Eventually, the knock comes on my door. I've been expecting it for a while, to be honest. A dozen scripts to try to rationalize my actions have been written up in my head - what I should have said earlier, what I should say tomorrow when I tell everyone the promised story of what exactly happened to me while I was missing, and what I should say when someone inevitably comes to talk to me alone.
"...Who is it?" I ask. That's the most important question. I'm not really in the mood to talk to Roswaal right now, and it goes without saying that I can't let Garfiel, Emilia, or Petra see me in this state.
"I'm coming in, Barusu," Ram says, opening the door without hesitation.
"Oi! Do you want to see me naked or something, you pervert!?" I blurt, hastily rolling down my sleeves.
"Hah? Barusu has truly grown quite the spine in the time he's been gone, to dare to accuse others of perversity," The Oni retorts with a wicked grin - but that falters and falls off her face a moment later.
"Ah, about what happened earlier…" I start to say.
"That's not the issue, idiotic Barusu," She shakes her head, and steps towards me, grabbing my wrist and rolling up my sleeve. I grit my teeth as the fresh wounds are revealed. "...Good grief. Did you do this to yourself?"
"...Sorry. I won't do it again," I mumble, and this time I mean it. A small chuckle exits my mouth. "It was an old habit, but… I guess I don't get any catharsis from this anymore."
"Old habit… hmph, was Beatrice-sama helping you cover it up?" She says with a scowl, and I feel a fresh pang of longing. "For someone with four hundred years of life, that girl addresses her problems the same way as you other idiotic children."
She grabs my hand, and begins tugging me out of my room.
"Nee-sama? Just where-?" I protest slightly.
"To Garf, obviously. He'll patch your wounds up, and while that's happening we can address the most pressing problem directly," She says, and I freeze.
"I…" I had thought up a script. But none of it is coming to mind right now.
Ram turns and looks back at me, her pink eyes boring into my own.
"Barusu, make no mistake. I don't intend to judge you. There's no one in this mansion who would turn against you for attacking someone you saw as an enemy," she says. "Please do not think so little of us. We already heard from the carriage driver, how that woman was not with you when you left the capital. Considering her appearance and manner of dress, at the very least she was a sinister individual."
There's some relief in me, upon hearing her words. She's right. My friends and allies here will take my explanation hook, line, and sinker. They'll accept it, and try their best to hide their secret doubts about my character, until they've all but forgotten.
But I know the truth.
"Ram," I say. "What happened out there… was exactly what it looked like."
That is to say, on the front lawn of the Mathers manor, because of a minor annoyance, before I even walked through the front doors- I beat Francesca Prelati to death, with a grin on my face.
Tumbling off the Precipice in this Journey Through Time: Hatred IF (Part 2)
***
Four Day Maelstrom: Okeanos
Dazzling blue ocean and bright skies, as far as the eye can see. Here and there, I can see islands dotting the horizon, and in one spot I can see a towering cyclone of water, lit from behind by that same ominous ring of light we saw in France.
"So this is Okeanos, huh?" I ask. "I guess it matches the name…"
"Hmmm… I guess we'd better start preparing for desert island survival, since we didn't bring a boat," says Francesca Prelati.
"Thanks for not immediately jumping to repopulation jokes, but remind me why we decided to let you come!?" I shout.
"As of now, I'm an auxiliary Master!" She says, winking and sticking out her tongue as she strikes a pose. "My previous body didn't have rayshift compatibility, but since I was swapping anyway, I went ahead and included it in this one."
"Is it really that easy!?"
"Nope, it was pretty hard. Between that and giving myself a functional reproductive system, I had to give up on about two thirds of my usual Magic Circuit count," She sighs.
"Um, was the second part really necessary?" Mash asks, blushing slightly.
"Obviously."
"Obviously not."
I glare at her grinning face for a moment, before-
"Please just bear with it for now, Natsuki," Director Olga Marie says with a sigh as my wrist communicator springs to life. "Obviously, you'll still be performing all of our summonings - we don't need any extra Prelatis running around."
