, I just know it!" Pickles barked.
Foxy rolled his eyes. "Like the last time?"
Apparently, the Straw Hats agreed if Su's eye-rolling and Sanji's growled "What are you doing, shit-sniper?" were anything to go by.
Usopp, for his part, just told them, "Don't worry, guys, I got this."
The giraffe, for its part, demonstrated its utter contempt for Usopp's bravado by letting out a snort that managed to sound derisive before charging. In response, Usopp braced himself and cupped his hands at his side. Many a facepalm echoed out at that.
"He's not seriously gonna…" Foxy groaned between his hands.
"He's gonna do it! He's gonna do it!"
"Take this!" Usopp declared. "Super Mega Ultra Turtle Destruction Wave: Version Omega!"
To the shock of everyone, at those words, a blue glow built up in Usopp's cupped hands. And 'everyone' included the giraffe. Its eyes widened, and it immediately hit the brakes and reversed course back into the underbrush.
Usopp held his pose and expression until the giraffe was not only out of sight but out of audible range before slumping in relief. He recovered a few seconds later and grinned, bringing his hand forward and revealing what he had in it.
"A Lamp Dial," Conis said, her expression growing into a smile. "Impressive innovation, Usopp!"
"Well, what can I say?" the sniper said, smugly rubbing his finger beneath his nose. "I'm the greatest liar this side of the Grand Line! No man nor beast can outsmart me when push comes to shove!"
"And thus, the Straw Hats remind us that even in a realm of brute force, trickery is still a force to be reckoned with," Foxy crooned, scribbling down in a notebook.
Mikey suddenly either had a seizure or sign-languaged another sentence. "'Any chance you could teach me that sleight of hand later?' That's what he said," Sanji said, pointing to the dugong and dispelling the confusion.
"Once we're back with the others and out of this nightmare, sure," Usopp said.
"Oh, yes, the others," Conis said, fishing around in her outfit. Sanji's eye began to morph into a heart, and Mikey grinned eagerly, and Usopp's grin fell away, eyes twinkling with pure malice.
"Oh, like hell are you three bringing this place down on us again!" he snapped.
Usopp grabbed something out of his bag and vanished. The viewers blinked as a blur shot around the Straw Hats, blocking them from view. Seconds later, the view cleared, revealing Conis, Sanji, and Mikey fumbling with their faces, which were now covered from upper lip to neck in something gray and shiny; Usopp materialized beside the eagle, nodding in satisfaction as he dropped a pair of shells into his bag. He then turned directly towards the camera, holding up a roll of the same material that his crewmates were now struggling with.
"Duct tape, ladies and gentlemen. The all-purpose tool is excellent for shutting up noisy crewmates when you're looking for a little peace and quiet."
"…Porche?" Foxy deadpanned.
"Already leaving, Boss," Porche responded, heading for the nearest hardware store just as the camera's view started to soar away from the Straw Hats again.
-o-
"Come on, come on…"
"Your highness, you're going to gnaw clean through your thumb at this rate," Igaram chided.
"My daughter and her friends are trapped in a bioweapons lab several miles in the sky that is being maintained by one of the most infamous members of the Old Guard to ever live," Cobra Nefertari grit out, teeth still working at his nail.. "If you think I'm going to calm down before I know she's perfectly safe, you're out of your mind."
"AAAAGH! SOMEONE HELP ME ALREADY!"
Chaka slapped a hand to his face with a groan at the familiar voice. "Uh-oh." In front of him, Cobra gripped the handles of his chair hard enough for them to creak.
As the eagle swooped down onto a moderately forested island with an autumn climate, the Alabastians couldn't help but feel tense. It was with no small amount of relief to the royals that the camera soon found a path torn through the brown-leaved trees, liberally decorated with fallen animals.
"Well, at least whoever she's stuck with is clearly strong enough to protect her, right?" Pell weakly pointed out.
"YOU LAZY BASTARDS! GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND MAKE THIS THING STOP!" Vivi yelled.
