He knew it immediately from the look on Aum's face.
Not smugness.
Worse.
Recognition.
Aum looked genuinely fascinated by the consistency of Xu Chen's reactions now, and the terrifying part was that Xu Chen had started liking being understood this precisely.
Which probably said deeply concerning things about his psychological state.
"You are avoiding the question," Aum observed softly.
Xu Chen lowered his hand from his eyes with a weak laugh.
"I'm avoiding survival-threatening levels of self-awareness."
"That appears unsuccessful."
"It absolutely is."
Warmth settled between them again instantly.
At some point tonight, speaking with Aum had stopped feeling effortful entirely. The pauses no longer needed managing. The silences no longer felt empty. Even the teasing—if Aum's devastatingly sincere observations could somehow qualify as teasing—had become natural between them frighteningly fast.
Xu Chen looked toward the bed again briefly.
The atmosphere shifted quietly once more.
Aum noticed immediately.
"You are nervous again."
Xu Chen exhaled softly through his nose.
"Yes."
"Because we are sharing sleeping space."
"That is a very clinical way to describe this situation."
Aum tilted his head slightly.
"What description would humans usually use."
Xu Chen stared at him for one dangerous second.
Then laughed helplessly.
"You genuinely ask impossible questions with the calmest expression imaginable."
"I am still learning."
"That stopped being an acceptable defense around chapter ninety."
Aum's eyes narrowed faintly again at the repeated chapter references.
Xu Chen ignored that problem completely.
The room remained wrapped in warm dim light while the mountain night pressed softly against the windows. Exhaustion had begun settling fully into both of them now, smoothing the sharper edges of desire into something quieter.
Not less intimate.
More real somehow.
Xu Chen suddenly became aware that they had spent almost the entire night touching each other continuously.
Hands.
Hair.
Waist.
Face.
Back.
And somehow neither of them had grown tired of it even once.
The realization settled deeply inside him.
Aum stepped closer again instinctively.
Xu Chen's body relaxed before his mind even processed the movement.
Aum noticed immediately.
"You do that automatically now."
Xu Chen smiled faintly.
"Yeah."
"Your body trusts proximity."
Xu Chen looked at him quietly.
"You make proximity feel safe."
The silence afterward softened immediately.
Aum's gaze changed again at the answer.
Not surprise anymore.
Something warmer.
Something steadier.
Xu Chen was beginning to understand that every emotionally honest thing he gave Aum became something Aum held onto carefully afterward.
Not greedily.
Reverently.
Aum touched his wrist lightly.
"I did not expect human attachment to feel like this."
Xu Chen's chest tightened.
"What did you expect."
Aum thought carefully before answering.
"Less destabilizing."
Xu Chen laughed softly under his breath.
"Unfortunately, that part is universal."
A faint pause.
"Do humans eventually adapt."
Xu Chen looked at him steadily.
"I think the lucky ones do."
The room fell quiet again.
Not empty.
Full in a way Xu Chen still had not entirely learned how to survive.
Aum glanced toward the bed once more before looking back at him.
"You remain uncertain."
Xu Chen rubbed once at the back of his neck.
"It's not uncertainty exactly."
"Clarify."
Xu Chen hesitated briefly.
Then answered honestly because lying around Aum had become structurally impossible.
"I think I'm realizing how long it's been since another person existed this close to my actual life."
Aum listened silently.
Xu Chen looked around the room slowly.
"The bedroom," he murmured quietly. "Sleeping beside someone. Waking up beside someone." A faint laugh escaped him. "Those things stopped feeling realistic a long time ago."
Aum became very still after hearing that.
Xu Chen immediately recognized the expression.
Emotion landing deeply again.
Aum stepped forward until there was almost no space left between them.
Then, very softly:
"I would like them to become realistic again."
Xu Chen's heart physically hurt.
Everything with him felt too honest.
Xu Chen touched his face gently.
"You really don't know how impossible you are, huh."
"I am beginning to understand based on your physiological responses."
Xu Chen groaned quietly.
"You absolutely enjoy this now."
"Yes."
The immediate answer nearly destroyed him.
Warmth flooded through Xu Chen's chest as he laughed helplessly again.
Aum watched the sound happen with visible affection.
And suddenly Xu Chen realized something terrifying:
this room already carried memory now.
Not future memory.
Current memory.
Aum standing barefoot beneath warm lamplight.
Aum touching his hair.
Aum asking impossible questions with complete sincerity.
Aum looking at him like staying mattered more than certainty.
Xu Chen knew years from now he would still remember this exact night in painful detail.
The understanding softened him completely.
He stepped closer again until his forehead rested lightly against Aum's.
"You know what's strange?" Xu Chen whispered softly.
Aum looked at him immediately.
"What."
"I'm not scared anymore."
The silence afterward felt almost sacred.
Aum's hand slid slowly along the side of his face.
"You were earlier."
"A little."
"Why."
Xu Chen smiled faintly.
"Because wanting someone this much usually feels dangerous."
Aum listened carefully.
Xu Chen's voice lowered further.
"But you never once made me feel unsafe with it."
Something in Aum's expression shifted deeply after hearing that.
Not pride.
Responsibility.
Tender enough that Xu Chen nearly lost composure again.
Aum kissed him softly before speaking.
"I do not think desire should remove safety."
Xu Chen closed his eyes briefly.
There it was again.
That impossible kindness inside him.
Xu Chen kissed him once more before finally pulling back slightly toward the bed.
Only slightly.
Because apparently separation now existed solely in theoretical measurements.
Aum followed immediately.
Again.
Xu Chen smiled helplessly at the instinctive movement.
Then he sat carefully on the edge of the bed, looking up at Aum standing in front of him beneath the warm light.
The atmosphere shifted quietly around them.
Closer now.
Sleepier.
Still intimate enough to leave Xu Chen's pulse unstable.
Aum remained watching him carefully.
Then very softly:
"You changed breathing pattern again."
Xu Chen fell backward dramatically onto the mattress.
"Aum," he groaned toward the ceiling, "I am begging you to develop one different observational sentence."