"But wouldn't it be fun?~" Prelati asks, and I refuse to dignify it with a response.
"For now," The Director says, totally ignoring her, "let's try testing out the Shadow Servant system."
"Geez, you seriously got it working that fast, huh?" I mutter. "Wasn't it supposed to be super complicated? It's only been a month…" Not to mention, Prelati also had time to make me a replacement dreamcatcher. I won't thank her for replacing something Francois stole in the first place, though.
"I'm a hard worker, you know? Olga said she wouldn't let me come along if I didn't finish fixing it, so I put all of my time that I wasn't flirting with you into it," She answers.
"Spawning extra enemies during training isn't flirting, it's harassment," I deadpan.
"It was funny!"
"Prelati-san, shouting 'oh no, we've got wyverns' wasn't even funny the first time, let alone the five times after that," Mash says.
"No, see, the repetition makes it funnier. It's like Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no-shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopi-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke."
"Did you really have to say the entire name Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no-shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopi-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke?" I ask.
"Senpai, please don't encourage her…" Mash says.
***
"By the way, Barucchi," Nagiko says, sometime into yet another day of rowing. "Where did you find Prelaprela, anyway? She wasn't at the Chaldea I got summoned from."
-That's right. The Archer I summoned in this singularity, Sei Shonagon, was somehow pulled from an alternate version of Chaldea. Because things weren't already confusing enough with an alternate version of me running around.
(There's a sound of thunder in the distance.)
"Hm? That's pretty easy to answer. I was there, I was just hiding in the background," Francesca answers. "It's not like I would have been killed permanently by Lev's bombs - or by-"
Whatever she was going to say is cut off as everything between her neck and waist vanishes into a fine red mist. Her head seems to hang there in the air for just a moment.
"-Ah?" I only get the chance to let out a small sound of disbelief.
The Argo pitches to the side, and then-
I blink, standing once again on the shore of a familiar island.
I should despair. I should be angry.
"-Pft."
Instead, I let out a small snort at the idiotic expression on Prelati's face just now.
***
I roll my eyes as I walk up the hill to the Witch's tea table. "Here we go again."
"How many times does this make it?" Asks Alter Ego with that gross smile of his.
"As if I'd tell you," I say with a small laugh. "-That said, Witch, can you go ahead and create another chair? I've brought a plus one."
"Oh?" Echidna smiles. "I wonder just who-"
"There's no need, Subaru," Prelati says as she appears in the dream, a scowl on her face. "I won't be accepting any favors from this damn whore."
…Huh?
"Eh? W-what's with that hostility!?" Echidna asks.
"To be honest, it was kind of an intriguing offer, breaking someone who doesn't understand the human heart - but sorry, the reality was completely repulsive. I'm not interested in the Witch of Greed at all, Subaru," She says, and turns to the side, pretending to vomit.
"That girl's a bit of a weird one, huh? Where'd you pick her up?" Alter Ego says with a raised eyebrow.
"She followed me home," I say. "To be clear, I don't mean like an animal, I mean like a deranged stalker."
"Yandere stories are totally 'in' right now, you know?" Prelati says, springing towards me.
"I don't appreciate them so pick a different genre!" I shout, holding her forehead back with one hand.
"Then I guess this story is something like 'a duel between two battle couples'?" Echidna suggests with a wink.
"Gross. Don't you dare put yourself on my level, you damn worm." Prelati sneers.
"Goodness, are you jealous or something?" The witch asks.
"Of course not. Because, you're already getting sick of him, aren't you?"
…
Alter Ego blinks, turning towards his companion. "Echidna…?"
"Ah… well, love always fades, after all. I've been trying to spice things up a bit, but not even getting him to hit me really got things moving again." The Witch sighs. "But I'm trying. I'm really trying my best, you know? After hundreds of years of subjective time things can get a little dull, but I'm sure he'll do something interesting enough soon. And if not, I guess I can try leaving him for a bit and see what happens. I really did love him at one point, you know, but even Return by Death has its limits. To be clear, I'm not talking about how we died and ended up here, nor am I talking about the obvious weaknesses like the lack of control over the reset point or the difficulty in explaining circumstances to one's allies or the limited perspective offered by just Subaru's actions. Rather, the problem is that I can only create so many possibilities to observe-"
A fist connects with her face.