"'LAZY' MY THREE-POINTED CHIN, 'YOUR MAJESTY'! WE'VE GOT OUR HANDS FULL, AND THAT'S WITH ROBIN HELPING US!"
"You just had to say it…" Chaka groaned as the creaking resumed.
The eagle's view finally reached the Straw Hats. And naturally, the scene it showed was an odd one. Vivi had her lion cutters latched in the jowls of a massive blood-red bronco as a makeshift bridle. Her arm wound around one chain while the other arm moved her hair out of her eyes, letting her look back at her crewmates with a growing blush and sheepish expression. Suddenly, Carue materialized a short distance away and began charging towards the bronco, which promptly skipped out of the frame, at which point the camera turned away.
From where the duck had come was a gargantuan banana-yellow serpent. Arms blossomed and wilted all over its body, though Nico Robin herself was nowhere to be seen at first. As the eagle came above the serpent, they saw her struggling within the serpent's grasp, countless arms blooming from all over her body to keep the coils from constricting her. On the outside sprinted Franky, his hair draping down in front of his face; Donny, who had a kunai in a flipper and seemed to be carving nicks all over the serpent's body; and… another figure in a peculiar outfit.
He wore black leggings, dress shoes, and a sword in one hand. The rest was hidden beneath a fukaamigasa hat with strips of fabric hanging down and covering him from crown to waist. Even the hand wielding the sword that produced more nicks on the serpent wasn't visible.
"That's their musician, I would assume," Kohza said.
The view circled around the serpent for several moments, much to Cobra's ire. When it finally turned back towards his daughter, she wasn't having much better of a time, gritting her teeth while Carue darted among the bronco's legs, apparently looking for an opportunity.
"SORRY IF I'M BEING A BIT SNAPPY, BUT I'M ABOUT TEN SECONDS AWAY FROM GETTING MY NECK SNAPPED!" Vivi shrieked.
"Yeah, and we're trying not to get pumped full of the acid this thing is using as venom here!" Franky snapped back. "So excuse us if we're a little preoccupied right now!" The camera switched back to the snake in time to see Franky punch it and Donny carve another chunk out of its hide, drawing a pained hiss from the beast that seemed to come from everywhere. "Sonuva- where is this thing's head?!"
"Yohohohoho! I think that's what this entity's evolution was going for!" the apparent musician laughed as he zipped by. His voice was somewhat muffled by his headgear, but only enough to obfuscate his voice a little. Otherwise, he was perfectly audible. "Never fear, though! I have a plan! All I need is… aha, my flute!"
"Uh…" The three guards all exchanged confused looks, while Kohza looked thoughtful. Cobra was… less restrained.
"WHAT THE DEVIL IS A FLUTE GOING TO DO?!" he demanded of the screen.
"STOP SCREWING AROUND AND HELP, BROOK!" Franky and Vivi roared and screeched, respectively.
"I say! What hostility!"
"Brook," Nico Robin ground out through what sounded like gritted teeth. "I'm going to assume you have a good plan here. Implement it, now, before this thing breaks any more of my arms, or I shall strip the flesh from your bones piece by piece and use it to wallpaper my library."
"A creative threat… but I don't—GRK!" The musician was cut off by what they assumed was a hand sprouting on his body and grabbing his throat.
"I will find a way."
"R-Right…" Brook gurgled. "Plan now… joke later…"
A moment later, a low, haunting melody rang out, one that was almost familiar to the gathered Alabastans.
"I've heard that song before…" Cobra muttered, furrowing his brow in thought.
"So have I," Pell added. "But where…?"
On screen, the snake froze before beginning to undulate. After about half a minute, something poked out of the mass of snake. Something scaly and diamond-shaped, with a forked tongue poking out of it.
"Ah, now I remember!" Igaram exclaimed, plopping his fist in his palm. "It's similar to the snake-charming song the priests of Apophis play during their snake festival!"
Cobra raised an eyebrow. "You mean the deathly boring snake festival that ten generations of Nefertaris have begged out of going to?"
