The dinner we finished up left me more confused than not. My mind wandering in different directions.
I felt a dull throbbing in my wrist and back of my hand. It seemed to ease ever so slightly when Yang grabbed my hand and softly lead me away from the table.
I still wasn't sure the intentions or point to me being here. It isn't as if I had longed to return to my void, still, at least that was familiar.
Yang lead me into a room, I supposed it was serving as a bedroom of sorts. The walls looked like it was some sort of archive room originally, however it was spacious and had a comfortable bed. I felt Yang sigh, as if concerned while he gestured for me to take a seat.
We just looked at each other in silence at first, a quiet weight shifting between us. Words left unsaid, perhaps not even formed as thoughts.
"Will you be okay here tonight?" He asked looking at me with a quiet concern.
I nodded my head trying to formulate the words. To find a way to express the turmoil in my head as well as my heart. It was far from the time for that though.
I tried to calm my mind and change into these loose pajama garments. "Just settle into bed, it will be better tomorrow." I repeated as if it were almost a mantra.
My nerves didn't settle. My head as I lay still spun ever so. Glimpses like a broken glass of a mirror, fragmented and hard to discern, plagued me fervently.
I pulled myself up after a particularly vague negative flash in my minds sphere. Instead searching the room for something to serve as a distraction.
The room was devoid of much I could particularly comprehend, the books themselves written in tongues not of my own.
I turned towards the window still yet. What was I to do with my life now? What was the goal or purpose. Why did I feel even glimmers of something familiar and unusual all at once towards the boy of light?
Did I even have powers or was I merely a regular human? I tried to concentrate ㅡ to feel a deeper power within. I focused hard, hoping to have the answer to one thing in the bizarre existence of mine.
I probably clenched my face so hard it seemed as if I was constipated. Still yet, nothing happened in front of me or in my new body wherein.
I let out a frustrated sigh. So was I just useless? Stuck in a foreign land, foreign time, foreign body, without even so much as a semblance of a clue to how I truly got here.
I stared again out the window of my lodgings, at least one thing had not changed in this world. The stars, the moon. The beautiful sky that glowed and layed it's sprawling expanse before me.
I had a impulsive thought to just run away from everything here ㅡ to never look back. To distance myself from this group, this boy that made me feel ever so strangely.
I did not dare do that though, I had yet to know what I was to do here in this lifetime nor even speak the language fluently. I needed them, whether I wished to admit it or not.
Still though, I opened the window and tried to clamber my way out. It wasn't overwhelmingly high from the ground, but it was easier for me to hual myself up onto the Spanish tiled roof above me.
I huffed ever so slightly from the lack of having done such things in litteral decades. I sat on that roof there and pulled my knees close before stretching them out.
I had presumed it would be cold out here due to my instinctual familiarity with Germany. However, the night was cooler but far from chilly. A calm warmth hung in the air.
I looked up at the sky for a while. "What is the meaning of all this?" I muttered mostly to myself, not for anyone else to hear. Yet a soft voice rang behind me.
"We search for the meaning of life when we have lost one in our own"
I turned toward the sound of Yang looking at me. He too, had come up onto the roof, most probably through a route of his own.
I just stared at him letting his words sink in. I chewed on the thoughts, letting them swirl.
"You're right. Did I ever have one though?" I asked.
He looked at me then at the moon. His eyes seemingly glowing faintly like the light from the moon. An ember of fire swirling through them.
"I wish I could give you all the answers. Life is a balancing act Yin. We need just enough food as humans to live, but not too much. We need oxygen, but breathing pure oxygen can kill a human. We all need a balance. Too much of a good thing can be just as bad as the things we perceive as bad." He walked closer yet still, pausing himself before he reached me.
He pursed his lips quietly. For some reason watching him, he looked emotional. I felt the urge to ask him what he lost. Why did he look like that. Why did it seem that the Sun was so far from the Moon? Why did it seem that my darkness and nature didn't hold even a shadow of depth compared to the pain he held in his ether?
"Eternity." He muttered. Barely even a whisper escaped his lips.
"What?" I asked him softly and confused.
"We're not the only ones in this universe Yin. That's all I'll say. If you want to know if you had a purpose, I think you need to find that out yourself. I have a very... strong feeling you did." He puased yet again before saying, "but what purpose you had or have, you might want to re think if you want that purpose in this life or not. Some purposes are better to grow ㅡ to let go of"
With that he waved to me softly, heading back to the part of the roof he must have come from and left me there on that roof alone.
I stayed like that in silence. My heart aching a deep pang through my chest. It felt melancholy. I could feel my soul trying to tell me something but unable to speak.
I bumped my head into my knees and winced trying to steady the strange feelings in my heart.
What did he mean by that?
I had thought my life ended long ago, the world no longer belonging to me. Most people believed in religions and stories that said you would either become a ghost or go to heaven, maybe reincarnation. What kind of story was this one?
I thought it was the end, was it just the beginning? Will this existence of mine ever conclude? The words of my father rang in my head, "some ends start a beginning and some beginnings start the end. Some stories start with both. You decide the both. You balance the scales"
I had to start somewhere.
I was going to find out what that balance meant, and what this other half of the equation Yang was to me.