"Shut up already, you shallow bitch," Prelati says, kicking the fallen Echidna's face over and over. "I never lost my love for Jeanne or Gilles in six hundred years. You're so fucking gross. How could you treat Subaru like that? I won't forgive you. I won't forgive you. You're like those goddamn fairies, flitting from one sadistic whim to another. Hey, what's wrong with you? Just where the hell is your follow-through? Don't you get that if you're going to torture someone, you need to do it right? How dare you leave him in a state where people might not even realize what happened. Don't you understand that a ruin needs to be magnificent!?"
Through her rant, Alter Ego stays silent. In fact, I don't think he's blinked since Echidna started talking.
Finally with a deep breath, Prelati turns towards him. "Ah… Just leave it to me, okay? I'll… ah, what was the line again? From her half-assed tragedy… I'll definitely save you! Or something like that, hahaha!"
***
City of Demonic Fog From Hell: London
"Oh come on! Are you freaking serious right now!?" I shout as yet another surprise boss appears to block our ascent up the crazy electric stairs floating over London. "Who the hell is it this time!?"
"I've got it!" Flat-senpai says. "My detective skills are telling me, this must be… Jack the Ripper!"
"Flat-san, that joke wasn't even funny the first time, so please stop," Says Mash.
"But don't you think repeating a joke makes it more funny? Like the boy who cried wolf bit from Fist of Fun," Says Flat.
"Ah, Flat, you messed it up, you were supposed to reference Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no-shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopi-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke," Says Francesca.
"Haven't we done Jugemu Jugemu Goko-no surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no-shuringan Shuringan-no Gurindai Gurindai-no Ponpokopi-no Ponpokona-no Chokyumei-no Chosuke enough by now!?" I say.
"Yeah, but, for me, it's the audacity of doing the same joke every single time and not even having the cleverness to mix it up that makes it funny," She replies. "Like Jugemu-"
"Enough." Says the mysterious black-armored figure - in a very familiar voice.
"Speaking of doing the same thing over and over, it's Arthur again!?" I shout.
"-[Rhongo-]!" She shouts.
"Speaking of doing the same thing over and over-!" I repeat the same joke. Wow, it really is funnier.
"[Clarent-!]" Mordred shouts.
"-myniad]!"
"-Blood Arthur]!"
Two titanic waves of energy crash into each other in the sky above London. The shockwave is intense enough that only Mash's quick reaction time stops Francesca and I from getting sent flying off the stairs and into the roiling mass of curses below.
"-Father! Are you seriously opposing me here!? Are you saying you won't accept me… even now!?" Mordred screams. "Even as your city is being devoured - you'd rather fight me than allow me to save it!?"
"Well, considering everything-" Francesca starts to say, and finally my simmering anger boils over.
She's been turning the screws all this time, after all. The moment we ran into Mordred, she was back at it just like Francois had been in the first loop of France. I had thought it was just because he had ammunition, at that point… but to be honest, I wonder if Prelati has some kind of grudge against Mordred. She did mention being tangentially related to the round table in the past, after all.
But all that is to say, I've already been pushed to my limit when it comes to dealing with her bullshit this time around. That's why I laughed when Mephistopheles blew her to pieces a few days ago. And that's why-
As my vision goes red, I shove Francesca Prelati off of the stairs and she plunges, laughing, to the ground far below.
It couldn't be called self defense, or accidental death. This time was purely a crime of passion.
Murder.
That said, after everything was over, what waited for me at Chaldea was-
"Welcome back, Subaru! Would you like Dinner? A Bath? Or-"
"Get out!"
***
████████ Takes Manhattan: ██AMERICA
The gunshot rings out, and Francesca's head jerks back. She falls, lifeless, to the ground.