"Er…"
"I was thinking more of the street performers, myself," Kohza stated.
"Your Majesty, look!"
Onscreen, the head of the snake was now blatantly obvious, as was the somewhat glazed look in its eyes. But that's not what drew everyone's attention. No, that was reserved for Nico Robin, who had stepped into the visual snail's eyesight and had donned a scowl of… anger wasn't the right word. Aggravation? Regardless, the expression was vindictive as hell when she crossed her arms.
"Sesenta Fleur: Tie."
The gathered Alabastians collectively winced as the music cut off and arms sprouted all along the snake's long neck. Each arm reached down, grasped the snake, and then twisted just so. In no time at all, the head had been stuffed through several loops in the neck to make a neat bowline knot, tying the neck—and much of the body—of the snake into a loop.
The snake, now free of the song, attempted to untie itself, but the knot was too tight, and it was entirely limited to yanking its head back. And Franky, grabbing it right below the knot, well away from the head, didn't help.
"I am SUPER! done with all of this!" he declared, hefting the snake. "So just… ah, whatever. I'm out of one-liners!" And with that, he gave it an experimental twirl and then slung the loop—no, the lasso—towards the bucking bronco. It neatly settled around the horse's neck, prompting it to stop and stare at the impromptu rope.
That pause proved fatal. Vivi took the opportunity to unsling her Lion cutters and then whip the blade into its eye. The horse whinnied in pain, bucked, threw Franky off the snake… and threw the snake up for the blur that was Carue to grab it. A few seconds later, the horse was neatly hogtied on its side, unable to move.
The Alabastians all sagged in relief as the fighting concluded, a motion that the Straw Hats all imitated.
"Son… of a bitch…." Franky wheezed, bent over and puffing like a steam train. "That… totally… suuuucked…"
"Indeed…" Robin concurred, wincing as she rolled her shoulders. "Not to beat a dead horse—" Vivi dope-slapped her, the archaeologist barely flinching. "But I am very much coming to despise these islands. All in agreement?"
Donny moved his flippers in what seemed almost like a pattern.
"Ah, yes, I suppose that you all have good reason to have long despised these islands. My apologies." Robin shook her head with a sigh. "Anyway… all in favour of a ten-minute break before continuing our trek?"
"Aye!"/ "ARF!" was the unanimous reply.
"Glad to know I don't have to break anyone's shins with their own tibia." Robin sank to the ground with a gratified groan. The archaeologist then glanced at the musician. "Still, while we have a second… Brook, do you need any help removing that basket from your head?"
"Wait, basket? What bas—?" Chaka cut himself off mid-sentence, one eye twitching viciously. "You mean that that's not a hat?!"
"What else bould—ahem, mah, mah, MAH!" Igaram coughed. "What else would you expect of a Straw Hat?"
"Hm?" the named-again Brook asked, pointing at himself in confusion before snapping his fingers. "Oh! No, no need for that; I believe that I'll keep it for the time being. I quite like it! Snazzy, no?"
"Arf arf," Donny deadpanned, which Carue responded to with a snicker and a high-flipper/wing.
"Oh, yes, he is definitely a Straw Hat," Pell deadpanned.
"Indeed," Cobra sighed in relief before giving his retainers a firm nod. "Now, Chaka, I believe you were giving a report?"
"Wha—Your Highness?!" the jackal-man started in confusion. "But what about—?"
"Vivi is as safe as she can be in this situation," Cobra sighed wearily. "She has others of the crew alongside her, and she can take care of herself. I am unhappy that she's in such danger, yes, but such is inevitable with any pirate crew, most of all the Straw Hats. The unknown factor is what worried me most; with her status confirmed, I need to return to our present business. Now, what news do you have, Chaka?"
The jackal-man was only a little slow in nodding, withdrawing the papers he'd been reading from his jacket. "Alright, where was I… we've covered the blockade status, or lack thereof… no new reports from the Revolutionaries… ah, here we are. The Accinos have reported a strange trend in pirate movements over the last week."
"Rell—mah, mah, MAH!—really? I haven't heard about any pirate attacks recently," Igaram said.
"Exactly the Don's point," Chaka nodded at the captain. "While the blockade keeps out most of the pirate riff-raff, there are always a few who are foolish enough to run it and attack us. Except that they haven't been doing that recently. In fact…" The general tapped the paper suspiciously. "According to the Accinos, there haven't been pirate attacks up a very large swathe of the Grand Line, period. For some reason, those who fly the black flag have been falling oddly silent recently. One or two is a coincidence, but this many at once…"
"Hm… a good point…" Cobra scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Chaka, do we know when these anomalies started?"
"Um… about a week ago, Your Majesty," Chaka informed him.
Cobra nodded at that and then frowned. "Wait, that time frame… isn't that—?" he muttered darkly, glancing at the screen. He barely held back a curse when he saw that the viewpoint had moved on.
-o-
[Well, at least now we know why the hell we couldn't find that island no matter how hard we looked,] First Mate Dugong muttered darkly as he scrutinized the ocean visible between the floating islands. [We were looking in the wrong damn place. Captain, want us to hit the surf again?]
[Don't bother,] Captain Dugong snorted dismissively. [The bastard's taken advantage of one of the greatest blind spots in all life: nobody ever bothers to look up. We'd just be getting a fat lot of nothing.]
[Meaning…] First Mate groaned and kneaded his snout. [That we can only do the same thing we ever do in these situations: suck it up and wait for the Straw Hats to kick ass and take names. Right?]
[Trust me, I enjoy sitting on the sidelines as much as you, but if I can suck it up, so can you. Now shush!] Captain snapped his flipper up to silence any retorts from his second. [The bird's starting to circle again.]
The landscape the bird was circling this time was a land of whites, greys, and muted greens; of snow blanketing it, broken only by the occasional boulder and the taller conifers that dominated the visible flora. And dead center in the camera view was a short line of people, a line that included a sight that caused a deep, yawning pit to open up in Captain Dugong's stomach.
See, the group consisted of Zoro, Merry, Chopper in his reindeer form, and Leo, all but swimming through the loose powder. And Zoro was leading.
[Oh, don't tell me…] the Kung Fu dugong chieftain groaned.
"This is getting ridiculous…" Merry grit out over the howling wind, furiously rubbing at her arms under the furskin cloak she was wearing. "How the hell can a blizzard last a week straight!? I'm freezing my pitch, here!"
"It's not that odd," Chopper pointed out. The reindeer was unchanged in appearance, seemingly impervious to the cold and blinding snowfall. "Sometimes, we'd have month-long blizzards on Drum Island. You learn to stock up enough food and fuel."
[Personally, I'm more concerned with the reason why we're still stuck in this hellhole in the first place!] Leo snarled through chattering teeth.
"The dugong's got a point! Remind me why we let Zoro lead the way!?" Merry snapped.
[The ship-girl can speak Dugong now?] The First Mate remarked.
[She had Boss, the brats, the reindeer, and the snail on her for months! Makes sense that she'd pick up a second language or two, doesn't it? Another member of the crew barked up.
[Fair,] Captain conceded.
"We already tried letting you three lead, remember?" Zoro said, rolling his eyes. "But if any of you want to give it another try, go right ahead. I'm sure it'll work out great for you."
[Gladly!] Leo declared, leaping ahead of the swordsman and jabbing his blade into the wall of snow. [Now! Onwards! To home and to—!…I just stabbed something in the side, didn't I?]
The Great Kung Fu Fleet, as one, slapped their flippers to their faces.
Leo had, indeed, stabbed something in the side. The snow rumbled and then fell off in chunks, revealing a massive brown yak with horns the size of trees. And from the expression on its face, it was pissed, a conclusion only reinforced by the angry bellow it let out. Leo hastily removed his sword. The yak proceeded to bat him aside with a single contemptuous flick of his head.