Seriously? To a joke enemy? Or maybe she let it hit her because it was a joke enemy?
I can't help it. I burst out laughing, and don't stop until a second gunshot silences me.
***
As the old man flickers into view, Francesca is suddenly standing behind me instead of in front-
"[No Second Strike]," He intones, and my body explodes like a ripe tomato. I hope at least a little bit of my blood got in her eyes.
***
"[Curruid Coinchenn]." Cuzilla says in that same monotone voice as dashes forward, spears erupting from his fists.
"Oh crap, are those all [Gae Bolg]!?" I shout. While hiding behind Francesca.
I'm still hiding behind her when the fight ends - not that it does me any good when the spears erupt from her corpse and skewer me.
***
██████ █████ █████: Z██████
"-[Nega Summon]."
***
"Are you still moping, Subaru?" An annoying voice cuts through my haze of regret and self-recrimination.
"Shut up," I mutter, curling up tighter in my bed.
"Really, is that any way for you to treat me?" She asks. "You were thiiiis close to being lost in Void Space, you know? If I wasn't clinging to you the whole ride back, you would have disappeared."
"...So what?" I say. "Then I could have gone back. Then, I could have-!"
"Pffft, seriously? You really think that Return by Death would work in Void Space? Are you stupid?" She laughs.
I pin her down, my hands wrapped around her neck. "If you can save me, then save everyone else! Save Marie! Save Elizabeth!" My voice breaks. "...Save Mash, dammit."
Her smile widens as tears roll down my face. Mirth and lust dance in her eyes as I tighten my grip around her throat. As her breathing grows more and more strained and her struggling body grows weaker and weaker-
In one final burst of movement, her arms shoot upwards and pull my face down towards hers.
My first kiss in the world of my birth tastes like poison.
***
Present day.
Ram stares at me in shocked silence.
"-Wow, Ram, what are you going to do now that Subaru's a murderer?" Asks Francesca, appearing from the shadows behind her.
"-Wha!?" Nee-sama lets out a shriek. "You!? What!? But you're-!?"
"Pft…." I snort.
"Pft…" Francesca stifles a giggle.
"BwahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" We laugh like maniacs, pointing at the speechless maid.
"W-wow, Subaru, what the heck was that? 'It was exactly what it looked like' - were you seriously gonna take responsibility for killing me? After all this time?" Francesca keeps laughing.
"Well, if I didn't take it seriously the punchline was going to be you not coming back, right?" I say, rolling my eyes."
"Ahahaha! You're completely right!" She skips ahead of me, before turning around with a serious look on her face. "By the way, at that time, when you killed me earlier today… I was pregnant."
I blink, and do a little mental math. "Liar. They hanged you back in Salem, remember?"
"Ah, you've been keeping track!~ You're so sweet," She slips back to her usual manic grin. "So, how about tonight? It's been-"
"Ah before that… Beatrice isn't here. Seems like she was probably somewhere on Earth and we missed her," I say.
"Hm? Well, yeah. She's probably our friendly mid-rayshift interloper! We never solved that since I kept distracting you from it. Actually, I poked around with Tri-Hermes during our Atlas visit - she even managed to pick up Mash when everything went to hell back in our first confrontation with big G," She says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
I take a deep breath in. Not to calm down. But just to savor the rage for a moment.
As I tear off her face with [Invisible Providence], heedless of Ram's horrified gaze, a familiar cry escapes my lips.
"PRELATIIII!!!!"
***
Author's note:
In the end, this IF ends up as a weird dark Love Comedy.
"The actual real consequences beyond this point are the slow breakdown of the Emilia camp" - is a possibility, but probably the real ending is "Ram and Otto go behind Subaru's back and find a way to kill Francesca for real to free him of this toxic relationship. He's upset even though he shouldn't be, and miserable for a while, but eventually Abigail stops by to drop off Beatrice and he slowly gets over it. His newly violent personality takes a long time to return to normal, and his sense of humor never recovers."