[WHYYYYyyyy—!?] FWUMP!
"…Right. That's why." Merry sighed and slapped a hand to her face. "Aaaand he just landed in a nest of those ice-raven things, didn't he?"
The sound of tinkling and windy caws rang out, alongside a miserable [A-HA-HA-AAAAAGH!]
[This place just gets better and better…] First Mate muttered sarcastically.
"Chopper, go save the shellhead. Merry, help me kill dinner," Zoro matter-of-factly ordered. "And once that's done, you can all stop your bellyaching. I'm positive I know the way out of here."
The doctor and helmsgirl stared at their erstwhile superior for a few seconds before exchanging flat looks.
"Chopper?"
"Yes, Merry?"
"Are we going to die here?"
"Ignoring that I'm built for this kind of weather, we have a 72% chance of freezing, 22% of starving, aaand 6% of actually getting out. So, barring a serious amount of good luck… yes, Merry. Yes, we are."
A sigh. "That's what I thought."
"ALRIGHT, LISTEN YOU TWO—!"
The eagle chose that moment to fly away. Or maybe it just didn't want to stick around in the blizzard any longer than it had to.
[…And now I remember the reason why we don't often mind sucking it up and waiting on the Straw Hats,] First Mate remarked.
-o-
"Well, at least Chopper's doing alright, right? …right?"
Dr. Kureha wasn't scowling, but nor was she smirking, and that made Dalton want to jump out of his fur. He had enough composure to hide the fear, particularly after his extended exposure to the doctor. Though the non-zero percent chance that the physician could smell fear played a part as well.
"He's doing all right, certainly," she said at last, prompting Dalton to relax a smidgen. "But that's not particularly comforting at the moment. Honestly, Dalton, they've been struggling for their lives against mutated animals in a floating archipelago for the past week. Try to be a little less insensitive, would you?"
Dalton would have responded to that, were it not for a large paw clamping down over his mouth. The president of the Sakura Kingdom shot the doctor's assistant a grateful look for the save, which the lapahn responded to with a soft grunt of acknowledgement. The bison-man turned back to the screen, which was heading back towards a jungle climate. All present wondered if they were heading back to the first group to start the pattern over.
Instead, the eagle soared over to a volcano with a lake in its crater, and not far from it, a large trench that ended within the forest. And at the end of that…
"So, that's the Thousand Sunny," Kureha said, sounding genuinely impressed. "And it's in the same area as the loudmouths and the captain. Well, looks like fortune is still smiling on them. But why's the bird heading there now?"
[BEAT IT, YOU FEATHERY BASTARD! I'LL USE YOUR WINGS TO DUST THE DAMN PANTRY!]
"There we go," Dalton nodded sagely as the bird hastily banked away from the angry barking. "The Straw Hats are as lucky as ever: one of the dugongs managed to stay behind. The… girl, I believe? Raphey?"
"Yeah, that's the one," Kureha nodded in confirmation.
And indeed it was. The pink-bandanna'd dugong was standing on the ship's railing, shaking an oversized shuriken at the bird, the bird quite disinclined to press the matter. It circled around, not coming any closer, leaving the dugong to snort before turning her attention back… to…
"What?" Kureha and Dalton deadpanned.
To a pink-haired gothic lolita with a slight tan sprawled out on a lounge chair, apparently out cold, whose face Raphey was in the process of rubbing clean with a wet cloth.
"…They mentioned this on Thriller Bark…" said Kureha, slowly. "Perona. She stuck around with the Straw Hats after the fact?"
"Well, they kept Nico Robin on," Dalton reasoned. "And at least it looks like they're friends or close to it, right?"
On-screen Raphey finished her work and nodded firmly. She then uncapped a marker and went to work on the recently cleaned face, grumbling audibly. As Dalton kneaded the bridge of his nose, Kureha looked to her assistant, who began signing out the dugong's growling:
{I want to go out and get some action in, but I'm the last guard on the ship,} she muttered. {And of course, Boss will hand me my shell on a platter if I shirk my duty. So, here I am, reduced to experimenting with graffiti on our unconscious 'guest' until someone else shows up… next lion I see is going to get carved in half.}
She paused in her grumbling as a subtle growl came across the connection, and coughed awkwardly. {No offence meant, Sunny.}
Apparently, that was enough for the bird, as it chose to wheel up and away from the ship and start flapping away, towards the largest island that lorded over all the archipelago.
"That was all of the Straw Hats, wasn't it?" Dalton asked his surgeon general, while absently counting down on his fingers.
"No, we're still missing two people," Kureha answered, scowling. "Their navigator… and the raging bastard who separated them all in the first place."
-o-
"Nami's alone in that floating purgatory?!" Genzo raged, his sword rattling in his sheath from how hard he was gripping it.
"In all fairness, she isn't the same sneak-thief who left us so long ago…" Nojiko tried, though the real measure of her faith was the teeth gnawing at her knuckles.
"Well, I mean, the bird's probably heading her way now, right?" Chabo posed with more confidence.
Said confidence faltered when the eagle broke through a cloud bank to behold a massively ornate complex perched upon the summit of the archipelago.
Nojiko's teeth broke her skin. "Alright, my little sister is being held alone in the main base of one of the most infamous pirates in history. This officially cannot get any worse," she growled around her knuckle.
Before the village's tense, watchful eyes, the eagle swung through the snow-bound ramparts of the compound, displaying a number of ornate lions and far too many well-armed soldiers for comfort.
Finally, the visual-snail's gaze fell upon what appeared to be a greenhouse built into the side of one of the buildings, and the eagle soared towards it. The avian alighted on a specific panel, which swung inward and allowed it to land in the rafters. Which, judging from the large nests, scattered feathers, and handful of other eagles present, was the aviary. The eagle pecked at its chest, and the view suddenly changed to a rapidly shifting array of colours as the harness spiralled down. Nojiko and Genzo barely managed to keep their eyes open through it while the rest of the village had to look away. When it finally subsided, the snail seemed to have settled on a lawn chair next to a swimming pool… where a very familiar figure was emerging, clad in a dripping-wet string bikini.
"…I am so conflicted," Genzo groaned, grinding his palm into his forehead. "She's safe, that's good. She's not in chains, that's even better. But she's half-naked for the whole damn world to see, which almost makes me wish she was in critical condition!"
Despite herself, Nojiko couldn't help but laugh, though it was mostly due to the dual relief of her sister being alright and the fact that Nami had a trio of metal batons in a holster strapped to her thigh. Wherever Nami was, she might have been alone, but she wasn't defenceless.
Said laughter redoubled when Nami paused in towelling herself off and shot an acrid glare at the snail. Reaching down, she threw her towel over the gastropod's carrying case. "You wanna see something, look at that. Bastards."
"Thank goodness, she's safe and still fighting," Nojiko sighed in relief.
"'Course she is, you two are Bellemere's girls," Doctor Nako snorted. "No way either of you could ever be anything less than hard as nails."
Nojiko smiled at the compliment, but before she could respond-
"Aww, no, let the assholes have their show. These creeps haven't seen a real woman in who knows how long, remember?"
A shockingly familiar voice left Nojiko and Genzo gaping at each other in stunned silence.
"Was that—?" Nojiko began.
The answer was given when the visual snail knocked itself against the side of its case, dislodging the towel and revealing to the world that Perona was floating upside down over Nami, her arms folded behind her head.
"How the hell—!?" Genzo started to demand.
"Cross… did say she had some kind of ghost Devil Fruit, right?" Nojiko offered. "Though why she's with Nami…"
"Perona." Nami casually looked up at Perona. "Any luck?"
The ghost-girl scowled, huffed, and flipped herself into a sitting position. "Same as yesterday: none. They've got this place locked down tight and all corridors watched. That little pest-" Here, Perona pointed at the world's viewpoint. "Has a lot of family backing it up. Sorry."
"Mmph, not your fault…" Nami began to pick up her clothes, but stopped with a shirt held halfway up. She then shot a doubtful look up at the ghost girl. "Perona… I know I've said this before, but I've got to say it again: you don't have to stay here. This isn't your fight."
"Wow, she's being generous?" Chabo said in surprise. "I'd say when pigs fly, but we've already seen that happen—OWOWOW!"
"Got anything else you want to say about my sister, you little brat!?" Nojiko asked as she ground her knuckles into the sides of the boy's skull.
The astral girl huffed out a breath. "And I've already told you—!"
PA-DA-DA-DAAAA!
Everyone jumped, and both Perona and Nami grimaced at the blast of brass music that suddenly came out of nowhere.
"Oh, God, not again…" the spectre growled, clawing her fingers down her face.
Nami, meanwhile, just sighed, shook her head, and finished drying her hair before slipping the shirt on.
Once the clothing was on, the two turned toward the other side of the room, where three silhouettes were visible behind a screen. As the initial fanfare died down and an upbeat song began, the screen flopped down, and three figures were revealed: a gorilla—yes, gorilla—clad in red and pink; a clown-like man in a lab coat with blue hair; and a grinning man with a mane of golden hair, part of a steering wheel protruding from his skull, and swords serving as his legs from the knees down.
And they were all dancing.
"And there is how it could get worse. They're the moronic sort of pirates," Genzo snarled.
The routine lasted for a solid half minute, ending with a dramatic pose towards Nami. The navigator gave the trio a scathing look before looking away. "The clown missed a step three seconds in and was off-sync for the rest of it."
"He wha—DR. INDIGO, YOU MORON!" the sword-legged man roared, naked terror flashing across the clown's face as the larger man lunged for his throat. "WE'VE PRACTICED THAT ROUTINE A HUNDRED TIMES, HOW IS IT THAT SOMEONE WHO NEVER DID IT BEFORE DID IT BETTER… than…" The wheel-head shot an acrid glare over his shoulder at an unrepentant Nami. "You're just screwing with me, aren't you?"
"Br-r-r-r-illiant deduction, genius," Perona drawled.
Glowering, the man released the clown, who began gasping for breath.
"…Sorry," the wheel-head muttered.
"N-No problem, Captain," Indigo choked out, forcing a grin. "F-Far be it from me to take offence over a good joke."
Nodding, the identified captain turned back to Nami, schooling his expression into a grin that was clearly meant to be warm but only came across as sleazy.
"Come now, baby girl," he crooned, stalking towards her. He barely got a foot before a rumble of thunder made him visibly reconsider the move, the storminess of Nami's Eisen cloud mirrored in her face.
Genzo blinked in surprise. "Wow, didn't even see her draw."
"Touch me, and I will turn your wrinkly hide into charcoal," Nami acridly stated.
The captain backed off with a semi-impressed snort. The gorilla, on the other hand, roared at her, inches away from pouncing into a highly charged situation.
"Scarlet, control yourself!" Indigo chided with a hard chop on the ape's neck. The harlequin didn't flinch when the gorilla turned on him, and instead calmly proffered it a banana. "Here, eat this instead. You get angry when you're hungry."
"OOK!" Scarlet grunted happily and grabbed the banana before messily chowing down on the fruit.
"I thought monkeys were supposed to eat meat," said one of the child villagers.
"Not actually a monkey. And that place ain't exactly what I'd call a bastion of natural evolution anyway," Doctor Nako pointed out.
"Upped Scarlet's dosage again, Doctor?" the wheel-headed man grunted inquisitively.
"Indeed, and with most spectacular results!" Indigo gave his boss a thumbs-up and a smile that had far too many teeth. "Ever since I started injecting the serum into bananas and feeding him with as many as I could, Scarlet's aggression has tripled! Ah, yes, on a related matter, Captain, I require some men to come to my lab and help me dispose of… ah… er…"
"A body?" Nami dryly provided.
The clown tilted his head thoughtfully. "…I suppose that bodies do indeed compose a significant fraction of the mass, yes… Let me put it to you this way: they will require mops."
"And there go my last reservations about Nami having a bounty that large," Genzo muttered. "Thank the heavens that she's grown so strong."
Meanwhile, the captain shook his head indulgently and refocused on Nami, who met his gaze with a frigid glare. "Aaaaanyway… the reason I'm here is the same as always, babygirl: to give you yet another chance to do the right thing and join my crew. You know…" The man's grin widened around his cigar. "A crew that can properly make use of your talents?"
Nojiko flushed with rage, Arlong's evil grin flashing in her mind's eye.
Apparently, Nami had the same feeling; her demeanour became positively glacial as she scowled at the lion-like man. "Word to the wise, the last bastard who used that wording got buried in his own castle. And my answer's the same one I've been giving all last week: piss off." And with that, she wheeled around and marched off, Perona floating alongside her and flipping the wheel-man off as she went.
The captain wasn't deterred in the least, however, as shown when he puffed out his chest. "Aww, don't be like that, baby girl! Here, lemme sweeten the deal for you with a little insider info: whenever anyone joins my crew? I give them one wish I accomplish without fail…" His grin widened menacingly. "And I never go back on my word."
"There's no way she'll believe that again," said several people in the village.
Apparently, that was a sentiment Perona shared, as she sneered viciously at the large man. "What part of 'go choke on your own ego' don't you get, you putrid—!?"
"You mean it?"
Perona twitched in place and shot a disbelieving look back at Nami, who'd stopped dead. "Nami, what—!?"
"If I join," Nami said slowly, still looking away from the man. "You'll fulfill my wish, no matter what it is?"
"But of course," the man sneered.
"Don't do it, sis," Nojiko hissed.
"…Fulfill my wish first and then I'll join," Nami tersely said. "And don't worry, it's an easy one."
"Deal!" the lion-man barked proudly. "What is it?"
The orange-haired navigator turned and displayed an utterly innocent smile that froze the blood of everyone watching.
"Oh, crap," Nojiko, Genzo, and Perona uttered in synch for an entirely different reason than before.
"Kill yourself," Nami politely requested.
For a good four seconds, the only sound was the quiet lapping of the swimming pool. And then...
"JIIIHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the captain laughed hysterically. That lasted for exactly eight seconds. Then he literally flew forward, his right hand closing around her neck.
"NAMI!" Nojiko cried. Genzo would have been right there with her if not for Nako tackling him and ramming a needle into his neck, putting him out like a light.
"Alright, listen here, baby—!" the captain started to growl before cutting himself off when he saw Nami's eyes. Saw the way she was glaring defiantly at him, even as she struggled in his grip. "…You really aren't afraid of me, are you?"
"I… grew up… with evil… and I've… faced death… with a smile," Nami wheezed out in a biting tone. "You're… nothing… new…"
The captain frowned at that, and then he released her, letting her drop to the ground and get her breath back.
"I underestimated you," he admitted, a note of respect in his voice. But it was gone when he spoke again. "But you'll change your tune sooner or later… Miss Navigator. You'll change it soon enough. After all…" He sneered and lifted his chin. "Nobody denies Golden Lion Shiki. Nobody."
Unaware that her entire village was experiencing a substantial increase in respect for her, something none of them had thought possible, Nami maintained her glare until the legendary pirate and his lackeys turned their attention away from her.
Perona immediately took advantage of the diverted attention, swooping down to Nami's side with a concerned look on her face. "You alright?"
"I'll be better once this place has burned to the ground," Nami coughed, wincing and rubbing her throat. Her expression then turned melancholy as she turned to the frost-encrusted windows. "And… once I see my friends again…"
"Nami…" Genzo wheezed out through his drug-induced haze.
"This is even worse than her being in chains…" Nojiko shook her head mournfully. "This can't be happening… the Straw Hats have had bad luck before, but they've never gone a whole week without the situation improving!"